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| Have you ever lost yourself in hopes for finding the one?
Posted: 10/25/2011 10:48:37 AM | OP,
Have you ever wondered why there are so many people out there who are complaining about "he/she won't have sex with me more than once a month" or he/she was so much fun before we got married", etc.?
These problems are the result of one of the partners giving up too much of themselves, resentment sets in, and there goes the sex life and the happy go lucky personality.
There is too much pressure in our society to make a great "catch" that many persons do give up themselves in order to land that "awesome guy/girl".
You can only pretend to be what you are not for so long before it all catches up with you and your world crashes down around you.
This comes from personal experience. I gave up myself for 20 years. Our sex life was nil, we fought constantly and I gained huge amounts of weight...was truly unhappy. Since the divorce I have once again found myself, am happy, have a healthy sex drive and have returned to a normal weight......
Will never live like that again. If I can't be accepted for who I am, I would prefer to remain single. | |
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| Have you ever lost yourself in hopes for finding the one?
Posted: 10/25/2011 10:59:38 AM | | I'm chatting with someone now who's still under the impression that she's responsible for the feelings of her loved ones (children, family, friends, and significant other). I've tried sharing my experiences and beliefs that show this is not the case. I don't yet understand HOW we lose our way, maybe it's our insecurities. But it's more pervasive in my humble opinion than those who understand what true happiness should be based on. | |
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| Have you ever lost yourself in hopes for finding the one?
Posted: 10/25/2011 11:31:29 AM | It's all in your mind. If you feel like you are selling yourself and compromising, then you are doing so. If you feel like you are going to a middle ground, finding the best of both worlds, with some give and some take. Then you are doing so.
I have found that those that are looking for "THE ONE" never find that person.
They want to be loved, they want someone that makes them laugh, that is very confident but also a nice guy (oxymoron), and a few other fluffy contradictions.
Such creature does not exist, and when they appear, after the veneer of online dating comes off, it turns out it's just another guy that farts just like all the other guys. Or a girl with the same issues as the previous one.
We want others to conform to our ideal, without us conforming to anything. | |
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| Have you ever lost yourself in hopes for finding the one?
Posted: 10/25/2011 1:55:58 PM | lady and wey
In looking over the responses I've seen from this topic, those who understand what I'm talking about seem to have a commonality. All have been married or in a serious relationship that ended. Sometimes when in the midst of a relationship like that, we wake up and realize what is going on. Eventually the relationship ends because it was running its course to do so.
Now, bringing up why someone "changes" when they get married and does not have the same sex drive, etc. I know many who purposely hold out because their spouse has basically gotten lazy and stopped trying/stopped working on the relationship. A healthy and good relationship does take work. So when you stop doing so, what message are you sending your partner?
So, I wouldn't necessarily say that the reason is solely because someone gave up more then they wanted to and now resents the other. There are many factors that come in to play, especially if you throw in kids, work, life in general etc.
"This comes from personal experience. I gave up myself for 20 years. Our sex life was nil, we fought constantly and I gained huge amounts of weight...was truly unhappy. Since the divorce I have once again found myself, am happy, have a healthy sex drive and have returned to a normal weight......
Will never live like that again. If I can't be accepted for who I am, I would prefer to remain single."
Its great to see that you recognized where the problem stemmed from and have since found yourself again. Its amazing how happiness and weight can affect your sex drive too. Both put dampers on the love machine.
@Outmind...
"Those looking for THE ONE...They want to be loved, they want someone that makes them laugh, that is very confident but also a nice guy (oxymoron), and a few other fluffy contradictions."
Just curious, what exactly is an oxymoron/contradiction? That someone wants a nice guy who makes them laugh? Or do you mean cliche? | |
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