| | What have we learned about ourselves since ...Page 2 of 2 (1, 2) |
My question for you fellow Forumites is, if you've come out of a long-term relationship and done some soul-searching, what have you discovered about yourself that you didn't realize when you were in it?
This is hard for me to word properly.
I think, I knew many things about my self my whole life, but I left them dormant and buried them when I was in my 22 year relatiosnhip with a rather prgamatic ex. Thinking about this though, I also realize I did this prior to meeting her,,,,and also buried sides to me, due to my up bringing.
I have always had a strange way of looking at things, out of step with the majority. Maybe, I feared being considered strange?,,,,,I am not really sure.
But I cant help noticing, that its since my split up,,,,I havnt really cared as much about what people thought, and went ahead with developing what I once hid.
My greatest sucess in life has been an invention. My greatest failure in life,,,,lol,,,was risking every thing to develop it.
My eccentric side and veiw of the ways things are, has been freed to come out and show it self. Yet, my extreme risk taking nature,,,,,was allowed as well to come out.
But, I wonder, how much of that stemmed from my relationship,,,,,or was it the split up, that brought that out in me?
I think, I learned way more,,,,,,,,from the split up,,,,about my self,,,than I ever did, the actual relationship.
But, was this because I now free to persue my inner obsessions afterwards, because I felt inhibited and afraid of her (my family as well) ridicule when in the relatuionship? Or, was I inspired by ,,,,,," it doesnt matter, all is lost anyway". in my decievd brain at the time,,,,,,so might as well risk it all,,,,to accomplish some thing in my life,,,,that inspired me?
I guess I would need a shrink to tell me that.
But, I dont care about the whys any more. I just plain, love what I am doing. The interests some would call occultish . Anyway, I have a new process that has been seeded in my brain,,,,,,Despite all the previous failures,,,,my basic nature is going to lead me to deveolop it,,,,,No choice, just the way I am.
So to answer your question:
"My question for you fellow Forumites is, if you've come out of a long-term relationship and done some soul-searching, what have you discovered about yourself that you didn't realize when you were in it?"
Not really, I think I was always aware of these things. Its just, that for what ever reason,,,,I am free to dig my true nature, that I kept buried before is all. | |
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| What have we learned about ourselves since ...
Posted: 10/27/2011 5:09:27 PM | That I'm pretty durable , spirit-wise ! Most of us have been hurt - had our hearts ripped out (at least that what it felt like), even.
But I learned I can survive that ( a few times over), and still emerge ready to try again. I'm not bitter, and though I'd rather not go through the hurt part again - I'm very willing to take that risk!
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| What have we learned about ourselves since ...
Posted: 10/27/2011 5:10:11 PM | | that I am as crazy as a shite-house rat so to speak, case in point, to wit, I am wasting my time & life on POF forums -I rest my case, ladies & gentlemen of the jury | |
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114M3
| | Joined: 4/19/2011
Msg: 27 | |
| What have we learned about ourselves since ...
Posted: 10/27/2011 11:13:20 PM |
My question for you fellow Forumites is, if you've come out of a long-term relationship and done some soul-searching, what have you discovered about yourself that you didn't realize when you were in it?
What I learned I need to do is: Be more assertive. Speak up if an issue, no matter how small, bothers you ... If you let it go and think it will away by itself -- it doesn't. ... It will be like a boil that will continue to collect pus until .. *blleeech* the thing pops open and you are left hurting with an open scar.
In my last relationship I can now see that I became timid with bringing up things that bothered me because my ex was very short-tempered. He could blow up at just about anything. And this conditioned me to not want to rock the boat for fear of him blowing up in my face (as he had done before with petty issues.) ..... Well like one time we were having a bbq -- Without thinking, I lit the wood pile in the grill from the middle up rather than from the bottom up ... And this prompted him to go totally ballistic on me  ... saying how "stupid I was" not knowing that a fire should always be lit from the bottom up (I actually do know this but it simply hadn't cross my mind at that particular moment) ..... Lets just say he was hella PO'd as if I had done some irreparable damage .
...... to add insult to injury, when the fire was already lit but before he started his shout fest at me - I casually picked up a cigarette butt that his room mate had thrown on the ground onto the fire .... needless to say this pissed him off even further and he started lecturing me on how carcinogen can get transmitted from the cig butt directly onto the grilled meat .... ironically himself having smoked for something like 10 years I could not see how he could get so worked up about it ...
In the end, the entire relationship became just too emotionally taxing for me ...and no surprises, I walked away. | |
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| What have we learned about ourselves since ...
Posted: 10/28/2011 11:09:19 AM | | I have learned that it is very important not to lose yourself in a relationship. Too many people become someone else when they are in a relationship. And that just tends to hurt a relationship because you are no longer the person the other one fell in love with. | |
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CynM
| | Joined: 7/11/2011
Msg: 29 | |
| What have we learned about ourselves since ...
Posted: 10/30/2011 5:48:10 PM | | I've learned where my boundaries are on key things and how to express where those boundaries are with tact and vulnerbility. I've learned that lack of boundaries in my marriage I became more and more angry and tired. I became someone I didn't know and didn't like. I've learned that by being firm in what I want and what I will accept, I can trust the man who honors that, so can let out my kinder and gentler side. Doesn't mean the relationship will last forever but at least I'm more authentic while in it. | |
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