| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/15/2005 9:40:20 AM | my folks marriage was pre- arranged and they're still together and happier than ever :) w00t!!  | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/15/2005 9:48:01 AM | | Make no BONES about the subject, pre-arranged marriages work. Cultures that have such unions have a lower divorce rate. Yes, I have researched the matter and the stats prove that to be true. | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 28 | |
| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/15/2005 10:02:41 AM | It cannot work here , we do not have the culture set up for it . My grandmother was in an arranged marriage in Mexico , she chose the family she liked , all tall boys with alot of money in the family , they both died together in a car accident when both were 70 years old , as a little boy my grand mother always said he was a very dirty old , I did not understand why she said it with a big smile and a giggle .
There was no dowry or anything , just two families getting together, having babies and a home . I guess it prevented boys and girls getting in trouble .
In an arranged marriage , I am sure I would make it work , why not . Choose me a girl and I will learn to love her .
People who talk about the evils of some arranged marriages are true but it is not the system itself , it is the evil that dwells in people , haven't you heard about people marrying in our society to take advantage of money sex and power ? Men and women beat eachother too in our society , even mother in laws can be evil here , it is just that some people suck .
Matchmaking is a form of arraged marriage if it gets to that point. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/15/2005 1:52:32 PM | | a lot of pre-arranged marriages in the middle east involve 1st cousins, thats interbreeding in the western world and looked down on. If it did not involve 1st cousins and the parents really did alot of soul searching for her daughter and left the final decision to the daughter it might actually be a good thing. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/15/2005 2:05:34 PM | | all i can say is thank God i don't live in that culture. i would not like the idea of not having my own choice when it came to finding a wife. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/15/2005 2:07:07 PM | | don't knock it unless you know about all of the different cultures practises and beleifs...basing your opinion and criticizing others just because you have a friend who's family does it or you've read a bit about it is the wrong way to go. If they're still doing it years later, something must be going right. Yes there are negative aspects to it but if it was so destroying, it would've ended long ago. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/15/2005 2:08:57 PM | you make a good point songbird.... BUT.... there is still slavery in the world
o.t. - i couldnt | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/17/2005 9:07:27 AM | | ZORA, ZORA, ZORA!! If my pre-arranged marriage wife looked like member/forum poster Zora, I would not mind it, but many good points brought up here. Zora, would your parents pick a middle-aged American man!? hehe *wink* | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/17/2005 9:21:44 AM | LOL!! To hear some of you guys. A pre-arranged marriage based on looks will not last, just like any other marriage thats based on the physical ;)
Ot: Ya know? Your parents may know you a little better sometimes, than you know your own self. Suprising to say, but the majority of pre-arrainged marriages work ;) | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/17/2005 8:27:57 PM | I'd almost *welcome* a pre-arraigned marriage.
But in context.
From what I know of cultures that had (or have) such marriages, the sex roles were far more clearly defined. I would imagine at one point, the Western culture, and certainly, the culture from the Biblical era, which was its progenitor, had clearly-defined sex roles.
Biblically speaking: men are enjoined to love their wives; women to obey their husbands.
Marxism (1848 onwards) through the vehicle of 'feminism' sought to change all that, decrying the gender roles as 'patriarchal' and housework and childbearing as 'drudgery.'
Marxist-feminists wanted to destroy the basic definition of the nuclear family and the husband-wife dynamic.
And they have.
You've come a long way Baby. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/17/2005 9:10:14 PM | Hi sum1reel,
You bring up an interesting topic. I was involved with a Nepali girl for 5 years, and in her culture they practice arranged marriages. I always knew in the back of my mind, I might lose her to that. Guess what? I did. It is just the way it is in that part of the world, in particular India as well.
When she first told me about the custom, I was so confused because in western society, arranged marriages is old fashion, something that third world countries practice. When she explained to me, I understood why they do it and as you mentioned the divorce rates, they are extremely low in comparison to western countries.
A funny story that happened to one of my friends from India was his parents were telling after he has a job and he is done with college he should start thinking about getting married. Well, after he was done with college, he hung around with us and kept telling us about his parent bugging him to get married already because he was getting "old." And mind you, he was 23 at the time! So when he want to India for vacation, the VERY next day, his parents woke him up and brought him to the living room. To his surprise, there a bunch of girl lined up and his parents told him, choose a wife!!!! And they did not let him go until he chose one. How's that for irony, so than he calls us from India and says, "hey guys, I'm getting married!!!!" Some of my friends sort of knew his parent might do something like that and they did. But you know though, he brought her to the U.S. and they're happily married with 2 kids.
If my parents instilled that practice into me, I would do it. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/17/2005 9:21:16 PM | | I dont know why, the very thought of arranged marriage makes me feel very trap. I am very happy for those who made it through arrange marriage but what about those who are unhappy and feel trapped in that marriage? I hope the soceity is open enough to accept that decision that the marriage doesnt work and they have an option out. Personally, I just cannot imagine having one...only my thoughts | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 1:55:55 AM | | You guys have missed the most important point as to why arranged marriages are more successful. People who have these types of marriages come from a very traditional upbringing and from a traditional society/culture. Not only is it more difficult to divorce but, most importantly, the families do everything to ensure that the union between their children is a lasting one. How? If you follow their wishes by marrying the correct person, they will reward you financially (ex. dowry, mounds of jewelry, large downpayments on a house, setting son-in-law up with a lucrative job, etc). Also, the parents of the marrying couple will gladly babysit their children while the couple works, goes on vacations, parties on a Saturday night, romantic dinners, etc...not just once in a while, but every day if need be. These parents do not follow the Western concept of 'Freedom 55', but rather their life is devoted to their children and their children's children. Also, the families tend to get very interwoven into the fabric of the marriage by befriending their son- or daughter-in-law and, quite commonly, living in a tightly-knit extended family under one roof. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 3:57:35 AM | | I can see your point Tick Tock...but I still think its a matter of choice....I love to have choices in my life...for me who has been away from home since I was 12 and financially independent, the thought of living in a tightly-knit extended family under the same roof where everything is so intertwined, can be suffocating..but I can only say that for myself... | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 4:18:19 AM | I do agree with Zora.... mostly all parents in this part of the world would like their children no matter weather boy/gril to go for arrange marriage.
Checkout the divorce ration in india vs western countires like US, Europe etc... eventhough ppl in that part of world have choice to marry girl/guy of their choice still after few yrs thy get deperated... % is very less compared to that part of world here in india.... | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 8:17:18 AM | Someone made a comment about people marrying their cousins etc. in "that part of the world". While the exceptions are always there, look at the southern states in US (Alabama, Arkansas..).
Love alone is not enough to marry someone. It used to be that in pre-arranged marriages, the boy and girl did not have much say in who their parents picked. However that has been changing, and marriages are still arranged. It is a union of families, not just the two people.
Even if you start out with not knowing someone and not being in love, you start living your new life as husband and wife and love grows and relationship prospers. If you have the mind-set of "oh, I will divorce if it does not work out", then it WILL not work out. But if you have the commitment, then it will work out, no matter what comes in the way. The thing is, if you think it will fail or if you think it will succeed, either way you will be right!!!
Divorce is far too easy and accepted in today's society. Shacking up and having kids out of wedlock is considered to be matter of pride, when it is actually a shame.
I think pre-arranged marriages is a great and proven-over-time way for creating stable families and raising kids. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 8:20:56 AM | | If I could get a hotty Asian between 30-47. I would highly think about it as long as I didn't have to pay for it. And they would guarantee me 5 years of marriage and sex every 2nd week. Just tired of looking and chasing. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 9:31:17 AM | I work for a company where I meet a lot of people from different walks of life. One of my co-works was born in India, became an US citizen. He went back to India, to marry his future wife. I was total amaze by the situation, I said “How can you do that?”…he said “He believes his & her parents know wants best for them”. I have to say he is still married to her…its been about seven year of marriage for them. Also, this was not a forced arranged marriage, if she did not like him, she could have refused to marry him.
Personally I think it’s amazing, but I would not give up my freedom of choice…thank God I live in America! | |
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silken
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Joined: 3/12/2005
Msg: 45 | |
| Comparing divorce rates makes NO sense.
Posted: 8/18/2005 11:23:09 AM | I don't think comparing divorce rates proves anything because many of the countries where arranged marriages are practiced make divorce almost impossible or at least much much harder to obtain than in the West. Therefore the comparison is meaningless.
I have a lot of friends living in the Arab world who will partake in this type of arrangement. Yes, sometimes it works out adn the couple is pleased. But many times girls are married off against their wishes to men who are not suitable for them but have been chosen for reasons such as economics/family alliances/tribal politics, etc. etc. Oftentimes the marriages are a nightmare for the girl. Even sometimes they are very hard on the man when his family forces a marriage he does not want. I know, I've talked to plenty in this situation.
So yes, there are some good marriages that result but there are also plenty of bad ones. Don't look at divorce rates, they are meaningless to compare between our culture and theirs becuase of the pressure put on them NOT to divorce. Not to mention that in some of the cultures women are not even given the right to initiate divorce!
Incidentally, as some of these cultures are beginning to have more western influence, things are changing somewhat. Before, many couples were not even allowed to meet prior to marriage and now some are actually being allowed more of say in how things will go. Also some members of both sexes are becoming more interested in choosing their own mates based on love and the divorce rates are beginning to rise in countries with previously low divorce rates. I believe a lot of this is because people are breaking away and leaving loveless, arranged marriages to find their own mate (and indeed I have spoken to several who have done just this.) I also read an article recently that the divorce rate in Saudi Arabia now is over 40%.
silken | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 2:13:54 PM | | Matahari, I wasn't saying that I would want an arranged marriage, but I was stating some of the reasons why they last longer. Personally, I have always picked my own girlfriends. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 8/18/2005 6:17:17 PM | What Silken wrote about divorce rates makes so much sense...I am only very concern about those who are forced into arranged marriage without any choice and got trapped in a loveless, hopeless and meaningless marriage..that would be a tragedy.
Tick Tock, no problem and I am happy for you! To have a choice in life is a gift! and I will not let anyone take that away from me.... | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 5/3/2006 3:33:25 PM | i agree that those who are forced into arranged marriage without any choice and got trapped in a loveless, hopeless and meaningless marriage..that would be a tragedy.
it should be agreed on both that are going to be arranged to be married
divorce rates are high because many couples who marry for the wrong reasons and too soon before they really know each other
times has change, we need to change with the times. what happen 100 years ago dont mean it can apply to now
An arranged marriage is a marriage arranged by both families. The bride or the groom does not have any say in it. The religions that are involved include Muslim and Hindu. It may occur in other religions, but these are the two main religions. Once married, the bride is considered the property of her in-laws. Arranged marriages are strong in these peoples beliefs and in their past. Muslim and Hindu people believe that arranged marriages have fever divorces. They believe in marrying girls young because if not they have the chance to be with other men, so then potential husbands do not want them. The family chooses whom the girls are going to marry by their social status. Sometimes, the girls are married because their families need the money from their daughter's bride price. They could marry to settle land disputes, or to keep land in the family, they often marry cousins for this reason. Some of the believers of this practice believe the pros of arranged marriages are low divorce rates, and the bride and groom do not have to worry about the parents not approving of their choice of spouse. The cons of arranged marriage are if your dowry is not paid you could die, a brutal death. If they were arranged to marry their cousins, their children would have a four- percent chance of being abnormal. The girls may not like whom her parents have picked for her to marry, so she may commit suicide to get out of the marriage. When the bride marries she has no choice but to be a semi-servant for the family because she is now considered property of her in-laws. To secure marriage of girls they must have huge dowries, university education, or be tall and of light complexion. Fathers go far into debt providing dowries for their daughters. One form of brutal death the bride can face if her family can not pay the dowry is bride burning. This occurs when the brides clothes are lit on fire near the gas stove by her husbands or in-laws. It is made to look like an accident. There is a law under Pakistan's Muslim Family Laws Ordinance of 1961 that asks for a bride, groom, two witnesses, registration of marriage and fixing dowry. The minimum age for girls is 16 and for boys 18. People just don't abide by this law. It isn't effective because the police and Judges are male and the deaths are recorded as suicides. Divorces are limited. The only way they can get them is if their husbands are impotent, suffering from severe diseases, the husbands marriage to another women without the permission of the union council, his failure to provide her maintenance or her subjection by him to different forms of violence. Changes in attitudes are starting to occur in Pakistan because the women are now committing more crimes due to marital conditions. Woman's groups in India are being backed by lawyer's who are offering free service. As part of an on-going education campaign, a two-month-long street theatre was organized to deal with social issues such as gender empowerment. | |
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| pre-arranged marriages!
Posted: 7/22/2007 5:09:19 AM | I don't believe in arranged marriages but clearly parents do a much better job of selecting partners than individuals do when they select for them selves.
Make no BONES about the subject, pre-arranged marriages work. Cultures that have such unions have a lower divorce rate. Yes, I have researched the matter and the stats prove that to be true.
The North American approach is just plain crazy, puts the emphasis on the wrong things and just plain doens't work. I do think that we can learn a lot from cultures that still have this practice and in which the divorce rate is a lot lower. I think the main lesson is to focus less on the externals as the first point in screening people. Stop expecting instant chemisty and date people with whom you share common interests, values and lifestyle preferences. Over the course of a few dates one has the time to determine if attraction is developing. | |
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