| | Guys who say Call me in their first messagePage 3 of 10 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10) | I don't do phones. Period. A first message that included a phone number would get deleted. After chatting via e-mail for a few days to establish a rapport with a guy, I'd suggest meeting him for a drink.
If he agreed to the meet, phone numbers would be exchanged at the time the meet was arranged, just in case there was a change of plans. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/7/2011 8:37:31 AM | Well, i guess Viper, we'll just have to agree to disagree! lol I still consider someone emailing me on here is a total stranger. No clue who they are, never seen them before in my life, never knew they even existed until that point. You mention that it may also be considered a compliment being called Sexy or Hot. It's a HUGE compliment... coming from someone you are close to! Maybe it's one of those things that men just don't understand? Telling someone they are beautiful or pretty, is more of a compliment from a stranger than being called sexy or hot. I can't speak for all women, but probably quite a few know what I am talking about.
LOL Had to laugh at your wife story...a good laugh, not a bad laugh. LOL | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/7/2011 8:59:48 AM |
Ripley65:
You mention that it may also be considered a compliment being called Sexy or Hot. It's a HUGE compliment... coming from someone you are close to! Maybe it's one of those things that men just don't understand? Telling someone they are beautiful or pretty, is more of a compliment from a stranger than being called sexy or hot. I can't speak for all women, but probably quite a few know what I am talking about.
Everyone is different. You can no more speak for all women, than I can speak for all men. I find that “Hey, good looking” or “Wow! You’re hot!” works much better in real life than online. Online, women seem to respond negatively to any and all compliments. I have found that it’s best to completely avoid compliments until you meet (or at least talk on the phone). | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/7/2011 9:00:41 AM | You mention that it may also be considered a compliment being called Sexy or Hot. It's a HUGE compliment... coming from someone you are close to!
Like your mom, or your grandma, maybe a best friend; because those are NEVER biased. Heck; if you can get em when you're sad it means it must be even truer!!
Online, women seem to respond negatively to any and all compliments.
I've found the exact same.
It seems they prefer the devil they know; that this is in their comfort zone. Since they are usually divorced or separated; it seems we should be calling them things their exs did; so as to pick up their life in a familiar place.
Perhaps "sterile", and impersonal until date 5 is the most safe of places for many these days. It really does seem that way.
Someone sucked the soul out of romance and dating | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/7/2011 9:05:11 AM | You mention that it may also be considered a compliment being called Sexy or Hot. It's a HUGE compliment... coming from someone you are close to! Maybe it's one of those things that men just don't understand? Telling someone they are beautiful or pretty, is more of a compliment from a stranger than being called sexy or hot.
I think you're just a little stuck on that S word..
Let's hear it from the women in the audience..
EXACTLY what does it take to make the transition from the S word? How many emails? How many phone calls? How many dinners/movies before men stop being the dreaded back alley shadow faced "strangers"? 
Some men need goals, so we can start our countdown clocks, so I want specifics ladies.
Someone sucked the soul out of romance and dating
Romeo and Juliet are rolling in their graves, and laughing their assess off. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/7/2011 9:58:44 AM |
EXACTLY what does it take to make the transition from the S word? How many emails? How many phone calls? How many dinners/movies before men stop being the dreaded back alley shadow faced "strangers"?
Some men need goals, so we can start our countdown clocks, so I want specifics ladies.
It depends on what you're counting down to, I suppose. I personally have never paid any attention to the 'sexy' or 'hot' thing, not even a lifetime ago when I was both.
I would much prefer someone to have something complimentary to say about something I did or do, my character or personality, how I think - or even notice that I am capable of thinking all by myself. Which means waiting until you know someone well enough to know those things. Who I am doesn't have much at all to do with what I look like, and never did. And getting to know someone doesn't require endless expensive dinners and movies. It's nice as an occasional thing, but any woman who insists on that kind of thing isn't someone you should want to know better anyway. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/13/2011 8:09:02 PM | OP I agree with you wholeheartedly on this one. Phone numbers issued right out the chute get the original message deleted, I want to gather the facts first and the e-mail exchanges must be interesting. Then we move to exchanging phone numbers once we have determined that there is going to be a meet and greet. Anything with "how are you doing today sexy?" gets deleted too. Not to mention the guys who have e-mailed me the same thing over and over again. They do have a ton of chutspa and I've become quite adept at weeding out the garbage.
While I am certain that Mr. Right is out there somewhere, he isn't there right now. I had a bad experience here but, that doesn't mean that I am giving up. I just simply refuse to settle for something other than what I want just for the sake of companionship. I've been a widow for four years plus and I'm comfortable with who I am and my life as I know it to be. I'm an old fashioned gal. No man gets the phone number until I feel the time is right. It isn't something that happens overnight. I do love these forums though and check in from time to time when my schedule permits. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:59:04 AM | | I've had quite a few of those messages. I just take the time to reply that obviously they didn't read my profile because I'm not here for dating (too shy).. and that they really need to be more careful about giving out their phone number because a simple google search using their number can bring up a lot of information about a person. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 7:01:24 AM | Hmm, I wouldn't call a guy with nothing to go on but his profile, however honest that may be but I think what's freaking me out the most about this conversation is the DISPOSABLE DATING PHONE....Really? Doesn't send out a good vibe, do you send a double in for the date also, just in case? Are you prone to behaviors that would require total anonimity?
Dating phone =not willing to take a chance | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:13:34 AM | Hmmm, guys, I have to say I wanted to be open-minded and spontaneous about this...but...
Getting the phone number in the first email has proven to be a red flag.
Not because talking should be endlessly delayed, NOT.
But because it signals a certain lack of ability to do the dance, give and take, negotiating, and that can show up in other areas in negative ways.
It's too much too soon, for me, and the experience will not be repeated.
I'd rather have a couple emails, then I'm Ok with the phone, once or twice, then it's time to meet.
I don't like to talk on the phone endlessly about all our beliefs and traits and likes and dislikes....before we even meet! It creates a false expectation that we are already "familiar."
We are NOT familiar. It's a first date.
Let's just let it be what it is, a first date with lots unknown and a bit of nervousness for both.
The endless emails and calls beforehand are just delaying the inevitable and trying to wallpaper it differently, as in we are meeting a "friend" instead of a stranger on a date.
I think there's confidence to be seen in just getting out there in person. We all know we have to go on a mysterious number of bad, uncomfortable, incompatible, ordinary, boring or just blah dates until we run into something special. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 9:28:51 AM | they really need to be more careful about giving out their phone number because a simple google search using their number can bring up a lot of information about a person.
And? I'm a retired cop, I own a Glock, and I have a pit bull with AIDS in the back yard.
I dare them to hope my fence! 
But because it signals a certain lack of ability to do the dance, give and take, negotiating, and that can show up in other areas in negative ways.
That's what coffee is for.. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 10:12:35 AM | I'd delete a message with a phone number as a first contact, either assuming they're only after sex, which would be fine if that's what I was also after. The unspoken bit behind that type of message is 'I cba to get to take the time to get to know you but you look hot/desperate/ whatever so I'll push my luck and try anyway, see if I hit paydirt'... And if they're after a relationship, well, I'm a believer in looking at a mans actions cos how they are at the start is how they'll be in a relationship.. to me it says he likely to be lazy.
Yeh I get the faint heart never won fair lady or whatever the saying is but lets be real; how many people on here and other sites are secretly or not so secretly married, generally mad enough to need locking up, playing away or have 'issues' to not take my safety in such a lighthearted manner. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 10:34:05 AM |
Firstly, Once you meet someone (or talk to them, or email them) this most curious process occurs, and viola! You're not a stranger anymore. You can only be a stranger for a few seconds before actually interacting with someone. Which is why I never put much stock in that whole "stranger danger" thing some chicks love to embrace.
Some women love to embrace. There are those of us who not only chat/IM/phone we also travel to other states to meet for a first time. That doesn't mean we are right/wrong or indifferent ~ the ONLY thing that matters? Is that someone is comfortable with HOW/IF/WHEN they opt to take things from an anonymous status to less than strangers. (And for what it's worth? I've known you for YEARS and you are still a virtual stranger to me.)
Secondly, the only difference between meeting someone online, and meeting them offline, is that most people don't walk around with their dating resume for you too read at a moments notice. If I saw you at a bar and thought you were cute, I would say hi, offer you a drink and if I were about to leave or were tied up with something else, offer you my business card (which has my office home AND cell number) say something along the lines of : "I wish I could stay longer but... (etc) I'd like to see you sometime, call me.
I do nothing different here.
And that's correct. YOU see nothing different here. Personally? I don't do bar "meetings" no matter what I'm in the bar doing (with friends, playing pool, watching a football game, etc.) I personally wouldn't take a business card and phone someone after a brief exchange in a bar. Not a "stranger-danger" thing ~ just not my style. I read once and have repeated it a number of times, "You meet 'em in a bar? You lose 'em in a bar." For me? Paranoid about the bar environment? Maybe. But my preferences have worked for me for too many years and they aren't going to change today. (In other words? I meet you in a bar? Great, I know your name. Will I be calling you? No way!!)
Thirdly, calling you cute, hot or sexy is no more a "label" than calling you a hideous ugly troll. In most civilized parts of the world, it's called paying someone a COMPLIMENT. But it has been my experience, that some people can handle insults better than compliments.
On this note? I concur.  I'm not a fan of being called "hot" ~ let's leave that to the 20-somethings, however, compliments are always appreciated. Doesn't mean I will have insta-interest because someone thinks I'm cute and voices that opinion. The reality is? What works for YOU, doesn't have to work for any of the rest of us. That's why we are, by and large, single here. We all have our comfort zones and they likely don't mesh with but a few. But when we encounter that one or those few? It's likely a very different story than a simple, "No thank you. I'm just not interested."
P.S. The first time I ever laid eyes on my wife, she tapped me on the shoulder in a grocery store, introduced herself, and said I had the nicest ass she had ever seen on a man. I handled it ok I think.. After all, I married her.
And that's great. It worked for you both. Someone taps me on the shoulder in the grocery store and explains how great my azz is? I'm going to ask if he's off his meds or where his Mother is because that is NOT something I'd find the least bit flattering. And let's remember ~ you met your wife 20+ years ago (I believe) ~ times aren't like they once were and we aren't the young adults we once were. Decorum, sincerity, and tact go a LOT further today than they did when we wore parachute pants and listened to one-hit-wonders. (No offense, but the days for you and me when we met people like our ex's? Are O-V-E-R. We need to adjust to the now.) JMO 
~OT~ No. I don't call. And I don't even like to call after being called. I married a man I used to say was born a century too late ~ I think I fall into that category as I prefer for "him" to do the pursuing. It's best when mutual, but that happens VERY rarely. JMO | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:21:23 PM |
I havent given my phone number out as a first contact but I will say I really perfer to get off the POF as soon as possible because communication in real life is so much more accurate in who you are dealing with and I dont just mean body type to photo, I mean the whole package of how a person communicates in real life.
well that and I think I am more charming in real life than my profile anyway :)
Well said - just remember punctuation the next time.
A lot of people online are anti-social of different types. Some are 'Nervous Nellies' who get timid about trying something new - even if their profile says they would. Others are obnoxious - they fill the net up with their own arrogance so they don't have to listen or pay attention to the other side of the conversation.
Meeting In-Person is THE huge B.S. preventer. I personally don't count any online communication as a legitimate conversation until I see them face-to-face. Ditto of texting on the phone.
I never want to seem pushy about meeting in-person quickly, but I've had way too many of these one-email-a-week conversations that I just won't tolerate that anymore. I'm not dumb enough to give out my phoen number at first contact, but I DO usually end my first e-mail with something like, "If you'd like to talk with me, reply back and I'll give you my phone number." If they still think that's being 'pushy' - they are really beyond help. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 1:43:15 PM |
I will never call someone that sends a number on the first correspondence that tells me shes either desperate for someone or is too lazy to go through the sequence.
ditto ice. And if I might add in what u said,"go through the sequence", that is the imo, the major confusion here in the dating rethoric of on the net or in real time,person to person.
Most don't want to deal with it,understand it or other wise. And it's not this chat for over weeks & weeks,not true. Most when first coming here including myself thought that this would be like shooting fish in a barrel but how wrong was I in thinking that.
imo, u can't be lazy here cuz u still need to be real, honest, sincere. Nothing changed..
imo, as I like to call the dance in looking for the "right" dance partner. And yes, it takes more patience. So if he or she doesn't dance that sounds out of tune,best move on.
Or if one is lucky to meet someone who dances like u, brother u better not let her go.
So now do I sound like Curly in ,"City Slickers". lol | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:29:30 PM | OK Viper!!! LOL!!!
You invoked Romeo and Juliet, my goodness.
Transition to the S word.......During or After Sex!
That is quite a familiar word to use with a woman you barely know and haven't so much as shared a kiss with. Yes I like to leave my prepositions hanging, they can take it.
I don't mind much else in an email...they don't have our real names so they are picking an endearment of sorts.
But that's culturally specific to my region...everyone around here says Honey, Sweetheart, Babydoll, and various others, and it could be a grandma speaking to a cashier at Target, or me speaking to a child, or it could be a truckdriver speaking to me at the gas station because he sees that my tire is low. It isn't disrespectful in this region, because we like to soften our language with strangers.
Just don't start calling anybody CutiePie Babycakes. That's seriously overdoing it. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/15/2011 12:42:05 PM |
do you ever actually call a guy who puts his number and little else in his first message to you or do you move on?
In the past when I dated on another dating site, when I received this kind of a first message (which was once in a blue moon) AND was interested in the guy, I'd say, "thanks for the e-mail, here is my number if you want to call me or text me". I understand people who want to find out quickly if there is a connection, and who don't want to dilly dally writing emails back and forth only to find out if there is any real mutual interest, or if it's only good on paper. I also have 2 cell phones - one throw-away number for everybody, and one for friends and family only. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:38:52 PM | Well BSradar925, if I were withing your dating
parameters I would send you my phone # and
that of my Mom too so she could tell you what
a nice datable guy I am ! (Fiction) !!! damn !
lisalisa66
I had a guy do that a couple of weeks ago.
I was a little put off by it but decided to go ahead
and give him a call. We've had 2 dates since and
he seems to be a wonderful guy.
I'm eagerly looking forward to date number 3!
Well what the hell is wrong with that !
 
Widow718
They do have a ton of chutspa and I've become
quite adept at weeding out the garbage.
I had a bad experience here but, that doesn't mean that I am giving up.
quite adept...OK....maybe your garbage detector is busted or just off-line ? | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/15/2011 7:42:53 PM | | Some men are so tired of being alone,i think they just want someone to talk to. It happens. I have had a guy ask me to meet him at a church he knows a priest in a first message,along with phone numbers and even had a guy ask for my addresss!!!!! It happens | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:02:52 PM | I know!! They send one or two messages and then their phone numbers. Seriously! They get my rhetoric when they do this about women, and how we have much to worry about ,must know more about them first, the dangers for women, that we must check them out know something about them and that men DO NOT have the same issues and worries.
Guys who do this are just idiots or are out of sync with the world. | |
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| Guys who say Call me in their first message
Posted: 11/15/2011 8:23:50 PM | | Occasionly hookers will show up on pof and maybe they are from New York and just tired of wasting time. Go to craigs list and look at the New York people compared to all the other states, they put out that phone number immediately. | |
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