| | Dealing with POF rejectionPage 2 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | | Just the other nite, I politely explained I was dating someone and wanted to see where it was going to go...He called me a joke and a player..Should I have said I didn't find him at all attractive? You can't win for losing sometimes... | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 5:24:19 PM | Love the forums--it is where you really find out about people. You aren't likely to meet anyone near enough to date, but you can fill some time and in a strange way, feel companionship. My only "complaint" is that the over 45 forum doesn't "move" very quickly and a lot of the other forums drive me nuts (was I that naive at one time? Oh, yeah!)
I've mostly used the site to read in the forums. I've sent emails to guys and have been ignored, or, if we get to exchanging emails and then I say, "Hey, let's meet for coffee," it's *poof.* I figure that means I scared them by being too bold, they are actually married or otherwise involved, or they have misprepresented themselves online. In any case, they are doing me a favor by disappearing--if they are timid or married or liars, I don't want to waste time on 'em, anyway.
Many, many people on these forums are married or misrepresenting themselves. Don't ever let yourself develop strong feelings for someone you haven't met in real life (IRL) because that is the quickest way to disappointment. Use POF-sponsored events to meet people--women, too, b/c a network of friends can really help--and definitely join meetup--tons of fun. Think of this as just another way to develop a network and you'll do fine. Good luck, and hang in there. You are a lovely person and do not let this site lead yout o think otherwise! | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 5:27:58 PM | ff...you need to step back a little and not take pof so seriously.
after all, how can you feel rejection so personally when you are being ignored by a complete stranger? it's not as if you're going to run into these people at the local coffee shop.
tell yourself it's their loss and move on to the next guy.
there are genuine people here looking for the same as you are. there's also a lot of dreamers and fantasists...just like real life!
you may eventually find a man you like, who also enjoys your company, but certainly don't rely on pof...or any other site..to instantly gratify your needs.
if you're going to rely on online dating sites for your future happiness you'll need patience and a helluva lot of luck!... | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 7:55:29 PM |
Do not use POF as your primary means to meet people. You will always be disappointed.
Really?
I better tell that to my son who met his wife on POF, and now has a son of his own. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 8:35:40 PM | Yeah, when they say that, but still actively on, consistently, they're just being nice to you. There technically could be some truth to it -- they could be thinking "Well, I already have my mind primarily in one direction, but she's not good enough to trump the one I'm engaging with."
How do you deal with rejection? Well, you could do something crazy... like replying "Thanks for that info... I know it can be hard juggling two things at once when it comes to Dating. To tell you the truth, and as wild as it sounds, I'm also looking for no strings attached sexual activity. Heck, I'll give a BJ in the back seat of my car, at your convenience, no questions asked. I'm just looking for excitement with no drama or strings. You in? Say tonight @10PM at the Ramada Inn parking lot - in my blue Chevy? Text me at ----." The blue Chevy would be your gay male friend's car description. So when one of those guys shows up, as soon as the car door's opened, the gay friend can say "Not telling the truth is a ****, right??" | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/6/2011 9:44:35 PM | Op.
POF is one dimensional, life is multidimensional...so it is easy to get confused and disappointed on here. Let me explain, if you were out and saw a couple..would you approach the guy and say Hello, Im so and so..no cause you could see that he was involved with someone else at that moment.
However POF is like seeing a guy sitting alone ...you don't know if he will be meeting someone soon or if he is really alone so you take a gamble...
Now I will be honest and admit I have told men I was not interested in that I had recently met someone cause it is easier to let them down that way then what it is to say Im sorry I am not interested...so please understand there is no reason for what one person will find attraction and what another will want ...but I have to say I do admire you for having the courage to actually email men; I am way to skittish for that...
I joined meetup and liked that fact that it is a group of people doing things together and so you don't have the stress of a one on one situation and yet you still can go out and do things and not sit home bored.
Remember it only takes one but you have to shift between lots of people to find that one! Good Luck to you. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/7/2011 5:13:50 AM | I agree with others that a couple of months is a relatively short time on this site (apparently some people have been here for years, and that's fine. Many like the forums, and it's a great way to gain insight and also 'meet' like-minded people.)
Please don't let POF 'define' who you are and all you have to offer. Also, what people SAY they want in relation to what they REALLY want can be totally different things. The men who are 'rejecting' you (and I use that word very loosely) don't know you and all you are. Think about it - when you see your 'matches,' do you jump up and down with joy at the thought of each and every one? Do you think each one is the 'right' one? Probably not - (at least I hope not!) - and in a sense, that is you 'rejecting' someone else. So - please try not to take it personally. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/7/2011 5:25:05 AM | fireflyfrm on 11/6/2011 9 20 AM
Subject: Dealing with POF rejection
Message: I have only been on POF a couple of months but I have felt so much rejection from guys. It seems that more than often I send a nice note to a person after reading a profile and more times than not I get notes like "I have met a nice person and plan to see what happens". I feel if they have found someone they need to GET OFF POF. If I felt "I had met someone and plan to see what happens" I would expect that person to stop searching.
I am an honest, dependable, hardworking, love to travel, fun and sexy person and that is what guys say they want but that is not what they seem to really want.
How do other members deal with the rejection on POF? Give me some support here....PLEASE.
So your saying that everyone should do what you want ? Could be your problem,right there. They say they met someone and want to see what happens. Until they know that it's going to work out with this person they met why should they GET OFF pof ? If it ends up not working out they have to go through all the GETTING ON pof again.
Women do the same thing all the time so should they GET OFF pof also ? Get a life OP everything and everybody doesn't revolve around you and what you want. I understand that you are a woman and that's hard to comprehend but get over it. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/7/2011 11:15:21 AM | As others have pointed out, dating in a rural area is much harder than in a large, metropolitan area.
You might want to go over to the Profile Reviews forum for a "tune-up". I just did a quick read through of your profile, and you do not sound like fun. I'm not saying that you aren't fun, I'm just saying your profile sounds too "solemn". | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/7/2011 11:27:09 AM | OP, here's my advice ... NEVER and I mean NEVER initiate messages to the men on here. Especially men close to your age -- they believe there's a hot 20-something chick out there who wants to boink them and is willing to overlook their bald head and beer gut. And as much as men profess to like women messaging them, 98% of them really don't. They want to do the chasing. And I know I'm gonna stir up a sh*tstorm by telling you this, but I'm speaking from my personal experience.
I used to send out messages when I first joined, but I can honestly tell you that I haven't initiated a message in many years and I get an average of 3 messages a day. But like some of the other posters said, don't use this site as your primary form of meeting people or the rejection will become unbearable.
And as far as people deleting profiles when they've met someone, that ain't gonna happen. People will hide them, but they'll continue to look for something better. They're likely just trying to nicely blow you off by telling you they met someone. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/7/2011 7:29:14 PM | | OP: Please, do as I do, as I judge success by the ones who say yes to my messages, not by the ones who say no. The rejections roll off me like water off the back of a duck. It takes time to meet the one and remember online dating is much different than real life. If you have been out of the dating game for very long, boy have things changed. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 3:15:34 AM | | I had one piece of good advice from a guy I met when I complained about men who didn't even bother to answer emails, as he said just look at it as your first filter, if they are so rude and ignorant that they don't even bother to answer then you don't want to know them anyway! | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 4:41:10 AM | | Hey there we are all rejects or have rejected someone. Don't take this to serious and if you are really interested in finding someone get out of the house and do things you enjoy. There are some really good and bad people here. I've met some. Have a good day. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 6:16:46 AM |
lol...I'm an expert at POF rejection.
So I will now share my tip with you.
After you get "rejected" sit down in a chair, turn the tv on, crack open a beer and say "fukk 'em"
Chuckle....
OP...rejection is synonymous with on-line-dating (OLD)..I used to send out a note and then delete it from my sent box so I wouldn't remember who never wrote back....thereby, attempting to avoid the rejection...
Truly, internet dating is just one more avenue to date and find someone...
The funniest ways to meet people...my father-in-law introduced me to my g/f-how strange is that. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 7:08:56 AM | @Firefly,
"Ready" couldn't have stated it any better. POF is a mix of people that have good intentions but don't realize they're not ready, fakers, phonies, cheaters, liars and yes the few of us that HOPE to meet someone.
Also, don't pay attention to the "regulars" that take every opportunity to spew their hate. "Grow thick skin" crap. Rejection hurts no matter what, if it doesn't bother you then you're either lying or not acknowleging / blocking your feelings which is unhealthy.
You'll find someone, just have faith and patience hon.
Cheers,
G | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 7:38:47 AM | I don't know..I seem to have good success when I email someone. But? I really review their profile to look for commonalities. But? If I get no reply, I truly don't sweat it! Lots of men think here if a woman emails them first they are looking for sex....and that is why POF made a block button! | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 8:15:46 AM | And you are not Moonie???............... 
I think most on here would like that sex and romance, but just not with anyone, and everyone, but rather only with those few that we truly connect with long term....
The roles are changing within the dating game and the 21st century has arrived even if some would hope that it has not. One can not have, fight for, and get upset about most things that are not fair and equal for both women and men, and then get just as upset, or retreat back centuries when it comes to dating and romance.
Equality is something we should enjoy, engage in, and be willing to maintain, for the sake of that equality. I do not ask the women I date or have a relationship with, to cook, clean, iron, and shop for me, but rather we do it together and take turns, and I expect and respect those women that will come forward and be my equal.....contact me, and pursue me as much as I do them!!
cd.........   | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 9:56:20 AM | | OK Mr. Deac, yes I guess sex is in the actual equation! It is the total package and so so difficult to find like minded!Either get one or the other...more of the one though I may add! Just looking for what you have decribed Deac....same objectives, sharing equally....who knew it would be so difficult to find? | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 11:08:48 AM | And who knew it would be so hard to get our women to actually believe it, trust it, and share all of it equally....................so many want to be pursued and retreat back to that format, and then wonder why some of the best around seem to just pass them by.
Maybe this is one good reason that I return that email sent to me, no matter what, at least the first time, thanking them for being assertive enough to want to know more about me. But unfortunately for most after that, they seem to immediately revert back to the "please chase me" attitude, and fade into the sunset when it does not happen.
cd............ | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 11:24:38 AM | | --hmmm, deacon.... I'm bettin' you're a bit more evolved and in tune with those dynamics than lots of folks are. :o) Not complaining about it either way...just refreshing to know there are a few out there who can appreciate the truth of all that. | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 11:33:44 AM | Well, to my mind, the easiest way to avoid rejection is to not make the first move, ever!
Of course, you may still get rejected on subsequent initiatives, but in general, women are motivated enough to make the first move with sufficient regularity that it has never left me wanting or even waiting, particularly. My own impression is that the ladies are somewhat more interested in finding true romance than men, but that may be just a subjective thing on my part.
I always send a polite response to any messages I receive, but even with making no effort to advance my cause, initiatives continue to arrive with some regularity, albeit not quite as frequently as one might desire.
The equality issue has a lot of vocal support from both sexes, however, I have the impression that certain activities, like taking out the trash, unblocking the sewer, digging the car out of snow banks and applying roofing tar tend to not elicit anything remotely resembling equal commitment and participation from the opposite sex. At least not after you are firmly on the hook! | |
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| Dealing with POF rejection
Posted: 11/8/2011 2:48:55 PM |
I have the impression that certain activities, like taking out the trash, unblocking the sewer, digging the car out of snow banks and applying roofing tar tend to not elicit anything remotely resembling equal commitment and participation from the opposite sex. At least not after you are firmly on the hook
You need to find a woman that lives in a condo, and has a full time handy man living in the building for tenants to use, and does not own a car because she prefers to hike it.. Lastly she does not own a feline.. Then you got it made in the shade.. | |
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