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 RobertinStages
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 76
Watching your partner have sex with someone elsePage 4 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Honestly, for most men it's a fantasy more than reality or should be anyway. I do know some swingers who are very successful at it. I know for me, I'm the jealous type and probably would not be much good at it. Sounds hot but damn .. idk. My "friends" tell me I would be good at it.. LOL .. go figure. I just think of this saying, "If your friends jumped off a cliff would you?" They may know how to fly BUT I know I don't.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 77
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/9/2011 5:33:23 AM
JCO - STD Police...hilarious...


ya, I've never done it, to each his own I guess - it all depends on both parties involved and the type of relationship you are in with someone else...

i'd think it'd better survive with a casual sexual relationship partner of sorts than a spousal relationship.



on my front,,,I never wanna see another guy's d1ck up close and personal in the same room raring to go...


so aside from whether or not I wanna let somebody bone my girl in front of me...
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 78
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Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/9/2011 7:22:38 AM

I can see how this works, if there is no emotional attachments from any direction, in the 3some. But if someone tells me he loves me, I would hope he doesn't want to farm me out and watch. It is my opinion that love cannot be part of this equation. But for fun and games? yes


Thats kind of a two dimensional view of it really though

The only time I've seriously considered it and would have gone along with it was with somebody I DID love, but rather than "farming them out" as you put it, the fantasy was theirs not mine

People do lots of things they dont even like, some theyre not fussed about and some they enjoy to some extent for someone they love all the time. Its only when it involves sex that the "ooh its wrong" type views seem to come out

But asking somebody to move from a house they are happy with, leave a job they love to get one that pays better and tons of other things and THATS considered perfectly "fine" which is kind of funny really

It can work just as well either with or without love as long as the two people involved are emotionally secure enough with the activity, but without that level of security both within themselves and mutually within the relationship it will cause problems even with an FB
 Ratsrule
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 79
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Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/9/2011 11:25:13 AM
I don't judge people for enjoying this sort of thing (unless it's a guy I'm with and he's asking me about a threesome...then there would be upset) but I know for me I could never ever watch someone I had any kind of attachment to have sex with someone else. Simply put, it would make me feel very rejected that they would even want to.

I do wonder upon occasion how people can be so secure that it really doesn't bother them - and I'd love to be that secure in myself and my relationship but I don't think it's in my basic personality lol.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 80
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Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/9/2011 11:46:58 AM

I do wonder upon occasion how people can be so secure that it really doesn't bother them - and I'd love to be that secure in myself and my relationship but I don't think it's in my basic personality lol.


I dont think its just to do with how secure somebody feels with a partner really

No amount of feeling secure will alter the way someone with a moral problem or other issue with such things would view the activity. I think its more to do with the type of outlook and mindset a person has too

Peoples views on sex are about as varied as their sexual preferences. Some cant avoid instantly being besotted with anyone they ever sleep with irrespective of the circumstances. So it would hardly fit in with their outlook for one

Then you have people who have a fairly possessive type of outlook, probably not so good for them either

And people who cant, or dont want to think they can ever seperate love from sex would be best avoiding it too

And thats just three outlooks that wouldnt be compatible without giving it much thought

Other people though have various "types" of sex, not just the difference between sensual and animalistic. But also other degrees too, purely recreational being one, infact on this topic masturbation kind of overlaps quite a bit. As some people tend to look on sex they have with somebody other than their partner, or sex their partner has with somebody other than them almost as tho the other people are "toys" theyre both using in "their" sex life

Couples I've known with open marriages havent tended to view extramarital sex as being anything like the sex they have with their partner. And although to some people its all "sex", to them theyre radically different because feelings are only involved when its with their partner which as a concept would go over most peoples heads I reckon

And if someone doesnt have a compatible outlook then something like this would erode any security they DID have in their relationship. So I really dont think the security itself is the key issue at all
 Yew4ics
Joined: 9/30/2010
Msg: 81
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/9/2011 8:35:38 PM
The only time I've seriously considered it and would have gone along with it was with somebody I DID love, but rather than "farming them out" as you put it, the fantasy was theirs not mine


I put it that way, because that is how I would feel. I really don't believe that love can play a part in this, but we all have our own definition of what love is. If someone else tells me they love the person they want to see get plowed by someone else, I just don't buy it. I think it's fun and games, not genuine love. But that's just my opinion, and nothing more.



People do lots of things they dont even like, some theyre not fussed about and some they enjoy to some extent for someone they love all the time. Its only when it involves sex that the "ooh its wrong" type views seem to come out

But asking somebody to move from a house they are happy with, leave a job they love to get one that pays better and tons of other things and THATS considered perfectly "fine" which is kind of funny really



I see a big difference between those you mentioned, because sex is intimate. It's my body, which is more personal than my job or my home. All of these are important, but nothing, and I mean nothing trumps bodily sovereignty.


It can work just as well either with or without love as long as the two people involved are emotionally secure enough with the activity, but without that level of security both within themselves and mutually within the relationship it will cause problems even with an FB


Just like the word LOVE...the word SECURE also seems to have different definitions by all of us. It could be that the need or desire to watch your partner f*ck someone else is an insecurity about themsleves or their relationship. Im not saying this is always the case. But I wont always agree that it takes a secure person to engage in this kind of activity. Sometimes it does, and sometimes it's the opposite. Like I said, I personally can see it, if it's just fun and games. I may have even done it when I was younger, and more reckless. But just don't tell me you ( generally speaking) love me, and ask me to do this, because that's just blowing smoke up my butt.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 82
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 12:06:21 PM
Maybe its just me, but if your watching your partner having sex with someone else, its not exactly YOUR partner anymore...ever think you'll probably lose said partner?

 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 83
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 12:13:17 PM
^^^^ MANY swingers will disagree with you!
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 84
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 12:22:56 PM
lol I know, yet I had a couple friends of mine who were swingners, and the dude left the "love of his life" for one of the girls LMAO. They kept bragging they lived a good life this way. Guess not.
 WinstonDoubtfire
Joined: 7/29/2009
Msg: 85
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Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 12:35:06 PM
I won't judge others' decisions/beliefs/sexy times, but it's not for me.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 86
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Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 12:57:04 PM
I think, and know, people that do this sort of thing, and from what I have seen, they are the ones that stay together, and love each other,
Me.... I would prefer that to finding out my partner is cheating......
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 87
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 1:11:30 PM
OP, I think the issues you raise by this question are much larger than you intended.
Where, exactly, does sex fit into the full panoply of mutual "love"?
If a couple is "in love", does each earn a proprietary interest in the other's body, i.e., own it, exclusively?
What all purposes does sexual behavior fulfill?
When we say "til death do us part", at least for the first time, at age 20-30, is it even possible to expect that each betrothing partner is making a rational, informed, commitment, ruling out all others forever, and no matter what?
Of course, there are more, e.g., Wanttotravel's choice between watching your partner fvck another, or having it happen without your knowledge, and, of course, all the health issues incidental to non-exclusivity.
I've never been able to handle more than one lover at a time, on any level, but I gotta say it's an intriguing concept.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 88
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 3:51:13 PM

(jco415) ^^^^ MANY swingers will disagree with you!


And, many Scientologists will tell you that L. Ron Hubbard is kewl. And...?

The point being, positive references from people with an interest in the situation are often worthless, or of (at best) questionable value...

Arlo...
 goddess1972
Joined: 5/21/2006
Msg: 89
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 4:00:26 PM
Every mans dream watching two wemon getting it on then get stuck in to both off them any bloke that says it would not appeal to them is lying.

spoken by a man whose probably not tried it id guess lol. in fantasy land and used as something to masterbate to in your head great ..... reality someone gets jealous or insecure etc most for all the would like to try cant handle it with the situation occurs just my experience and thoughts. even in a friends with benneffits situation that can happen. Personally you cant beat the intamacy with one person knowing them and what drives them wild, knowing that just one look can instantly turn them on and u know what each other wants is so much better and far better sex than having others involved.
 sweetblue62
Joined: 10/16/2011
Msg: 90
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 4:00:38 PM
I tried it once during a 3some. It hurt me more than I thought, seeing as though the guy was just a fling(back when I did that stuff), it just killed me seeing him with her the way he was with me. It made all the specialness of our relationship die
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 91
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/10/2011 6:04:19 PM
^^Arlo^^ True, but then I was simply countering the statement:


its not exactly YOUR partner anymore...


Which went unqualified!

Kinda like:

Pears don't taste very good.

Versus

I don't think pears taste very good.

One might respond to the first example with: Some people LIKE pears...
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 92
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 5:45:50 AM
@jco415:

If you share your pear with someone else, it's not really your pear anymore...

Arlo...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 93
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:31:33 AM
I can see how this works, if there is no emotional attachments from any direction, in the 3some.

That's pretty much how I'd see it.

But if someone tells me he loves me, I would hope he doesn't want to farm me out and watch. It is my opinion that love cannot be part of this equation.

I think that depends a lot on the individuals. I certainly am not open minded enough to include another guy in my relationship. On the other hand, including another girl would not change the way I feel about my fiancee, so I can at least understand how people could love each other and still include another person. I just wouldn't expect my fiancee to see that any differently that I would if the roles were reversed. I'm sure she would not want to watch me with another woman, so a third person of either sex is a non-starter. The only way that could happening would be if she was also interested in women, which doesn't seem to be the case.

But for fun and games? yes.

Some people are better able to seperate love from fun and games than you or I, so I think it's mostly a matter of mindset, which at this point in my life, I don't have a lot of incentive to change. Unfortunately, it's not one of those things you can try with a partner and then undo if you had a problem with it. Trying it with a partner involves a real risk to a relationship, just to see if I'd be ok with it, especially if I have a pretty good idea that the answer would be that I'm not ok with it.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 94
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:40:02 AM

@jco415:

If you share your pear with someone else, it's not really your pear anymore...

Arlo...


LOL you guys f*cking rock ;-)
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 95
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:40:31 AM
And I wouldnt share my pears, your all working guys, get your own damn pears
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 96
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:43:24 AM

If you share your pear with someone else, it's not really your pear anymore...


....It's still mine but I just let you have a little piece!


But if someone tells me he loves me, I would hope he doesn't want to farm me out and watch.

I love how people have to use exaggerated language to paint/taint the vision of it to build a straw man...

It's more a matter of giving your partner pleasure...be it a sex toy, or another person....then again someone could be jealous of a sex toy too, I suppose.
It's all in the use and circumstances surrounding it....right?

For ME, a MFM has absolutely no appeal UNLESS I really like or love my partner...then it's about HER... I have to interest otherwise.

 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 97
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:59:56 AM
I love how people have to use exaggerated language to paint/taint the vision of it to build a straw man...

Actually, I think it's the old double standard disguised more subtley: that it's ok for men to sleep around but not for women. Most of the women I've had conversations with about this subject (which is quite a few), are more liely to be ok with another woman than another guy. Even if they are relatively ``liberated'' sexually, when the idea of two guys arises, women tend to see it as about the guys. So if one of the guys is her partner, I can see how a woman would tend to see that as being ``farmed out.'' It's difficult to erase all of the social conditioning people are raised with, even if it doesn't seem logical. Why women are generally more comfortable with another woman than another guy, is somewhat of a mystery, though. For that matter, why I'd be ok watching my fiancee with another woman but not with another guy is somewhat of a mystery, but it is probably some residual conditioning from that double standard left over.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 98
Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 7:24:09 AM

For that matter, why I'd be ok watching my fiancee with another woman but not with another guy is somewhat of a mystery, but it is probably some residual conditioning from that double standard left over.


Dunno how I'd react. So I stick to a one woman show. Safer that way, and the bonus, if you see her with another guy, you can kick his a*s no questions asked
 CheckPrime
Joined: 7/20/2011
Msg: 99
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Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 6:05:10 PM

Alex....nice SPELLING and grammar there tough guy....ever come to Denver? You should....I can school you!

I was merely pointing out that there are many different flavors of the OP's particular proclivity...not just your insecure take on it! BTW you didn't qualify your take as how YOU would feel...you stated it as HOW IT WOULD FEEL....big difference...then again you haven't got spelling, punctuation and grammar down yet so I shouldn't expect you to understand semantics!

Sorry, perhaps I should'e said; Yo, Dawg...youz trippin! downt dis on OP...you downt no hiz game...maybe hez superfly pimpin' wit dem b!tches...downt be clownin him... an downt be mean muggin' me bro cuz i skool you like you aint neva seen!

LOL ....Kids!

OP....Obviously, like I said...there will be people here with a bunch of insecurities and what not...POF isn't very Kink-friendly...at least not the forums anyway.

Have you tried Fetlife? ....it's not much of a site for meeting, but there are a lot of fetish discussions there. Starting one won't be very productive, but reading existing ones will give you more info and insight. You'll want to look up cuckold, wittol and hotwife. ... There may be other terms too... I'm not sure.


VVV EDit....I'm a bit slow Mike....I just woke up.... I'm not sure I'm getting your post.


Speaking of grammar, an ellipsis is not a substitute for a comma, sorry.

It's not a proclivity it's a perversion, (for inadequate sissy boys.)

And mocking the way I choose to look, and present myself? Come on dogg, you're wearing some kind of sleeveless muscle shirt. And what's with all the smileys? I think you've spent too much time on internet dating forums. Go watch some of that "cuckold" porn and fall the **** out.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 100
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Watching your partner have sex with someone else
Posted: 11/11/2011 7:43:56 PM

Speaking of grammar, an ellipsis is not a substitute for a comma, sorry.

It's not a proclivity it's a perversion, (for inadequate sissy boys.)

And mocking the way I choose to look, and present myself? Come on dogg, you're wearing some kind of sleeveless muscle shirt. And what's with all the smileys? I think you've spent too much time on internet dating forums. Go watch some of that "cuckold" porn and fall the **** out.

I can see that you're going to fit in quite nicely here.... Welcome aboard... LOL
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