| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/15/2008 10:03:23 PM | i have been cheated on a few times, and without going into the specifics, let's just say that the last time was the nuclear bomb of all cheating. it was the most hurtful horrible devestating experience. it literally took me oh...about a year before i'd let someone even just give me a HUG! it was crazy!
but guess what...i talk to the ex once in a while now. i forgave him. did i take him back? no. but i forgave him and meant it. once i forgave him i was able to start getting over it.
forgiveness is the key to healing. it is for you NOT for the person who wronged you. you have to forgive, but that doesn't mean you ahve to take them back or let them back inot your life.
remember, cheating is antisocial behavior.
lar | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/15/2008 10:39:21 PM | well its wierd because. when i get drunk and high and some girl is flirting with me i will f uck her half the time or so on.i will or do feal bad about it and i do not want to get caught and i do not want to leave my old lady for the ho i just porked on accident.
but if my old lady cheats on me and i find out ,i will be in a murderous rage,
but after a while ,i will forgive her, it helps though because no man she is ever with again in her life will be the man i am in her life,i am not gods gift to women. and am not tooting my own horn here. its just . that like besides her dad. any woman i love. will never get rid of me compleatly kind of thing going on. .this has happend to me a few times,and i cant shake it. and i dont care to. there is room enough for it. they need it . and i am not some useless @sshole,what the hell else are they going to do. wait for some stupid looser and user to help them with there bull $hit.aint going to realy happen or work out rite.
when you realy need a dude i will be there.i realy loved you once.i can easyly half @ssed love you forever.$hit its half my fault one of us cheated on the other to begin with.
if i get caught though doing it. i will freak out,my whole comfortable world will collapse.. i will be in shambles trying to make everything better and like things were.
i will never stop loving her or you,no mater what..not like " in love" but regular love . even after years and years. i will be there. the feeling will not be as hot but i will still be a man in her life, when she needs me i will do what she needs.it will be just like anything . second nature or whatever they call that.no sweat.
I aint no punk and nobodys b itch. its just sometimes you have to man up suck it up and do the damn thing.nobodys perfect and life is short. we got to try not to harbor hate and grudges. and i aint talking about sex totaly i am talking about everything. like fixing leaks and changing oil. or anything a woman could use a man for and dont want to ask some other prick to do it.
you aint got to hate a woman forever. and if she has half a mind she should not hate you eather.some things come and go, you should strive to be a permanant mother f ucker in this world | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/15/2008 10:45:23 PM | well its wierd because. when i get drunk and high and some girl is flirting with me i will f uck her.i feel bad about it and i do not want to get caught and i do not want to leave my old lady for the ho i just porked on accedent.
but if my old lady cheats on me and i find out ,i will be in a murderus rage,
spell check on aisle 5...... just ignore red underlined words...means nada......
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/15/2008 11:10:01 PM | | One trust has been destroyed and the person you give your heart to, betrays it, it is never the same. It is all about intention. Unless you both agree to an open relationship, cut your losses. | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 12:10:04 AM | | I always forgive. Not being able to forgive someone forces a person to carry a burden on their shoulders. Forgive, forget, move on. | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 10:58:27 AM | I forgave him. I stayed with him seven years and punished him for it the whole time.. I don't think he expected that. I think he wanted out then and had no clue how to say it. Then I left for awhile when I thought he was doing it again. We got back together and stayed another six or so years -I thought he was doing it again. I'm leaving again.
It doesn't take strength to forgive to me. It's easy to forgive. It takes a helluva lot of strength to get out of your comfortable, easy, routine life and let go of the only thing you're used to doing in order to save yourself.
Forgiving people is easy. Being a doormat is easy. Changing it -that's hard and it hurts. | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 1:03:21 PM | I can forgive those who cheat. Just like I live in a world full of morons, homophobics, thieves, people who think that the world starts with them and end with them.
I find it stupid that cheating is the worst sin in this world. I am not telling my spouse to go out there and cheat, but its not murder.
And by the way, how many cheats are ever caught...? | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 1:08:16 PM | The Truth?
I found out about my ex's other and forgave her, or ignored the fact. I made a promise to God to stay with her, not to her. We were together 2 more years after that.
It tore me up. I gained 70 lbs, and health issues.
At relationship therapy the Therapist asked when was the first time my Love faltered. I said when I found out about the other guy... (his first and middle name were the same spelling as mine). She looked at me in shock "Why didnt you ever say anything?". I turned and responded, "I shouldn't have had to".
She filed divorce shortly after and it was over.
So, I am a case where I forgave and she fled. | |
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mosin
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Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 108 | |
| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:15:18 PM | Forgive and stay together? Nope. Can't do it. No matter what happens later, it'll always be in the back of your mind that you can't trust them anymore. I can forgive, but I can't forget.
Maybe I'm just being old fashioned. Maybe it's because I've been hurt in the past. Maybe it's all of the marriages and relationships that I've seen ruined because of one of them cheated on the other.
It would have "Tore me up" to stay in a relationship with no trust. | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:48:11 PM | Let me tell you, I am an idiot, moran, and completelyoblivious to the man I thought was the absolute love of my life. He cheated on me three times. I forgave him three times because I was so much in love with this man.
Well, then one day he tells me "I Love you but I am not in love with you any more". I ask "Is it someone else" and out of his mouth he said "YES".
Four years later, it still hurts. I have been in other relationships but nothing like the two of us had. Or I thought we had. I'm still close to his mother and cousin but we never, ever bring him up. The hurt is still there and I really think they know what kind of person he is.
My problem is I am looking for the same kind of love I felt for this man and I think I am setting myself up for another let down. Sad isn't it. I am so pathetic!!! | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:51:29 PM | | I forgave him even though he denied it the whole time. It hurt like hell but its hard to stop loving someone whom you have been with them for so long. We can all say " once a cheater and always a cheater...walk away" but until you have really loved someone and been with them for so long....you don't know whats it like to have such a hard time letting that person go entirely even though you know in your heart its not right.... | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 7:52:24 PM | I think I could forgive but not forget....and having those feelings of disappointment and hurt would kill the relationship in any event...So would have to walk away....
of course everyone defines cheating differently...so depends on what was involved... | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:40:29 PM |
I forgave him. I stayed with him seven years and punished him for it the whole time..
Didn't your therapist tell you that if it Tore You Up .... you hadn't forgiven yet. Exactly! It seems that not too many know what "To Forgive" really means. Once one works through the hurt, disappointment etc.. whether it's from cheating or any other reason where one has to forgive another.. forgiveness does'nt "tear you up" anymore, it's quite the opposite actually.
I don't think anyone can forgive and forget without the help of councilling.. If both partners don't go.. It will never work.. Sometimes it doesn't work even with councilling.. but it certainly has more of a chance of succeeding when all the hidden issues of both parties are revealed and worked through. | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 9:26:18 PM | i did a few years back and i have to say nothing good came of it, i never trusted her afterwards, and the relationship went on and it happened again and again without my knowledge, when i did find out i felt really stupid and i quickly gave her the boot,
the worst part about it is just how violated it makes you feel and i have to honestly say someone who cheats isn't worth your forgiveness. its happened to me in more than one relationship perhaps it makes me a little bitter but you cant argue how deep that cuts.
if someone cheats their out, there are no second chances, and i let them know early on in the relationship too, there's no excuses in my book | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 9:47:56 PM | | I've been in relationships where the gf cheated holding onto the pain helps no one. Even if you seperate forgive for yourself. | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/16/2008 10:49:03 PM | mrfixit~
forgiveness? you can forgive? it sounds like you are the one that needs to be forgiven here...
despite the moniker, it sounds to me like you might be a bit broken. suffering from a case of sexual compulsivity, hmmm? do you not have the ability to control yourself? you don't f uck someone by accident. it's not like you slipped and fell and oops, there just happend to be a vagina there. i do feel sorry for men in our society; however, we teach men that they should never turn down a sexual opportunity. part of being an adult is being able to foresee the consequences of one's actions and be able to choose accordingly. being an adult means that you don't have to act on every single impulse.
it's time for you to seriously grow up.
lar | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/17/2008 5:29:55 AM | I did forgive my ex.. the first time. I was young.. had small children..and we went to counseling...and I thought we were on our way to recovery. When he continued to do it.. I did NOT forgive him, nor did I forget. I let him own the problem.. as it was all his.. and I moved on.
His life is miserable now..and I've found the best man in the world to share my life with... in a way.. my ex did me a favor I suppose. It was a painful lesson...but something good.. always comes out of something bad... always. You may not realize it at the time.. but it does happen. | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/17/2008 8:37:34 AM | From 16 - 19 i was with someone who i have always referred to as the only person i have ever truly loved. We were engaged, and yes i know, we were young. But i have been through a lot in my time and had to grow up very quickly at a very young age.
Obviously, we are not together now. This is due to a lot of problems we had due to the change in his personality and moods due to a brain tumour and his intensive treatment. He was diagnosed with his tumour 1 week before we got together, and i spent the majority of the 3 year period caring for him. There was a blissful 9 month period where he was given the all clear,wrongly. But during this time an ex of his came onto the scene and tried to split us up (Convienent how she only reappear when she thought he was all clear) And he cheated on me with her. But, i let it pass and forgave him. Because although it is not the case now, when i was with him, i would of given up anything and everything to be with him and to make him happy. I believed him to be the one and in the process sacrificed my own happiness in the process. | |
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| a thread for those who forgive cheaters
Posted: 12/17/2008 9:49:26 AM | your rite Larissan I am sort of a idiot some times, thats why it makes me feel bad.
but have been forgiven.and everything is good.
these things happen when two people are not happy and it is sad.but i can get over it.
whats up with you not feeling sory for men in our society? who asked you to do that. I dont feel sory for women, should I? I mean i do for like one that is getting beaten up by life or something but not for all of them in the country just because there female. I dont think you have to feel bad for all of us dudes at the same time eather.and you dont,so thats good,great. you should have some sympathy for some people some times,and i am sure you do
I dont understand.I was talking about ME just ME, and i am not fighting with you and dont want to.
I have been grown up for a long time mam.I moved out when i was 16.rite about the time i knew everything.LOL I'm kidding about the knowing everything part.
but i dont realy want to grow up all the way.i would like to stop doing stupid $hit, but hell i probably wont but i am trying .
i aint going to cheat on someone on purpose,like have some secret love afiar on the side. i think that ,that is worse than anything for the one that dont know.
Look some times you get to feeling to good and one thing leads to another and you wind up cheating, drunk dudes are idiots. you dont go out stone cold sober like your hunting for someone to cheat with,that would take a real @sshole to do.or after you do it once you keep hooking up with the same person and keep your old lady too and realy sort of treat both women like $hit. I am into loving one woman with all of my heart. but $hit gets crazy sometimes ,maybe you don't understand the road i have walked down in my life, you learn as you go and then you die,Oh well
it is not allways easy to control your self sometimes. maybe it is to you,but maybe you aint no fun eather.
your a pretty woman by the way,have a nice day | |
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