| | Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40sPage 3 of 15 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15) |
monicaisme:
Ok, I don't even want to remarry, but I can't seem to find a guy who wants to hang out unless sex is on the table.
This is so blatantly wrong. Can the person who wrote this not see how wrong her statement is?
Let me break this down into words of one syllable for you. If sex is not on the table, why wouldn't he just hang out with his buds? Watch football, play video games? | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/16/2011 6:03:20 PM |
I find it funny that tons of people say looks dont matter but if a 300lb guy approached them or girl they would be like no way. Everyone on here contradicts themselves to some point. Im tired of just settling for any ugly dude that will have me. I, like everyone else should be attracted to physically and mentally to the person they want to be with
I don't think that's true at all. I don't think everyone contradicts themselves. I'm not sure who is saying looks don't matter, I think they matter to a point. I'm a small guy so I prefer to date smaller women - just like you don't want to date an obese man. I agree, you should be mentally and physically attracted to your partner. Finding that partner is a whole different ball game. No one would sign up for internet dating if it was easy to find someone you're attracted to that likes you back. My point is that you can't say every man only wants sex, because you're only counting the ones you're attracted to, and not counting the ones you're not attracted to and ignore. | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/16/2011 6:13:35 PM | | But the ones Im not attracted to dont count in my book to me because they arent for me. there are other women for them | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/16/2011 7:16:45 PM |
Ladies: Do you feel the same way?
I do. I have done the FWB thing and I have been on dates where you think it's going somewhere so you tend to get caught up in the moment and sex comes early and it's gotten to the point where I've put my foot down.
I know what I want, I want a long healthy supportive relationship. Not this crap I keep running into.
For me I always observe the guy to try and find out and it seems at our age men have been hurt before and they just can't seem to open up again. They don't want to risk the chance of getting hurt again so they're walls are tougher to break through. It's very frustrating to me.
I gave up dating or a while because I was running into this so much. Word of advice just because one woman broke your heart doesn't mean it's going to get broken again, take a chance....especially if you find a girl you like. | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/16/2011 10:18:06 PM | I am just gonna throw my 2 cents in here beings no one has actually brought this up.
I have been doing the online dating thing for 6 years now since my divorce. I have read alot of the forums from different sites and read hundreds upon hundreds of profiles along with chatted with hundreds of people over the years.
I believe people, men and women alike really need to just quit complaining and look at it this way. If someone only wants you for sex, that might be all you have to offer someone no matter how highly you think of yourself.
Same goes for nice people like myself that get nothing but damaged persons looking for someone to fix their problems or support them when they are sad and lonely.
In my opinion, it really does boil down to what you have to offer the other person. If you have more than sex to win over someone and sweep them off their feet, more often than not you will do so.
On the other hand though, If you ONLY date a certain type of person that is physically built a certain way, makes a certain amount of money etc etc. You will never see a different outcome from what you normally see.
The simplified definition of insanity is: "repeating the same action over and over expecting a different outcome" | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/17/2011 12:44:59 AM |
But the ones Im not attracted to dont count in my book to me because they arent for me. there are other women for them
Domo31: If I ever get grey hair, I will blame you. :P I'm trying to say it sounds silly to go on a public forum and make claims like "ALL men only want sex." You didn't say anything along the lines of "The few men I desire are only interested in one night stands." It would sound equally as ridiculous if a man said the same thing. Lets say if I knew ten women and I was only interested in one of them because of looks/personality/ambition/whatever. The one women I'm interested in ignores me because she's not interested in me and she's chasing another guy. It would sound silly to go complaining "ALL women ignore me!!" | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/17/2011 6:06:21 AM | | Im not lying though. Maybe I do need to change my attitude but why do I have to change my weight and how I look to find the guy i want ya know? | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/17/2011 11:39:42 AM |
Im not lying though. Maybe I do need to change my attitude but why do I have to change my weight and how I look to find the guy i want ya know?
I'm not lying either, online dating is tricky for everyone. It can be tricky for people like you, or tricky for people like me, and a hundred different types of people including big people, skinny people, tall people, short people, etc. You don't have to change your weight necessarily. I have a friend that has a a good career and he married a larger lady that had a kid, and then they had another kid together. I know a few other larger ladies that are dating men that are slim, and a few that are dating men that are bigger. I think you're quite a bit smaller than them, so it shouldn't be a big issue.
You could ask yourself if you're attracted to men that are in shape or men with more body fat. You don't have to change anything, but you will appeal to more people if you're in shape because it shows that you care about your health and appearance. I'm not really sure what you mean when you say you have to change the way you look. I don't really see anything wrong with how you look. Dating can be tricky for me because I dress a little bit outside of the norm, but that just means you have to connect with people you have common interests with. I think you do need to change your attitude though. If you lived here, I could find you a date by 4 pm.... with flowers. | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/17/2011 11:58:40 AM | | Flowers what are those? lol thank you fro being honest but polite instead of a jackass like alot of people in the forums. | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/17/2011 12:33:49 PM | | hence why you so pissed off - you need to get laid and relax. . .smoke a duby or somehting. My thought is you cant get a good guy cause you are way tooooo uptight. | |
|
| |
| |
mwa72
| | Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 63 | |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/17/2011 9:26:33 PM | | To be fair and realistic , Yes you can find a guy who will get to know you before you jump in bed. However it depends on the initial conversation. Over 60% percent of human communication is non verbal. If your body language is sending a different message from your talk, Guys take that as playing had to get. With online dating its not easy to find someone how is going to take a minute too long. | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/17/2011 11:39:47 PM |
Flowers what are those? lol thank you fro being honest but polite instead of a jackass like alot of people in the forums.
No problem. I don't get why people need to be jerks online. It's been a while since I've gotten flowers too. The last time I had any sort of "date", I actually brought her licorice because we had a mutual friend and they told me that was her favourite snack. You shouldn't have to settle, you don't want to feel trapped or have resentment for the person you're dating. But, you don't have to take my word for it. It's not like I'm in a relationship, so I probably don't have the greatest advice to offer. My female friends complain about the same thing, guys being players. And my male friends complain that no one replies. You really just have to keep your options open and connect with the right people, I don't know any magic formula. | |
|
| |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/19/2011 5:52:04 AM | | I have to put in my 2 cents here. I agree with some of the guys posts that not ALL men are evil and are looking to sleep with a girl right out of the box. with that said, i am recently separated and on my way divorce after a 15 year relationship and honestly, i am looking for some fun and maybe some sex. I have been with the same woman for the last 15 year and i am ready for something new. with that said i think the time has to be right. For me, i would have to get to know the woman in order to move to that level anyway | |
|
skays
| | Joined: 10/2/2011
Msg: 67 | |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/20/2011 10:52:27 AM | Heres my opinion. Like it or lump it. If you dont want to have sex, than dont. If you do, then there is nothing wrong with it.
If you are sexually attracted to someone and it wont hurt anyone else to pursue it, than great. (That includes you) This is your body and your heart. You need to do what is best for you, and if he doesnt like it, TOO BAD.
There are men out there that do have morality, I promise. In my experience women use men more than most men use women. You do hold the cards. It is your body, You deside.
Personally, I would not got o bed with someone who didnt respect my body or the way that I feel. You'll find him just be patient | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/21/2011 7:12:05 AM |
I am done with the guys looking for just a sex partner. I believe in waiting for it to be the right time to have sex. Ive been married before and had those FWB relationshps. I am at the point in my life where I want the whole package.
Ladies: Do you feel the same way?
I've always wanted to whole package but in younger and less wiser years, I think I was persuaded that I didn't have enough to offer to hold out for it. As I mature, I realize that it is up to ME to determine what I want and to go for it.
I have never been interested in having a 'sex partner'. I don't judge those who have this arrangement, it's just not for me.
I am not a perfect woman but I strive to be a good woman. A good friend. A good partner. I have core values which I am strong enough to hold onto and I am independent enough not to have to compromise on those.
So yes, I feel the same way. I recognize that I am fortunate in the sense that I have a good life and I have worked hard to be in a position where I don't 'need' a relationship. And in my mind, that's a lucky place to be.
I am perfectly capable and able to continue in this life on my own, if it turns out that way which is maybe why I am willing to wait for the whole package rather than compromise and settle for a partner who does not have the same values which I do. I've done that in the past and it doesn't work, in my opinion. | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/21/2011 7:44:20 AM |
domo31:
too picky. I dont want to settle for what other women wont settle for
So you only date married men? I have known several women like that. | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:03:32 AM | | Nah. I cant stand married men who think its ok to be on these type of sites its really not. Its a dating site. You want to go make friends get a facebook account. Just my opinion | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:54:29 AM | | Facebook can be used as a dating site as well in which it most likely has a larger data base of single people then this site. | |
|
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:54:45 AM |
I am done with the guys looking for just a sex partner. I believe in waiting for it to be the right time to have sex. Ive been married before and had those FWB relationshps. I am at the point in my life where I want the whole package.
Ladies: Do you feel the same way?
Hey Greeneyes... I think it's awesome that you've distinguished for yourself what you want - that's a big step that most people don't look at. Most of us are so wound up in categorizing what we *don't* want that we never get to what we actually want.
My concern comes with your statement: "Guys: Do any of you actually respect a woman if she says I want to get to know you better befoer we jump in bed or do you just move on before even having a date?"
The word that gets me there is "actually"... You're heading into your interactions with these men already looking for them to *not* be respectful. You're looking for that - it is in fact something you don't want. So you're spending your time looking for disrespecting men. Focus on what you WANT. Look for that in each man with whom you interact. You may be surprised! | |
|
ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 73 | |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/21/2011 2:38:46 PM |
That's for a damn good reason...
Ever been to a family court? Ever seen the mass amounts of good fathers and husbands get nailed to a cross and crucified simply because of their sex no matter how guilty the mother is? I've seen drug addicts, and criminals walk away with everything simply because they were female.
Men have nothing to gain and everything to lose by settling down. This is a trained behavior that generations of greedy ladies and the court system has encouraged. If you look to other parts of the world where the court system isn't so one-sided (like Asia)... you'll discover that men have no problems with commitment and keep wives for life. This phenomena is unique to democracies.
Don't like it? Don't treat men like walking pay-cheques and sperm donors who owe you everything simply because he loved you. Children and marriage are not a career choice with retirement packages. Don't go for everything he owns, don't keep his kids from him.
Women trained men to do this. We won't commit because of the immense risks involved if you decide to back-stab us... and that's basic psychology. For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction. You have nobody to blame but yourselves, society and all those other ladies who ruined it for the good ones.
While I can't get into too many details because of my agreement with my ex, but yes, I have been to family court......No, we didn't have children together, but we had (and still do) joint considerations, investments, and accounts to settle.
I did NOT try by any means to take him "to the cleaners" but I will tell you that HE was in contempt and did NOT do what he was supposed to do. I had to chase him for 2 YEARS....that's right, you heard me....2 YEARS to get him to pay me what is due me.
The court system is a joke. - The first time we had a court date, he showed up WITHOUT a lawyer.....before we even went into the court room he tried to get to me to "talk" but my attorney (thank God) stepped and talked to him on my behalf stating I attempted to reach him many times, presented all the SIGNED certified mail receipts showing he DID receive the correspondence I sent him. Furthermore, he was also presented with the joint bank statements showing he did NOT deposit monies like he was supposed to, after that, he was also showed the original agreement that WE BOTH signed and was blessed by the court.....and that he really had NO legal leg to stand on.
The end result of that first court appearance??? The judge was SO CONCERNED about the rights of my EX - the party in contempt mind you, versus mine! - and yes, I WAS the wronged party in that mess. HE got a COURT APPOINTED ATTORNEY, while I was paying mine $150.00 and hour for legal services. - which is considered inexpensive where I live.
The second appearance, he showed up with the attorney, agreed to the judgement, the payments, thereof including MY legal fees and court costs since he was in the wrong. - He really had no choice, because he knew there was a damn good chance of him heading to the county lockup for as long as the judge saw fit.
Three months after that, he decided he wasn't going to pay what he owed me anymore. He left me with NO CHOICE but to garnish his wages. Although I never know what I will be getting - as it is based on a certain percentage, I never see even half of what he should be paying me each month but it's damn sure better than nothing.
Now mind you, he did NOT spend any time in jail, nor was he subject to a fine, but he should have been. So in essence, he DID get away with it.
Im certainly glad we didn't have kids together, because I can't imagine how difficult that could have been. - my kids going without what they needed because their father wouldn't pony up and pay what he owed in support. - I see too much of that out here anyway.
After I paid all of our joint accounts each month, there really wasn't too much left. - because HE didn't pay. - I also went without many things I needed because of his contempt and irresponsibility. If he had done what he was supposed to do in the first place, everything would have been taken care of by now.
Unfortunately, the court system can turn down a judgement all day long, but enforcing it is another matter.
So DON'T sit here and tell me it's ALL WOMEN who are the guilty ones. MEN are just as guilty....only in different ways. | |
|
mwa72
| | Joined: 8/16/2008
Msg: 74 | |
| |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/21/2011 8:46:55 PM | | I totally respect women who want to get to know a guy before humpining in the sack. Because what happens if the sex is good, but you have nothing else in common? | |
|
Home
login 
