| | Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40sPage 4 of 15 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15) | I have to agree with the OP. I don't want FWB either. Been there done that got the TShirt........too old for that game.
A lot of the men, particularly on this site, are married and looking for a piece on the side.
A lot of the men here are young(under 30) and simply don't want commitment. They will meet you and then you'll never hear from them again. One, because they didn't get none, and two because they don't want commitment.
In this age of social media, people do not want to take the time to actually talk to someone in person to see if anything would develop. They want to meet, hop in the sack, and then you never hear from them again because they can't bring themselves to tell the truth up front that they don't want to be in a relationship. Is there any wonder there are so many bitter people(yes, I'd even say I am too to an extent) when it comes to relationships???????
I just need one to show me they are not all the same..............but unfortunately, I'm not hopeful that will ever happen....... | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/22/2011 1:21:02 PM | Guys: Do any of you actually respect a woman if she says I want to get to know you better befoer we jump in bed or do you just move on before even having a date?
I actually prefer to wait until I get to know the person better at my age. When I was younger I was a lot more prone to just going for the sex. Now? Prefer waiting until I know the person and get a feel for who they are on several levels. Plus, I think a lot more about the ramifications in relation to stds, feelings, long term, etc. than I ever did when I was younger.
Especially the std element though lol. Made it this far without any and would prefer to keep it that way.
So I can't speak for others but one night stands and hookups simply isn't my thing anymore. I will admit that when I was younger I had a much different view point on matters. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/22/2011 3:01:55 PM | | Hiya greeny eyes. Yeah i know were your coming from as i have friends who always go looking for sex one night stands and use people. Well we are not all the same i have always respected women and waited for the rite time in relationship before getting intimate. I find it is more respectful for both people and it should be at a time when both people are ready. So anyway in a nut shell were not all using sex mad maniacs i dont even like one night stands and as far as im concerned you will find someone who will respect you and wait for sex if they want to be with you. I am pretty sure you will your a good looking girl all the best and happy fishing. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/27/2011 7:05:11 AM | haha... of course sex is on the table.
I go out to clubs I want sex.
But really... sex got me in a 19 years trouble.
I knew this girl wasn't 85% to 100% right for me.
I was ready to break it off and move on.
But I was young dumb and sex driven... so we got married, thinking we can workout any issues as long as I stick with it.. being faithful and pleasing her.
"Your heart betrays you"... that is emotion... because it goes where the wind blows.
I have to use my brain, yep she is not right for me... but sex adds emotional attachment for a not so good long term judgment. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/27/2011 7:14:11 AM | Sex is absolutely not important to any relationship. As far as I am concerned sex will never be part of the relationship. You either accept me for me or take a hike.
People are brainwashed by media and social norms and believe sex is one of the most important things to relationships. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/27/2011 9:12:08 AM | I aboslutely disagree with the guy above me. Sex is one of the MOST important things in a relationship. There are plenty of reputable academic studies that show that the more sex a couple has, the closer they are, the happier they are, and their relationships last longer than people who have sex less frequently, but that's really not the question posed.
I'm a guy and I've had very similar expereinces. I am amazed at how ofter the topics of conversation immediately stray towards sex and become hot and charged and I'm talking about WOMEN instigating sexual conversations.....
Are there people out there who just want to get laid? Yes. Are you going to run into more of them than the people looking to make a connection? Yes. However, there are people out there who take relationships seriously.
A few strategies that I use to weed these people out are simple: First, I take my time when communicating with someone new. I usually email 5-10 times before we speak and speak 3-5 times before we meet. People show their true colors over time, so if you slow down, you'll be able to weed out the jokers.
The second thing I do is control the conversation, gently.... If I feel a conversation is going in a direction that I don't like, I try and gently change the topic and refocus the conversation in another direction.
If someone isn't interested in dealing with me on my terms, I don't care. If someone is interested in me and I'm interested in them, it'll be clear and you'll spend a lot less wasted time and money on crappy dates with idiots just trying to get into your pants.
Good Luck. | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 82 | |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/27/2011 1:35:09 PM |
Sex is absolutely not important to any relationship. As far as I am concerned sex will never be part of the relationship. You either accept me for me or take a hike.
People are brainwashed by media and social norms and believe sex is one of the most important things to relationships.
Well.....it is but it isn't. - Sex is NOT the be all end all we would like it to believe. - It's just the icing on the cake. - Unfortunately there are many people who are in relationships just for the sake of getting laid.
And yes, I think Stovo is on to something about the media going on and and on about it. TV, magazines, video, and yes the social media are loaded with images men and women wearing clothing leaving very little to the imagination. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/28/2011 12:41:21 AM | | This goes out to Jokingly... Good show brother!! I wish more people in the online community would live life with that understanding. Take the time to get to know someone, find the red flags and deal breakers out PRIOR to having sex. I will admit, I ask hard questions from the get go because I am not looking for a casual relationship with someone. Sure, most of the last 6 years of my life has been lived sexless and dateless, but you have to ask yourself which is better? 3 months of drama and meaningless sex, or 3 days of online conversation and getting to know someone? I choose to get to know someone PRIOR to getting naked. Weeds out all the undesirables. There was a good article on yahoo the other day about skipping the small talk and dive into the hard questions up front. I have used this tactic since my divorce 6 years ago. And frustrating as it may be, it weeds out the damaged people within a few days leaving me open and available to meet someone that is a good match for my intellect and personality. | |
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ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 84 | |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/28/2011 4:00:04 AM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
can you give us the link to that article? that would be GREAT!
Thanks easygoingguy!!!! | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/28/2011 6:16:56 AM | | I agree with Stovo. Sex is, and should be, one of the less important parts of a relationship. There are many more important things. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/28/2011 7:41:55 AM | | well i dont agree i had a 10 year marrage not much sex in the last 3 years lead to feelings of unloved and lead to resentment single now | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/28/2011 10:28:11 AM |
I agree with Stovo. Sex is, and should be, one of the less important parts of a relationship. There are many more important things.
I disagree. It shouldn't be THE thing -- but it's an important thing. It's more of a pass/fail sort of thing, actually. If it falls short to a normalized level, it should have an impact on things. If it's Way short -- both parties have to have a low sex drive, otherwise it's Goodbye or a bad relationship muddled through for too long.
But that's not the topic of the thread, though. When a guy is REALLY into a girl, he doesn't need to have sex "too quickly". He'll even be willing to wait a little longer than expected, but as a woman you do NOT want to play the rabbit-and-carrot game -- using sex as a goal to get what you want. Put yourself in position where during the first few dates, even if you both were horny, you wouldn't be able to "get it on" anyway. If he's not that into you, he'll be less available. But show interest during that time (if you like him), and let it be known off the bat, even in the profile, that you hold off on physical intimacy until you become exclusive.
OP, being in a FWB is a two-way street. Many of us out there over the years have ended up in a FWB or too-casual of a dating situation because we were willing to take what we could get. You can't blame the other person for that's all they wanted. You're not-that-into many guys, and many guys aren't-that-into you. It's that way all around. If guys know you're not going to get very physically intimate until there's exclusivity, you'll have many guys who look at you from a FB or FWB standpoint balk and not chase you. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/28/2011 2:48:44 PM |
Sex is absolutely not important to any relationship. As far as I am concerned sex will never be part of the relationship. You either accept me for me or take a hike.
People are brainwashed by media and social norms and believe sex is one of the most important things to relationships.
Having been in a sexless marriage, I can assure you ~ sex is vital to a long term loving relationship if both parties enjoy/embrace sex/sexuality. Sex can be the band-aid needed to chill out a disagreement, comfort in times of great sorrow/hardship, it can also be the source of one-ness that I think is needed when a LTR becomes routine, stale, dull or just plain old long-term. If you keep the sex alive, interesting, fulfilling? It's the glue that can hold things together when it appears that the relationship is breaking/shattering until both parties can get back on solid footing to fix the core issues that may exist. I stayed in that sexless marriage FAR too long and I will never ever again be party to a relationship that isn't healthy/active in the physical intimacy department. Is it the most important aspect of a relationship? Not if the relationship is built on a solid foundation of other things. Can a relationship work if based only upon sex? I doubt it ~ but to say it's not important at all? That's just bizarre to me personally. To each their own.  | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/30/2011 10:40:15 AM | Guys: Do any of you actually respect a woman if she says I want to get to know you better befoer we jump in bed or do you just move on before even having a date?
Why is sex even being brought up before you go out on a date? Seems a bit early to even be bringing the subject up to me. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/30/2011 12:56:42 PM | As a divorced man in my mid 40's i feel like I have a bit to add to this thread. I have met a few women who had no problem making the jump for all the wrong reasons. At this point i want to wait but then there are those times when chemistry takes over and things happen.
One of the reasons so called good men are so hard to find is that they may be a bit cautious after going through a divorce once and are paying more attention the second time around.
Does not have anything to do with being bitter, maybe a bit more cautious. Just my two cents? | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 11/30/2011 5:02:15 PM | Hi greeneyes.
I haven't had any FWB relationships, so I can't say anything about that.
I think everybody wants the whole package.
My idea is a little different though. I don't want to date a man who doesn't want to have sex with me. And it seems that men are able to make up their minds about that fairly quickly.
I can make up my mind in the negative fairly quickly, but it takes more time to move from neutral to positive. I just need time to feel it out and see how I feel around this person.
So in that sense I agree with you. I need more time than they do. But I really don't mind that men want sex in the relationship; that's sort of reassuring, in fact. I just hope they want to also share other kinds of conversations.
Maybe that's the difference in how I see it vs. getting angry that men want sex only.
I want to have a conversation with them, a relationship where everything we do together is sharing meaning. Sex is a way of sharing meaning.
So, I don't want to have a chit-chat one-time sexual conversation. That's all.
And there are lots of guys out there who just want the chit-chat. OK.
I can wear the chit-chatters out until they go elsewhere seeking superficial sex.
I just refuse to get angry at all men over this. I know lots and lots of men who would dearly love to have someone care about their feelings and are not just sex-obsessed.
I'm not going to be shoved along on someone else's timeline, that is all. I don't have a specific timeline because frankly every relationship is different and has a different vibe, and I could see someone being very emotionally open with me and being very natural and calm about physical affection and that would likely speed up the timeline.
It isn't REALLY a timeline, but there is a speed at which I can process and respond.
Some guys slow it down and some guys stop the train on its tracks altogether.
Obstacles are usually: rudeness, rushing me, being too brash about it, giving the impression that it's all about them and it's something they just want to get from me, or a lot of nervousness on their part.
I'm not going to dump a guy for nervousness...but I might catch a case of it myself or I might decide to wait until he's not nervous to move forward in any way.
So, OP, in the basic sense I agree with you because I want to know who the guy really is and have time to respond to how I feel about him.
The really tough situation is when I know right away this is going to be good and it just gets better with every date.....that's a rare thing and a fun challenge. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 12/3/2011 7:36:14 AM |
There's no single answer to this. Not everyone is equally sequal, some people are complete asexual. However asexual people tend not to advertise themselves as asexual.
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 12/8/2011 9:43:07 AM | Hi,
I just want to find a nice girl. I've been on this site since may- 2 dates!! Come on. All the women say they are too busy. didn't we learn in marraige 101 that you have to spend time together, talking , listening- sharing. So why be on this site, if you don't have taim??
Sorry- But it seems pretty stupid to me.
I'm still just looking for a nice girl.  | |
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Okplz
| | Joined: 11/15/2009
Msg: 95 | |
| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 12/10/2011 2:25:37 AM | | I have always treated a woman with respect and never expected sex from the get go,the thing is when i do this most women see this as either i'm strange for not being too forwards or we end up as friends because we get on well and dont wish to ruin the friendship. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 12/10/2011 2:56:48 PM | The clinic is open monday, should have results in 7-9 days
'I am not getting tested just to have sex with you'
pity - because I am not having sex with you with out it.
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:47:02 PM | | I hate all these cliche stereo-types. There are plenty of men out there who are looking for a relationship, otherwise this would be a bootycall site rather than a dating site. Most men (in my experience) will push to have sex on the first date, but if you let them know that you don't want to rush into a physical relationship right off the bat they are generaly quite understanding. It is just a matter of being patient and finding the one that makes your heart stop when you hear his voice; it will happen, it is just harder in our 30's and 40's. | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 12/10/2011 5:54:15 PM | | WOW!!! I'm sorry to break this to you dear, but sex IS important! If you have no sexual desire for your mate then you are "friends" I don't believe that sex should be something taken lightly, you should get to know eachother on other levels as well. Relationships are complex and involve needing to be compatible in many areas such as moral views, family values, interests etc. But sexual attraction and compatibility is an important issue as well. Good luck to you though | |
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| Sex and Dating late 30s and early 40s
Posted: 12/10/2011 6:40:51 PM |
I am done with the guys looking for just a sex partner. I believe in waiting for it to be the right time to have sex. Ive been married before and had those FWB relationshps. I am at the point in my life where I want the whole package.
Ladies: Do you feel the same way?
No, I don't feel this way at all. Sexual compatibility is important to me. I don't buy into the notion that the longer I wait to have sex, the more purity stars I'll have pinned on my sweater. Waiting for sex doesn't equal a higher quality relationship. If it's the right two people, a genuine connection will form regardless of sex on the first date or sex 6 months later! | |
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