|
|
|
|
|
| | When to tell your date that you have a FWB?Page 2 of 34 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34) | | can u tell me wot fb means and fwb ty xx | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:13:19 PM | Personally, I would say let them know before anything either gets A) serious or B) physical. Think about when you would want to hear that your date has a FWB as well and use that as your measuring stick.
Good luck. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:14:56 PM |
can u tell me wot fb means and fwb ty xx
fb is a f uck buddy
fwb means friends with benefits, which means you have a friendship but you sleep together without the confines of a exclusive relationship or dating. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:15:29 PM | ArmyMom.. I view it as .. What ever happens in Vegas...
You dont need to tell unless you are continuing the fwb relationship.. I can tell you that in my life.. it is only held against you if you do... no matter how faithful you are being to your new partner. I was written a letter and beat to hell because after a year and a half of monogamy my ex fiance found a bottle of Long Island Iced Tea.. in all the questions he asked about my fwb in the past he knew that he drank that.. In reality.. It was something a neighbor brought over because she was gifted it and didnt like it..
Just let the details slip into the past. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:28:21 PM | I'd go with before a first date on this.
Email abit.
Talk on the phone.
work it in.
If someone is fairly warned,
he is free to proceed or not.
without any bad karma on you.
and who knows...
he might want to keep his own FwB as well.
Honesty upfront doesn't make complications
any less complicated.
Just more doable.
good luck. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:42:50 PM |
And why is it OK for men to do this but not women? Aren't we all equals?
I'm pretty sure that a guy openly admitting that he put long term on his profile but he was really looking for FWB would get tons of crap on the forums.
:: shrugs :: | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:48:47 PM | | If you're actively dating you shouldn't have an FWB. It's like the FWB already has leverage on the men you're dating, because you're sleeping with the FWB and not yet sleeping with the men you're dating. I wouldn't find it attractive if a man told me he had an FWB, because I consider it 'almost' a relationship, it's at least 50% like a relationship if not 75% like a relationship, so I'd consider him not REALLY single even though technically he is. I'd always worry in the back of my mind that he had feelings for the FWB, as often feelings develop in those kinds of relationships. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:54:18 PM | The best way to figure out when is to reverse the roles. If you were going to date a guy who has a FB or FWB, how soon would you want to know about it?
Let's say you start dating someone and you could see yourself getting romantically involved, and at whatever point you consider appropriate, you told him about the FB or FWB. After finding out, if he was to say to you: "Since you've been sexually active, I would like you to get tested for STD's before we become intimate.", would you give him the boot or would you be OK with that (assuming he would do the same thing if was sexually active too)?
Another issue that may arise is if a guy you're dating says to you: "Since you two were FB's, I would not be comfortable if you kept in contact with him, even if it's just texting or e-mailing." Would you be willing to end all contact with the FB? And in the reverse situation, would you mind if the guy you're dating kept in contact with his FB/FWB?
Even though having a FWB/FB seems easy and convenient, there are still issues like noted to be thought out before diving into this type of lifestyle. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 12:56:30 PM | As long as you are just dating, there is imo no need to get into all the personal aspects of your private life.
Once it should get more serious though in terms of exclusive relationship I think you should give up on your FWB arrangement. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 1:22:20 PM | | Right away, as soon as the date is mentioned and or setup. When you keep things like this a secret you remove the "option" for the other person. Without being fully informed you cant make an intelligent decision. Be open from the start.. if you hide things right off the bat you're more likely to do it in the future... Besides, who wants to go out on a date with a chick who might have gotten laid for lunch and just didnt bother to bring it up? | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 1:59:43 PM |
Right away, as soon as the date is mentioned and or setup.
Honesty upfront doesn't make complications
any less complicated.
Just more doable.
This must be an internet thing.
As I find the rules/exceptions from online dating way out of sync with real life dating.
As far as I see, internet dating provides the means to meet someone.
You don't start spilling your guts to them.
If you meet someone in real life,
You maybe go for a coffee and become acquainted.
If you find an attraction then you maybe go out on a date.
If the date goes well, then you maybe you would like to move forward and see if the other person is relationship material.
Make sense?
Where do you start telling them who you are sleeping with,
How many STD's you've had
and maybe you just finished being a cancer patient and lost a breast?
The point is YOU DON'T!
Yet because you find someone of interest on a dating site
You are expected to spill the beans
About everything in your life?
That is foolish!
As for the current 2 threads going on, let's use them as examples.
Someone finds a friend, and that friendship leads to sex.
OK, it happens.
They become fwb's
One does not want to be in a relationship yet enjoys the sex portion
So they agree that that will continue on
While the other looks for a whole relationship
(where emotional and sexual are present).
While the fwb relationship continues
I would hope that this is an exclusive fwb relationship
Whereby there are only the 2 involved, with the agreement.
If one now meets someone (in real life from this site) for a coffee,
Enjoys their company and accepts a date
A date being non sexual (this is for uncle's benefit)
Then there is another date ... and then the prospect of it becoming a potential for a full blown relationship (emotional and sexual)
THEN ...
It is time to END the fwb.
You do not carry on both at one time.
Otherwise you are playing with fire. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 2:09:14 PM | I agree 100% with CDN Iceman.
If someone is interesting enough to date and more.. You most likely wont be hanging with a FWB's anymore anyhow. There will be nothing to tell. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 2:18:16 PM |
It is time to END the fwb.
You do not carry on both at one time.
Otherwise you are playing with fire.
If you're cutting it that close, you are playing with fire anyway. The fwb is best reserved for wen one is not interested in dating. About the only way to have sex AND go on dats is to hook up with no expectation of seeing the person again, so that the problem never arises. Trying to have it all and playing it close like that isn't going to go over well and I really don't think it's one of those things that won't come out eventually. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 2:30:23 PM | I'm sorry, I can't separate out the question about WHEN to reveal what you are doing, from the FACT that you are doing it.
Essentially, you HAVE an existing sexual relationship with someone (and I COMPLETELY disagree with the folks here who say an FWB is NOT a relationship), AND you are dating other guys. The fact that you are unwilling to end your FWB situation first, means that you have a level of commitment to someone else that you are hiding from prospective dates. That is functional lying, in my way of thinking.
What you are doing is no different than a married person sneaking around with others, who they DON'T tell they are married, in order to guarantee an unbroken life of sexual pleasure. The selfishness of that alone, would make ME dump someone who told me at ANY time, that they thought that way.
In addition, your ongoing relationship with your FWB will always poison ANY relationship you try out with someone else, because as long as you have your fall-back guy, you have no reason to really TRY to make anything work with someone else.
So I vote with those who say, there IS no good time to reveal it. Stop doing it entirely, and then date honestly instead. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 3:03:50 PM | Well Ms Entertaining I disagree.
Not for specific philosophical reasons.
Just practical ones related to me.
It is true you cannot know how someone is
till you meet.
but if someone is DETERMINED to have a FwB on the side
I would want to know THAT before meeting.
So I can have the option of signing on to her guy herd or not.
I certainly would not date her seriously.
Nor would I think something could come of it.
If she is trying to keep a safety guy on the line
till she finds the real one...
she would not be my type.
That is not a moral judgement call.
Just a compatibility one. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 3:04:01 PM | | I don't really understand the whole idea of not telling someone something because it will scare the person off. So just waste the person's time by waiting to tell him or her and then allowing the person to run off? Or just hope that by that point the person will have feelings for you and have conflicting emotions about whether to run off? Seems manipulative and cruel to me. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 3:38:35 PM |
I've had a FWB for several months. We've been friends for a long time.
First off, I totally agree with Igor. It is a relationship of sorts-just not your conventional fairy tale type.
Irregardless of when she mentions it, I think Army Mom got herself into a real pickle of a situation. No guy who dates her is going to want a FWB (whether it's former or current) in the picture in anyway. Like Igor said, he will always be viewed as the fall back guy if things go sour. The only way a relationship with a new guy could work is to cut all ties with the FWB. But Army Mom says they've been friends for a long time. So who would you cut loose-a long time friend who became a FWB or a potential love interest?
This situation brings up another issue-platonic friends becoming FB's. You cannot get back your virginity, no matter how hard people try to, and you can't get back to a normal platonic relationship you had in the past once you became fvck buddies. Army Mom will never be able to use the line that many women use: "I've got lots of male friends. There's nothing sexual about it. We're just friends, just like my female friends." | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 4:23:34 PM | Since some of the previous posters ( those who advised to give up the FWB before trying to establish a new serious relationship) have already stated my own opinion, let me just point to a couple of other items:
In the original post, the OP stated that she had not told "any" of the new people about the FWB, yet in her next post, she stated that she had told "one" guy. So the statement in the 1st post was a lie? 
Secondly, isn't this an example of the "drama" that most of the women on here keep emphatically trying to convince us (guys) that they are trying to AVOID?
 | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 4:58:13 PM | Army Mom, I believe you have answered your own question:
...any time I agree to meet someone, it isn't a "date" -- it's a meeting... If we decided to go forward with a relationship, I would end the FWB thing...
...so I've decided to just keep quiet unless and until something develops from one of my meetings...
Currently, from my point of view, you are not doing anything wrong. You are enjoying your current arrangement (as long as you’re okay with it, that should be all that matters), while still looking for that relationship, however, IMO, you are on a slippery slope. That being said I’m sure you’re not the first or the last to have a FWB/FB or even be in a committed relationship (that's not working out) while looking for a relationship, only difference is you’ve been honest enough to put it out there for others to comment on. I’d say “Mums the word,” as long as you follow through with ending it with your FWB as soon as you decide you have met someone with whom you would like to pursue a relationship with. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 4:59:29 PM | | If a guy I was seeing wasn't into me enough to be exclusive and told me he was having fun on the side it'd probably be the last thing he ever said to me. Never make someone a priority if to them you're merely an option. | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:06:46 PM | army mom entertaining thread ,dont take it personal i cant stop laughing 
I think you can choose to tell or not tell him , depends how you feel about him ,
every man is different, what if it takes 5 more years for the right one to find you or vice versa,
Its call living your life , all sweet as long as you know who you are  | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:14:26 PM |
Msg 15 ... Maybe I wasn't clear enough. Any time I agree to meet someone, it isn't a "date" -- it's a meeting. I pay my own way so I'm not using the guy -- even if it's for a cup of coffee. If we decided to go forward with a relationship, I would end the FWB thing
But that's where it gets awkward isn't it?
What's the cutoff point that defines the going forward with a relationship?
The first coffee?
The first drink?
The first dinner?
The first kiss?
The first time you sleep with the new person?
Any of those might be the start of a new relationship to some people... For other people it's a normal Saturday night out...
That being said, if I was dating a woman casually and I found out that she had been seeing her FWB while we were dating, I'd dump her as soon as I found out...
Not the least of which being, I don't trust condoms. So any women I was going to potentially, have a relationship with, would have to be tested before we were intimate...
That means you have to be at least 3 and preferably 6 months since you had sex with someone else to get an accurate test....
Now to add to that, you might be monogmous with your FWB partner and he may be telling you that he is... but there's no way to be certain...
But why should I end that if I don't have a sure deal with the new guy?
And conversely, why should a guy commit to a relationship, if you haven't ended the FWB?
And finally, I would expect the woman to cut off all ontact with the FWB both benefits and as a friend... if we were to be in a relationship...
I've met enough ex lovers of past girlfriends to know I dislike it. It's not like I'm ever going to want to meet or be friends with the guy who's been fcuking and sucking with her and who is likely waiting for the relationship to fail (maybe even nudge it towards failure) so he can get right back in there... | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:22:15 PM |
So my question is: When would you tell them? Before meeting? Before a second date? I don't like hiding things from people, but most men won't understand this arrangement.
You might as well say it upfront...
Afterall, your posts on this topic are searchable through POF. And for that matter often they turn up as part of a Google search result to people outside of POF...
So it's quite feasible that someone could come across it easily enough... | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:29:50 PM |
I told my FWB that I'd tell him first if anything developed. However, I have not told anyone I've met that the FWB exists.
Gee, I wonder how many of those "meets" might have turned into relationships or at least tried to, if there hadn't been an FWB in the picture...?
Afterall, how much effort one puts into something is often a reflection of how much they want it...
And I know that if I was ever to be in a FWB (which I won't...) it would seriously reduce my interest in pursuing other relationships... | |
|
| When to tell your date that you have a FWB?
Posted: 11/14/2011 5:58:40 PM | True - I'm one man that "wouldn't understand" such an arrangement. I would hope that you would be upfront about it as early as possible, simply so that I wouldn't invest my time only to have that bomb dropped on me down the road. I don't know that it would have to be before the first meet, but if that went well and both parties were inclined to continue beyond a simple meeting, I'd want to know so that I could - in the immortal words of Barney Fife - "Nip it in the bud!"  | |
|
|
|
|
Page
2
of
34 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
|
|
Home
login 
