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 StillCuteAt53
Joined: 11/1/2011
Msg: 101
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Walking Out during First MeetPage 5 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Well I met a guy at a coffee/book store for a greet meet. He wanted to leave and go to a sports bar. Not my cup of tea but okay,I thought. I drop off my car (car problems) and had him meet my sister and brother -in-law. The guy was very nervous and I started to back out. I allowed peer pressure from family and friends to go out and have fun. People, Pay attention to the red flags and that gut feeling!!! Shortly after we got to the sports bar he began to drink 5 shots of teq. and 3 hard liquor drinks within a few hours. I told him that I was hungry in hopes that he would eat too. He was very offended and asked, "Why I didn't eat beforehand". I thought it would sober him up. He reached over and licked my ear with what I can only describe as Dragon Breath. I went to the restroom and called my sister to meet me across the street, I needed rescueing. I waited about 10 min. and excused myself to go out and smoke a cigarette (non smoker) and left him in the sports bar. Well three hours later he text me to say how rude I was.It actually took him that long to realize that I was gone! Did he really think I'd get in a car with a drunk driver "Seriously"
 Miss_Intensity
Joined: 2/2/2012
Msg: 102
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Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/13/2012 2:53:47 AM
such a great reply! and totally true
 LukeT77
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 103
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/13/2012 5:28:55 AM
Webcams are free with most purchases of a pc these days, laptops have them built in...and since I adopted this strategy, I have not been tricked into meeting losers who post fake pics. Its all good!!


This is all good and well in theory, but there are many women out there who will freak out at the mere mention of chatting on a webcam (after bad experiences with guys 'exposing themselves', or asking the woman to).

We're damned if we do, and damned if we don't!

Some women want to 'validate' me by chatting on a webcam, some want additional photos, some want to be friends on Facebook, some want to chat on the phone, a couple wanted to know my full name before we met.

I just tend to let any women I am talking to dictate the pace of things leading up to meeting, that way they can feel safe that they've taken all the safety precautions they feel they need to and know I have nothing to hide, and I can avoid accidentally freaking them out by suggesting anything that would raise any red flags.

None of my dates have ever walked in and then stormed right back out of the venue, or vanished partway through the date, so I guess it does pay to be as open as possible!
 magicallaroundme
Joined: 3/9/2011
Msg: 104
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/13/2012 5:46:21 AM
I've done it several times. I'd say, "This isn't going to fly. Let's salvage the rest of the evening on our own." and then just go. Neat and to the point.
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 105
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Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/13/2012 7:10:04 AM

This is all good and well in theory, but there are many women out there who will freak out at the mere mention of chatting on a webcam (after bad experiences with guys 'exposing themselves', or asking the woman to).



Dont I know it.

I dont ask right off...I wait til Im feeling curious enough to want to meet. Then I just tell him Im all for a webcam session, fully clothed to 'see' one another. I dont ask them to stand up and twirl for me...Im not doing it to vette that they have a good body. I tell them, Im doing it to ensure the man on camera matches the face from pics he himself already sent to me.

I am as open as I want the men I chat with to be and I dont ask for anything I myself cannot supply. I offer them to see me as well, to ensure THEY are also not wasting time meeting a fake. It goes both ways. I have chatted with too many men that have had the old bait n switch happen to them, this way ensures that both of us will recognize one another at that first meeting, which is my main goal. I cannot vette anything a stranger tells me, that takes time, but I can vette that thier face matches the pics they sent. It is a good start in the trust building process.

There are ways of asking for a webcam session that are not creepy, and as soon as I think the man in question is going in a direction I am not comfy with it is 1 click of the 'stop' button and it is over.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 106
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/13/2012 8:09:25 PM

I've done it several times. I'd say, "This isn't going to fly. Let's salvage the rest of the evening on our own." and then just go. Neat and to the point.


I like that turn of phrase. (makes note to self)
 kow626
Joined: 2/27/2011
Msg: 107
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/13/2012 10:03:24 PM
i'm so glad i've never had any of these horror stories happen to me. i guess that's because i'm pretty selective. OP and anyone else that has ever had this happen, when you meet at a bar of all places, that tells you immediately what type of person you're dealing with. if drinking is what's bringing you together, that should be a red flag. the most important thing is if you're gonna meet someone for the first time, let it be someplace or something that you could still enjoy by yourself. that way, if you get left high and dry, you'll still be able to enjoy yourself and count yourself lucky that the ditcher is gone and not wasting anymore of your time.

never force a meet. if your time don't mean nothin', the other person will know it and that leads to these situations. people that have a life of their own know what i mean. if it's totally casual, you got time to spare, no harm in meeting on the fly, go for it. but still make sure you can enjoy your own company, as well as the other person's, if things don't work out the way you want. people that walk out on others shouldn't even be dating anyone, i don't care how bad the date is. they lack communication skills and need to learn what they really want and how to pick better partners. just tell the person how you feel and put the date out of its misery instead of lying. that's the part that really puts your character in question and not many people keep that part in mind. you think you're doing the right thing by lying and walking out, never to return. it's really selfish and that type of person is even worse than the seemingly bad date they're walking out on.
 Isis_feline
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 108
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/13/2012 11:45:51 PM

This is all good and well in theory, but there are many women out there who will freak out at the mere mention of chatting on a webcam (after bad experiences with guys 'exposing themselves', or asking the woman to).


If Im having a webcam, lets both check out the other isnt 400lbs overweight, bald with no teeth, kinda chat and the guy gets his 'man bits' out....Im gonna shut down my chat box and not speak with him again.......

Im not gonna run round the room, screaming and trying to dig my eyeballs out with a spoon......exit chat...block....move on......

It has only happened once to me some years back, I just laughed, and left the convo....sending upto date pics from your phone or pc is easy enough these days, I havent had a webcam chat for years.....but Its a sensible option when tying to make sure the pics in a pofile are recent

 LukeT77
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 109
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 1:29:13 AM

Im not gonna run round the room, screaming and trying to dig my eyeballs out with a spoon......exit chat...block....move on......


Haha! Point taken there.

I meant that the suggestion of going on webcam can set off red flags with a lot of women on here. Same with the suggestion of exchanging phone numbers, or meeting up.

I guess different people have had different positive and negative experiences of online dating, and some can be more apprehensive about webcams than others.
 vikingsfan22
Joined: 12/5/2011
Msg: 110
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 4:20:47 PM
Damn that sucks,anyway theres POF in the sea
 LukeH1984
Joined: 2/22/2011
Msg: 111
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 4:41:11 PM
I feel sorry for the OP, women can be so cruel.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 112
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Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 4:49:10 PM
I feel sorry for women who meet Bloody Idiots too.
 Titanicrose
Joined: 6/12/2011
Msg: 113
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:10:12 PM
I myself would never walk out on someone! But once a man was so rude and obnoxious that he could see I was not buying it! We had drinks and H'ordouvres, we were supposed to stay and have dinner. He said "You are not going to stay for dinner ? I said "No" and "thank you for the drink and food." then left. I couldn't take him anymore! Another I almost walked out on but kept my cool then left together to our separate cars. He was so obnoxious asking me if I liked him. How does someone outright ask that on the first meeting. Too pushy for me!

There are all kinds of people out there!
 Megaladonfishy
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 114
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Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:25:45 PM
Now don't you just HATE it when your dog is calling and texting you all during your date telling you he's hungry and get your butt home right now and feed him?
 Picelli
Joined: 12/27/2011
Msg: 115
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 8:25:16 PM
YOU thought all was well.
What did she think?
How were you behaving? Did you appear clingy? desperate?

I'm sorry, but, I have thought about bailing during first meet n' greets before. I'm sorry, if the guy is going to behave inappropriately, I no longer respect him.

And, if I don't respect him, I don't care what he thinks of me. So, I'm bailing - he can hate me all he wants, because, what is more important, is I feel safe away from him.
 Luke_Mason
Joined: 9/16/2011
Msg: 116
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 9:29:51 PM
People can possibly avoid this type of behavior from the safety and comfort of their home by using CAM. If two people are planning to hit the coffee bar, it shouldn't be a problem to chat on CAM for 10 or so minutes prior to meeting. I'm surprised more people are not using it. A free excellent cam software can be found at oovoo dot com.
 MaybeAsk
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 117
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 10:41:45 PM
3 yrs post divorce I've never had that happen until last week. I wasn't mad because I knew the chick was capable of doing it. True, it shows a lack of class. I could hand out reference cards of women who love to date me. But there's usually something she says or how she texts that will indicated this type of immaturity. In my case, I can be perceived as being a take charge kind of gent, or altogether intimidating. Very important to pay attention to their profiles and when it says they're looking for non committal type of relationships...

Remember, ***holes finish first. Women love bad boys and they even compete for them. Being a nice guy is a strategy but don't take it seriously. Women these days are conditioned to trample all over you.

I actually got pissed today over that meeting last week because she messed up my good dating record. She had relevant medical issues that affected her self esteem but it's no excuse for walking out on a guy who was going to build her a bay window to read in and take her to Beliz.

I'm actually up 6 karats and a 40,000. garden ceremony on this one.

Trust me, this is why I have dated call girls and strippers for years. They will not stand you up once you show them you don't drink Schlitz.
 MaybeAsk
Joined: 2/8/2012
Msg: 118
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 10:54:08 PM
regarding my previous commentary, i corrected her after i came back from the rest room because she was texting and never lifted her hands above the table. it was a push meet that was supposed to happen today. i moved it up but she moved up the hour and i almost walked back to my car when i didn't even see her in the place.

god i would have felt bad about that so glad she flipped it around.
 Ready4aNewOne
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 119
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/14/2012 11:56:39 PM
awww dont feel bad.. i had that happen to me one time with a guy from this site. we agreed to meet for breakfast at MCDS close to my city .. he got there 1st.. we ordered.. starting eating.. he excused himself to go to the bathroom and left me at the table.. then i get this text msg that said .. you're not my type.. ? whatever.. your loss someone else's gain..

I would say just chalk it up to her being rude and go on with looking again..
 LukeT77
Joined: 1/12/2009
Msg: 120
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/15/2012 1:22:25 AM
He was so obnoxious asking me if I liked him. How does someone outright ask that on the first meeting. Too pushy for me!


Ok, I don't personally like to put a gal on the spot on a first date and outright ask her this kind of thing (on a really good date, you can usually just tell!), but it can hardly be described as 'obnoxious' behaviour! A little 'forward' at most.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 121
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Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/15/2012 1:37:46 AM
^^^^^^ The poor old coot probably so whipped he doesn't have any confidence left and she shot him down like that. A few more meets like that and he'll go find a bridge to jump off of.
 Uonlyliveonce5
Joined: 12/2/2011
Msg: 122
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Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/17/2012 9:19:38 PM

The only time I would advocate someone doing this is if she showed up and something about your profile/previous discussions was a full on lie.

I did this when I met a man who was easilyy 20 years older than his profile and additional pics sent to me indicated. He said he was 47...if he was a day younger than 67 Id be shocked. Lie to me, and you wont get any of my time. I will leave you sitting there all the fool.



This 100%, I can't imagine someone seeing pictures and finding out all your details, building a rapport and leaving you in the middle of the date. Obv. there is something missing from the OP's story. Either he was offensive or he lied about his profile in someway.
 dipstic
Joined: 2/10/2012
Msg: 123
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Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/17/2012 9:54:59 PM
A similar thing happened to me. I finally got to meet Marie at the mall after chatting with her for a few months. She seemed like a very nice person the date was going smoothly. We had lunch and talked for an hour then she had to do some shopping so I gave her a hug and told her I will talk to her online tonight. Later that night when I logged and went to chat with her she cut-out abruptly. Next thing I knew she deleted her profile. A month later I saw her at Zellers, so I went over to greet her "hi Marie, How are you?" sort of thing but just as I began to speak, she stiffened up, rolled her eyes and turned her head while placing her hand to one side of her face like she didn't want me to bother her. I heard her say "whatever" then she quickly walked away like I wasn't there. What the hell was her problem? Later that night I did chat with her and I was pissed that she snubbed me the way she did. I was extra nice to her up until that point, but then the gloves came off (figure of speech).
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 124
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Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/18/2012 9:11:03 AM
I agree that giving too much attention to your phone on a date is rude. So is misrepresenting yourself on your profile. Therefore perhaps those two things cancel each other out.

I've never had a date walk out on me, nor have I ever walked out, but there are 4 things that have made me want to

1) If a guy smells really bad because he doesn't use deoderant
2) If all a guy talks about is sex and automatically assumes I will be his next playmate because I showed up.
3) If all a guy talks about is his ex and goes on and on and on about his prior relationship.
4) Utterly narcissitic monologue - and then, "enough about me, what do YOU think about ME?"

I will assume that if people walk out on dates with you on a regular basis - that you are doing one of the above things and are pretending you don't know why they left. I bet you know very well why - rudeness begets rudeness.
 rec_diver
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 125
Walking Out during First Meet
Posted: 2/18/2012 9:14:24 AM

dipstic : I finally got to meet Marie at the mall after chatting with her for a few months.. Later that night when I logged and went to chat with her she cut-out abruptly. Next thing I knew she deleted her profile. A month later I saw her at Zellers, so I went over to greet her "hi Marie, How are you?" sort of thing but just as I began to speak, she stiffened up, rolled her eyes and turned her head


You chatted for months prior to meeting each other. Way too long. Because more often than not, during that first meetup, one or both people don't like what they see.


dipstic : What the hell was her problem? Later that night I did chat with her and I was pissed that she snubbed me the way she did. I was extra nice to her up until that point, but then the gloves came off (figure of speech).


Her attitude towards you dramatically changed after she met you in person, she was no longer interested in speaking to you , and you're wondering what the hell her problem is?

She didn't like what she saw.
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