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 mancubs
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 51
Apparently, I'm psychoPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
It is very simple sit down with him and ask if he wants this relationship, if he said yes tell him to step up to the plate if he dose not ditch get another , to boy friend goes the same way and therapy , you don't say what
 Megaladonfishy
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 52
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:57:53 AM
High stress level in a relationship can lead to major medical problems, ie., stroke or heart attack, so no matter how you do it, it's good for both of you to find some way of moving past the drama
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 53
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 6:11:01 AM

Saturday he spent the night. Or I thought he did. And when I woke up at 5 a.m. he was gone. I looked outside and his truck was gone. I checked for a note. Nothing. I checked for a text. Nothing.

I was finally able to reach him at 8 a.m. He said he couldn't sleep. So he went home.


Okay, this part isnt good, there obviously something not right, either that's bothering him, or he has some serious 'I dont see her as my gf' issues


I don't expect constant contact. I do, however, want to hear from him at least once a day.

That's a self-negation right there. Its actually called constant contact, or being 'clingy'

I love my boyfriend. A lot. Yet, I pick fights with him. (Yes I realize I'm old enough to know better.) I don't pick fights with him until he stops responding to me. When I fail to hear from him, many times, the only way I know I'm guaranteed a response is to text him something confrontational.


That's all not good either. It wouldnt serve any purpose beating the nail again on the head by saying you have issues need solving, such the 'clingning on to' thing. You said so yourself, your in therapy, its a process, so that side is being taken care of. A relationship is always two ways, but when your in there, you dont always see the outside of it. So you also have to ask yourself what drives you to these confrontational ways to him. Whenever someone gets pi**ed off, its usually sparked by something the exterior world does. In this case, you get on his case when he STOPS responding to you, right? Because you get mad because you feel he doesnt give a crap about you right? Which doesnt sound right in a relationship anyways, my view is you love someone you spend time with them. If that really bothers you however, you gotta ask yourself if you are right to BE bothered. What, you think he cheats on you? Or maybe HE has issues?
But my view, either for right or for wrong, fighting solves nothing. When your at that point where it happens all the time, you should quit while your ahead and get your thoughts back together. He probably views this as an abusive relation, you probably view it as him not caring about you. Maybe taking some time apart, no strings attached, would give you better perspective on it?

Anyways, food for thought, dwell on it before I get shot down on here
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 54
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 6:17:04 AM
OP: Continue with your therapy. You obviously have issues that are going to destroy your relationship if they haven't already. You admit that you have issues which is a huge step. Keep working at it.
 k.t.kay
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 55
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 6:18:22 AM
It made me so mad reading this because my boyfriend is the same way. I'm so so sick of it. I work. I have friends. I don't cheat, I'm not a drug addict, I'm not a bad person. But I don't like to make out with people in public and I'd rather not tell him I love him 60 billion times a day. I don't think you should have to call someone every day. When you're just in the dating stage you call them as often as you have time to hangout with them. That might be once a week. My rule for that is, if someone doesn't call me for 2 weeks, he's just broken up with me.

The reason why you should send a text to someone else other than your boyfriend is simple. Being confrontational just makes you look like a jerk. Most people will eventually get sick of it. My boyfriend ended up CHEATING ON ME, and then using the fact that we were "never having sex" because we didn't have it that day, I "never spent time with him" because he hadn't seen me in 7 hours while I was at work, etc, as an excuse. He said he just KNEW I was cheating on him and wanted to get even with me. So when he found out I wasn't cheating (because I screamed at him and threw him out) then he knew I truly loved him and isn't it great because we can be a happy couple now? yay?

Um no. Cuz guess who has the trust issues now.......

And guess who doesn't want to put up with what an ***hole he is, now that she has an excuse to get him out?

There's no excuse to be a jerk to someone. Faking a crisis, pretending to be sick, pretending to be angry, they're all dishonest. People prefer honesty. At least, anyone worth being wth does.

I know that sounds harsh and unhelpful, and 'm not trying to be. Just wanted you to know what it's like from the other end. Dating a person who is constantly at your throat trying to get you to notice them, eventually just becomes more trouble than it's worth. Particularly when they are causing problems in your life.

Guys like him don't want me to go to work, follow my dreams, have a hobby, have any fun, meet anyone, talk to anyone, GO TO WORK, spend time with my kids, or do anything that matters to me because he has to be the be-all and end-all of my existence. Think of how you would feel if one of your friends treated you that way. Would she still be your friend, or would you just stop calling her?
 k.t.kay
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 56
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 6:21:37 AM
My dad left my mom early on but I never dressed like a slut, or clung to a guy. I think you have to have the kind of dad who not only leaves, but tells you through words or actions that the reason he left was because your mom wasn't pretty/slutty/available enough. The girls I know who behave that way, it's because their dad left and mom spent the rest of her life modelling to their daughter that if she'd just been skinny enough, pretty enough, more available, more blonde, more fun, she would have been able to keep daddy around. They have daughters who grow up and won't leave the house without makeup, have perfect figures, dress provocatively, and have NO clue why they still can't keep a man.
 chinadol6977
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 57
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 7:31:29 AM
As a counselor,I can tell you that from the information that you provided in the original post that you've picked an individual that is going to continue to push your issues to the surface.If he can't understand the issues that you are working through,you have to remove him from your life,or all of your session are for nothing,because you will keep coming back into the same wall of fear....
 chinadol6977
Joined: 6/24/2011
Msg: 58
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 7:33:51 AM
On another note the term boyfriend or girlfriend must have changed in the 10 years that I was married.I tend to speak with my boyfriend everyday....WTF
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 59
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 8:52:20 AM

you have to remove him from your life


Didnt I say that?
 earthboundangel67
Joined: 9/2/2011
Msg: 60
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 11:01:50 AM
Healthy relationships should bring out the best in each partner. Unhealthy not so much. Seems to me from what the OP is describing is the latter. In the real world, everyone generally has some issues to deal with - be them small or large. It matters how they are dealt with. From what the OP is describing, both of them have some major issues. Drama should generally be left for tv or the big screen, not for real life. I am with the others that say to have a major sit down discussion and get all your issues with each other out & talk about them and move forward in a healthy way. Or break it off so you can do this. Jmho. Good luck!
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 61
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 11:40:55 AM
I have to agree, that is one strange profile. Two-thirds of it is interesting, humorous, entertaining. And then some parts are ... maybe a little too far out there?

And what's all this about "shaving"??? Shave what, your face? legs? armpits? pubes? all of the above? And why mention it multiple times? Does shaving (whatever it is that you aren't shaving) have some huge significance?
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 62
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 11:59:35 AM
Why stay with someone who ignores you?


Clearly you have stronger feelings for him then he does for you.
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 63
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 3:41:15 PM

I have to agree, that is one strange profile. Two-thirds of it is interesting, humorous, entertaining. And then some parts are ... maybe a little too far out there?

And what's all this about "shaving"??? Shave what, your face? legs? armpits? pubes? all of the above? And why mention it multiple times? Does shaving (whatever it is that you aren't shaving) have some huge significance?


I am not understanding why when someone is honest about who they are in a profile, others would try to encourage them to hide whatever they feel is "...too far out there?"

If it wigs someone out better it is in the profile than get to know someone and then find out that aren't interested in you if you have parts that are "too far out there."
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 64
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 4:16:51 PM
When I fail to hear from him, many times, the only way I know I'm guaranteed a response is to text him something confrontational.

None of us were there. You could be a bit "psycho" or just have a few mild problems and he could be the bad guy. If the gone-at-5am thing is the highest level of a "disappearing" act he does, you're a bit "psycho", yes -- especially if you flip out at him because of it. If it's just a small thing that represents greater ways of him frequently disappearing, being mute, non-responsive as a bf, etc. -- then you're not so much (but need to handle it better).

For all I know, he's there, but he's not Johnny-on-the-spot to responding to you on everything, can be a bit sloppy, likes his space here and there, but overall a great guy. OR he could be a passive-aggressive person, knows what hurts you and keeps doing it because he'll feel You're the bad guy because you'll be over the top in your reaction when he "silently" hurts you yet again and that can be his way of letting off steam and think he's a great guy when he's not the whole time.

I'd bet it's somewhere in-between, but who knows. In the end, he should know you have abandonment issues and are sensitive to responses. It's not that hard to do respond. And one having a GF who's over-sensitive about it -- isn't an excuse to not do that, even if she's over the top when ya aren't... as long as She apologetically acknowledges she is that way. You should know that it is OKAY for him not to respond every single time so quickly. Until you realize that, your emotions will feel justified in flipping out. If he's never responsive about stuff, then he doesn't care that much about you when he knows you're sensitive about all that -- plain and simple. But what's good and what's bad relies on the refined details of each situation.
 Ms Cheevious
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 65
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 4:35:56 PM

ohenry - I have to agree, that is one strange profile. Two-thirds of it is interesting, humorous, entertaining. And then some parts are ... maybe a little too far out there?

And what's all this about "shaving"??? Shave what, your face? legs? armpits? pubes? all of the above? And why mention it multiple times? Does shaving (whatever it is that you aren't shaving) have some huge significance?

=====================================

chuckles - I am not understanding why when someone is honest about who they are in a profile, others would try to encourage them to hide whatever they feel is "...too far out there?"

If it wigs someone out better it is in the profile than get to know someone and then find out that aren't interested in you if you have parts that are "too far out there."



oh, c'mon.......along with the "shaving" comments, you have wonder about someone who would put THIS line in their profile -



I may answer the phone the following day. I may not.



Yet start a thread -



When I fail to hear from him, many times, the only way I know I'm guaranteed a response is to text him something confrontational.

I don't expect constant contact. I do, however, want to hear from him at least once a day. If that doesn't happen, I provoke a response.
 slimmer9999
Joined: 10/29/2011
Msg: 66
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 4:43:57 PM
Well first of all so you won't get your feelings hurt, you are attractive enough to find dates. Second point I would like to make is I love you means just about zero. Love is something you feel, through tragedy, good times and bad, etc. Then after all that I guess it doesn't hurt to say it. Last point is whether or not you are psycho. Do you think you could ever run over a man with your car? If not you are probably normal and therapy won't hurt anyone, congratulations on that.
 Rachee30
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 67
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:28:40 PM
@ op..

I just read your post about your ex being clingy, wow I had the same thing.. I had an ex of 3 years who became so clingy and needy that I had to let him go.

Then in my next relationship I became a little bit clingy, I think it's because this next relationship was with someone who didn't put me on a pedal stool and I had got used to being treated a certain way.
I soon snapped out of it though and we were together 8 years.

I really this may have much to do with the way you are acting now, you have gone from one extreme to another, a clingy guy who loved you to a guy who can't even send you a text to tell you he left while you were asleep.
It could be as simple as that.

I too have had guy bring out a side of me I didn't like, but the things they did were so rude and horrible and looking back I put up with too much and was too nice.

If you continue to feel like this with this man then maybe you at least need a break from him to sort out if it's really you or the way HE is making you feel.
 msbmarie
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 68
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:37:34 PM
Some of the same reasons are why I am divorced. You might want to think about moving on instead of investing more time and emotion into a relationship that isn't giving you what you truly want or need. I know how horrible it feels to be alone, but if you hold out then the right guy will come along. Good luck and keep your chin up!
 southmeetswest
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 69
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 5:42:07 PM
op
after reading this entire post, i would add that each and every time you are hit with the desire to send him a text and start a fight/confrontation, or when you start to feel anxious and want to do something to relieve that feeling.....just sit with those feelings. let them take you over, but don't take any action. open your mind to what is really going on in your subconcious mind. sit with it, look at it, let the immediate feeling die off as you see that you are not going to die or flip out because of what is going on in your mind.
i don't think your bf has the answers to this. he cannot fix it. only when you sit with yourself, and really get in touch with your mind and thoughts will you get "fixed"
exercise self control.
in the end you may find that he is not for you, but you won't know that until you own yourself and your actions.

good luck,
kaylee
 sensualseekerns
Joined: 6/1/2010
Msg: 70
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:10:55 PM
I don't expect constant contact. I do, however, want to hear from him at least once a day. If that doesn't happen, I provoke a response. This is cyclical with us. Usually I apologize or he does and we're fine for a few weeks. Then it happens again. He disappears, I flip out. I say harsh things.


Perhaps you should be following the thread on Borderline Personality disorder.


I'm in therapy. It's a process. And I honestly don't know what I'm looking for by posting this. Advice? Empathy? Another perspective? I don't know. Heck, I couldn't even do a search ... no idea what to use as a keyword. :)


If you are looking for women who agree with your erratic behavior then no doubt you will find such as sadly BPD is very common and undiagnosed within the female population. The kind of erratic and control oriented thought processes that seem to obsess your thinking are very common in our modern society. But they are wrong, and unfair to the other person. Whether you get sympathy or positive reinforcement of your behavior from other women, is no justification for such extremes.

You should be seeking advice from your therapist. Odd that you are seeing one and yet come here seeking agreement from others on your behavior. Something is wrong with your thinking. Your obsession with control will cost you any value out of your friendships.

The sooner you seek to control yourself and not the lives of others, then the happier you will be.

 cutiecaliente
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 71
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/29/2011 10:22:31 PM
First you need to have your own life... and have your own hobbies...
Second ...man need space....
and Thrid... if you can not trust your boyfriend.?..
why are you with him?


i feel you are insecure and you need to act like a grown, confident woman... focus on positive ideas and have a good attitude...
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 72
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 1:06:15 AM
text me bat shiat crazy confrontational cr@p just to get a rise and response
Girl - curb - get acquainted.
I would rather be alone than any where near that kind of drama.

once, I will let it slide, twice, your number is blocked, deleted, and you are definitely unfriended from the facebook.
 liz11106
Joined: 11/7/2011
Msg: 73
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 1:48:17 PM
You are on the right track with therapy. Maybe do what I've been trying, lighten up a little bit. In other words, date different people and see which ones you like.. Don't invest too much in any one guy (right now). Have fun.. your abandonment issues will get settled in therapy.. in the meantime, cut yourself some slack
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 74
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Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 5:42:51 PM
chinadol6977: "On another note the term boyfriend or girlfriend must have changed in the 10 years that I was married.I tend to speak with my boyfriend everyday....WTF"

Not disagreement there CD, but on the flip side of that you probably both *want* to talk to each other every day, going a day w/o talking wouldn't be a "freak out and leave nasty messages for him", etc, type situation. A confident fully engaged person usually realizes that "sometimes stuff happens", people have friends, family, jobs, etc, that sometimes get in the way of things, and its not a full-on-panic fear if a day is missed on occasion (and is sure they'll get an apology and explanation the next day).

The OP is trying to "control" the relationship - "talk to me every day, or I'll flip out and get angry and threatening". Honestly, most people wouldn't put up with that for long, and of course if she's got a history of this she's probably got a string of broken relationships from it, which would further increase her "fears" that she might lose this one, invoking *more* efforts to "make it what *she* needs". Its akin to a child throwing a temper tantrum every time they don't get something "their way".
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 75
Apparently, I'm psycho
Posted: 11/30/2011 6:05:53 PM

Its akin to a child throwing a temper tantrum every time they don't get something "their way".

Assuming the guy isn't MIA all the time and underneath it all DOES care about her and shows it and he's not someone who doesn't give a sh!t...

.... I think her not wanting "her way" is a bigger deal than having abandonment issues. Being picky/sensitive about a certain thing is one thing. Flippin out when not getting something your way (ie on an occasion that being one of them), is what the REAL problem is. Because if in therapy she'd quell some of her abandonment issues, she'd still have the real problem sitting there -- going ape-sh!t when things won't go her way.

But again, maybe the guy doesn't care about her much at all -- and little things that represent one not caring about her could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Not the best way to handle it... but some people, how that guy MAYBE could be, are stealthy in not caring about someone but pretend that they do to keep a convenience relationship going... and with enough passive-aggressive deception and the like, it'd make anyone pull their hair out, and flipping out would be more understandable.

But if you have a GF/BF who when you hit them up never responds in due time -- they aren't that into you, and you may not be being sensitive about things to at least be irked/upset about them not being that into ya.
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