| | Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!Page 4 of 9 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9) | You had a nice date with what you thought was a nice guy. Only you were there so we'll trust your judgment so far.
As to the first text, I don't see a problem although some people could twist it into some sort of sinister action. Was probably just being honest but could have been setting you up for "secondary" status. The second text is a little more problematic. Could be a red flag or could be simple clumsiness b/c he doesn't want to come across as too impressed. He's learned that that kind of reaction can turn off women. But you should be on alert at this stage b/c it might really be an indication of a player or an arrogant **stard. How and when a second date occurs may help tip the scales one way or the other but, yes, you should be on alert should that occur.
What Law212 said rings true for me:
"I think this dating a bunch of people at a time is what bored people do to feel in demand. I did this before and realized that was why I was doing it.
Now I date one at a time, if its not right, I move on."
If I get the impression from a date that I am one in a long line of prospects, it starts to feel kind of like an auction and I decline to participate. If I find a good one, I want to stay exclusive with her for the time being to see where it goes. How else can I really give it a fair shot? Would hope for the same from her (but not necessarily expect it). It sounds like you might be part of his auction process -- which does not necessarily generate that special feeling.
Had to mapquest your location and learned that you are 326 miles away. Damn my luck; that exceeds my 325 mile limit. You sound like you might be a keeper but I might have a problem with some of your friends.  | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 2:56:31 PM | i dont think he's a jerk, but, thats not exactly something you say to someone text or in person. Yes its a first date and sounds like it went well, but he should have left it at that and not put all his cards out like that. Honesty or not. There is such a thing called TMI.
As for you wanting a relationship...aint gonna happen right after the first date. You put your feelers out there like that, some will take it as too needy/suffocating, and a turn off. IMO. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 3:13:02 PM | Whether he's a jerk or not is irrelevant, IMO, OP.
What I would read from his comments would be "I think you're great, but not great enough; I'm simply not *that* interested in you so I'm going to keep seeing other women, you can tag along for that ride if you want, just in case nobody better comes along".
And then my ego being what it is, that would have ended that on the spot.
Can't really fault him for his honesty, though. Where you take things from here is entirely up to you now. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 3:15:32 PM | free_pizzaIf I get the impression from a date that I am one in a long line of prospects, it starts to feel kind of like an auction and I decline to participate.
Dude, it's not an auction! The more desirable people get to be more selective, that's the nature of the game and we're not just talking about dating - I'm talking about evolution, Darwinism and survival of the fittest.
I've been with some really hot, amazing women and some of them haven't given me a second date- and I wasn't surprised, although I was rather bummed.. and it was fairly obvious during our first date that I was"competing" with other guys. Probably LOTS of other guys.
I don't see it as an auction- I see it as a challenge.. I KNOW I'm better than those other guys the problem is making her aware of it during my one shot.
I do the same thing. In the past 2 weeks of being back online, I have been out with 7 women. 1 blew me off that I really liked, 2 are worth second dates, the rest didn't make the cut. I've got a few more meetups and I'll have a better idea if any one of them are worth focusing on. And I make no secret that I am in no rush, I've made that mistake before and I'm going to date around until I'm fairly sure.
Aim higher. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 3:15:37 PM |
And then my ego being what it is, that would have ended that on the spot.
mine too  
I think my text back would have been, its cool. Im dating other men too. No worries. (which by the way is true..lol | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 3:49:55 PM |  I think he was justified in telling you he was seeing other women only if you put him on the spot, (were asking him or preasuring him someway for another date). But if he just told you right off the top of his head, I would say he's a player. You probably won't get anywhere with him. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 3:58:25 PM | I’d say adios to a guy who texted me that I passed his maturity test, and that lots of women don’t, blah blah blah… what a lameazz. 
OP: "Whew, glad you are not upset. I just need to be honest and a lot of girls get pissed at me for seeing other people. Those girls obviously aren't for me. You passed the maturity test!"
mrmisterme: The guy got that line from the man-version of the book that blondedevil is promoting.
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:09:07 PM | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
please read post #74
get the facts straight folks
i do not promote any books, just told her it would help her in recognizing "behaviors" exhibited during dating | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:19:06 PM | Blondedevil, you need to calm down -unless you're being yourself.
I didn't throw any comment about any of your suggestions; it was a joke (they did have jokes in the old world, too).
PS-someone should look up the definition of "courtship"...even in the Bible it says: "A man who finds a wife finds a good thing"
courtship = the act, period, or art of seeking the love of someone with intent to marry.
I never saw that quote in the Bible, though | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:21:45 PM | So the guy is a player...so what crime did he commit?
He told her he was seeing other women. Apparently the "maturity" text isnt deterrring her from remaining interested. So how is this guy the bad guy? | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:37:53 PM | And theres absolutely tons of women who do the exact same thing too, so you cant even claim its a "man" thing either
No doubt...I agree. But I'm telling you right now if someone I just started dating texted me with that second barrage of nonsense saying I passed their maturity test my response, if any, would be:
Really? That is so awesome! Too bad you just failed mine  | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 4:40:01 PM |
I never saw that quote in the Bible, though
Proverbs 18:22- He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 5:46:36 PM | | No I think he is being up front with you I talked to a lady for months went out with her for dinner had a great time. She left in a few days on vaction she was sending me pictures every day I was falling for her. Then out of the blue she said that it would not work. I know she meet some one on vaction why did she just tell me. He is telling you up front that he is still looking. Good luck | |
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SC67
| | Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 90 | |
| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 6:16:50 PM | Probably not a jerk, just clueless.
Agreed. OP...he was stating the obvious, since you were obviously not looking to be exclusive after one date. It was unnecessary & I probably would've said "me too" but if you like him you should go out again.
I'll add...I don't see it as a competition. If I go out with a guy & he decides he likes someone more than he likes me, I figure he's just not the one & move on...or he's dumb and/or blind (kidding!). You don't have to find Mr Right for Everyone...just Mr Right for YOU.
Edit to add...the "maturity test" is a deal breaker. I gave him the benefit of the doubt when I read your first post, but that turned him into a-hole material. | |
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Xc0de
| | Joined: 11/29/2011
Msg: 92 | |
| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/6/2011 7:24:54 PM |
the whole " maturity test " game would piss me off and that would have been done for me. People shouldn't have to run tests on other people to date them, you get to know them to see if you're compatible.
Love is a test and go through many trials. Why are you even dating if you hate being tested? | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/7/2011 7:06:30 AM | | I agree with post number 80 and would add that I think the "maturity" line might have been a poor attempt at a compliment, not an actual test. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/7/2011 8:35:29 AM | yes, but the 125 texts since you left each others company, the love poems, the flowers on your desk, the chocolates in your mailbox, and arriving home to him on your doorstep in under 24 hours claiming that you are the ONE !.....
would probably get its own thread too. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/7/2011 11:27:58 AM |
I would have told him that I was happy to hear that I passed his maturity test, but unfortunately, he just failed mine. [/qoute] That's exactly how I would have put it! Yeah, the first text was tactless, but that second one? Red flag signifying a jerk. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/7/2011 5:42:54 PM | spacecakes112- I can't stand it when guys ask me right away if I'm dating anyone else.
When you first go out with someone, I think it's a given that you are both looking.
I never ask that question.
I think he was just trying to be honest with you. It was a little tactless of him to say such a thing, especially by text.
I say, if he asks, go out with him again and proceed with caution. Good luck. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/7/2011 6:54:50 PM | | OP, some people date more than one person at a time. Some only date one person at a time. Decide which group you want to be in. This sort of shopping around he is doing is distasteful to me, and I wouldn't date him. Not all men/woman date the way he is dating, though many on here will say that is "what dating is." That is only what dating is for those who do it that way: not everyone does it that way. For as many people who serial date, there is an equal number of people who date one person at at time. | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/7/2011 9:26:33 PM | | no he isnt. im sure that did hurt your feelings but he had to let you know whats up. he is on this website meeting all sorts of different girls and he wants to keep his options open. girls do the same thing, they are just more descrete about it | |
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| Lets play is he a jerk or not a jerk!!!!
Posted: 12/8/2011 7:13:38 PM | Wow! Everyone that posted has some awesome points!!
Here is the update.
He did call and ask me for dinner again but an hour before I was to meet him he cancelled texting..
"Hey, my son's mom had some family obligations so I have him tonight. Can't make it sorry."
I didn't respond and he hasn't texted and this was on Tuesday.
I didn't respond because I was aggravated at the timing of his cancelation. He could really be telling the truth but I think that this reaction of not answering stems from the fact that men with kids tend to be more difficult to date and I think I am tired of dealing with that. They always cancel last minute and blame their kids. Its fine and I might be shallow for feeling this way. | |
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