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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.      Home login  
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 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 26
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.Page 2 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
OP,
you shouldn't test people if you have a problem you should have told her your problem from the beginning it starts. Talk to wifey
 Giggles10000
Joined: 6/17/2011
Msg: 27
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:17:07 PM
Dude, you list your race as Hispanic, everyone one of them I know greets me with both a hug and a kiss...I think you are trolling vs anything else especially when you are setting up a test but not telling her.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 28
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 7:50:49 PM
If you're trying to "make things work", passive-aggressively "testing" her is not the way to do it. If she does something you don't like, you have to talk to her about it.

By the way, is joining a dating site your idea of trying to make things work?
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 29
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 9:20:34 PM
It would bother me too, from both sides, I wouldn't want my husband kissing and hugging my friends and I certainly wouldn't want any of my friends kissing my cheek and hugging me. I hate that crap, I don't like shaking hands either. Really, must be touch and slobber on each other at every meeting? But I'm not the norm.

If it bothers you, then rethink getting back together. You shouldn't be trying to change her, you should be happy with her the way she is. Forcing someone to change or being jealous and mad all the time is not a reasonable relationship.
 Vicente Fox
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 30
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:03:02 PM

Dude, you list your race as Hispanic, everyone one of them I know greets me with both a hug and a kiss...


That reminds me. I my job, there are these 2 Hispanic women.
One that is much older around her 50's and she hugs and kisses me all the time. She also got me calling her "mama".
The other one is about my age, but she can't come close to touching me or anything because she says her husband will kill her. Is that the "controlling title" you fear?

I believe at the beginning of every relationship, you both have smooth many issues out for the long run. The true test should be, how long can you both last accepting each other for who they are.

So if that hugs a kissing is a problem, I say tell her. Just don't be an ***hole as threatening to kill her. If she has a major problem and she wouldn't stop even for you, then its not going to work.... From rough to smooth, you guys will harvest mountains between each other.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 31
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:13:48 PM
It's a cultural thing, people from the southern states(me) don't get physical with opposite sex friends. That culture is all about respect and gender boundaries are very important. I feel for ya, sh1t gets pretty old, doesn't it?
 quarked
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 32
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/12/2011 10:42:17 PM
I think it's OK. I know a lot of girls that will hug me and then give me a kiss on the cheek. Some of them are married to my friends. I don't read anything into it, except friendship, because we've all hung out so many times and had a lot of fun.
 ripley65
Joined: 8/22/2011
Msg: 33
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 12:53:15 AM

She is a very social person and I've always noticed that she hugs and kisses all her male friends on their cheek.


Sounds to me like this is just who she is, and she was like this when you met her. Did it bother you then? Must not have, you married her. :)

Maybe she comes from a huggy family, like i do. You didn't mention any other issues that may be inappropriate when she's hugging and kissing. If this is the only issue, then let it go. She's doing it because she is friendly and that is just who she is. :)
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 34
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 3:16:03 AM
If you feel threatened by this, it is a sign of insecurity. Your wife should be with you by choice, not by force. If she is acting disloyal, and she runs off with one of her male friends, that man did the both of you a favor. He took a disloyal woman off of your hands, and she is getting what she wants. A hug or a peck on the cheek is one thing, it's not like she is checking his oil or anything. I could understand if the man cupped her buttocks or her breast. I don't think that is the case, but if you truly feel threatened, you need to let her know.
 gooooord
Joined: 10/7/2010
Msg: 35
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:05:21 PM
Nah, you're not overreactin, she sounds like a right flirt.
Next time she does it, and you have to say nothin and smile, jus kiss her female pals and see what happens!
 Spherical_Dream
Joined: 11/10/2011
Msg: 36
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:09:40 PM
It depends if you trust her or not. Use your gut instincts...some women are just loose like that...

I would not stand for it one bit, but you did notice this behavior before you married her right? Or is it a new thing? If it's new it sounds like she's making you jealous, in which case, either play the game and kiss all your girlfriends, or cut your losses and dump her like a sack of man-kissing rotten potatoes, find a woman with some morals and class
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 37
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:14:55 PM
In some cultures it would be rude NOT to kiss the cheeks upon greeting.

You knew who she was when you married her....either accept her 100% or move on.

A peck on the cheeks is nothing to be worried about, unless the mans hand is also pinching azz.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 38
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:24:14 PM
Is it just men she's kissing on the cheek or does she do it with her girlfriends as well? You admit she's a very gregarious person and always has been. Perhaps you are a controlling and jealous individual and always have been?? I'm tending to think that if you always knew this about her, your thoughts of her having had relationships during your separation is getting the better of you. If that's the case, I'd suggest you get a handle on it or your attempt at a retry of the relationship will be doomed to failure.
 DSMTraveler
Joined: 8/18/2011
Msg: 39
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:27:56 PM
You're 'testing' her.

Until she fails?

It seems to me that you're simply looking for an excuse.
 jack-of-spades
Joined: 9/14/2011
Msg: 40
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:28:28 PM
I agree it's cultural. Around here a quick hug and a peck on the cheek is nothing. If a friend visits my house with his wife I will do that out of respect.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 41
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 1:39:48 PM
People from some cultural backgrounds kiss and hug everyone, regardless of gender. My mother used to be a hugger, and she was Russian. My father, a rather starchy Englishman, never did this. (Both parents are dead.) Perhaps your wife comes from a family and culture of huggers. I know that huggers (and I do it too) don't mean anything sexual by it. You should not assume anything.

If your relationship with her is not good, I'd look elsewhere than her propensity for hugging.

I really find your comment "I'm testing her out" rather off. Who are you to test someone? Look to your own behaviour first. You come across as a very jealous person, and possibly even a bit clingy.
 infennario
Joined: 5/24/2011
Msg: 42
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 3:34:57 PM
^^^ True. My ex's family and their friends were all big on the big hug and big kiss- even when they first met someone! Freaked me out when I first met them. They meant no harm and certainly nothing sexual.
 classysas
Joined: 12/3/2011
Msg: 43
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:01:29 PM
Not sure why she needed another chance, but no, I do not think you are being unreasonable. If she respects you and knows that this really bugs you, it should bbe very simple for her to stop.

Robin
 cutenperky2
Joined: 8/2/2011
Msg: 44
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:44:47 PM
If it bothers you than its not a good thing for your relationship. I personally dont think her stopping would be a big deal just tell her the truth you dont like the hugging and kissing it makes you feel bad. If the person likes you or loves you i dont see why they wouldnt mind not doing it. The idea in the relationship is to make sure you both are happy right? That sounds like a little thing to ask someone at least to me.
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 45
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 4:51:27 PM

we have been separated for almost a year.



While we were separated she made a lot of male friends


let me just tell you this. she has had sex with at least some of these men, and thats a 100% GUARANTEE.
separated people are the easiest game out there, and that is no myth.
 hotmerlot
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 46
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:08:58 PM
Testing her? See if she can make it work? Giving her another chance? Very patronizing! You know marriage is a full participation activity, you have to do more than sit on the side critiquing her performance.

It sort of sounds like you are expecting her to do all the work or perhaps you are making her pay for somehow offending you in the past.

If she has any self respect she will leave you.
 7THstreet
Joined: 12/6/2011
Msg: 47
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:31:29 PM
Testing her ? is this some type of social experiment ............

Seems that you have issue with in your own boundaries of what is comfortable and what is not for you , something which you need to express to her and how this makes you feel .
Have you ever asked yourself why you aren't comfortable with this ? Knowing a head of time - in the relationship you were aware of her hugging and kissing . You really need to sit down and communicate with each other and do some inner exploring . If you aren't willing to discuss your feelings , then you will end up nothing in the end ..............
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 48
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:32:32 PM
[. quote]Testing her? See if she can make it work? Giving her another chance? Very patronizing! You know marriage is a full participation activity, you have to do more than sit on the side critiquing her performance.

It sort of sounds like you are expecting her to do all the work or perhaps you are making her pay for somehow offending you in the past.

If she has any self respect she will leave you.

I agree. I don't care how old you are, you don't know s*it about relationships. Ugh. You might as well leave now, b/c your marriage will not survive your ignorance.

As for what she's doing--of course there is nothing wrong with it. Lots of people do it. YOU have a problem with it; clearly you don't trust your wife. Again, the marriage seems doomed anyway, but you could seek to understand why you have no say over how your wife treats friends. If she asked your advice, that's different. Clearly not the case here.

When a man wants his wife to stop doing something, people rush to say, "Oh, she should consider your feelings!" That's b.s. SHE DOES NOT CONTROL HIS FEELINGS! His thoughts control his feelings. The only reason he dislikes this behavior is he feels threatened by it. He can explore that--and if she does not deserve his trust, he should leave/get couples counseling. If he still doesn't trust her, he needs to end the marriage.

Suppose he just thinks it is "inappropriate." That is still his to own. He can tell her and she can (and should) consider his p.o.v., but she gets to make her own judgment. If she believes her behavior is perfectly appropriate, then she may disregard his judgment. He can adapt or leave--but never should one part of a couple say their partner needs to change merely to accommodate the thoughts/judgments/feelings of another. This type of expectation demonstrates a lack of respect for boundaries--and boundaries are the limits we set on ourselves, not on others.
 Springlve
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 49
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:50:55 PM
its not about her its about you, learn to let go of control and learn to trust her and urself. if things dont work out then let go. u cant built a fence high enough to keep anyone from leaving. if u dont change ur thinking u will repeat the same insanity with someone else. wishing u the best
 loveinajar
Joined: 7/1/2009
Msg: 50
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 6:57:17 PM
Get into her more than your body.....that will go along way with her.
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