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 DJoseph54
Joined: 11/16/2011
Msg: 51
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Yours:
let me just tell you this. she has had sex with at least some of these men, and thats a 100% GUARANTEE.
separated people are the easiest game out there, and that is no myth.


Man, that is just cruel...

But in the OP's defense, if they were better than him, would she be wanting him back?

Nevertheless, like all relationships, communication is the key.... not the "here is enough rope to hang yourself."
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 52
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 10:03:04 PM
Yes, you are over reacting. Hugging and kissing on the cheek are friendly overtures, not sexual ones. In fact, in my family background, even the males kiss on the cheek...twice!

Instead of "testing her out", how about figuring out how *you* can make things better in your relationship? The results might surprise you.
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 53
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 10:16:37 PM
Brother, testing people out is not a healthy way of dealing with relationship problems. An emotionally healthy man would simply sit down with his wife and explain to her that it bothers him to see her hugging and kissing her male friends.

Do not give ultimatums like: "if you don't stop then it's over." That is controlling. However, saying something like: "it's important to me that you not continue to do this. Maybe in the future when our relationship is better that will change; but right now, I need you to stop doing that and to get into the habit of not being so physically familiar with men other than me."

Also, you need to take the time to find out why she does this. Men view women hugging on them a LOT differently than women do. Is she having a lot of male friends because she likes the attention that men give her? Why are these men hugging your wife in the first place? Have you informed them that they need to curtain that? Why are you not speaking to the other men on this issue? Your question raises a LOT more questions in my mind than anything else.

When you test people out it is because you are afraid of dealing with them directly. You are not trusting them. But no one can be secretly tested and perform well. You want her behavior to change you have to sit down and discuss it. Otherwise you are guaranteed to get disappointed. She needs to hear you say what you need. Not hear you make demands. It is tough and that is why finding someone to mediate the process sometimes helps a lot. Just something to consider.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 54
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 11:20:00 PM
What he meant by "testing" her, is that he is giving the relationship one more shot, and she obviously screwed up before.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 55
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/13/2011 11:23:37 PM
Kiss and be kissed! Such are the pleasures in life!

Plus it's Christmas time...mistletoe an 'all....
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 56
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:33:37 AM
Way overreacted, yes.

Kiss on the cheek or quick peck on the lips and a hug is harmless. Some people (like myself) can be physically affectionate with friends and family without it being inappropriate or sexual in any way.

Now if you see her groping the guy or there are tongues involved you have every right to get angry and suspicious.

"Wife" doesn't mean "hidden away from all men" unless you're in Saudi Arabia. She should be able to have male friends and show them friendly, non sexual affection if she's the cuddly-type. I don't think she should be penalized for that.

But that's just my 2 cents...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 57
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:47:59 AM
Am I over reacting or is it ok?

If it were a cultural thing she grew up with, I'd say, well - ok. But the last time I was in Florida, I didn't notice the culture was much different from other places in the US in that regard, so no, I wouldn't find that appropriate. What I've noticed about women who have a need to hug and kiss male friends is that they have a need for male attention.

Plus it's Christmas time...mistletoe an 'all....

That argument falls a little short. The first time I ever got laid, it started with a girl I didn't know very well at a party, kissing me under the mistletoe that led to a lip-locked stroll to one of the bedrooms of the house where the party was going on and it wasn't that kind of party.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 58
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 8:10:32 AM
^^ Twas a 'Merry Christmas' huh?

I think that your experience might be the expception abelian. I'm sure you aren't the only one that ended up in the sack due to mistletoe but really, how many of the women you have given a Christmas peck end up in your bed? For the most part, I think it's an innocent gesture given in the spirit of the holidays.

I think it's more of a 'learned' practice regardless where you live. If you grow up in a family of huggers, you're going to be one.
 Kariann71
Joined: 4/26/2011
Msg: 59
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 8:45:07 AM

I think it's more of a 'learned' practice regardless where you live. If you grow up in a family of huggers, you're going to be one.


I agree. I grew up in a very cuddly/lovey family and I tend to gravitate towards like-minded people. Many of my friends (both male and female) are very affectionate as well. Unlike Abelian's theory - when I kiss and hug male friends it has nothing to do with needing male attention, just like kissing and hugging female friends doesn't mean I need female attention. It's simply what I do with friends of both sexes. I do have a few friends that aren't "the huggy type", so I don't do that with them because I know it would make them uncomfortable.
 JAXUNF
Joined: 5/29/2009
Msg: 60
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:40:21 AM
It has to do with family background.
I kiss the cheek just about all my female family members and most of my female friends, even though, I may just shake the man's hand.
I even kiss my son's cheek when I am going to be away for a while and upon returning.

Sincerely,

Harri / JAXUNF
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 61
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 10:02:28 AM
Seems to me most everytime a man hugs me as a greeting in social situations he's getting a little "thrill". Not all, but most have this little grin, like they are thinking "wow i just love the fact that right in front of my wife/girlfriend i get to smash bodies with hot single women." Same with single guys, that sexy quick glance to me, and it's obvious they are thinking "dam that was nice, woo hoo!!!, I'm gonna try to hug her good bye too!"
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 62
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 10:15:57 AM


Seems to me most everytime a man hugs me as a greeting in social situations he's getting a little "thrill". Not all, but most have this little grin, like they are thinking "wow i just love the fact that right in front of my wife/girlfriend i get to smash bodies with hot single women." Same with single guys, that sexy quick glance to me, and it's obvious they are thinking "dam that was nice, woo hoo!!!, I'm gonna try to hug her good bye too!"


This has GOT to be the stupidest thing I ever read in my LIFE....
 beenambedie
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 63
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 1:20:15 PM
To answer the topic question: NO
 beenambedie
Joined: 7/16/2011
Msg: 64
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 1:24:32 PM
Kariann71 on 12/14/2011 1037 AM
Subject: Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends
"Wife" doesn't mean "hidden away from all men" unless you're in Saudi Arabia. She should be able to have male friends and show them friendly, non sexual affection if she's the cuddly-type. I don't think she should be penalized for that.

wife means forsaking all others.
If he was being that way with female friends she would be pissed and you know it. Makes me think of a goose and a gander.

Op: do the same thing with your female friends and see how quick she is pissed off and how fast she changes.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 65
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:23:51 PM
OP,you and her have not been together for a year....and she has allowed you back into her life as "just friends" for now.You are competing with other males for her attention.She is going to make azzwipe out of you.If you have half a brain leave RFN.
 iesha23
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 66
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:31:37 PM
"testing her out" - seriously??? ditch her.. if you have that kind of atttitude towards her then she can do better anyway. How about letting any past rubbish be forgotten and give things another chance rather than test her out. My heavens I don;t believe you wrote that.

But in answer to your question, yes it is ok for her to great her friends with a kiss on the cheek, it's not like she's frenching them in greeting them. A lot of women are physical beings and like to greet with a hug and kiss, I do it to my male, and female, friends, even while I was married. In fact, once recently I was meeting a friend for a drink, knew all bar 1 one at the table. greeted all my friends with a hug and kiss, realised there was someone new to me, so gave him a quick kiss too. he didn;t mind and now we're great friends. get over it, I'm sure you get more and she is just showing her caring emotional side to friends
 iesha23
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 67
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 3:45:51 PM
[Is your wife giving a guy a peck on the cheek in front of you really worse than you posting on a dating site that you are divorced and seeking a long-term relationship? I assume she has no knowledge of this profile. Who is passing whose tests?]


well said
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 68
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 4:20:14 PM

"Wife" doesn't mean "hidden away from all men" unless you're in Saudi Arabia.

You know, off subject, this really made me laugh about the people claiming this is "part of their religion". I`m ready an adventure novel written by Sebastian Faulk, writting as Ian Fleming, it`s a James Bond story, with the REAL James Bond, aka in the 1950`s or 60`s I believe. In it, he visits Persia, which, I don`t know all the details, but is mostly a Muslim land I believe. Long story short, a guy tells James Bond about women in Persia, how they dress and everything, let me quote you a small bit;
"[...]You`d be amazed, but some of the women in the most traditionnal families were reluctant to give up the symbol of their slavery. Policemen were told to rip the veils off them in the street.[...]Of course, the Chador was only ever a city phenomenon. Country women had their own clothes and didn't cover their faces anyway.[...]"

So, I don`t know how much the writer actually knows about these things, but seems to me he wouldnt throw that in there if it wasnt factual, which would seem to indicate the whole "Veils are my freedom of religion" issue to be rather just a bunch of old crybabies who want to hide their women from evil white men.
Anyone who`s more knowledgeable than me is welcomed to comment, and like I said, this is off subject, so sorry for those who don`t approve
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 69
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 5:10:32 PM
If she leaves the house in a mini skirt and mistletoe underwear THEN start to worry.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 70
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Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 6:17:00 PM

She is a very social person and I've always noticed that she hugs and kisses all her male friends on their cheek.

Did you notice this before you got married or after?

Yes, it is okay. You should try it some time. Hugging and kissing friends on the cheek is one of oldest and most common forms of non-sexual intimacy unless you're a Muslim or from a culture that forbids it, although even that is slowly changing. If she was having an affair and she was hiding it from you, I’m sure she wouldn’t hug and kiss in front of you, but since you're separated and on a dating site she can do whatever she wants.
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 71
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:24:58 PM
This has GOT to be the stupidest thing I ever read in my LIFE....


Thanks you flatter me...with you emotional responses.

Sorry to burst your angry little bubble Capt'n, but lots of people in north america and other countries do not hug and kiss somebody else wife everytime they see her. And most of my friends husbands and boyfriends don't hug me either. I was raised in the deep south and that would be considered disrespect to the spouse.

And even without my upbringing, to be truthful i'd just prefer not to hug and kiss someone elses partner based on the insanely high level of divorce and adultry in the usa. I think marriages need all the support and respect they can get around here. I'm doing my part, how about you? How are you honoring your friends relationships?
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 72
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 7:37:43 PM

It bothers me a lot but I haven't said anything because I'm testing her out. Am I over reacting or is it ok?


So you are testing her? So she does what? I think you come across as an extremely controlling, passive aggressive person. It bothers you a lot, yet you do nothing. Instead you are going to wait until you are mad as hell and explode.

Instead why don't you talk to her. Some cultures are big huggers and kissers. The fact that she is doing it in front of you it says that this is how I am, but I also prefer to be with you. If you blow it out of proportion, if you turn it into a test, it will become a self fulfilling prophesy that will explode again.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 73
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:14:11 PM

And even without my upbringing, to be truthful i'd just prefer not to hug and kiss someone elses partner based on the insanely high level of divorce and adultry in the usa. I think marriages need all the support and respect they can get around here. I'm doing my part, how about you?


If a friendly hug or kiss done as a gesture in greeting is causing adulty or divorce in your marriage, I don't believe you should be married. And in fact, if done in a genuine manner, is a sign of 'respect'.

Again, if this is a big problem in your marriage, I would expect it to crumble....
 BrownInOrange
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 74
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:19:52 PM
Has she ever given you a reason to distrust her?
If not, then definitely, you're overreacting.

If yes...and there were real reasons for it, you'll probably never trust her again.
 adawg71
Joined: 11/13/2011
Msg: 75
Is it OK for a wife to kiss and hug all her male friends.
Posted: 12/14/2011 9:35:03 PM
No its not ok with very many men,hugs are enough to show friends you care,kissing is way too intimant..oh and maybe hes only on here to read the forums
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