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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 6:51:40 AM | | @ Kevin mess. Nr. 1 . That last sentence about capsulizes the situation. Good for you. My feelings exactly. Altruism is dead in current society. Narcissism is alive and well. Read some of these profiles. IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!!! If you don't care for your kid; no one else will. What I tend to see is many women expect the "new dad" to toss his kid under the bus and see his child "when time permits". Sorry. For the most part; good DADS and nice guys sleep alone. | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 8:09:11 AM | | no it not any easier i am 44 and most woman have raise their kids and are ready to travel but the way i look at it, is our kids need us and i am proud to see a young man accept his responabiy and most woman don't have a clue what they want any more just wait god will send you the right one just keep being there for your kid that the most imporant | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 8:29:29 AM | I agree with UK...Most women your age are just starting out on their own, and aren't really looking to have an instant family. Not all, but most.
I made the mistake of marrying a man who had a 1.5yo daughter when I was 23...I fell in love with the little girl and thought that meant I loved the father. Worst. Mistake. Of. My. Life.
Good luck to you, though! | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 8:50:34 AM | | BTW, My divorce was final this past August and I have custody of my 12yo son, while my ex has custody of my 16yo daughter. Just wanted to give you some hope of getting custody of your daughter. | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 9:46:01 AM |
BTW, My divorce was final this past August and I have custody of my 12yo son, while my ex has custody of my 16yo daughter. Just wanted to give you some hope of getting custody of your daughter.
My congratulations on finding solutions that were probably difficult....but one might ask....why did you use "my" son and daughter as opposed to "our"...as woman so often like to use the suggestion it takes two to tango....and who and how are you providing the financial requirements to provide the house for both your son and yourself when you go to school?
I would ask the same question of financial provisions if you were a father or a mother. | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 3:26:05 PM | Tealwood said:
[and how are you providing the financial requirements to provide the house for both your son and yourself when you go to school?]
Just curious, Tealwood. How do you know I go to school and don't work? Did you read some of my other posts? I don't think I put that info on this post. But, to answer your question, I recieve alimony/child support and unemployment for being laid-off. Plus, I have an awesome roommate that helps pay the rent.
I live 2 hours away from my closest relative, but we moved out here shortly before we separated so that we could afford a single family home. And I wanted to move closer to my family and old friends so I would have a support system in place, but I also wanted to keep life stable for my son (and daughter that lived with me at the time), so I kept him close to his friends. We have met some dear friends and as I said earlier, my roommate is awesome and while I haven't asked for her help before, I am sure she would help with whatever I needed her to, as I would help her.
And as to why do I refer to them as my son and my daughter...they are! I am not part of a "we' or 'our' anymore, so don't usually refer to my kids that way...I dunno. It's not a concious decision, just what I have noticed I do.
Didn't mean to steal the OP thread. Good luck to you OP!  | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 6:42:03 PM | | I would just like you to know your not alone I too am a single dad im 25. I enjoy every moment I spend with my daughter. I am however confident that one day I will find a woman that is right for me and my litte girl. and I wish you luck at finding a woman aswell. | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/17/2011 7:46:49 PM | KevinSpringer > thank you for starting this thread. You could say that I've lived (and living) a similar life as yours, only a few years has passed.
I would like to also thank everyone else who added constructive point of views and thoughtful insights.
Dad2stay > You do have an attractive profile. I understand why you are being followed. *laughs*
Saraboo12 > It's great to know that there are possiblities. I agree with the commucation aspect of 2 single parents. *nodding* Yes. *smiles*
Happynotharry > Great advice. Was one of my suggestions as I have joined similar community supports. Being with other single fathers is motivating and supportive. Even if they are not single, as a father, they understand. Besides, they're all there for help and support.
KevinSpringer > I suggest that you create a social circle. Try a few sessions of these community support programs. Don't freak out. Enjoy the good things and charish those memories. See it from there and focus on the future. It seems to work for me and did work for Dad2stay (and others). Single fathers get a deep in social health. *smiles* Taking such responsibility only brings us closer and shows our masculinity. Now you have something to tell those other males. Who's the MEN now? I know I am. *laughs*
To respond to your question, odds are less for single fathers than single mothers to date as previously suggested. It may change in a couple of generations.
Cheers! And don't be dramatic. Clear your mind and focus on priorities. "The true pretty ladies are found beside the key; under the mat. Dust her off and say Hi (with a smile)" (my quote *smiles*)
Ladies > Thanks for the great responses! *smiles and winks* | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/18/2011 3:23:14 PM | | I'm 34 y.o. and I'm a single dad and most women refuse to date me which isn't fair because before my daughter was born I used to date single moms and I've never had any problems with that, I still date single moms thou | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/18/2011 9:00:15 PM | | Great thread/question. It seems everyone is kinda right here. Kevin, you mentioned it might be easier if you were older with a child? Nope! lol I'm 39 and have my 2 daughters (7 & 3) most of the time. All I can say is that what I mostly do is look at women who are in the same situation as myself as far as kids go. Instaed of saying "baggage" I'd like to meet someone who knows the joys and "challages" of being a parent. Not sure if your looking at women without kids, but I'm sure at your age most don't want that commitment of a young child just yet. You seem like a great person/Dad and I'm sure things will turn out good for you. Also, and just to throw it out there, online dating is difficult! I won't ramble about all my stories on here lol but I always say, "It doesn't matter about your failures on here just that one success!" Good luck! | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/19/2011 7:03:51 PM | | i have the same problem granted my pics orful but since iv had him girls just want to be m8ts with me.i love my son to bits and will never let a girl um between us itd be nice to be able to have a relationship aswell any ideas ? | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/20/2011 3:19:39 PM | I don't think it is so much your age as much as meeting people who have children versus those who don't. I have known a lot of single women from age 20-40 that have kids who ran into similar problems with men who do not have children.
As a woman and just someone in general who is childless, I can offer you my experience/insight to aversion to single dads:
1. Baby momma/ex drama that was clearly the proverbial ring in the guy's nose where it interferes with the man's adult & child relationships. Been there, done that.
2. No time for the woman. I dated a man who was wonderful and seemed like a great man & father---but he worked 3rd shift and the only time he had off he spent with his daughter. I'm glad he did and he should. Good for their relationship but obviously not good for me or anyone else he dated. He shouldn't be dating anyone period until he was able to figure out his time management better
3. Most single dads don't normally want more children or fairly unsure if they do want anymore. As a woman without a child and who eventually wants children of their own--that is a huge deal breaker. I dated a man who had older children once. A 13 and 11 year old. He clearly knew I wanted to have children of my own one day while at the time, he was on the fence about more children. He always said "maybe". He eventually broke up with me because "I really can't see myself being a father to young children at my age" He was only 33 at the time and had his kids early. Needless to say that caused a lot of pain because he knew darn well how I felt and what I wanted long before he allowed it to progress as far as it did.
I would consider dating a man with a child/children depending on
1. If he can stand up to his ex and not allow her to interfere or use her child as a pawn--all within reason obviously
2. Clearly has time for both his child and myself
3. Eventually wants to have more children
I think a lot of women would feel the same but I can't speak for all. Don't get down about it, there are women, both childless and with children willing to date men with kids. | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/21/2011 7:37:49 AM | | well im 23 and me personally i wont date a man with a kid i have lots of reasons 1 is if i choose to have a kid i want it to be our first expereince together dating a man with a kid just complicates things for me at least im honest about it. if i wanted to deal with kids i would of had one but 23 i want a man that can do what he wants when he wants your only young once i tried talking to few men with kids kids get sick gotta pick them up for school then there is the whole thing about my kid comes first no matter and thats fine... really if i had a kid it be the same way BUT I DONT NEED TO BE REMINDED IM BE 2ND BEST TO YOU so with that being said i just avoid the whole thing i feel i should be first in a mans heart like he is with me then i will gladly give up my first spot to our kid but til then forget it this is just my opionion alot of people seem to get very defensive sometimes well thats just my answer oh and try dating a women with a kid might be better for you least they should understand now bear in mind.... YOUR A GOOD FATHER THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT MORE MEN SHOULD BE LIKE YOU but.. whatever kids bring to the table some people just dont wanna deal | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/21/2011 6:06:25 PM | | i feel for you buddy. it's rough. if your kid was older, more mature, she would tell you that she wants you to be happy. Your happiness is implicit in your ability to parent to the best of your ability. Nobody ever said it would be easy. It's not. It's worth it for your child's love and the bond. Anyone passing judgement on your situation...well who cares about them. Keep trying and you can choose to be happy now, but easier said than done. | |
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cwg76
| | Joined: 9/15/2011
Msg: 43 | |
| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/22/2011 9:20:33 AM | | I have had kind of the opposite effect. They tend to gravitate towards me more since I have a child. I was told once that people with children tend to be more responsible, and that is what this one person liked about dating men with children. On the other hand, I have had few that didnt want to date me because I have a child.... Didnt bother me one bit either. My son is more important to me than anything. Good ridance! | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/24/2011 4:03:05 AM | | I have spoken with a few single dads and sorry if I am tarring you with the same brush, but all they talk about is how difficult it is to raise a child alone....how horrid the ex is. You get bombareded with all this information you cant get to assess whether you like the person or not. So I for one do tend to avoid single fathers (how double standard does that sound) I also do not like how men post pictures of their children in their profile, am I meant to look at you then decide if you have the kind of child Id like to take on? x | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/24/2011 7:18:13 AM | Hi Kevin,
I have brought my son up since he was a baby and it has been tough at times, i did see someone for a few years when he was alot younger but been mostly single since then and at 44 i wonder if me having a 9yr old puts some off?!
All i can say is enjoy your time with you child, i know it can sometimes get lonely but when the time is right you will meet someone, good luck!
David | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/24/2011 7:43:48 AM | | I wouldnt say having a child puts me off, its too much information about how your a single dad is what is off putting. Lets get to know you first then information that you want to share about your family x | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/24/2011 8:59:36 AM | | I agree, and disagree with many of these posts. Regardless of the age, kids need attention. I don't think you need to wait until the child is a certain age to start dating. You're ready when you're ready. Being a single father at 32, I'm more cautious about my daughter meeting those that I date. I don't think it would be a good idea... and many would agree. Best of luck. | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/24/2011 11:16:16 AM | I agree with xMs Nicolax: you don't need to spew your personal situation out to everyone off the bat. I'm 27 and I have a 5 year old, so I know what it's like to be 24 with a baby. The thing is, you can't go and reveal all the drama you're having with the mom from the start, it's depressing and no one wants to think about what'll make them feel bad. If you want to date: present yourself and what kind of person you are, mention that you are a single parent and focus on showing that you are like any other young adult. It's not because you have a child that you can't be fun, engaging, smart or interesting, and if the girl doesn't realize that, that's her problem. The fact of the matter is, you can't push your custody struggles on someone you're trying to get acquainted with, let alone date.
Personally, I don't bother with dating. For the most part, it's for the reasons posted above by some of the women: girls in their mid-twenties are mainly looking to enjoy life. These aren't the 50s where they had to be married to live away from their parents, women have options and those options (much like the options of men) usually veer towards focusing on partners to share adventures with. When the right person comes along, people tend to feel it, but until then, it's probably best to just enjoy your life, the time you spend with your daughter and try to regain balance in the turbulence that surrounds your parenting situation. | |
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| Are single dads something most women don't like?
Posted: 12/25/2011 9:00:24 AM | | Being a single parent of an 8 yr old at 40, I can say that the role that men play in parenting is slowly changing. I typically will not reply to an ad if the woman does not have a kid, and likely around mine's age. It also works out well because the women with kids mine's age are usually younger than I am. I don't have any issues dating, it becomes more about finding the person that is compatable with my parenting style which is modern... | |
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