| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 7/9/2005 9:52:15 AM | Eddie, you're dead on about the introduction of a male and female for the possibility of marriage. that's what most arranged marriages are these days. i guess to most people, "arranged marriage" still holds the negative connotation of a forced marriage. in this day and age, the majority of arranged marriages are not forced. although both parties agree to marry, there's just not the dating before marriage.
all this stoning and other stuff is not part religious, nor is it really a cultural thing (other than in a few rural backwards areas) it's just extreme behaviour. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 7/9/2005 11:52:09 PM | Sometimes I wish that I was set up.... but then again I am sure if it was mandatory I would feel outragged.... the grass is always greener.....
It is sad that some cultures go so far into making choices for someone else.... choices that can be life long and or negative... :( | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 7/10/2005 12:10:06 AM | IT may be weird but there is probably a smaller divorce rate amoungst
arranged marriages than "love" marriages.
Possibly because right from the start, in arranged marriages,
the partners realize that they must cope with and learn about each other.
AN attitude to make the best of the situation they were thrown into.
THat just happens to be a great attitude for long term relationships.
In a love marriage the couple believes that have found their one and only
and paradise is here. (I know - not exactly- but that type of thought is there)
Then, when people change with time, instead of coping, the attitude that "this is't
what I got into this for" is there and makes each less tolerant or considerate.
OR.....
In a "love" marriage, since it was YOUR choice to get married- if you don't like it,
it's YOUR choice to get unmarried!
I do believe in freedom of choice (and love) but I think the divorce statistics show
that that freedom does NOT have an advantage in length of marriages over
family selected matings.
In the long run, whatever the original basis for marriage, nothing beats just accidentally hitting the perfect match.
Evan | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 7/10/2005 12:14:52 AM | | I think that people are unkind anymore...... I think that is the reason for divorce. Not too many people actually know how to love... it is sad. :( | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 7/10/2005 12:36:24 AM | Come to think of it.....my pals who had their marriage arranged have outlasted my marriage of delirious love | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 7/10/2005 12:41:26 AM | ^^^ thats because you thought she had buttermilk breath...  Just playing but just so you know... I can't get that out of my head Carri!!!!!!!
The truth is you just haven't met me yet!  | |
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r324
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Joined: 7/13/2005
Msg: 36 | |
| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 7/25/2005 12:47:55 PM | I believe that 'Indians' (as you call them) don't believe in love....just compatibility, and perhaps genetics. I guess you can say that they are on a diet of 'bread and water'...enough to survive...but not too much to spoil them | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:10:30 AM | Hallo, Christine.....
Well Both of the parties are interested, both are happy with this arrangement. Why do you worry? Most arranged marriages are not FORCED marriages. In most times both bride and groom gets involved. And would like to have that way. Sometimes you need to do little bit more research to understand this.
bye | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:44:13 AM | | I remember watching a documentary on this subject and the young man was brought in before the potential bride and she has to either give him the thumbs up or thumbs down. It was not forced on anybody. Arranged marriages are nothing more than an introduction service. The only difference is that the two youngins take that introduction more seriously than we would here. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 4:51:54 AM | | Yes I think I feel the same too. But usually these days parents give sometime or their children to decide. They do talk to each other by telephone or otherwise. I dont see any wrong in the system. Most are happy about it. Ofcourse I do question Dowry part of it:). In that case mainly girl side has to take all negitive side of it. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 5:00:14 AM | laver...not all aranged marriages are that way.
I went to university with a girl from Lebanon. One day she told me that her marriage had been "decided". She was going to get married to a man in Ottawa whom she'd never met.... | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 41 | |
| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 5:56:02 AM | She was pulling your leg Blu. Laver is right on and the concept of arranged marriages is nothing more than an introduction service. It is even less pronounced in the Middle Eastern families, ex parte Saudi Arabia, and certainly not a common practice in Lebanon. The Middle Eastern version involves getting invited to a lot of dinners once a male indicates that he is ready to settle down and start a family.
Frankly, it removes a lot of the problems that we have in North America. First of all, you know that the families will get along. Second, you wont need to do a background check or worry about sex on the first date or even who pays for the dinner and the movie. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:32:07 AM | | Indian arranged marriages are different. Usually bride and groom meet before. Except in very conservative families. Most muslims mainly from middle east are vverr conservative. I think concept seeing before marriage exist in Indian treditions long back. In Telugu its called Pellichupulu (marriage seeings) where bride and groom meet. Then only it is decided. Ofcourse India has various customs, it depends on theirs also. But at my it exists. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:37:59 AM | no she was not pulling my leg arriano. She had never met the man. He lived in Ottawa and she lived in Halifax.
What are you basing your opinion on? you aren't from the Middle East..... | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 44 | |
| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:44:37 AM | | Arranged marriages as perceived by most North Americans rarely happen in any society, Indian or otherwise. For the most part, families take a direct interest in helping their children chose the right mate. To the best of my knowledge, rarely anyone feels totally obligated to getting married to someone they don’t want to. However, this doesn’t mean that families don’t pour on the pressure, and it’s usually the mothers and the women of the family who arrange the meetings and push their choices on the poor kids. But thats what mothers do, they want the best for their children. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 46 | |
| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:50:32 AM | | ^^^^ I was born in Europe, but I am Persian. I lived in Iran for 10 years and have travelled extensively. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:51:09 AM | | Blu, you're basing your opinion on what one girl told you. It could have been true, or not true. Take Indigo's insight. He is indian. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:51:37 AM | "Can reasoning and true love defeat customs?"
Only when men from these cultures acknowledge the true worth of women - and see us as a complimentary equal to themselves. Deny the rights of women and you hold back love. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:53:19 AM | Laver...I'm not basing my opinion on what one girl told me! that was ONE example.
Like indigo said, conservative muslims do the arranging... | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:56:28 AM | | Yes, but the topic concerned Indians. And with Indians, it is not a forced marriage. Like I said, the girl gives the thumbs up or down like an emperor in a collosium. The boy has to accept her decision. | |
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