| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:58:14 AM | | ahh I misunderstood what you wrote about the documentary. I assumed you meant arranged marriages in general | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 52 | |
| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 6:58:25 AM | heavenl ---- Don’t believe in the propaganda you see on TV. Aside from Saudi Arabia, Yemen and a couple of other very conservative societies. women are not treated as second class citizens.
Pakistan and India both had Prime Ministers who were women. Iran’s last Vice President was a woman and a higher ratio of female university educted women compare to North America. Could you say that for United States and Canada. Mind you, we did have Kim Campbell for a month.
Laver --- the thumbs up or down like an emperor in a coliseum is also Hollywood.
Blu --- I am Canadian too and I am talking about real countries.
PS. You guys post too fast
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:00:01 AM | arriano....for the record I haven't watched tv in years.
( not that it makes a difference but I'm not American either  )
yes Kim and now an openly gay cabinet minister.....
I beg to differ....in many more countries than you mentioned, i.e. Guatemala, women are still treated as second class citizens, if they're indigenous. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:16:44 AM | hello Heavenl, We arent denying the rights of a women. We are not talking of forced marriages. Bride and groom both are involved in it. None of them are forced. My sister is going to get married next month. Its an arranged marriage. My parents and I talked to her a lot, we told many times if she had any reservations we would stop. Only after she said Yes she got engaged. She had I remember once (it was a different guy) reservation on one guy. We said no to them at that time. None are forced. I asked once why dont you Love someone. She wasnt interested in it.
Some in the west get confused with arranged and forced marriages.
I say strongly NO to forced maarriages, most Young Indians say that. Most do accept if girl/boy comes and says that they love, eventhough some can hve reservations on castes. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:23:56 AM | | Hallo arianno, I am born in Warangal. I proud to say that we had king who was female long back. Tht is bofore british, before Muslim rulers. Her name is Rudra of Kaktiya Dynasty. Even though she had problems ruling (Her enimies thought she was weak, so there were lot of wars and husband had to be imprisoned for life for trying to overthrow her). | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 7:51:07 AM | Hello to you too --- there is a lot of misunderstanding in the west about the passion and respect that really exists in the eastern cultures. Romance, love, family and freedom of choice are concepts that are well routed in our cultures and women are very well regarded. Our combined literature is rich and all about love and passion. I also think both the Kushan and Gupta dynasties in India had female rulers too.
Question for everyone else:
Would you rather show cleavage on some online dating site to attract strangers for the hope finding the one, or would you trust your families who have your best interest in mind to find potential candidates for you? | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 8:28:20 AM | hallo arrianno, I know remember Indian Constitution written in 1950 after independence guarentied equal rights to women and all are equal. European and US women had to fight for it afterwards and also blacks in the US. Martin Luther Kings major influence came from Gandhi, principles of Ahimsa (Non violence) isnt new even for Gandhi. Budhism and Jainism which are born in India use it as a strong fundemental policy. Even Hindusim did discuss it in its holy book (bhagavat geeta).
Your question: I will use best of two probabilly. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 58 | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 11:44:57 AM | "Would you rather show cleavage on some online dating site to attract strangers for the hope finding the one, or would you trust your families who have your best interest in mind to find potential candidates for you?"
well that brings up another sore point - there is no way I would want to spend my life wearing a tent covered from head to toe so as not "to tempt men". What is wrong with showing some cleavage? - God created our bodies afterall - why should we have to cover up?
As much as I love and respect my family they are individuals in their own right with their own ideas,aspirations and agendas. I am perfectly able to make the decision of who I want to spend my time with and who is "right" for me - they dont have to sleep with them either. Families are likely to be biased towards a mate who offers financial security and I can understand the pressures of this, but this can be to the detriment of physical and spiritual health. I am real lucky to have been born in the UK. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/8/2005 12:08:56 PM | | Going off what you said. I would say its about being raised with histroy, and teaches them they can love anyone and devote there life to them, if they try because it is like test, and they are being tested threw it. Personaly I wouldn't want to live that way. But thats how they might of been raised. Don't be the first person to try to change life how they know it, because if they mess up with who they picked to love, and went against the way they were raised then they are shamed. That turns out to more harder for them to live with in the end. Thats just how they were raised, and how they are. If I am going on what you put down. I personly don't know much about them. Only the person know what a person can really life with. If they want to pick who they love, then they will pick who to love. If their histroy matters to them, then maybe not. Doesn't mean they wont love them. Some people devote them selfs, and let them selfs love, and are happy. People live different ways, ways that alot of people never understand. We must stand down and leave them to their dission to live how ever they want to. Hard to answer something I really don't know to much about. Maybe others will be more help. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/10/2005 7:29:59 AM | | hallo sammysalt, Nobody is forcing to love each other. And ya they defnetly have freedom as much as you people have. We are raised perfectly with good values. One of the important thing why our marriages are succecessful because we have good family values. | |
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arri
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 64 | |
| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/10/2005 8:36:03 AM | I wouldn’t go so far to say good family values. That might sound a little derogatory, however, families are more involved and take strong involvement and positions, and a marriage between two young people also serves as a bridge between the families.
Needless to say, arranged marriages as perceived in the west are none existent. Well, can’t say that either, but very rare but none existent among the more educated population.
It is really not much more than an introduction service, and please accept that finding a mate is hard. Why else would people use online services and dating services? | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 9/10/2009 3:12:12 PM |
Yes, but the topic concerned Indians. And with Indians, it is not a forced marriage. Like I said, the girl gives the thumbs up or down like an emperor in a collosium. The boy has to accept her decision.
Generally both people agree upon whether they want to get married in any country. And just like in every other country it is men who need convincing to get married since the financial risks are bigger for men no matter what part of the world you live in. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 9:01:15 AM | Depends on the Indian men. There are indians who do break away from culture tradtions and do their own thing when they come to America on their own. I went to college with both males and females. Some females do away with the veiling. Some Indians convert to christianity once they become Americanized.
It would suck to have a marriage arranged for them. I guess you could say Indai has never moved forward to the modern world. Instead the counrty chose to follow tradtional values and customs. This is different because a lot of countries pattern themselves after the USA. I | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 11:11:39 AM | Can reasoning and true love defeat customes, parents, society, religion, the in-laws, the family business, the emotional blackmail?
I'm sorry to tell you something: men of any culture are the least likely to sacrifice everything for love.
In my experince, Indian men are ultra and extra hopeless in this concern. Lost cause my friend. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:00:39 PM | abyss I can relate, I am a Latina who has dated all nations (united nations hehe) but I refuse to date another Indian male. I too have allowed myself to fall for them, as I love some of their cultural aspects, even my children's middle name are Hindi. But the males always had pre arranged marriages in India that I found out later about, they would not take me serious and would not change their life direction even if it would make them unhappy. It is just what has to be done. Then why the fk waste my time? Sex. You cant get sex from a virgin bride across the globe. The last Indian American male I dated moved her in to his place without marriage but still would email me when she wasn't in town, you can come over if you want. NO. friggin. NO. It was hilarious when I went to a hotel with one Indian guy I was seeing for several months, who as we were checking in was recognized by the owner of the hotel. It seems he was a big shot in India who;s family was well known and he was trying to explain why he needed to give me a room because of some made up sob story. screw his brains out and never looked back again. Sorry no Indian men for me again.  | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:02:22 PM | And online I attract many an Indian, Paki and Middle Easterner. I have found 8 out of 10 are virgins. I cant date a virgin sorry. Im not gonna be their first and know they want to marry me but wont, because I am a single divorced mother of two and refuse to have any more children. Do they still try, incessantly.  Also I went out with an Indian male who was a virgin but he expected bjs because he was stressed (multiple business etc), I said its not gonna happen unless we date, and he said no we can be friends w benefits, I said no we date, needless to say it didnt happen, because his social skills were so bad, I am unsure how many American women fell for his line, the fact he was gorgeous and fit helped I guess, but not for me. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:06:55 PM | Actually, Indian customs aren't that different from european or asian customs. Romeo and Juliet was based on true love ruined by their feuding families. In the King and I, an asian couple couldn't love one another because the girl was promised to the king and she and her true love could never be together. These are customs from another age. A time when the life expectancy was around forty years old. There was little to no education and the masses felt afraid of what 'their god' might do unless they lived under strict supervision.
Today is a different story. Let's face it India is being 'westernized' as you put it because American corporations outsourced American jobs for cheaper labor in India. With that being said, money changes everything. Suddenly, those that are making a few extra bucks are beginning to question ancient ways. Many other cultures felt this way over the past 100 years of entering the US.
What someone would have to do in order to elevate their thinking isn't an easy task. In a way you will find yourself feeling like a 'pioneer' crossing uncharted territory. Elders in your family will be strongly opposed to your 'new self-appointed right' to marry the one you love instead of the one they selected for you. In a way, they might even be envious of your newfound freedom. A freedom they were denied. So sooner or later you will have to make a choice. Marry whoever 'they' want you to marry and live a life that is unfulfilling but enjoy their approval. Or, marry whoever you fall in love with, and face the music probably for the rest of your life. It's not an easy decision. But I assure you, American born people who have parents who immigrated here, have weathered the storm. True love is the right choice, no matter what your elders think or whatever punishment they inflict. Good luck to you in your choice. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 12:52:36 PM | most indeans i know have arranged marriages , they pick there 'women' out when they are just children, 5 to 9 year olds, and consummate the marriage when she reaches puberty,once they are of legal age they bring them to canada, but they like to have them sexually when they are small children, there are several books and films on the subject
usually because the children are raped, they become submisive, that why that explaines the young age | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 2:48:13 PM |
Can reasoning and true love defeat customs?
Love alone won't win anything....its freedom that revitalizes our soul, the freedom to choose what we want, even when we marry for love and the love disappears, it's the knowing that we've made that choice is what keeps people at peace within themselves. There is a certain aura/look that people have when they haven't been given that freedom, it’s very dull sad looking, almost as though their souls are asleep. Sure their marriages may last a lifetime but they will always feel a sense of something missing, a void because they weren't able to practice the very thing we've all come here to do ....Free will…… to choose, to experience to live life based on our choices. | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:24:47 PM | in my op ~ indians must be doing many things right ! as a group - they seem too rank right up there , with the most intelligent on earth.
having said that ^^^ i believe they need a Beetle invasion of some type  ...
peace love & rock n roll | |
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| Why Indians are scared to love?
Posted: 10/24/2009 7:39:58 PM | I think the successful marrage rate cant be defamed,nor the stability of the family structure which has succesffuly survived dispite the negative aspects you mentioned.
Its funny but the things you dont like about Indian culture and its stability, many here today desire. So many constantly doubt others feelings and love toward them constantly dismissing others based on how they themselves feel, only to realize it eventually sizzles and fades after the intial honeymoon, infatuation stage leaves within a year, leaving opting for a new relationship to recapture what they felt in the beginning. I think the India culture is aware of that and why it is so difficult to get divorsed. People have to work at a marrage to make it work for the sake of the family which is really the reason for getting married in the first place. Just my view of things. | |
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