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 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 20
what the heck is going onPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
agreed luisipher as they were both adults .
They wana start dishing out rules now id walk as it stinks of ideots
 theangelworeredshoes
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 21
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 11:41:44 AM
Sound like she jealous, and behaving like child , ur single it's one shag it's not a crime.tell em to grow up and move on
 pauline2012
Joined: 11/28/2011
Msg: 22
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 12:46:08 PM

1. either the friend of your colleague failed to mention to your colleague that you called a halt but she said it was ok to go ahead

2.the girl you had sex with said it was ok to go ahead as she secretly fancied you and was hoping things would develop between you afterwards and when it didnt she has sour grapes about you

3. or, your colleague likes you for herself and doesnt like the fact you slept with her friend instead


Or maybe she'll never be able to look at the pair of you again in the same room at the same time knowing that you did the dirty deed.

Who knows, it could be 100 different reasons. People like to think when it comes to the matters of all things sexual that they are enlightened but sometimes when it gets a tad too close to home they realise that they aren't. Even if they cannot put a finger on specifically why.
 kirkstmoritz2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 23
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 12:46:59 PM

Sound like she jealous, and behaving like child , ur single it's one shag it's not a crime.tell em to grow up and move on


 Geordie_Colin
Joined: 6/20/2011
Msg: 24
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 1:15:49 PM
Yeh. Your workmate may have been given the indication from her housemate that she was not best pleased that her charms had not won you over or that your workmate wanted a portion from you and is vexed?
Women have some very complex emotions going on and it can sometimes be impossible to get all of the answers that your looking for because of that.
Have a cigar in their honour and trust your instincts more next time.

 jaqi
Joined: 2/2/2008
Msg: 25
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 2:42:03 PM
I agree she's definitely jealous. Walk away from both of them they're not worth the hassle by the sounds of things.

You know a thought has just crossed my mind that perhaps your colleague told her pal that she fancied you, before the 'dirty deed' and her pal just had to go out to get you first! Hmmmm whatever the case you are better off steering clear ... one's devious and the other childish. xx
 Lorri55
Joined: 10/5/2007
Msg: 26
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 2:49:45 PM
Sounds a wee bit like the green-eyed monster to me and I really wouldn't worry too much about it to be honest.
You are all adults and what you choose to do is really your own business.
Sounds like someone else needs to grow up a bit?
Best of luck anyway.
 ICEACHE
Joined: 12/4/2011
Msg: 27
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/29/2011 4:42:16 PM
you nailed the wrong one.
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 28
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:34:27 AM
Unless she has asked him not to get involved with any of her friends, how has he abused their friendship or shown he wasn't trustworthy?

If it was a very close friend, then I would have cleared it with her first or at least let her know what I was intending - although, all my close friends would suspect my intentions, if they introduced me to one of their hot female friends.

He's a tart because he got involved - albeit briefly - with a girl? Understandable if it was serial behaviour, but ridiculous thinking if it's based on one incident.

I agree that it's possible that she actually is upset because she thinks he has taken advantage of her friend - although nothing the OP has said, indicates or suggests he did - but then that is probably her being overprotective.

The bloke and the girl he had sex with are both adults. If they have no problem with what happened, then why should anyone else be getting upset on either person's behalf?

From what has been said, the melodrama seems to be of the friend's making, rather than stemming from the people who got it on.

I don't think she is jealous - I wouldn't want to say that from what we know so far. I do think she is getting the arse over something that really isn't any of her business or even anything to get upset about.
 MikeWM
Joined: 2/7/2011
Msg: 29
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:39:11 AM
My first thought was whether it was a jealousy thing to be honest

Which would seem to fit in well with her overreaction to what is a pretty insignificant occurence really


Maybe you should take her feelings into account and be understanding of why she might be being snarky with you and as a way to try and patch things up and stop her feeling jealous invite her to join in with you and her room mate next time

Sorted
 kirkstmoritz2
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 30
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 3:56:28 AM

He was caught rapid by his workmate, her being disgusted with him for being such a tart is not about jealousy..it's about him abusing her friendship which included introducing him to people close to her, imagining he was trustworthy - he behaved disrespectfully towards her by breaking that trust...and it's clear she does not want to become a third wheel in whatever melodrama will ensue because of his sexual predator type ways..



That has a disturbing tone running through it. These people are adults ffs.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 31
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:16:26 AM
The immature people are the ones who have sex with each other without considering the consequences.....of which there appears to be many.

If he was like that wouldnt the flat mate also no to avoid . Rather than say im to drunk she tangoed it took two .
Both women were friends so they would have had plenty chat and gossip about the op .
.
IT STINKS OF JELOUSY to me
the one who wasnt bonked still wants to talk to op but with flat mate well out the picture ..WHY cause if she seen anything that made her think there was something jelousy .

if i slept with someone had made a mistake and i was given rules buy a mate . My mates wouldnt pull that one on me they no im a stuborn strong willed git and id WALKAWAY

I also would never ever hurt a mate if i new she had a secret crush on a guy that guy id not entertain id value my friends feelings

if your workmate had a secret crush on you and the flat mate new shes no friend shes a little vulture .
 theangelworeredshoes
Joined: 6/30/2011
Msg: 32
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 4:20:51 AM
(That has a disturbing tone running through it. These people are adults ffs. )


She agreed to have a shag with him they both enjoyed it . 1 shag dose not, a commitment make. maybe next time he could ask her mate to join in and they can have 3 sum. maybe they will all be happy then
 Lusipher
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 33
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:01:16 AM
Where are you getting this from?

He had sex with a friend of a friend. She told her friend and their mutual friend appears to have got the arse about it. Has anything been said to suggest that the people who had sex, now have a problem with each other and are expecting her to sort it out?

Of course there could be more to the tale, but nothing suggests that she will be caught in the middle - unless it goes Pete Tong and that's always a risk if you are friends with both people who are involved with each other.

They consented to have sex with each other. Why all the drama? I would say that (from what has been said) the friend needs to butt out and stop getting the arse over things which have nothing to do with her.
 try1more
Joined: 12/16/2007
Msg: 34
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:02:21 AM
"That has a disturbing tone running through it. These people are adults ffs."

my thoughts exactly!
a and b should consider c before embarking on anything ???
control freak comes to mind.
if a friend/relative was getting cosy with someone i thought for some reason unsuitable, i "might" tell them my thoughts and why.
forewarned is forearmed, but i would accept whatever they chose to do about it.
the "only" reason i would not want to be around them, is that i simply wouldn't want to be around that person full stop!
unless of course they were getting it on while i was in the same room trying to sleep/watch a movie etc.

my take is that jealousy probably was involved maybe not because the colleague wanted the op.
more like the colleague isn't getting any, and doesn't want to be around feeling the sexual tension while going without herself.
nobody likes to play gooseberry!

as for becoming a go between, no chance!
but it wouldn't bother me, just wouldn't play that game, wouldn't think much of anyone that thought i might either.
 DEEE36
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 35
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 5:15:39 AM
Your colleague has already told you her answer - she's her friend - considers her a sister and is being protective for whatever reason - many suggestions such as jealousy, being given a different drunken story by her friend, butting in etc have been given. However she stated - she thinks you used her friend. She said you also betrayed her trust. Thats the issues and her position within the story.

Sounds to me like she has a different perception of that night - if her friend was up for what went down then she wasn't used. I wonder what she means by being used, the explanation is behind that comment. Betraying trust - she reacts by reforming the friendships and communication. She withdraws and doesn't want to be part of it although is controlling the situation.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 36
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:06:40 AM
Who cares about your mates...think about you being in the same situation as the woman who works with the guy who shagged her flatmate..

Imagine being the one who is forced to hear from both parties about the other and possibly being put in the position of being some sort of go-between between both - I'd have no qualms about telling each of them they should sort it out between each other and letting them know that I would rather see them both seperately from now on..if someone presumed that I was being jealous because I wasn't into drama like that I'd beat the crap out of them....what would your friends do about that then?


My friends are not agressive neither am i EVER
beating the crap out of someone is not the actions of a women id have anything to do with .
I was in a regular pub on boxing day i go to i seen a women smack a guy in the face with a tumbler blood was everywere .
my stomach contents landed on my boots i could not stop being sick .
Im a very gentle women .

My mates and me have isues there is never any violence .
yes my mates have told me of at times .
I go in a huff sometimes but i never in a million years would hit someone .
My mouth is for sorting out problems

im thinking about it and if my mate consented as an adult to have sex then regretted it id discuss .
id be honest and help her move on .
It takes two to tangle op said he said no so she was a willing party .

We can all do things in life we regret we move on from them we dont make it a drama that effects others lifes
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 37
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:16:50 AM
scarey im no wuss im just non violent and i hate it ,
I hold my own with what god gave me the ability to communicate .
There is nothing that cant be sorted out with proper communication
as for fancing op god give me strength im old enouth to be the young mans mother .
I like men nearer my own age
 Cheburashka
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 38
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what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:38:29 AM
Rule 1: Dont fcuk a friend.
Rule 2: Dont fcuk a friends friend. [really important if you like your friend]

It really is the second most important rule of friendship.

Her reaction might seem strange to you but to a woman it really isnt.
 bambiisnotsingle
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 39
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 6:44:02 AM
Maybe a few yrs back id have looked at a younger guy not now scarey ,
The wild ones calming down my needs have changed loads .
I would be out with mates in rock bars at weekends .
Dureing the week walking with my father loveing nature in all its glory .
After grieving the worst loss in my life i no exactly whats important to me in my life .
grieving has changed me a lot its mellowed me .
Leave the partying to the young i will let my hair down on ocassions
but having someone who at same place in there life as me is important very very
Pub or going to see the deer in my nature reserve my babys win .
Im still very sociable but loss taught me and gave me focus on what i love most .
Im 47 scarey i want to grow old gracefully .
wrinkle natrally go grey and have a man who loves me for who i am .
watch bette davis in Mr. Skeffington

a women is beautifull when she is LOVED .
 Romi_74
Joined: 1/5/2011
Msg: 40
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:15:40 AM
Fcuk your colleague...give us the details of the shagg...

Just joking, follow my instructions: invite your colleague out for dinner and bring a big bouquet of roses, tell her you are very sorry for what you did and that you treasure her friendship above all else and you will never do such a silly thing like that ever again...next thing get on your knees and propose to her...if she turns you down, you'll know she wasn't jealous.

Good luck
 celladore
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 41
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 7:20:06 AM
Scarymush, you have me rolling in laughter at your assumptions of me.
Of course, i am the man in the situation so i must have lied cheated and wangled my wormy way around, like all men do of course.
Honestly, if it wasn't the internet i might just take you seriously.
Plus it was me that stated that i don't date colleagues.
 Romi_74
Joined: 1/5/2011
Msg: 42
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 8:33:13 AM
Ok let's be serious for a moment.

How many women have you had sex with in your life? How many of those women are you still friendly with? ...now...now...be honest because this is important.

Women see sex in a different way from men, they might say "yeah what the heck let's just do it" an then regret it...having sex with someone changes everything for a woman...because once that happens the man cannot be just a friend anymore. You might be the nicest guy on earth and never try to take advantage of that woman ever again, even if she is drunk and is begging to have sex with you, but I can guarantee you that you are part of a very very small minority.

So what you have now is a lady that doesn't trust you and does not feel comfortable with you...how can you expect her friend (your colleague) to feel like nothing has changed when everything is different now? Your colleague is upset not because you had sex with her friend but because you have made things uncomfortable for the three of you...she obviously enjoys your company a great deal and she doesn’t want to spoil the time she spends with you feeling uncomfortable should her friend be there too.
 celladore
Joined: 11/11/2011
Msg: 43
what the heck is going on
Posted: 12/30/2011 9:35:40 AM
@ Romi 74

The odd thing is you are right, i speak to ex's rarely, if at all. but the girl i slept with mensioned here has been in touch, still comes round for tea and asks me to do diy and we've all socialised, the only one causing a problem is the colleague. who is of last week an ex colleague as i've changed my job.
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