| | Why don't women approach guys much?Page 4 of 15 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15) |
then again their shopping list of who they are looking for doesnt help and renders them paralyzed with fear..
Or, they're already afraid and make things difficult to keep them from happening . . . | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/14/2012 6:36:41 PM | To be honest I think their is a bit of an issue of a lot of the women on this site being single mothers, which means they have less time to send out infinite amount of creative messages. The other issue is it seems like the very popular girls that get written to feel like they don't need to send any messages as they have more than their share of messages to deal with, without having to search and work for them.
The remainder of women are those that feel like they will get rejected if they try, after all if no one is sending them messages at all, then they will just get more rejection by trying.
But that is just my best guess. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/14/2012 7:35:23 PM | In real life, I rarely approach men, and I have to admit that it is no different here. But the longer I stay, the more comfortable I become moving from favoring some profiles to messaging someone that has an exceptionally interesting profile, again probably mirroring real life.
I don't know about the younger women, but I know in my day that it could be miscontrued to approach men. While it's true that nothing is gained by not trying, I see no reason to change the numbers game....I'm quite happy with limited contacts that I can qualify and process at my leisure. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/15/2012 8:32:20 AM | I prefer to let the men approach (though I *have* done it once before, with a positive outcome). Yes, part of it is about the fear of rejection, but it's more about wanting the kind of man who takes initiative.
I like 'em traditional. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/15/2012 9:54:15 AM | I think Roujin makes a good point.
I'm assuming, most ladies will think, "Oh - if I say I have kids, they're going to think I need a baby daddy, or I have someone else's baggage to tend to."
I don't think (IMHO) that most ladies understand that men also fear rejection. We're supposed to be the macho-superman-man of steel type.
Ok, true, but we also do have feelings as well. Rejection is a stinky scent that once in a while we have to wade through. (My 2 cents) | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/18/2012 8:15:55 PM | Why don't women approach guys much? With the very short time that I have been on this site, I have found out that 98% of the guys that I have approached first have very little to say in reply.
"hi, I have found your profile enjoyable and think we have (insert topic) in common. Let's chat soon?" Not a bad icebreaker, yes?
The typical reply- "thanks"
I am quickly sliding into the ranks of "women who wont approach a man first". I don't get it... | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/19/2012 5:27:18 AM | This seems to be a universal problem, I have had a few conversations start off generally ok, but it feels like I am doing all of the work of having to keep the conversation motivated and interesting.
Icebreakers are easy, generating a conversation seems to be hard as it always feels like I am doing all of the work, But I could just becoming jaded about this site as the typical response for mine is "sure" "that's nice" "lets chat some time." and any messages afterword don't get replied to. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/19/2012 11:20:20 AM | Msg 82 - No, It's NOT a universal problem, and it has nothing to do with POF or any other similar website, and I might add, the cleverest icebreaker in the world won't help you.
For the sake of argument, I just looked at the above 2 profiles, and this is what I see: boring, boring, boring. Dating needs to be about fun, and if you project fun in your profile, others will be drawn to you. It IS that simple, and anyone who doesn't believe me is invited to read my inbox some time. Attractive women message me regularly, and tell me they saw my profile, and they want to talk, and maybe meet me. I don't have to do invent clever icebreakers. That's as much as POF, or any other website can do for us. Once we meet, POF has done it's job, it's up to us to have fun with each other, and continue having fun on other dates. Relationships begin in this manner, if that's where you want to go.
When I am messaging someone I do it with the intent of meeting them. I don't want to spend days or weeks talking about some movie, or who will be the next President. If the conversation doesn't head in that direction within 6 or 8 exchanges, I'm done. No interest has been established, we have no gas in our tank, we are through.
It is ALL about attraction: the alfa and the omega of dating. Don't ever forget that. You will pursue someone you are attracted to, and let slide someone not. The other party will do the same.
Don't overcomplicate this process, it's tricky enough as it is. Be fun, and HAVE fun.
R | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/26/2012 8:13:12 PM | They're probably even more sensitive, so if they make the first move and get rejected
it's even worse for them. We're used to rejection, generally speaking. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 2/27/2012 3:40:57 PM | The last man I sent a message to answered me back saying that after 40 years of marriage he was confused about what he wanted. I wished him good luck in his endeavor- not wanting to tell him I was not interested anymore- to have him telling me to stop yelling at me, that I was a needy woman!...I don't know for you but after that, there is no way I'll ever take the 1st step!  | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/3/2012 12:33:12 PM | | I don't because I'm shy. I end up blushing and turning beet red. I would smile a lot though to hide my nervousness around a gentleman I'm attracted to. Other than that, I have not approached a guy I found attractive. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/3/2012 9:11:32 PM | | I dont know. I personally did try with very decient standards and no guys replied, but I got a ton of responses from guys (with no prior move I mean). But when it switched and I talked with girls I got unlucky too. Girls are difficult. I am really not though. I went on a date already and talked on the phone twice, met some really nice guys. but two are too far away. Anyways, Idk. I tried to get with some girls myself and I ended up with no answer, even though I was romantic and sent poetry promising more. maybe i need a better profile picture, hahahaah here i am complaining sorry. I really have no idea. I have tried a few times in my life to ask guys out, and I am a nerd and got shot down. are you a nerd? it makes it more difficult. At least to get acceptance from a girl. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 3:17:04 PM | please note, this is not directly a response to any previous comment specifically, but a response to the thread as a whole. i'm new here and still trying to figure things out.
as far as sending messages are concerned, it's just a simple act: you either send the message or not. as for what makes a person respond back to you, that's another story and it's probably not even the most obvious. people like to generalize things just so it make things easier to understand but what's the point of wondering why someone doesn't respond to you? who cares? all you know is, you sent a message, and they did not respond. are they that special to you to have the power to make you wonder why they didn't reciprocate the little attention you gave them? people take things too personally online.
as for women approaching men, i find that to be something of a catch 22. in general, i would think that most women don't approach men but society has been a bit more open about women being the pursuers. i think that the likelihood of a woman pursuing a man/initiating is dependent on her looks. before everyone gets upset and their panties in a wad, read what i have to say.
an attractive young woman generally does not want to do any work to get a man because she thinks the man should come to her. most of all, the attractive young woman knows that if the man comes to her, it's because he likes her enough to risk rejection and most likely will at least respect his courage. basically, she's a highly desired thing, so why would she go out of her way and spend the trouble of pursuing someone who doesn't have the balls to approach her?
as for women who aren't so attractive, they have to overcompensate to beat out their more attractive counterparts. they know that men will have their attention on the prettier ones so the less attractive women have to do something to get men's attention.
i have 2 friends that i will use to illustrate this observation. one is tall and skinny (5'8 ft) and was a photography model. she's got a modern/ edgy style, and she's quite striking looking. the thing is, she's extremely shy and refuses to talk to new people in public because she has a mistrust of strangers and appears aloof. the other one is short (under 5' ft), chunky, fizzy haired, but extremely social. she loves initiating conversations with guys and giving them her number.
but guess who gets approached to more? the skinny tall one. she's aloof and doesn't seem desperate so it makes her all the more attractive to men because she's not going after him to get attention (or other things). the chunky short one overcompensates and is very vocal about how "hot" she is and how men love her size, etc. but the men she gives her number out to don't contact her. the men that insist on giving their number to the skinny one always call her and yet, she ignores them because she doesn't like any of them.
how's that for how unfair the world is? hmmm... | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 3:53:45 PM | how's that for how unfair the world is? hmmm...
Fair is a place where vegetables and pies are judged. Sorry.
Women superficially judge guys just as guys do to women. The only thing that we can do is to persevere to find someone who isn't as judgmental.
And I say that to both genders, not just to the guys upset with a lack of responses and not just to the women who are frustrated by a lack of responses. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 3:56:07 PM | Msg 90 -
Interesting observation about your 2 friends, and you deserve kudos for illustrating something that totally eludes most men. "Men" believe that women have such powers of attraction that they can get whatever they want, whenever they want it.
Some of us who venture outside the box of online dating say that isn't quite what it seems. Modern research tells us that women have such a mountain of fears, social paranoia, internal conflicts, and other assorted baggage that they are just as confused as men when it comes to dating/romance/relationships.
Here is a good example of two women in action - seemingly opposites, and which one gets it right? Neither.
R | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 4:08:12 PM | to #91: that was rhetorical question to end my post, not something that begged for an answer.
to #92: thank you for understanding what i was trying to illustrate! to add further to what i wrote previously, people always think the more attractive ones get tons of action. i can verify it's definitely NOT true. i have both male and female friends who are extremely attractive and yet, they have the hardest time finding friends, let alone a mate. truth be told, the frizzy haired friend sleeps around a lot and doesn't really care who is it, but she's always upset when the guy leaves her for a more attractive girl that the guy wants. as for the skinny one, she would rather just stay out on the sidelines and not participate at all. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 4:32:54 PM | to #91: that was rhetorical question to end my post, not something that begged for an answer.
:: shrugs ::
We all have our unique strengths, just as we have our own unique weaknesses.
Am I naive enough to believe that dating and life itself is all candy and gumdrops to "pretty" people? No, and even if it is all candy and gumdrops to them, I'm sure there's something that they struggle with that is effortless to someone like me.
I commend your short(er) friend for having enough initiative to do something about her circumstances, as opposed to your tall(er) friend sitting on her haunches and wondering where all the great guys are. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 4:41:35 PM | | again, you're wrong. my skinny friend doesn't sit around wondering where the good guys are. she's had her share of good and bad relationships. she's just not into going out and sleeping with everything in sight that will give her attention. as for the short chunky one, she craves attention because most of the attention goes to me and the skinny friend when we're all out together. the skinny one and i are both aloof, not because we're waiting on anyone. it's because neither of us feel like we want to talk to anyone who approaches us. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 4:54:01 PM |
again, you're wrong.
:: shrugs ::
I think both of our statements are being taken out of context.
For the record, I don't believe that sleeping with any willing party is "doing something about her circumstances"...or at least anything productive. I was more referring to initiating conversation with guys she's interested in.
So it goes, I guess. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/6/2012 5:06:45 PM | | LOL i didn't think you meant that sleeping around was doing something about her situation. my response was to say that i don't think her trying too hard to initiate conversation with guys is productive, either. she casts her net too wide, whereas the skinny one casts her net in a more narrow pool. i'm pretty much the same way as the skinny one, which is probably why she and i are close friends. the chunky one is the skinny one's roommate and i've become friends with her. as much as i love all my friends, the chunky one makes wrong choices all the time and it's a pain in the ass for me to listen to all that mess. repetition gets old. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:31:41 AM | I've just had an epiphany! I am relatively new to this site, and to "online dating" in general. I have reached out to several men I thought were interesting (sexy, liked what they'd written in their profiles), and have had precious few responses. I have not, however, asked any of them out ON a date.... Well, I came across one man I would LOVE to go out on a date with.... I don't know what it was about him...it just kind of hit me in my solar plexis, so to speak! LOL! I even went so far as to give him one of those silly little "gifts!" I picked the frog prince! I hope he recognized the humor behind it! I haven't heard back from him. Are you saying that men LIKE it when girls take the next step and actually ask them out on a date?!
Please 'splain (as Ricky would say to Lucy).
Thanks! | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:53:31 AM | Are you saying that men LIKE it when girls take the next step and actually ask them out on a date?!
I love it. It's such a nice change of pace. It's like going to a car rental place and expecting to just get the usual boring sedan, but you are shocked to get the keys to a brand new Aston Martin. It just makes your day. --I realize that's an odd analogy, but that's the feeling I get when it happens. -Now of course if the guy isnt into you then it's the same as if a guy you weren't interested in hit on you. If someone isn't interested, they aren't interested.
That's another thing I like about the woman I'm seeing now. She initially messaged me and kept pursuing me while I was concentrating on another woman. When I found out the other woman wasn't for me, I went out with her and we really clicked. If she hadn't continued to show interest, I may have just took another break on here and not messaged her back again. | |
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| Why don't women approach guys much?
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:24:09 AM |
Are you saying that men LIKE it when girls take the next step and actually ask them out on a date?!
Of course we like it, IF we're attracted to the girl. Same thing the other way around, isn't it? | |
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