| | Definition of a single parent?..Page 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | I can understand both sides of the definition fence...
hence why in my profile I have it clearly declared 24/7 job of managing my son's needs.
If his father ever came to the ball game, and took on 50% of care then I'd refer to myself as a single COparent. {however inspite of several invitations, it's not looking likely}
I do consider those fortnightly weekend {and intermittent days} parents to be single 'access' parents but it in no way lessens their contributions to the welfare of the child... the person just has a bit more time to participate in other life opportunities.
As for it being in profiles or not, it's just one of the fun parts of getting to know people in the 'initial' stages. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/7/2012 8:16:29 PM | | I think there is a fine line. I don't consider my ex a single parent in any way shape or form. Has hasn't seen, and I will use the word my, 3 boys in over a yr. My oldest was almost 3 the last time he saw his father and the twins were 9 months. He doesn't call, not even on birthdays or Christmas, and hasn't paid support since Sept. The way I see it, he has no kids. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/7/2012 11:22:15 PM | | i totally agree with you da2stay it takes 2 of us to make babies so their for the both of them are the parents it dont matter if they are no together my kids and their father aint together and he dont make an effort to come and see them and he only lives 5mins away and i still class him as a single parent even tho he dont make the effort to see them and when he does its only when he wants to and when its good for him and noone else but as i said his a parent and his single so there fore his a single parent | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/7/2012 11:23:44 PM | | 1boyplustwins nice to know im not the only one on here with twins lol sorry had to change the topic lol | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 6:06:03 AM |
My definition of a single parent is someone who has the children the majority of the time and is the person who has to run the kids to school, sports, music lessons, buy their clothes, cook for them most nights, take them to the dentist, doctors etc.... In my opinion, having the children over every 2nd weekend to play does not make one a single parent.
Miss Charlie, I completely agree with what you are saying. When I see a man call himself a single parent, I assume he has full custody of his kids and is responsible for all care giving.
When I see, "I'm the father of a two great kids that I see frequently" I know that he is a non custodial parent who has visitation. In MHO, that is not a single parent. In this case, the mother who has custody is the single parent. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 8:39:09 AM | boy this pisses me off. A single parent is a parent. A parent : Is a person that takes responcablilty for their offspring. Create a bond with a child. changes Diapers, meets with teachers,buys clothes,Deals with little girl issues, cleans the mess up after a child slumber party. Those are some of the thing that make a parent. Just because someone gave birth to a child or was a sperm donor. Or babysister their kid every other weekend don' t make them a parent. It goes both ways too. There are a lot of died beat mother out there too.   | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 9:06:10 AM | [ladies im sure you did nothing to cause the separation right?]
I didn't either, he changed his mind about having a life with a wife and kids... to explore an alternative lifestyle... | |
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siks6
| | Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 33 | |
| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 9:53:00 AM | | agreed caddyman, its just been me and my boy since birth, I refer to her as the egg donor. She doesn't know what he looks like or his name. There is a fine line to when to be called a "single parent"...seen to many dead beat moms these days, at least where I'm from there are quite a few. Good job to all the good moms/dads :D :D | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 11:40:28 AM | Before I read the posts I would have said that "single parent" was simple to define. I now see that the term has many different meanings. Eventually the people we meet will know our individual situations and how we have interpreted the term.
I think I'll keep "single parent" for now because, "someone who has the children the majority of the time and is the person who has to run the kids to school, sports, music lessons, buy their clothes, cook for them most nights, take them to the dentist, doctors etc.," takes up way too much space.
By the way, What term should those of us who provide the lions share of care giving use? | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 11:51:18 AM |
Miss Charlie, I completely agree with what you are saying. When I see a man call himself a single parent, I assume he has full custody of his kids and is responsible for all care giving.
When I see, "I'm the father of a two great kids that I see frequently" I know that he is a non custodial parent who has visitation. In MHO, that is not a single parent. In this case, the mother who has custody is the single parent.
One must love the individuals who have a need to marginalize or minimize the other parent of their children.....be the non custodial parent on mothers day...or fathers day....there is never any mention of the role they play be it full time...50/50 or part time...every other weekend....
Yet you have this need to minimize who they are...and what they are...one wonders what you tell the children when they fill out the cards...as in tell them to right pt dad...or pt mom!
No matter what I may think of my ex...she is the mother of my children and is a single mother....whether she see's the children every other weekend or rarely....
But then unlike some I have no need to marginalize or minimize her to make my contributions or work more important than it is... | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 12:33:56 PM | | My ex? He's just the sperm donor and the non-custodial parent. Me? The single-parent, the family doctor, referee, maid, cook, Easter bunny, the shrink, and Santa Claus. Of course, two out of all those different jobs are non-existent because my kids are now big. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 1:29:26 PM |
My ex? He's just the sperm donor and the non-custodial parent. Me? The single-parent, the family doctor, referee, maid, cook, Easter bunny, the shrink, and Santa Claus. Of course, two out of all those different jobs are non-existent because my kids are now big.
I think I still do all the jobs you suggest...as even as late teens they still enjoy they mystique of the holiday traditions...and unlike some I would never insult or denigrate 50% of the DNA that is part of my children...nor insult myself as there was once a time when I was satisfied with procreating with my ex....which suggest I was satisfied at the time with her capabilities....where you seem to suggest he is nothing...which begs the question....why did you procreate with him not once but plural times...and how do you deal with the fact that your children do have characteristics that are part of your ex....do you marginalize those characteristics in your children as well....so much for nurturing motherhood?....
I can just imagine the potential message it teaches young children....my custodial parent hates part of me...as I resemble my non custodial parent..or sound like them...or act like them....great message to teach children? | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 2:25:02 PM | Thanks for the comments everyone..2 words can be open to a number of interpretations and contexts. In writing the OT, I was purely expressing my thoughts and wondering how others saw it..not looking to be convinced that I'm resentful, narrow minded, etc. I don't need to be resentful of anything..my kids have a good dad who is very involved with them so I do not feel the need to define myself as a single parent as in parenting alone even though I do for the greater percentage of the time and am the one who makes all the decisions regarding the children and takes care of the emergencies that arise as these are things their dad is not good at or comfortable with. I merely state in my profile that I have 2 young children.
Yes, I'm aware that not married + created and /or raised a child = single parent .
Therefore anyone who is not in a relationship and has contributed biological tissue towards creating a child but has contributed very little or not at all to child's upbringing can technically state on a dating profile that they are a single parent and in no way be misleading.
Outside of the dating profile context, I couldn't care how people label themselves and there are too many varied situations with too many different dynamics for there to be a definitive description of the more figurtive context. I just get miffed at being put in an awkward situation such as meeting someone who says they are a single dad for a coffee and asking more about their kids..only to discover the "doting single dad" has multiple kids to multiple women, has not seen one in decades, a nearby one every few months, has 2 living minutes away ,one of whom stays with him sometimes and the other he sees if he really must. Yes, single dad, not misleading at all. I'd never call anyone out on it at all, but it sure does make me cringe inside and feel as though I have been lied to when this sort of thing happens on a meet up.
But then, I guess the whole thing is up to individual interpretaion and opinion...much like attractive versus ugly or the classic misleading profile status.. average verus overweight  | |
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AxYoM
| | Joined: 11/4/2011
Msg: 39 | |
| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 2:38:41 PM | I once had a friend tell me I wasn't a single parent, but a divorced parent like her. I was shocked by this. I'm single and I'm a parent. I have joint custody, but also residential custody. We live very close to each other which makes our co-parenting easier. Especially if the other parent has to work late or go put of town.
I'm single (unlike said friend who is remarried). Being a single adult in the household, emphasises the level of responsibility I have. House, yard, cars, sports, band, awards, holidays, doctors, food, laundry all falls on me regardless of where the children are.
Single ... Not in a relationship
Parent ... I have children, biological & step, young & adult, that I will always care for.
Grandparent ... Love this part.
I will clarify my custody arrangements and dating availability if the correspondence reaches that level. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 3:44:44 PM |
why did you procreate with him not once but plural times
When I said "my ex", I was talking about my eldest son's father. My youngest son's father is not an issue. Did that answer your question?
...and how do you deal with the fact that your children do have characteristics that are part of your ex...
My children don't have characteristics of their fathers. They both look like me.
.do you marginalize those characteristics in your children as well...
Absolutely not. Nothing to marginalize my kids about.
.so much for nurturing motherhood?....
Yes, thank you. I nurtured my kids and they are well. Anything else?
Next time, try not to take my posts so personal. The OP asked a question, and I answered. It had nothing to do with you, since I do not know you. What you do with your children is YOUR business and I couldn't care less.
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/8/2012 3:48:52 PM | | I call myself a single parent. The kids live with me. If you only see your kids every second weekend then your not a single parent. My opinion. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/9/2012 3:32:51 AM | I always refer to myself as a "full-time" single parent. To me this says it all as I have them 24/7 and my ex might have them for at most a few weeks in the summer...IF I ask him to. He has chosen to live very far away and not be at all involved in their lives although he could see them at any point during his 21 days off work rotations. However, my reality is for the past eight years parenting is optional for him and always will be.
Consequently, sometimes I do have resentment as I see the damage the selffishness of his choices has done/is doing to our children. Sometimes I do have resentment when I see all those other so called 'single parent's' out there who get a break and time to themselves for some kind of social life. I'm only human.
I think it's great that the vast majority of folks out there seem to opt. for the co-parenting situation and I don't devalue them as parents because their situations are different than my own.
What I don't appreciate is when guys state in their profile things like, "my kids are my life" and then finding out they live far away from them and really aren't involved in their lives. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/9/2012 8:15:16 AM | I totally agree with you. Every now and then DOES NOT count! My child loved going to their fathers home because they had few chores, he let them cook whatever they wanted (I'm sure that veggies were not on the menu) and stay up late to watch movies.
A single parent is the big bad monster at times, chauffeur, nutritionist, psychologist, maid/butler, etc. But, the kids come first and if that means a little hate we live with it. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/9/2012 4:05:47 PM | ^^^
Actually the good parent is the loving big bad monster , chauffeur, nutritionist, psychologist, maid/butler, etc. , The single parent title would apply to you and your ex regardless of your parenting abilities or lack thereof | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/10/2012 9:41:04 PM |
This kinda falls along the same thread lines as those women who say ( I am the mom and the dad hes just a sperm donor)
By my own experiences, I CAN say that I did everything by myself, and the dad would actually have to admit he was just a sperm donor. Anyone can be a father, but it takes a real man to participate with bringing up his kid. What do YOU call a man who will not even visit his own son in the hospital, actually want to spend time with his own son? Yeah, the custodial parent always gets the blame for the irresponsibility of the absent parent. Truthfully, I don't care one iota about what names a single parent wants to chose to define who they are in a child's life.
One of the hardest things as a single parent that I ever had to endure was not being able to do anything to take my son's pain away. The look of pain in someone's eyes is something that words cannot truly express. My son's father didn't even visit him once during the whole week he was laid up in the hospital. I no doubt know that his father wouldn't even give him a kidney, even if he was a match for my son. So, yeah, my ex IS just a sperm donor. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/12/2012 10:34:40 AM | | i agree with you... but it should have an option as: single parent, living at home; single parent, split custody; single parent, not living at home. ... or something of the sort | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/12/2012 10:46:29 AM | A person who is not currently married to the person with whom they either fathered or given birth to a child is a single parent. The term is not predicated on how involved they are in the child's life.
Technically, it would be someone who was never married to the other party to having the child, but "divorced parent" doesn't seem to be a widely used term, and "single vs. divorced" is a whole other thread.
What kind of parent they are is another matter entirely. | |
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| Definition of a single parent?..
Posted: 1/12/2012 4:31:10 PM | Hello misscharlie;
I totally agree with your statement. A single parent is exactly that...a mother or father who takes care of their child(s) 100% of the time. A shared custody arrangement is shared parenting and not single parenting. However; it is interesting to review how many parents feel they are actually single parents when they share financial and and/or custody arrangements!
Excellent point.
JacquelineNL | |
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