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 SweetLilGTP
Joined: 10/22/2010
Msg: 23
how long did it take you to get used to online dating Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I'll letcha know.

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Phones were easy; aced That deal
 RT_2
Joined: 11/5/2010
Msg: 24
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/11/2012 7:14:17 AM
I figured out online communication early and easily. First girl I met via online was in college. She emailed me a fun message about my screen name, we exchanged emails and chatted through text dumb terminals. She told me what a smiley was. I had thought the colon and parenthesis were some terminal code. She and I had similar interests. This was at an engineering university with a zillion male students for each female one, so I am used to a high male / female ratio and POF seems to have a really high percentage of female users in comparison.

Bought a modem in 1994. Because users mainly dialed local numbers for BBSes, the users were local. Didn't go on dating forums, but some girls on general discussion forums found my posts intriguing and emailed me and chatted leading to voice phone conversations which can lead to meeting in person.

Tried the personal section of yahoo classifieds in 1998 and the first two gals who I messaged replied. Tried Craigslist in 2006 and the first 4 replied. Response rates were higher back then.
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 25
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/11/2012 10:43:05 AM
My professional is all about communication - so it tends to come naturally to me, and I didn't have a hard time adjusting to that aspect of online dating. I'm also a natural flirt. What I am having a hard time with, is the ratio of freaks flag wavers to normal vanilla guys. My picker is off and I'm doing nothing but finding out the hard way lately.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 26
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/11/2012 11:23:15 AM
There wasn't any need to get used to it. I'd had online/email penpals for years before I used the internet for dating. It was an easy transition, really.
 RedElectric
Joined: 11/8/2011
Msg: 27
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/11/2012 11:49:55 AM
been internet dating since i was 15 and have always felt comfortable with it... it's the dating in real life i am no good at!
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 28
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/11/2012 12:03:53 PM

how long did it take you to learn to communicate to people online, it's very different than meeting face to face

Very little time at all. It's a lot more efficient than it would be to meet the same number of people in real life. If you're having trouble, it's probably because you're wasting your time talking to people who are a pain in the ass because you're afraid to just write them off. The reality is that very few people will actually be a match and if you're wasting your time on people who frustrate you, you're wasting the advantages of the venue. Any dating venue will be awkward if you don't utilize it in a way that takes advantage of what it offers.
 *Cowboy*
Joined: 4/28/2006
Msg: 29
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/11/2012 12:17:31 PM
Shocked everyone talks about what a huge struggle this has been getting "used to" online dating.

If you can communicate in a written medium this should not be a huge struggle. I have zero problems messaging or meeting people. I actually think this is harder for some young people. They learned to communicate in a cell phone/texting world and now only speak in sentences of 140 characters or less. Letter writing is a lost art form.

What have I had to learn? Hmmmmmmm

1) To always do short first meets for a drink not long expensive dinners because you have no idea until you talk for 5 or 10 minutes face to face if you really want a date with these people.

2) Nothing is real until you meet.

3) This place is full of time wasters that just want to chat. I call them Time Vampires. Things should always move forward here. A few messages. A phone call or two and you meet. If they are not ready ya move on. This is not that hard if you really are looking to meet people. I dont text or chat with anyone until after meeting. Really very easy to sort through the times wasters quickly. Met a ton of gals online here and was stood up once in a driving rainstorm where she called in route and said she couldn't make it. I can now identify the time wasters very efficiently.

For me the messaging and meeting has been relatively easy.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 30
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/11/2012 1:00:36 PM
Once a upon a time when people used to write letters on actual paper or reply to ads in news papers LOL..you had to learn how to read between the lines an try to figure out what kind of emotion was behind it or if they where just bulls hiting around..

it took me about hmmm 2005 to 2009 to get really good with the whole online process not just the dating thing..once agian learning to read between the lines in a email, ad or blog or text figuring out if the person is just saying s hit to sound good or is just saying certain key words to try an get themself through the door now with all the extra text talk you really have to be up to date otherwise you be lost in a sea of half texted typed words an a bunch of lol lol happy faces ect ect an code words..


on paper some peoples words an profiles describe just who they really are an some paint a completly differant person an life while others are so phony it's a wonder the person who wrote it can even belive thier own crap flowing out thier mouth..


glad i caught on but this has been through trial an error hits an misses an just bad not well thought out descions on had i of paid more attention then i would have seen all the red flags an not wasted my time meeting certain people who where no good in the first place..

i still make mistakes an still have alot to learn not just about the wide world of the net but in generally in life but im glad im not in the rookie stage anymore..

i look back sometimes an think dam what was i NOT thinking wow
 krislitten
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 31
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/12/2012 2:28:49 AM
i think the main thing to consider if your body language / voice tonality doesnt come across when you're sending messages as text, it's more a case of getting used to that and calibrating
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 32
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/12/2012 5:12:42 AM
So that's what this is. Online dating!

Now I know why so many, many threads here are started by those asking why no one wants to meet in real life. They aren't supposed to meet in real life! Instead it all goes with just looking at pics and pretend reading of profiles then pounding on keys, characters, in squares provided on a dating site. That is why it is called Online Dating! No one dates!
Gosh, now I finally get it!
 Rachee30
Joined: 12/25/2011
Msg: 33
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/12/2012 5:40:17 AM
I used to find it fun doing all this online email ping pong but find it gets more tedious trying to keep the conversation going and having to take the lead and ask most of the questions, then sometimes you really have great conversations flowing then they meet someone else better!

It depends on who you are talking to really as to how easy it is, some people just click others don't and some just do not seem to have anything to say for themselves at all.

If you can do it real life meeting people I would choose that over this online dating any day as you can end up wasting hours chatting on here only to end up never meeting anyone, bit of a waste of time if you ask me. I plan to get off this thing real soon and leave things to fate. This can just be too much like hard work trying to out do the competition on here.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 34
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/12/2012 6:02:58 AM
To be completely honest, initially, I would have to say I was terrible. I was basically your generic Tap Out dude, minus the defined muscles, toning and oil...lol I was rude and dumb and generally ill-behaved and got my profiles deleted a few times.

It didn't take long to figure out that just being real was infinitely more fun and rewarding. This medium is totally my thing. Years of journal writing makes this kind of "stream of consciousness" dead easy for me. Being a self-depricating goof helps a lot too.

I still have an annoying tendency to write too much, which is something I need to work on. Tomorrow I'll be a little bit better.
 Crembels
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 35
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/12/2012 7:12:27 AM
I meet people from the internet all the time. Pretty much weekly. the majority of my real life social circle comes from a ever expanding internet meetup crew that was founded on a particularly notorious website, ive been part of this crew since its inception and that has only been happening this past year.

Before that i played World of Warcraft extensively (quit only recently, even) and got to know the interesting people i would play with there. I was always willing to meet people i had played with in real life, both male and female. A few months ago i flew interstate to go out to a Korean BBQ restaurant to go meet up with a whole bunch of people i used to play with, there was beers, great tasting food, DOTA, Counter Strike and other such shenanigans till 2am in the morning out in the western suburbs of Sydney.

I'm a very technology minded person and the internet is a pretty central part of my life, so twisting it to my advantage as a dating tool was a pretty natural thing to do after i came to the realization that I'm not very good at talking to girls I'm attracted to, and the kind of girl I'm looking for is difficult to spot. What DID take figuring out and adjusting to was the attitudes, expectations and general etiquette of the online dating community - the fact that a huge majority of dudes are complete douche bags or outright retarded in their methods, that females here get swamped with attention even worse than they do in gaming communities.

Internet dating provides a shield of security against being led on (along with allowing me to not waste my time with girls that i wouldn't get along with) and allows me to show parts of myself that i wouldn't be able to if i had waltzed up to a pretty girl and struck up a conversation (a horrifying prospect to me a few short years ago, still takes willpower to do even today). Its one thing to tell someone you want to be a concept artist and are passionate about video gaming, its something else entirely to show them your work or make something for them on the spot.
On here, i can be clear with my intentions and effectively show off to a potential mate what i have to offer instead of tentatively dancing around to see if she is remotely interested or open to the same things i am.

So yeah, Internet dating is something i took to without much effort.
 krislitten
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 36
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/19/2012 12:27:51 AM
yeah thanks guys things are getting better and im understanding how online interactions work out

i got alot of great advice in both mens and womens magazines, from asking friends, one friend lent me a book which despite having an obnoxious title was very good, i came across this article which was helpful on ways to lay out my profile http://www.filesonic.com/file/UC8eeG5 but mainly want to thank the people on here you obviously have a lot of experience because it's all been good, useful advice

cheers
 jdawg4876
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 37
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/19/2012 7:54:27 AM
Im still not use to it thats why I appear for a month then vanish for months sometimes its bc im dating someone, other times I just try other avenues.
 krislitten
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 38
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/25/2012 4:09:04 AM
yeah for me it was very frustrating in the beginning but after reasearch and experimenting i found out the way to set out my profile to get the best results

here's a couple

relax, don't take it so serious you're profile pictures shouldn't look like you've been condemned to death and youre profile shouldn't read like a job application

even as a guy there's only so many times the subject line "hi" is going to get my attention, imagine how much of a bore it is for a gal, put something funny stupid and attention grabbing for example "URGENT ATTENTION!!! you have won the POF lottery, bank details needed"

include on your profile the list of qualities you're looking for, for example must be interested in rock music

it's just a case of trial and error, just constantly improving and tweaking to become better people and get better results.

i found out the link i shared before is from a professional online dating coach called derek and his stuff is spot on, heres the link to his website : http://www.lovesystems.com/preview9254chap1
 lovelysky63
Joined: 12/11/2011
Msg: 39
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/25/2012 5:03:39 AM
How long..mmm..good question If case we got chat before meeting in real person that we can learn each other there nearly all but when meeing first day maybe feel bit shy.. but if never chat and contact by mail only sure very different because in mail people can write beutiful letter and we not see wrong there and in real person quite much different from in pic and all like we must start learn new all when meet first day then.. ...
 wtyl
Joined: 1/6/2012
Msg: 40
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/25/2012 5:38:42 AM
I sit in front of a computer for work, so there have been times it's been a good diversion.

At first if often seems like great fun - all these new people to meet! But then... the new people are often similar to the previous folks. I've learned to take things with a grain of salt/keep expectations low. Expect that some very promising things will simply die out.

The good news is that I found someone on-line that I love(d?) very much and I've also made some good friends, some who have transitioned to IRL friends.

The bad news is that the code I'm supposed to be writing doesn't write itself while I'm scanning profiles :)
 Alter_Nate
Joined: 10/1/2011
Msg: 41
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/25/2012 1:37:44 PM
put something funny stupid and attention grabbing for example "URGENT ATTENTION!!! you have won the POF lottery, bank details needed"


hah, If I put that as my subject line when messaging someone, It would probably scream nigerain scammer to them.
Personally, I dont think I've gotten used to it, and probably never will. There are less than 20 women in my age range/local who have a profile of substance. Otherwise, I'd be messaging girls who thought were attractive based on photos only. Maybe I'm doing this wrong?
Either way, I just use the phone app and reply to messages if I were to get some.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 42
how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/26/2012 12:44:03 PM
The term "online dating" is a misnomer. POF is today's opportunity for an online meet, with a possible greet in real life. There are so very many of us using POF today for many reasons - a simple on is that there are so many more of us (people in general) looking for a mate. If one does not do the bar scene (less and less the thing with anti-drunk driving rules), or go to church (something that is in visible decline in so many ways - think courtesy, manners, speech etc.) .

Yesterday it was newspaper ads (remember when you responded with your letter for FSO# such and such and included a dollar for the service). Online is today's reality (thank you Marcus for providing a free service). In terms of getting used, it is not rocket science. The steps are the same: establish an initial contact; arrange to meet at a safe locale; talk a little and get to see the person; decide if a subsequent get together is warranted. The initial get together should be considered a meet and greet. One might never have a real date (which has happened to most of us, for a variety of reasons).

The old fashioned way whereby one was introduced to one's friend is still a possibility. BUT the scenario similar to the one I heard at lunch today where a guy was told about a gal's friend and provided his phone number to give to her - and she called him... and they hit it off over the phone and have conversed for a week (but not met) AND they plan to go away for a cruise in the next little while, with him thinking of buying a ring upon their return... I would have thought only happens in Harlequin Romance novels. She having $20 million from her divorce and him with money already is only icing on the cake.

Like most people on POF, I have my dreams and I live my life vicariously. I believe in a couple of things that one has to if one is here on POF - nothing ventured; nothing gained and with time, all good things come.

Good luck to all in your search for that significant other.
 krislitten
Joined: 4/28/2011
Msg: 43
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how long did it take you to get used to online dating
Posted: 1/27/2012 4:09:33 AM
wrong link doh http://bit.ly/yTse26

i soon realised that after making a good initial contact and getting on well online there isn't actually that many silences

especially if you connect on the same subjects and also never do the "dinner date"
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