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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?      Home login  
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 evskypr
Joined: 1/5/2012
Msg: 26
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I see your photo ,You are a beautiful lady ,you are also very smart.I hope that you know what you are doing .
I myself couldn't do it.To fly to another state where I never being before and no family or friends close by,Scary You are very brave and I pray that all goes well for you May God bless you and watch over you
 missraven1
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 27
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/21/2012 7:16:22 PM

You are strikingly pretty; males should be coming to you, not the other way around.
You're paying to do this?
You're bringing it all right to him, and spending money to do so.
What effort is he exerting?
This will work well to give him the impression that you are already so into him, that you'd go to the trouble and expense to travel to him for the FIRST meeting.
This would make more sense to me if you were unattractive or heavyset; with your looks, it's just baffling.

Seems you haven't read her post properly...here is the relevant part vvv (she made the decision, with reasons given)

Although I love adventure and spontaneity, I am also very aware of how important safety is. Also, we discussed who would travel to meet who and I decided it would be more exciting for me to be on vacation and made the choice to go meet him.

Further, a person isn't deserving of any special privileges whether conferred by others or they expect it themselves, because of their good looks. Nor should those people not blessed in the genetic lottery be treated any worse. It's the sort of mindset that creates elitist attitudes. Are people who think this way somehow so blinded by appearance they forget entirely about character.
 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 28
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Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 10:11:43 AM
" ... You are strikingly pretty; males should be coming to you, not the other way around.
You're paying to do this?
You're bringing it all right to him, and spending money to do so.
What effort is he exerting?
This will work well to give him the impression that you are already so into him, that you'd go to the trouble and expense to travel to him for the FIRST meeting.
This would make more sense to me if you were unattractive or heavyset; with your looks, it's just baffling. ... "


^^^ This is SO right it's painful to realize OP has not changed these realities to make the arrangement more equitable - and safe (clarification given above @ 27 notwithstanding).
 Seakyttten
Joined: 9/22/2011
Msg: 29
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Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 10:45:48 AM
Although I love adventure and spontaneity, I am also very aware of how important safety is. Also, we discussed who would travel to meet who and I decided it would be more exciting for me to be on vacation and made the choice to go meet him.

How stupid is this idea?


Not stupid at all op as it seems you've taken the necessary precautions in meeting this person. I once corresponded with a man from Germany for a few months (not on here)... he flew into the States and we had a relationship for 7 years. It ended but I wouldn't have traded the experience for anything as he and I traveled to many countries abroad together and I have a thousand pictures of our adventures in Rome, France, Greece, and Amsterdam. It was an awesome chapter in the book of my life. :)

Let us know how it goes and I'm not the least bit intimidated by traveling to meet someone long distance as long as he's worth it. I'm basically not askeered of anyone by nature and hold a concealed weapon's license as it is but carrying overseas or across the border is usually frowned upon by customs so I would suggest you leave your Glock at home.

Good luck and let us know what happens!

Seakytten
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 30
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:30:31 AM
OP...it's stupid if you have not considered the following:

You have child(ren) - are you prepared/able to move?
Does he have child(ren) - is he prepared/able to move?
Have you had the who could/would move conversation?
Do you have his last name? Have you done a background check? Check if he's a registered sex offender, etc? Court records to see if he is married/divorced?
You are flying to him and you are paying. Hmmm...did he ever offer to come to you? Did he offer to pay for any of your expenses?
So your flying your p*ssy to him and he has to do nothing? Oh he hates that!

About your interactions...does he call or text you only during his workday? Does he talk to you at night? If he does, does he speak to you when he is at home, or is he either somewhere or going to/from somewhere? Do you have his home number? Are there times and days that he is consistently unavailable?

Also, the Facebook thing - not a good idea. Criminals look for things like this to rob your home. If you do go, it is a good idea to give a copy of your itinerary and driver's license to a trusted friend. And maybe agree to daily calls (maybe morning and evening at an agreed upon time) with that trusted friend.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 31
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:36:58 AM
OMG, Rebellion are you serious? she is going to visit and meet him not move in with the guy, she has her basis covered, Family near by if he turns out to be a creep and a swamp donkey, she is staying in a hotel, she paid her own flight so she wont feel " obligated" to spend time with the guy if he turns out to be a hump.

I think with her background on dealing with Degenerates it sounds like the young lass knows which end is up and what signs to look for if he turns out to be a degenerate
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 32
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 5:11:07 PM
Yes, Iceman, I am quite serious and the questions I posed weren't things to consider "after the fact" they are things to consider going in.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 33
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 7:27:00 PM
I Guess Americans do things differently, I would never think of running a back ground check on someone, what is next a credit check? Clearance from Federal and state officials? DNA samples? somethings are just overkill, what ever happen to using common sense?
 shattered79
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 34
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Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 7:31:24 PM
Meet at a halfway point - that way you're both in it 50/50. That's what I would do anyways.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 35
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 8:32:26 PM
Iceman...it has nothing to do with being American vs Canadian. It has to do with common sense, which often seems to go out the door when emotions or the potential of sex is involved. Obviously, they are things I put out there because I, or someone I know, have had an experience where those questions would be relevant.
 CheezyChick
Joined: 9/23/2009
Msg: 36
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 9:15:55 PM
^^^ this kind of talk equates to games. She 'is' already into him...it's not a secret, nor should it be in my opinion. Not even going to comment on the last comment, it's just....baffling.

I'm of the same mind OP...and have done it. If I'm interested, I'm willing.

"Carpa diem"....seize the moment. They don't come often.
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 37
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/22/2012 9:39:52 PM
Rebellion, I think you are being a little paranoid here , I'm going to assume when the OP was talking to this guy she would of asked a lot of these questions? yes.... since she is a paralegal working with criminal lawyers

2)she is going to meet the guy , not move in with him or bear his child, I think all that talk about back ground check and things like that are overkill , there is safety and their is paranoia , if someone is that paranoid about meeting losers, degenerates, criminals, sex offenders you name it, perhaps online dating isn't for them,heck they might as well join the monastery or relocate to a desert Island with Gilligan , the skipper and the rest of that group.

Doesn't matter if you meet the person at a club, dance place, grocery store, Church or KFC, are you going to do back ground checks on all of them?

Sounds like she's taken the necessary precautions and as I mentioned earlier covering the basis, its not like she is hopping on a plane, staying at his house , and if he is a creep or a swamp donkey she is going be gone faster Gene Simmons at a Drag queen's Tupperware party
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 38
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/23/2012 6:12:17 AM
No Iceman, I am not being paranoid, I am being realistic based on the reality of what goes on in today's society. I like how you say you "assume" the OP....asked a lot of these questions. Notice the word "assume," therefore, you don't know. So why don't you ask her, because you know what they say about assuming. People have said they think she is an intelligent person based on who she works for. Who she works for has no relevance on her intelligence in making a good decision for her own situation. People make a lot of assumptions that turn out to be incorrect. People (intelligent people) make bad personal decisions that contradict their professional lives all the time. But Iceman, since your posts are based on assumptions (in part...a large part) and mine are based on facts, you are, of course, soooooooooooooo right. Bless your little heart.
 gaianotvenus
Joined: 11/26/2011
Msg: 39
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/23/2012 6:39:23 AM
Believe it or not, I met my ex-husband twelve years ago, in a chat forum. We never had a date because he lived 8,000 miles, from me. So, we chatted for months and I went there - married him and fell pregnant -all in the same year. Though, we arhave been divorced for three years, we made a beautiful son, together. By the way - he purchased my plane tickets.

But beware...

If you want to go, DO NOT got to his home; get a hotel room; and revert home if something smells fishy...
 Cdn_Iceman
Joined: 12/1/2010
Msg: 40
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:42:39 AM
You're partially correct Rebellion, I assumed she did based on the fact she used common sense in 1) paying for her own flight , 2) staying in a hotel and not his house and 3) has a back up plan in case things went south or he wasn't what she expected, to me that sounds like someone that does their homework and due diligence which leads me to ASSUME that she probably asked those questions and feel comfortable in meeting.

So what facts did you present Rebellion? this is what you posted in message 36

Obviously, they are things I put out there because I, or someone I know, have had an experience where those questions would be relevant.-OCRebellion
so you are basing this on yours and others experience? is this what you call " facts"?

God bless your heart and espressos and cannoli's too.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 41
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/23/2012 9:55:38 AM

This is SO right it's painful to realize OP has not changed these realities to make the arrangement more equitable - and safe


If the OP has her own hotel room and rents her own car, how is she any less safe than if she drove her own car to meet a man at a restaurant in her hometown? Or if she went on a vacation and happened to meet a man and chose to go out with him?

I’ve traveled to meet a man, and it was heaven. We met online, through mutual friends, not on PoF, but he was a stranger to me. I had my own hotel room and transportation, and he didn’t chop me up into little pieces and toss me into the nearest lake, imagine that.

OP, if you feel the need to have your firm’s investigator check him out, maybe he’s not worth meeting. Depending on what you’re hoping for with him….not a good start to a relationship, IMO. Besides, it seems to me a really good criminal wouldn’t have a record, right? Common sense is more important than a background check.


…there is safety and their is paranoia….


 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 42
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Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/23/2012 10:26:23 AM
" ... …there is safety and their is paranoia…. "


^^^ Just 'cuz we're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get us ...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 43
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/23/2012 12:59:43 PM
You are strikingly pretty; males should be coming to you, not the other way around.

Not only is that comment sexist, the OP said in her first post:

Also, we discussed who would travel to meet who and I decided it would be more exciting for me to be on vacation and made the choice to go meet him.

So it was obviously her desire to go to him.

No Iceman, I am not being paranoid, I am being realistic based on the reality of what goes on in today's society.

You are being paranoid. She has a hotel and her own transportation. She's in no more danger than if she went on vacation or met someone in her home town. If you're really that paranoid, online dating probably isn't for you. If a woman wanted to do a background check on me, she'd have been SOL. I didn't give anyone enough personal information to do that until after I met her AND I was pretty sure she wasn't a loon.
 Discordiaa
Joined: 5/27/2009
Msg: 44
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Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/23/2012 2:35:56 PM
My only other bit of unsolicited advice is - prepare for hard core 'vacation letdown'. If it goes well, the world will completely suck when you get back. You're going to be away with a delightful gent, everyone is going to be on vacation/date behaviour, he's going to be simply delightful likely, you're going to be bright and vivacious.

When you get home, you're going to be back at work, doing the same dull mundane things you did before you left and it's going to be the worst place in the world. This actually is a large negative, because you'll be wrapped up in how wonderful the trip was. Causes you to miss things that in a potential relationship that you'd spot in a heartbeat if dude was three blocks away.

Go with adventure in mind, but keep in mind that the adventure doesn't continue, that the real world has to come back eventually. Life isn't like the movies, it's truly not likely that he's going to be prince charming and sweep you off your feet. He does stupid things, like we all do but you won't see that he leaves his toenail clippings on the coffee table, or some such nonsense that would make you insane IRL.
 OCRebellion
Joined: 2/8/2011
Msg: 45
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/24/2012 6:13:13 PM
abelian...having a differing POV is not being paranoid. Just because I am a bit more forward looking about the reality of any situation, again, is not being paranoid. And as far as your saying that online dating probably isn't for me, I am doing just fine. I am just know enough not to walk down dead end paths.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 46
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/24/2012 6:35:52 PM
OP i think you have planned to look after your safety. go ahead and meet him.

what if you two end up hitting it off and want a relationship...can you continue to travel and one of you eventually relocate? I always think ahead to that.

one other thing that above poster pointed out: why are you the one paying for everything? why arent you splitting the travel and hotel accomodations?

I have also traveled to meet someone and he bought the plane tickets.

I have always had the person checked out.
 missraven1
Joined: 8/12/2011
Msg: 47
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:59:01 PM
So your flying your p*ssy to him

That's a crude ASSumption

having a differing POV is not being paranoid. Just because I am a bit more forward looking about the reality of any situation, again, is not being paranoid.

It is if that POV is considered paranoid. It is at the least, starting off a potential relationship on the wrong foot, going in using dishonest measures. There's something wrong in what you're doing if you can't run it past them. Imo, you have to balance the likelihood of your fears coming true against the reality of it actually happening. Sensible precautions need to be taken but I think background checks are going too far.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 48
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:32:13 PM
abelian...having a differing POV is not being paranoid.

It's not a matter of viewpoint. It's a simple matter of logic. It doesn't even require that much thought to figure out how to arrange the meeting to be just as safe as any meeting in one's own city.

Just because I am a bit more forward looking about the reality of any situation,

I wouldn't call it forward thinking. I would call it lack of forward thinking. The meeting is no different than any other meeting anyone has when dating online. So far, you haven't said why it should be different, either.

And as far as your saying that online dating probably isn't for me, I am doing just fine. I am just know enough not to walk down dead end paths.

If you couldn't meet someone in another city and do it safely, you can't do it safely in your own city, either. If you can't date online safely, then online dating isn't for you, unless like getting yourself in jams. I think your real objection is that you think it's objectionable for a woman to actually take the initiative to do the travelling and the rest is just a facade.

So your flying your p*ssy to him and he has to do nothing?

That's a classic indication of golden p*ssy syndrome. Good luck with that attitude.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 49
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/24/2012 10:08:16 PM

So your flying your p*ssy to him and he has to do nothing?


that is a rude assumption about the OP

some of the other things you said I agree with.
I agree in having the talk about who can or cannot relocate should it work out.
if no one can do so,...why waste the time going at all.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 50
Traveling for a first date...Bad idea?
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:13:34 AM
It's only safe if you're not in a car or at his house or at your hotel with him. Doubtful that will be the case in an extended stay--you built expectations--c'mon, will let down the guard if he's charming.
He may be normal and it's ok, or he's a weirdo--no matter how cute the exterior.
I don't think one has to take that kind of risk for a ldr.
Why not meet a guy locally, and have a normal pace of courtship.
People say it's no different than meeting a guy in town. Not really--you have allies at home--psychologically you are more vulnerable and may feel more close to him because of the situation.
If it were my sister I'd say don't, only have this adventure with a known person,err on the side of caution--make him come to you.
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