| | Methods in healing a broken heartPage 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) |
Edit: @Viper..I have no words my friend...none at all to ease your pain. :(
haha, I do.
"I HAVE HAD IT WITH THESE MOTHERF*** SNAKES ON THIS MOTHERF*** PLANE!"
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:52:09 AM | Edit: @Viper..I have no words my friend...none at all to ease your pain but I would certainly absorb your pain in order to keep you from destroying yourself with scotch and valium over the ghost of a bad memory.
Thank you both..
Now I'm going to toss Snakes On A Plane in the Blu-ray.. | |
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pasmal
| | Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 29 | |
| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/22/2012 11:55:57 AM | If you hate, you still love her, don't you? I understand feeling abused and if they got hit by a semi right in front of me, I'd feel glee--at certain moments, because he was that evil, manipulative and sadistic, but enough time has passed I feel indifferent. I wish they had never happened, that I could erase them, so giving them so much power by investing feelings is lost on me. It's as if they died. I'd only be disturbed if I had to see them.
Frankly I wouldn't WANT to be loved so hard by someone they are devastated or plotting my murder or it ends up a grisly news clip.
These days I'd only going into something if I can prepare for any ending. Its not that I want that, but it has happened enough I am not in the least shocked.
People imo, aren't reliable long term beyond a few years. If they were and we could still stand each other after decades, that would be a great thing, but the odds are it's rare luck- which can happen. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/22/2012 12:20:51 PM |
People imo, aren't reliable long term beyond a few years
ding ding ding.... Thanks for showing my point.
People are not disposable. | |
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pasmal
| | Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 31 | |
| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/22/2012 12:57:15 PM | Apparently, they are. The divorce rate, the drama, the deceit, abuse, the cheating, the cruelty...
I've never disposed of anyone. I'm usually the one that was left, due to some misguided loyalty, and I'm the one that now refuses to take anyone back who was disloyal to me. Every one of them attempted an insincere return. So, there are worse things than walking away from a shitty situation.
Some do have the mentality that people are disposable and I do not in that I'd never start anything I knew would end--a fwb. But even in a good ltr starting, I have at the back of my mind what ifs just based on the cycle of prior involvements--the infatuation, the plateaus, the possible endings. It crosses my mind even if it's not healthy thinking. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/22/2012 1:12:00 PM |
Apparently, they are.
I know that it is now common, acceptable, and seems to be more normal than not for people to just leave. That doesn't make it right.
It would be easier to pretend to live like others and just not care any more than for the moment. The carefree life of others.... Haha, that doesn't even exist. Couldn't hardly tell that judging from peoples expectations and profiles.
I've always wanted to live in fairy tale land where everything is perfect and you always get what you want because you deserve it buddy.... Anyone have the map?
Life is hard. Bad things happen. Doing what is right is not safe. Loving someone is not safe. Trusting someone is not safe. Live on the edge like a rockstar :) | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/22/2012 1:16:21 PM |
Frankly I wouldn't WANT to be loved so hard by someone they are devastated
I can tell you that I will NEVER leave myself that open to anyone ever again.. If it means I'm the old guy at the corner of the bar, so be it..
People imo, aren't reliable long term beyond a few years. If they were and we could still stand each other after decades, that would be a great thing, but the odds are it's rare luck- which can happen.
I disagree.. I was married to someone like that once, and I would have happily spent the rest of my life with her.. But God got jealous, and took her for Himself.. 
I've come to believe that there's one ride per customer on the great merry go round of happiness. And I had mine, short as it was.. Maybe, I'm taking somebody's else spot, trying to grab the brass ring again. It was because of my wife, that I let my ex-girlfriend do the things she did to me. That's not my wife's fault. It's mine.
I don't know... If I had all the answers, I most likely wouldn't be on this site.. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/22/2012 4:25:05 PM | When you hate someone too deeply and for too long means that person is still dwelling in your heart, in your mind. You cannot forget the past. Hatred, or resentment, is like poison. It makes your wound never heals, it prevents you to move on. Imagining if you had an opportunity to see someone else, and you still hate the other one so much, I believe you would have doubt in your heart and mind about this new one because you're still scared if this one might be like the last one, therefore you cannot love this new person as much as if you did not have doubt about her even though she might be a very nice lady. Then that's not fair for her.
In the book "10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace", chapter 7, Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote: "There are no justified resentments. You hear people say this all the time: "I have a right to be upset because of the way I've been treated. I have a right to be angry, hurt, depressed, sad, and resentful." Learning to avoid this kind of thinking is one of my top ten secrets for living a life of inner peace, success and happiness. Anytime you're filled with resentment, you're turning the controls of your emotional life over to others to manipulate."
I read somewhere also: "The best revenge is living well." Drugs and alcohol just make you weak. And your "enemy" will laugh at you hahaha. Would you like that? | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/23/2012 12:19:47 AM | I prefer these words..
"You have dishonored my family, and you have dishonored the Shoalin Temple, and for this, you must die.." -- Bruce Lee: Enter The Dragon. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:24:26 AM | Everybody lives, everybody dies at the end. Yes, sometimes, we cannot explain about something why it happens like this? why it happens like that? But mainly we are responsible for our life, we can make choices for ourselves.
It would be nice to live in a peaceful world. But for this to happen, everyone needs to give her/his effort.
No further comments from me on this thread. Period. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/25/2012 6:53:24 AM | No, you have to not let anyone in at all..
She contacted me a few days ago, straight out of the blue, looking for tech help. And stupid as it sounds, I gave it to her. Now I'm the wreck.
I thought I had healed, I know I was doing better.. It's like I spent the last year, building this sandcastle, just so she could come along and kick it down all over again. It's like pushing the reset button on a computer.
All of a sudden, I'm back to day one.
There are days when I really hate that it's illegal to kill people. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/25/2012 7:13:49 AM | She contacted me a few days ago, straight out of the blue, looking for tech help. And stupid as it sounds, I gave it to her. Now I'm the wreck.
And this is where you should have ignored her number and not spoken with her at all. Sometimes just hearing someone's voice can trigger a lot of painful memories. No contact is essential in this instance when you've felt so strongly about someone. Don't give her the power to ruin you for someone that will love you for who you are and treat you with kindness and respect.
You really need to start the healing process Viper. :) Good luck, my gentle friend.
Seakytten | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/25/2012 12:05:55 PM | You really need to start the healing process Viper. :) Good luck, my gentle friend.
The things is, I HAD started the process. I was knee deep in it. I had been in the process for over a year, until she called me on her birthday...  | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/25/2012 1:46:25 PM | F* the process. It is all BS. You already did the nurse maid part to you heart. Now it basically just being a b*** :)
I'm glad you posted earlier about what your real loss was. You subsequent slip and fall is totally respectable and commendable.
Hope one day I can know what you once believed you had.
That's about the best we can hope for right. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/26/2012 1:52:34 PM | I think IRS form 3949a is going to help me a lot.. (Google is your friend.) The worst thing she could have done, was to tell me how she liked sucking face with some new dude.
I wonder if he'll go to her audit with her..
"I fear all we have done is to awaken a sleeping giant and filled him with a terrible resolve." -- Japanese Admiral Isoroku Yamamoto after his attack on Pearl Harbor
Oh I almost forgot to mention all the emails to her Fbook account from her Adult Friendfinder account asking when they can hook up..  | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/27/2012 5:29:29 AM | Oh I almost forgot to mention all the emails to her Fbook account from her Adult Friendfinder account asking when they can hook up..
For the love of all that is good my friend..LET IT GO!! This is eating you alive honey. :( Not good.
It's over. done. Move on and do NOT speak with her again under any circumstances. You're no longer a victim Viper. You're a survivor my friend..truly a survivor and a survivor is strong and can walk away with a lesson learned but a victim continuously cowers in fear and vengeful thoughts for those that wronged them and you are far, far from a cowering man from what I know of you.
Seakytten  | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 1/29/2012 11:15:40 AM | One thing that worked for me was when I had my shower and was shampooing my hair I would sing that song from South Pacific,
I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair.
I'm gonna wash that main right out of my hair
And send him on his way  | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:16:59 AM | I gave her a free pass today..
I had to testify before the State Board Of Dentistry. She's a licensed Dental Hygienist, and by law she HAS to work under the supervision of a Dentist. Private practice for her, is not an option.
I had filed a complaint with the board, stating she engaged in work outside of the work environment, with no supervision, or pain management options. (She had cleaned mine, and my daughter's teeth many, many times, here in our home.) Exhibit A was the dental tools, she had left here.
All I had to do, was say the right words, and they would have yanked her license to practice in a heartbeat...
And, I couldn't do it. I told them that my complaint was made in the context of a failed relationship, and while she HAD broken the law, that her license shouldn't be revoked, because she had only treated family members. When I heard these words coming out of my mouth, I really couldn't believe it was me saying them.. I had the power to crush her, and couldn't take the final step. I think there's a small part of me that still loves her, in spite of what she did.
But that shouldn't have stopped me, yet, I still couldn't take the final step to destroy her, as she had destroyed me.
I don't know if that means I'm finally healing, or if I've forgiven her, but I have a lot to think about on the drive back home.. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:25:54 AM |
I don't know if that means I'm finally healing, or if I've forgiven her, but I have a lot to think about on the drive back home..
Just a simple thing. "You have control back."
So, now that you have life back under your control. Do something useful. Make some money or something. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 2/1/2012 11:49:24 AM | | Snakeman, I think you did the right thing even if you can't see it now. Plus the good Karma points have to be worth something. You talk about God and Satan in some of your posts. If you believe in that, it was Satan telling you to crush her, and today you turned back towards God's love instead. If you continue down the other path, it's just Satan drawing into his lair. Don't let what this woman did to you, turn yourself into what you hate about her. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 2/1/2012 4:41:12 PM | "Be the change upon the world that you wish for it to be." more or less quoted Dalai Llama, I believe.
Chemically speaking, emotions are JUST chemicals. SMILE, it causes a chemical reaction in you and in others around you. Even if you don't feel it, do it. Put reminers everywhere you can to SMILE and commit to doing it.
You cannot WANT to heal and see it happen quickly, you have to commit to healing.
If you have a replay fantasy in your head that is impacting you for the worse, put it on a time schedule, make an appointment to "watch" it, make it OK to watch it, you just have to wait for the appointment, commit to the appointment and then watch it for an hour. You'll get sick of it and quit early. When your mind wants to go back to it, reassure yourself that you will see it again on you next "appointment", and you can get to it later. Eventually, you will forget to keep your appointments. You can say to yourself that you are allowed to watch it when commuting, or when in the shower and getting ready for work, or some regular thing that you do.
CUT IT OFF and OUT. Whatever things you have that remind you, get rid of them, Whatever places you go that remind you, stop going, Whatever things you did that remind you, stop doing. Make some serious life changes. Remove the other from you online and real life social network. Get a new job, if you must.
Get back on the horse:
You have to leave your house to experience people in real life. Make a routine, something you like to do or a change you want to make, such as exercise out of the house, walk the dog, etc., but keep that routine. If people who like you see you, they will come back to that place and try to bump into you. Do random things, and make note of other people. If you see someone you like, return again on that time, or that day and time, stalk the unknown stranger in a very harmless way and see if you bump into them. And when you do, SMILE and say HI. I am very shy, I make myself do this, and it has always brought great people into my life though sometimes it took awhile. The thing is that if you start to see others, you develop other mental crushes that take the place of the older crusher.
Make yourself available, by LOOKING the part. When you leave the house, put the make-up on and the better clothing and shoes. Walk the part of an available person. Get rid of that ring finger tan line with tanner or make-up til it fades.
Don't practice what you would say to the person if you met again, practice being happy- it has real effects on your body even if it is not "real" happiness, and the faking can create the reality, because, in this case, practice does make perfect. | |
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| Methods in healing a broken heart
Posted: 2/1/2012 5:04:47 PM | I don't know... sometimes it seems like when things suck... a whole bunch of paragraphs doesn't seem any more than listening to a whole bunch of talk... Sometimes the right answer is... To just “STFU and stop doing that.” :)
Funny thing is that after reading everything above... that’s the basic point. | |
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