| | It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup? Page 3 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) |
<div class="quote"> Just ask if he can wait and see how things look in a year of being together.
It's usually wise to do that anyway!
If he's not all that greatly in love and his purpose is mainly to be married to someone.. he'll let that be known.
 I HATE to be a buzzkill or rain on your parade but...I had someone ask me to get married within 2 months of knowing him. I told him that if we are together for a year and still like each other,we could consider it. He showed his true colors within 6 months and was shown to the curb. Besides, if you have a good thing ( for you!), why ruin it and besides, when you hit a certain age, it isn't wise to share assets. Just my 2 cents... | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 1/31/2012 8:28:44 PM | | Hey 1388SmartBlonde, I wonder how much these nay-Sayers have to loose? In mine and my late wife's wills and our trust we have a clause that's legal in our state, but not in some others, that any heirs that contest the terms of the wills/trust and lose, lose everything in their inheritance. That was put in to keep them from fighting over it. So if they want to contest the wills/trust agreement they darn well better be sure they're going to win the fight. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 8:31:56 AM | | Good thought, Behind Blue Eyes 53. My Mom remarried a man with 3 children and had 3 of her own. When they set up their wills, it was arranged that all assets went to their surviving spouse until their death, then what remained was to be split equally among their 6 children with a similar clause that anyone contesting the will did so at their own expense and risk. My mother and step father both have passed and dividing the estate was done quickly and without any argument because of their good planning. You have done a wonderful thing for your children by setting up your estate that way. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 8:52:49 AM | I had one in my first marriage and would never even consider not getting one if I ever got married again,which I won't no matter how serious.What's the point?
I'd rather be with someone I love without all the insanity of marriage and prenups. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 10:32:09 AM | | I think it is necessary in todays world to protect your assets & credit when considering marriage or co-habitation...i know if the time ever came where I was considering marriage I would want to make sure I was legally protected...and would not be the least offended if the man felt the same regarding his assets...in fact I would encourage him to... | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 2:21:01 PM | Absolutely! Full disclosure required! Value yourself if you want to be valued.
A prenup stating that what assets you have before the marriage remain yours and vice versa for him. Anything you both accumulate during the marriage can be 50/50.
I'd go so far as to suggest you don't live in your home with him, because regardless of a prenuptual agreement the "marital" home becomes a joint asset when you marry and live in it as a couple. It will become half his automatically.
Rent out your home and treat it as an investment. Rent a property with him, have him pay half and you pay for your half from the rents from your home.
Love is a 2 way street. Someone who loves you, won't want to use you or put you at risk. If he refuses, you'll know that he's trying to better himself at your expense. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 2:59:50 PM | | I can only speak of the laws in my state. The home you own when you get married, your partner is can only claim his/her share of the increase in equity from the time you're married. You should get a current appraisal of the property when you get married for that reason. Also you don't want to retitled the property in joint tenancy, unless you want them to have a claim against it. Talk to your lawyer about things like this. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 6:41:11 PM | What a darn shame we all have to worry about this, it really does take the romance out . I wouldn't sign anything if I was asked but that 's just me, I would feel so hurt if asked to that I probably would leave him immediately.
Unfortunately it sounds just like a business deal to me, but hey I m old fashion and that's just the way I feel, take your prenup and shove it up your , well you know the rest.  | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 8:17:46 PM |
I'd go so far as to suggest you don't live in your home with him, because regardless of a prenuptual agreement the "marital" home becomes a joint asset when you marry and live in it as a couple. It will become half his automatically.
This is not true in every state. When my ex-husband and I married he owned his own home. My name was never put on the title or the deed. He continued to pay the mortgage and taxes from his income. I paid utilities and other bills. When we split we worked out everything amicably. I moved out and he helped me out financially so that I could get an apartment and some new furniture. There was never any thought from me that I was entitled to any part of his house. I even left new furniture that I paid for when we did some remodeling. The attorney that we spoke with after we did all this said that I would not have gotten any part of the house, not that I would have asked for it, because it was my ex's separate property before the marriage and because my ex could prove he alone made the mortgage payments. So obviously it depends where you live.
I would absolutely get a pre-nup. You need to protect your assets. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 9:00:18 PM |
hat a darn shame we all have to worry about this, it really does take the romance out . I wouldn't sign anything if I was asked but that 's just me, I would feel so hurt if asked to that I probably would leave him immediately.
Unfortunately it sounds just like a business deal to me, but hey I m old fashion and that's just the way I feel, take your prenup and shove it up your , well you know the rest.
Well sweetchic,
Then I'd have to assume you're marrying me for what I have, not me. The house I live in now will go to our daughter, my late wife and mine. That was her death bed wish and she inherited it from her late parents. If you or any others think I'm going to dishonor her memory by doing anything else, you're wrong.
I may in fact transfer the title to the house now, with a iron clad contract written up that I can live in it till I die. That would take that question completely off the table.
We're not talking about two people getting married in their 20s when neither has much. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/1/2012 9:22:16 PM |
Then I'd have to assume you're marrying me for what I have, not me. The house I live in now will go to our daughter, my late wife and mine. That was her death bed wish and she inherited it from her late parents. If you or any others think I'm going to dishonor her memory by doing anything else, you're wrong.
I may in fact transfer the title to the house now, with a iron clad contract written up that I can live in it till I die. That would take that question completely off the table.
I can certainly understand your wanting to honor your late wife's wishes, but what about honoring your new wife? I am sure she would want to make changes to the house redecorating, adding her own things, etc. to make it feel like home to her too, otherwise she is simply a tenant. What happens to your new wife should you die first? Does she get a 30 day notice to vacate? I wouldn't want to live in a house for 20 years or more and then be told I had to get out because it's no longer my home. Better if you get remarried that you give your daughter the house and live elsewhere with your new wife. That resolves the problem before it starts and your new wife doesn't have to live with the shadow of your late wife hanging over her head. Just some food for thought. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/2/2012 1:57:50 AM | | it sounds like you are not ready. If you love someone you love them unconditionally and enjoy your lives together. Material things come and go , if you cant put the financials aside and are already thinking maybe what if you divorce. you may not be ready for any commitment | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/2/2012 3:01:58 AM | This is not legal advice to you, merely something to consider:
You outlined some very compelling arguments in favor of making that type of decision. If you agree with that, then you might seriously consider seeking the advice of an experienced attorney in your state and get advice on if you need one and what it might contain. He/she should outline some peripheral issues.
No one commits to a long term relationship in the anticipation of breaking up. Yet that is often the case. So protection might be prudent.
Hope things go well. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/2/2012 3:04:22 AM | What a darn shame we all have to worry about this, it really does take the romance out . I wouldn't sign anything if I was asked but that 's just me, I would feel so hurt if asked to that I probably would leave him immediately.
Unfortunately it sounds just like a business deal to me, but hey I m old fashion and that's just the way I feel, take your prenup and shove it up your , well you know the rest.
Damn shame or not, Marriage is a legal and binding financial contract that places both men and women at financial risk IF something goes wrong.It's like insurance to me.
I wouldn't live in a home,drive a car,go to a doctor or be in a marriage without some form of insurance that the person I marry,won't take me for half of everything I own.People CHANGE and so does love.
Believe me,when the sh*t hit's the fan,and it does at least 50% of the time,do you want to support someone who say,betrayed you by cheating on you,for the rest of thier life on YOUR DIME? I don't think so!
Anyone who doesn't sign a prenup is going into a marriage without some form of insurance that protects them and thier partner.
It typically states that what each person comes into the marriage with,they leave with.What's wrong with that unless you are IN IT for the money?
I think separating money from love is not only smart,it makes it clear that you won't get a free ride from me in the event of a divorce.I signed one and got NOTHING from my xH in our divorce because I wasn't entitled to anything,least of all what he earned over the years, anymore than he, was once the relationship was OVER!
IF you truly love me and aren't a gold digger,you will sign a prenup or get the hell out of my life.I won't prove I love you and trust you implicitly by leaving myself open to being taken financially to the cleaners.
But then again,I have ALOT to lose. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:15:07 PM | | I don't know what the divorce laws are like where you live and prenups have thier limitations. You should look into it and if you are going to do it make sure you do it right. Discussing the details of a prenup with a partner to be is a good time for you both to disclose where you both sit financially and how you plan on handling each of your living expenses now and in the future. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/3/2012 3:14:01 AM | What's 'Love' got to do with it? I never saw an attorney at my wedding,but
at the end,24 years later,the love was gone and the lawyers began doing thier duties.Even with a Prenup,my stbxH informed me that he was going to "take me for half and burn it in front of me".
LMAO! Not in your wildest dreams you SOB! The reason he signed it was to prove he wasn't after my money and that he loved me.But became a virtual dependant thru our financially one sided marriage.If anyone OWED anyone money back...he owed me!
I kept all my assets,the house I paid for with my own money,my credit unscathed,trust set up for our kids,my stock portfolio intact,no freakin' unentitled alimony and I didn't even ask for child support.He wanted to get what he could from me,so he could then turn around and pay CS with it and that was NOT going to happen.
So yeah.Go into a marriage without protecting yourself legally and see just what happens if/when you wind up divorced.
Then you will ask..........What happened to the LOVE! | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:28:37 AM | Thanks to all who replied, even those who were opposed to the idea.
As for skipping off into clover blinded by love, we both have been there, done that and what it took most of our adult lives to build up was eaten up by the divorce lawyers in just two or three. We love each other enough to never put the other through that again, so we both agree a pre-nup before marriage is the wisest and kindest course of action for our situation. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:28:50 AM | Thanks to all who replied, even those who were opposed to the idea.
As for skipping off into clover blinded by love, we both have been there, done that and what it took most of our adult lives to build up was eaten up by the divorce lawyers in just two or three. We love each other enough to never put the other through that again, so we both agree a pre-nup before marriage is the wisest and kindest course of action for our situation. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/3/2012 2:11:49 PM | Now, c'mon folks...it's very limited thinking to call all "naysayers" more or less gold-diggers who only want access to somebody else's "stuff"....silly. It may just be that there is a deeper meaning to what "union" in full partnership IS. Especially at this stage in life...why would I enter marriage at all, if I felt I had to protect myself from the person who I am in full union with?? Simple, I wouldn't.
Not to say, at all, that we wouldn't discuss assets and jointly decide how to best manage such things beFORE marriage...of course ! But to sign a contract pre-marriage to protect my stuff from the man I chose to join with in what's left of this life? Nope.....If, by now, I haven't grasped the understanding of bonded trust and love with a man who also has shown himself to possess same understanding....then to me, that's a pretty sad testament to my almost 59yrs on this earth.
Do I have "stuff" I want to go certain places after I'm gone? Do I want to provide some gifts to my loved ones? Well sure I do.
Funny, in this dating process and holding the hope in my heart of finding that one soul to enjoy the rest of my life with, I try to see who people are. Not who they say they are, not what they own.....and will ask myself: could I live under the bridge with this guy? would I want to if this world we live in collapsed? would I be grateful that HE was with me when/if everything else fell away?------this has not a thing to do with dancing in the clover or being blind....but a hell of alot to do with "seeing", in my view. | |
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/3/2012 5:49:02 PM | The man I have been seeing has asked me to marry him but my worry is that we are older and both facing retirement in less than 2o years. He has some financial issues, namely related to his health and a foreclosure on a property he owned with his ex-wife that she refused to sell.
What were the terms of the divorce? Why didn't he sue her for breach of contract?
You may want to ask him to update his will ... if his ex and children are the beneficiaries of his retirement they may get that.
P.S. You forgot to change your profile - it is still active.
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| It's getting serious...Should I ask for a pre-nup?
Posted: 2/5/2012 7:28:05 AM | | As the daughter of an attorney, I'd say forgo the pre-nup and live with him without marriage. His views on finance are vastly different from yours and you're still going to have to deal with that on a daily basis which can cause problems with or without a pre-nup. | |
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