| | I need advicePage 2 of 3 (1, 2, 3) |
I thought everyone met a few different people and dated a few. Isnt that how we find out who we want to have a relationship with?
That is fine if you don't care about losing any or all of your prospects.
But you are here telling us that you are concerned that you "blew it" with the first guy, who you said made you feel great about yourself. So if you were really happy enough with him, you didn't need the other guy, except for the additional "ego boost," as you put it.
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:56:46 PM |
After reading the testimonials I do agree with five-marie that the first guy may have read the testimonial and decided that you and the second guy really liked each other and he didn't want to have to compete for your affection.
Actually, five-marie never said that. It was "You're surprised the first younger man isn't contacting you?"
Generally, a man isn't thinking about competing for a woman's affection is he finds out that she's been with other guys while with him (unless he's madly in love with her). The man will probably get angry or upset and decide not to be with her anymore. | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 7:57:15 PM |
Not if both partners are practicing safe sex.
Right. Everything is 100% reliable.
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:17:29 PM | The real issue here is how you keep saying this younger guys makes you feel better about yourself. I read you were in a bad relationship for a long time, so you need to work on yourself before you start dating. You should date a guy because he is fun and you like HIM, not because he raises your self esteem.
And that testimonial DEFINITELY makes it sound like you and him are a couple. No wonder the young guy ran. | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:20:48 PM | Taking testimonial off your page: find this man in your favorites page, then click on the remove testimonial link.
There are no "rules" to dating. You make your own rules. So, if you thought it was Ok to date 2 guys concurrently, specially as you'd not agreed to being exclusive w/ anyone....then...YES, it was Ok. However, the problem is the other parties are also entitled to having their own "rules." So, if Army guy is into one-on-one and already read the testimonial, and it bothered him and he has moved on then...that is his right. Not much you can do to fix that.
Also, please don't let the folks who naysay older woman/younger man relationships bother you, or allow it to tarnish it in your eyes into something tawdry and cheap. Sometimes, younger men approach older women because they're merely looking for a "hook up"....yes, indeed that is so....it's also a quite likely scenario when the man approaching you is your own age, or older...LoL!!!!
I, and many other women in these forums, have or have been in very long term and perfectly normal relationships, with men younger than ourselves :) | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:32:11 PM | Also, please don't let the folks who naysay older woman/younger man relationships bother you, or allow it to tarnish it in your eyes into something tawdry and cheap.
Forumite, nobody mentioned the age factor except you (five-marie did say younger, though). It wasn't about age; it was about seeing two men at the same time.
Personally, I don't care about the Op's love life. I hope that things work out for her.
I just find it strange that she had sex with one guy and is seeing another guy and the majority of the women think that it's okay. If she would have said that the guy that she had sex with was seeing other women, then the women would have told her to dump the guy ('cuz he's a player). ...but that's just my observation..... | |
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Posted: 1/23/2012 8:37:35 PM |
heck, if you got two decent dates out of this site, you're doing great, actually, lol.
^^^^^^YES.......hell, I can't even get ONE..........LOL...... | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/23/2012 8:41:00 PM | You know...I can understand that you are not looking for a committed relationship. And...your profile seems to indicate that very thing and there should be no expectations of anything further.
Two things...
One...I would not be interested in a long(er) term intimate relationship with a woman that is also being intimate with God know who else. That could possibly be just me.
But two...even if I was willing to be intimate with a woman who is being intimate with other guys...I sure as he11 do not want to hear about it...or read about it on POF. That may NOT be just me.
The testimonial was what it was. But this thread...OMG...now truck driver dude gets to read about himself AND your cougar sex on the beach. TMI epic fail
Edit:
Oh...I completely forgot the point I wanted to make. If this is all just casual dating and feel good sex...why are you starting a thread as if you've lost something special? You got to do a young guy on the beach and he scored a cougar. It's all good...right? Chalk it up and keep on casting. | |
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Posted: 1/23/2012 8:51:22 PM | Mrmisterme, I don't think a guy OR girl would be a player in this scenario. She's only been seeing the guy a few weeks. I personally wouldn't be sleeping with several guys at once,but that's me. To me a player is someone that continues to have sex with and pursue other people even when they have decided to be exclusive with a person, no matter what gender they are.
I WOULD likely stop seeing a guy after reading a testimonial like that that the OP and the trucker made on their profiles, because it makes it seem as if they are wanting to continue seeing each other and really like each other since they left similar comments about each other. | |
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Posted: 1/23/2012 9:06:16 PM | OP I think you know, you blew it ..! you said you THOUGHT it would be okay to date both... sounds like you had doubts . You could have easily ask for clarification. Sometimes the nature /intimacy of the relationship can imply that your exclusive, even if its not spoken
And all it takes is to simply ask .... you thought you could get away with it ,
but you didn't ........... I really have no sympathy for you .You made your bed .... | |
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Posted: 1/23/2012 9:12:25 PM | I'm not convinced that you did anything wrong.
And who cares if you did?
If you were really smitten with guy #1, you would not have dated guy #2.
And if guy #1 was really interested in you, he'll be contacting you.
You really didn't invest much in guy #1---a few weeks and some passionate experiences with a hot young guy isn't something to grieve over. | |
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Posted: 1/23/2012 9:38:01 PM | mrmisterme....Perhaps you need to go back to page 1 of this thread and re-read some of the comments? I do believe there were some comments made w/ negative implications as to the man being younger.
I'd never call a man or a woman a "player" etc simply based on his/her seeing and/or sleeping with more than one person at a time. So long as no promises of exclusivity have been made...everyone is a free agent to do as they please, in my book. Quite possibly, the "majority of the women" you mention are just as sensible on this matter as I am....
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OP...next time, if this goes south, your best bet is to explore how the other person feels about multi-dating, in the early stages of getting to know each other. That way, you can find out if you're both on the same page. For that matter, you might want to discuss it w/ man #2...before you find yourself with no bird in the hand at all :) | |
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| | Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 39 | |
| I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 7:45:55 AM |
I don't get it. I really thought that unless there was an understanding that you are dating exclusively, that you are not in a relationship.
Really?
I thought with age comes wisdom. But I guess sometimes age comes alone.
In my experience many men and women who just want have a good time, or don't know what they want, are often cowards and hide behind the socially approved dating structure which is mostly used by people who are genuinely looking for more than just a good time.
Such cowards often use "we didn't have the exclusive talk" as a justification to f*ck with (literally and metaphorically), and f*ck around on people who are genuinely interested in a relationship, a mate. If disclosure of exclusivity is necessary for a relationship, then so should disclosure for f*cking around.
Let me guess, you never told either one man that you are dating other men.
You need to be honest as to why you are really dating and what you really want.
Every coward, creep, player, pervert, and slut gets in the door with the "relationship card" while secretly having another agenda... for that's the only way they can have their cake, and eat it too, or keep their social image, innocence or delusion of something they are not... at least for a while.
For give us, if few of us dumb men don't buy the "we didn't have the exclusive talk" and don't date women who date other man at the same time... unless of course we too are looking for a good time, but unlikely some women, hypocrites mostly, we call it what it is... FWB, FB, NSA, casual sex, ect... all of which I have vigorously defended.
I'm not convinced that you did anything wrong.
And who cares if you did?
She is a woman, who cares if she did anything wrong. Sorry, she is a woman, she can do no wrong.
Unreal! | |
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Posted: 1/24/2012 7:53:38 AM | Yes, good job ! a big round of applause. (sorry)
Forget the guy because he is trying to forget you right now.
I mean if it was going on the path of being serious till you get intimate and all... why would you date someone else?
I mean its thoses kind of event that you wonder yourself and ask if this was to happen to you would you react the same or otherwise?
If you were to get somewhat mad at such reaction ...then why would you do it yourself?
So yes turn the page and cherish that souvenir you had, because you lost the guy forever.
Nice guy doesnt come around too often and when you commit an act of trahison then...there is no comming back to the happy days. | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:03:11 AM | so you met nice guy(what most women say they looking for) thenstarted seeing another guy behind his back.turn that round wat if he was seeing another woman?.your a cheat/flattered or just after sex ? its one or all three prob: | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:06:15 AM | | Maybe I am in the minority here but dating other people before having the "exclusivity talk" is fine. To me dating doesnt mean sex. Once intimacy happens I want to believe that my partner isnt having multiple partners. I am not interested in catching whatever "Trucker Bob" picked up at the last truck stop. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2012 8:24:32 AM | | I don't think you did anything wrong, but I wouldn't have any real expectations with the younger guy. To him it might have been something serious, but to you it wasn't. | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 8:33:39 AM | First you just need to contact him and clear the air about his/your expectations.
Second...most of the men who have offered advice here...don't listen. There is NO "relationship" when you've only had a couple of dates. For crying out loud...that's the point of being here, meet people, and find out who's the right fit.
Maybe for future meets...to save confusion, make it clear that you're not in an "exclusive" relationship until the two of you have agreed.
I love the way you men make assumptions that all truckers are nasty, have diseases, and that she/he even had unprotected sex. You sound like a bunch of whiny, "wish it had been me", selfish babies. If you don't have something CONSTRUCTIVE to offer, then shut up. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2012 8:55:02 AM | Well...You play the game ...be prepared to lose.
You may be new to the "single" life and you are craving the attention and lapping it up and in the process not being too choosey or smart...you are dealing with real people.
If the shoe was on the other foot how would you feel???
Figure out what it is you want right now for yourself first...Is it just fun and to try out a few,a full time relationship or long term...fwb???
I'm with the guys that are complaining...If you were a guy writing in...You would be a "dirtbag"....sorry. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2012 8:55:43 AM |
love the way you men make assumptions that all truckers are nasty, have diseases, and that she/he even had unprotected sex. You sound like a bunch of whiny, "wish it had been me", selfish babies. If you don't have something CONSTRUCTIVE to offer, then shut up.
No relationship is fine. You need to read and figure out what is being said here. If she suspects that the testimonal spooked number 1 away then she didnt tell him of her intent to date others. If number 1 saw the testimonal then he assumes that not only is she dating others then she is screwing them too. This is apparently is what is worrying her. The constructive comment here is to be totally upfront with your relationships. Some people will not have a problem with people being sexually active with others while being sexual with them. Some people will have a problem with it. If you dont tell them and they find out on their own be ready for the consequences.
No one said that all truckers are nasty, have diseases and that she/he even had unprotected sex. Some people would just want to know the risks they are taking before they take them. | |
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Posted: 1/24/2012 9:28:08 AM | Hahahahaha!!! I'll give you an 'atta girl' OP!!
The forums always amaze me. If you didn't have the exclusive discussion, then there shouldn't be any expectation of exclusivity. In dating the main rule is, 'there ain't no rules!'
So you hooked a younger guy and are feeling good, so what? It's no ones business but your own. Blow off the other guy and enjoy. You can always hook another later, if you want someone closer to your own age.
The only thing I enjoyed more than your story, was the women tap dancing around what you're doing! After years and hundreds of threads, of guys in the same scenario being called dogs and worse, it's refreshing to see them try and side step what the sisterhood has long condemned.
If a guy had written this thread, he would have been pillared for dating a woman 15 years his junior, then lambasted for dating 2 women and having sex with one or both of them without having told them about the other.
Funny almost 50 posts and none of the women have mentioned their normal inclinations about this. Hahahaha! Just show ya, the POF double standard is alive and well! | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:44:27 AM | | You really have to ask this. You slept with a man then another leaves a testamonial how happy he is with you. The first guy is shocked as he should be. You know you did something wrong why are you asking us. I feel bad for the first guy that you used him for a good time while being a player. If you want a relationship with a man stick with one guy at a time. If you want to be a player tell a man BEFORE you sleep with him. Yikes. | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:46:24 AM | | I would ask the mods about removing the testimonial. I would have assumed a person would need to approve it before it got slapped on their profile. | |
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| I need advice
Posted: 1/24/2012 9:46:25 AM | | Contact the first man an maybe explain yourself that you are dating 2 poeple and tell the man that left you the thing on your profile. Games are for children your an adult . Always be honest about who you are and whatyou want | |
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