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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Normal to not have passion at this age?      Home login  
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 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 26
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Normal to not have passion at this age?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Thanks ladies. He's (we are) fun and affectionate when he's here, and have fun conversations on the phone, it's just that we can't seem to kick it up a notch as far as more spontaneous get-togethers. He's a pretty structured, conservative, morning person that doesn't feel the need to leave the house after work or on weekends, so I understand that to a certain extent that's the kind of person he is. That was part of the attraction for me at first, I was used to guys wanting an instant relationship which I did not go for.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 27
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/30/2012 10:20:37 AM
try some natural compounded hormones...can put some spice bak into your life...
 senica
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 28
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/30/2012 10:26:07 AM
That is a bummer for you are a hottie
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 29
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/30/2012 11:01:34 AM
The OP is a true "hottie", for age 51, she is a walking miracle. If I could date someone that drop dead gorgeous, I do believe I could manage more than Saturday night.

If you have been dating this guy for 6 months, and he is not "into you" enough to give you what you're looking for (time, energy, commitment), then I would suggest trying again. You are one of the lucky ones, you are never going to have a problem getting dates.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 30
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/30/2012 12:28:47 PM
Aww, thanks! I did tell him I have options, lol... I just want to be sure that I gave it enough time and not have any regrets if I let him know I want more.
 abraham05
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 31
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/30/2012 6:47:17 PM
You need to talk with him a lot more. He may be getting mixed signals???.

He's a good worker and may be tired after work and needs more rest then some of us.
Don't tell him you have options. That tells a guy you are not committed. 6 months is not a long time.
 Pinky127
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 32
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/30/2012 11:34:41 PM
Op,im sure i read another Thread of yours saying similar things....?

Passion is an integral part of a relationship and i dont think it matters how old you are,though i also believe some people are more passionate than others.
I hope you're not selling yourself short and 'settling' for this man.
If you want more......after seeing him for 6mths.....i think you should let him know.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 33
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/31/2012 5:45:14 AM
I was just sort of kidding when I let him know I have options. He knows I'm interested in long term, I just get tired of being the only one who ever brings it up.
 rigal41
Joined: 8/24/2011
Msg: 34
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:29:10 AM
I won't say it's not normal but what does he really want? I'm 42 and my bf is 40 and we've been together about 6 weeks and it's great...the sex is good and consistent and we get together 1-2 times during the week and usually spend sat night and all day sunday together. We are both passionate about getting to know each other, spending time together and know what we'd like down the road. It's nice this guy calls you daily but he only makes an attempt to see you one day a week after 6 mos? I think that's a bit too little at this stage. I'd verbally talk to him and see how he feels and what you can do to spend more time together.
 stargazin53
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 35
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:32:44 AM
Yep...this thread seems to be a repeat...same lady, same man....honey, make a decision...this is just long and tedious and you've heard it all before on the other 2 threads you started. C'mon now.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 36
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:52:17 AM

The OP is a true "hottie", for age 51,


The gentleman sharing his thoughts above isn't generally one to toss out praise/admiration the way some of us toss our red-leaf lettuce! Anyone with eyesight can see that you are a natural beauty whose profile bespeaks of an unassumingly lovely and genuine lady whose lifestyle (and family genes:) make your "real age" 20 years younger!

The topic of "passion" is certainly a major part of any potential romantic connection, but from what I've learned (which includes reading, listening and my own experiences) over the past decade, it can be a critical factor in how/why so many 45+ relationships are either flourishing or faltering or simply not going to happen at all from the moment two people first hear the sound of each other's voice! Lifestyle, diet, the hormonal changes that happen at 45+, and I do believe a person's neurological wiring from birth, are all part of the equation.
For whatever combination of reasons (and countless others!) many people seem pretty content with relationships that are more of a companionable nature. Others will never ever stop believing that it's only a matter of time (and patience!) before they will find That Certain Someone, and together they will rock each other's worlds for as long as they are alive

It's all so very relative that my advice would be to follow your instincts, and if/when the time is right for any kind of change, don't be afraid to make one. You appear to have many exceptional attributes to offer Your Mr. Right. Best to you, OP!
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 37
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/31/2012 6:41:27 PM
I ran into this before I met Ray and think it is more of a comfort zone thing...people tend to like their ruts and talking to you every night and seeing you at his place on Saturday night fits into his rut.

You are a beautiful woman who seems to be asking permission to accept his rut. Do not do it!! Instead, use the other days of the week to see other men, go out with the girls, take a class, travel, etc. You may find someone who has more of your sense of adventure or he may realize he is missing out on all the fun and join you. Either way, do not sacrifice your desire for a full, active life because of a fear of going back to the drawing board.

Someone once noted that 90% of your happiness or unhappiness is determined by the relationship you have with your significant other...go find the one that will make you 90% happy.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 38
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 1/31/2012 7:21:57 PM
I feel exactly the same as I did when I was in my 20's ... all systems GO !

So I'm kind of the wrong one to ask.

But like all things , this can vary greatly with individuals , regardless of age or gender.
 senica
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 39
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/1/2012 7:59:28 AM
Let"s bottom line this It is not normal for me. Passion is important, (makes me feel wanted)My job wether i am tired or not. is to make __My significant other know she is important. Sometimes at my own expensive, (not always)work life in general has demands, But Then again priorities. And to let someone i love feel security,and she is loved, I think that should be pretty high on the list,
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 40
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/1/2012 5:26:59 PM
I would think making someone you care about a priority is important, and to make sure they know. I try to keep in mind the type of person he is, cautious and conservative, everyone is different. What I find interesting is the lack of responses from the guys who think I don't appreciate a guy who calls every night, keeps Sat. night open, etc. I think I'm getting a consensus here. It is confusing though, sometimes I feel like I'm overreacting and should continue to just go with the flow. Thanks everyone.
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 41
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/1/2012 9:53:51 PM
OP you are beautiful! He is a lucky guy. But...me thinks perhaps you need to make a decision. After 6 months if this guy is satisfied with only seeing you once a week and speaking on the phone nightly, knowing full well that you would like more, it's time for a change. The handwriting is on the wall. You seem to be someone who desires more affection and more time together..nothing wrong with that. He seems to be someone who doesn't. This does not a match make. If you have discussed this with him, told him how you feel and nothing has changed by now, it isn't going to. Being patient isn't the answer, moving on is. You are deserving of as much affection, attention and intimacy as you desire, we all are, and I am quite sure that there are many other men who would thrilled to provide you with that. And you are not overreacting at all. I was in a similar situation, made the mistake of thinking time and getting married would change it..guess what? Nope! And he was the same kind of guy, cautious and conservative..the polar opposite of me.. The signs are all there...you have to pay attention. Hope it all works out.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 42
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/2/2012 6:10:03 PM
Thanks for the complement and advice. What makes it tough is he is funny, attractive, supportive, good job, no debt, excellent health, and a great kisser. Oh, and no baggage, x or kids.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 43
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/2/2012 6:28:49 PM

Thanks for the complement and advice. What makes it tough is he is funny, attractive, supportive, good job, no debt, excellent health, and a great kisser. Oh, and no baggage, x or kids

Sorry, but it sounds like you are just trying to justify something to yourself. Listing all of his positive qualities does not negate the fact that you felt the need to start this thread in the first place. Clearly you are not satisfied with the level of commitment and intimacy in the relationship, emotional and/or physical.

That said, to answer your question, no it is not normal. If you have been dating someone for 6 months and consider yourself in an exclusive relationship, and all you are getting out of it is a Saturday night date, then that is abnormal. Very abnormal. You can choose to explain it away as him being cautious and careful, but it would appear that there are other dynamics at work. You haven’t provided us with enough information to know what those dynamics are, but something is amiss. Given that he has no kids, there is no reasonable explanation/excuse as to why you can’t see each other more often. What on earth has he been doing on Friday nights for the last 6 months? If he was at home alone, that is not good that he would rather be alone than with you, at least every Friday night. If he was out with other friends, that is not good that he has not chosen to include you even once in 6 months.

I would take a long, thoughtful look at what you’re getting out of the relationship before you continue on.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 44
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/2/2012 6:52:21 PM
Thanks, he gets off work at 4:30 and I work till 6:30 or 7, so our hrs don't match up well. He sometimes gets together with a couple of friends after work on Friday and has invited me a couple of times, but it hasn't worked out as Fridays are busy for me and I feel kinda spent after a days work at the hospital. He only stays out till 9:30 anyway and calls when he gets home. It might work out for tomorrow, we'll see. They are long time friends of his so at least I was invited.
 therdtymesachrm
Joined: 7/17/2011
Msg: 45
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:09:08 PM

That said, to answer your question, no it is not normal. If you have been dating someone for 6 months and consider yourself in an exclusive relationship, and all you are getting out of it is a Saturday night date, then that is abnormal. Very abnormal.


Absolutely, positively correct. Even your post above worries me. Your hours don't match? They are not off by that much..if you really want to be in a relationship with someone you make adjustments. He only stays out til 9:30? WOW! Honestly he seems incredibly set in his ways and not in the least bit flexible. Not good attributes for someone in a relationship. He gets together with friends and has invited you a couple of times? That's it? Seems to me you are settling in big way and accepting far less than you want or need. The question is why? If you stay with this guy this is all you are going to get. He obviously likes his life the way it is and has no intention of making more room for you in it. I hate to be so blunt and please don't take this the wrong way, but you are taking crumbs here. You said it yourself..he is seeing long time friends and at least you were invited. At least? Aren't you worth more?
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 46
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:21:21 PM
Hmm, I'd like to think I'm growing on him. Some men take longer than others to get there. I told him I don't want to waste my time if it doesn't have potential and he said he's in no hurry but that he'd try to do the right thing. He spends so much time alone, I'm sure he eventually wants to get married again, he just wants to make sure it's right. But it goes back to how do we know unless we spend the time together? Thanks again, you've given me something to think about.
 renesd
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 47
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:38:50 PM
OP-- I don't know about any of this. But I KNOW I don't want to live a day without passion. I know that this is all we get.
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 48
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/2/2012 8:44:07 PM
I know, but when I look around at all the mess on these forums that people deal with, it doesn't seem very realistic.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 49
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Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/2/2012 9:05:09 PM
Different people have different expectations, different ideas about how they should live their life. When I am really into a woman, I want to spend more than one night a week with her. If circumstances made it difficult during the week, then I would want to spend a large part of the weekend together. After 6 months of exclusivity, most people do not just have a date on Saturday night. One or the other brings an overnight bag, and you sleep in together on Sunday morning. Have a lazy brunch, read the Sunday New York Times, make love again. Perhaps go catch a Sunday afternoon matinee, or go to the park, or play golf, or .... The idea is, not just a Saturday night date, but a solid block of time spent together, doing things you enjoy, enjoying each other.

When I am with a beautiful woman, and I am totally into her, I love to spend time together in bed. After the passion is spent, lying in bed, talking. Discussing anything and everything. Admiring her beauty, touching her skin, holding her.

If you are not getting this out of your relationship, then you should be looking for more.
 Ashburnguy99
Joined: 1/16/2012
Msg: 50
Normal to not have passion at this age?
Posted: 2/3/2012 2:57:28 AM

Hmm, I'd like to think I'm growing on him. Some men take longer than others to get there.

Everyone keeps telling you the same thing, but you don't really seem to be listening, or don't want to hear. You are desperately looking for a way to justify and defend your relationship with this man. Every time someone points out the obvious (that this is not a normal or healthy relationship), you find an excuse to explain it away.

After re-reading your responses, my sense is that you did not really start this thread because you had a question about whether your relationship was normal. You already know the answer to that question (it's not). Seems more like you are looking for validation. Since most people are posting honestly and candidly, I don't think you're going to get it here. Sorry. I know that's not what you want to hear, but based on the circumstances that you have provided, it's the way it is.
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