Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Not "giving sex away" without the relationship      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 826
Not giving sex away without the relationshipPage 34 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)
Limited reply, cause I must be missing something here in the translation of women speak.

"TEMPORARY"

As in a condition of just for now, or a limited period of time.

"would you rather we just turn you down?"

If it's gonna hurt you, then HE!! yes, turn me down. I won't die if I don't get sex for 48 hours or a little more.

"we don't need to continue since we know it's not going to happen"

C'mon now, your a woman, you know what is and isn't possible in your own body. You also know what turns a guy on and makes things go faster. Using the right muscles, the right thing said in his ear, you can turn him into mush and make him cum in a NY minute. So yes, saying "hon, it would be better for me, if you just came, I'm not going to be in the right place tonight for you to satisfy me".

There is nothing to prove, unless your an idiot and can't see that sometimes things don't work perfectly everytime. OR if there is a problem and she NEVER has an orgasm with you, then it's something that must be dealt with, nothing to be swept under the rug.

"No man I've ever been with"

Ok, I'm sorry, this will sound harsh. You've just told me, you've never been with a man, just boys pretending to be men. Like I said earlier, this isn't a porno movie, it's real life. Nobody wins every race or game, nobody is johnny wade, a porn star. Nobody can achieve total mastery over somebody elses body or mood. As the saying goes, sh1t happens.

Have NONE of you been in a real relationship where you are honest with each other?

Even your analogy to me, of that classic "does this dress make me look fat?" is a load of first class sh1t! Of course if you love that woman, there are problems, you are going to make the 'take one for the team' statement "no honey, you look fine to me"! Though if there IS a long term problem, you owe it to both of you, to confront that situation and say "honey what's wrong, you seem upset and putting on weight, is there something I can do or we should talk about", NOT when you are ready to go out, but when you have space and time to deal with what's troubling her.

I can handle the truth, I can't handle the lies, some of us are like that...
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 827
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:26:09 PM
Would you rather we just turn you down?


I would much prefer a woman say, "Not tonight," than fake it. If it isn't good for both of us, I'd rather not do it.

Faking it would lead to much bigger problems. Finding out that a SO was lying to me during intimacy would drive a major wedge between us.


Faking it is a little white lie intended to spare their feelings.


Again, in the long run it's going to cause much bigger problems.

This notion that men are emotionally fragile creatures in need of coddling is condescending, at best.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 828
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:32:40 PM
Thank you to paderic and BBE, for a while there, I was beginning to think I was going crazy. I wish a few more of the regulars would speak up.

This is freakin nuts!! Does everyone now have relationships built on lies? Are no men capable of handling the truth? FVCK!! Sh1t like this makes me feel insane, have we become so jaded that we can't handle the truth from women we care about?

Are we that myopic that only our own satisfaction and needs matter?

Then this WHOLE thread is more bullsh1t than I thought it was. Women are lying to men and men can't handle the truth(no pun intended or reference to a movie). You're NOT in a relationship, if you have to lie to make him happy or think you are, end of story, close the book...
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 829
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:44:36 PM
Look, let me be clear and not in any way lie at all.

I have been divorced twice, the first one, I divorced because she continued to cheat with other men. But in a way, I cheated as well. I was a work-aholic! I worked routinely 80 to 100 hours a week, including weekends. I traveled extensively for business and was gone 7 to 10 days a month.

I have no excuse, I was raised quite poor, and was determined that would never happen to me again or my family, especially my kids. I succeeded, beyond my wildest dreams, but was incapable of recognizing when enough was enough.

My second was with a similar personality type, and that was just a mess for other reasons.

That aside, what you descirbe, never existed in my life. We were always honest about what was going on with each other when we were together, especially in bed.
 SC67
Joined: 6/21/2009
Msg: 830
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 7:49:47 PM
This has you all riled up! I wish I'd kept this secret! No...the men I've been with aren't boys. They know it usually happens fairly easily & think if they just try this or that it'll work like it usually does. They have worked very hard to make me happy. Blue Eyes understands better. Sometimes you enjoy the closeness with your partner so you don't really want to say no. You do enjoy it regardless of the outcome.

None of this is related to the topic at hand. These situations would only come into play with an established relationship.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 831
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 8:02:44 PM
Hmmm, according to surveys, about 80% of women and 30% of men admitted to faking orgasms.

I guess I need to find a twenty percenter!
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 832
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 8:04:10 PM

sc67:
This has you all riled up! I wish I'd kept this secret! No...the men I've been with aren't boys. They know it usually happens fairly easily & think if they just try this or that it'll work like it usually does. They have worked very hard to make me happy. Blue Eyes understands better. Sometimes you enjoy the closeness with your partner so you don't really want to say no. You do enjoy it regardless of the outcome.

None of this is related to the topic at hand. These situations would only come into play with an established relationship.


Thank you. No, I think keeping quiet would be worse. As long as, I don't want to be gross, the signs are there that she's ready then she'll get some joy from the sex act. Till we can meld our minds together, I can't think of anything else that 2 people can share that's closer. Sometimes it's just a quicky and unless the stars aline then it's mainly for my pleasure and she enjoys giving me that pleasure. As a guy, how can I not love that she's doing an enjoyable chore for mainly my pleasure. It should make the guy want to repay the favor at some other time.

And yes we're talking about 2 people in an established relationship here.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 833
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 9:34:12 PM
"This has you all riled up!"

Let me think...yeah maybe..upset?...yeah maybe..especially given the topic.

'I wish I'd kept this secret!"

It was no secret, just an admission, of what some of us suspected as the motive for some of the comments. My reaction was real, the rest was just what would have been expected as one who doesn't lie in relationships.

"the men I've been with aren't boys"

Yes they were, you were either to involved(polite) or to unaware(again polite) to know. because they were the right age, doesn't mean emotionally they weren't boys. Read the comment of BBE and others to understand.

"They know it usually happens fairly easily"

Is that the reason you accept to have carte blanche to lie?

"They have worked very hard to make me happy'

See that's the thing, no one I know, who is honest, works at sex, it happens organically.

"Blue Eyes understands it better"

Does he? I don't think so. But hey, whatever helps you sleep at night.

'You do enjoy it regardless of the outcome."

If that were true, they wouldn't keep going if it hurt you. They would accept that sh1t happens and sometimes, he gets off alone and sometimes she does,

"None of this is related to the topic at hand."

Yes it is, you just admitted the relationship that is so important is an outright lie, since you can't share you aren't gonna have an orgasm, you're just going to fake it.

"established relationship"

What would that do? I mean if you lie, than the whole thing is bullsh1t.

Sorry, I didn't take this from sex on a first date, to lying about orgasms, you did. Sex on a first date is something about self gratification, either for the guy or the gal. Whoever initiates, is all about wanting to get in bed and fvck, nothing more.

Relationships, I think, and most I think will agree, are all about 2 people forming something meaningful and long lasting. What you describe is about the power, and doing what is necessary to keep up the facade of being in a "real relationship" and not something else.

You can now go on and pizz on my shoes and tell me it's raining, that won't change the facts you have laid out. You lie, to keep up the confidence of the guy your with, as it suits you. Not much different than thinking about the DMV and other things you laughed about.

Hey, it's your life and your a good actress, bet it works out better for you than the others, who wish to pretend their in a relationship.

Good luck
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 834
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/11/2012 9:57:27 PM

OyVay....:
You can now go on and pizz on my shoes and tell me it's raining, that won't change the facts you have laid out.


I think at this point the man doth protest to much, and all I can add is this.

"I’m shocked, shocked to find that gambling is going on in here."
 Destination__Unknown
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 835
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 4:23:51 AM
Women fake Orgasms, men fake love is that an even statement?
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 836
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 4:32:31 AM

Women fake Orgasms, men fake love is that an even statement?


No, it's not.

Women fake orgasms occasionally because she may just not be in the mood that night and doesn't want to hurt her man's feelings.

If a man has to fake love, he shouldn't be in a relationship.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 837
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 9:26:41 AM

But just as obviously, she put up with it for quite awhile.

(Technically, she's divorced.)


Seriously…? Women don’t end marriages over a few fake orgasms.

My personal experiences were with my ex-husband. I had other people to consider. I wasn’t in a position to think, “Gee, I had to fake another orgasm. I’m filing for divorce right now.” I didn’t want to bruise his ego because I loved him. I didn’t stop loving him because I chose not to bruise his ego. My subsequent divorce was due to many factors, least of which was having to fake some orgasms over the course of a fifteen year marriage.

Is it so shocking that a man who is told by his woman that he didn’t give her an orgasm would react negatively over it? These last few pages are FULL of negative reactions.

Some of the male responses underscore the reasons a woman would fake orgasms. Some men won’t even acknowledge that women are capable of faking; surely no woman has ever faked with him. I’ve been very honest in my posts on here…it happens.

Males are so negative about it…those negative connotations are the very reasons some women DO fake orgasms.

SC, I thought of the same comparison….like when a man tells his woman she doesn’t look fat in those pants/dress/whatever. It’s a kindness to avoid unnecessary drama. SAME thing. Faking orgasms means as much to women as the “you’re not fat” lie means to men.

Oy:
You're NOT in a relationship, if you have to lie to make him happy or think you are, end of story, close the book...


Really? Okay, Oy, what do you tell your lover when she asks you if she looks fat in something and her azz resembles the back end of a bus? Do you say, “I must end this relationship now….I cannot live a lie!” Be sure to throw your arm over your eyes melodramatically, ala Scarlet O’Hara.
 dreamfire
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 838
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 9:36:51 AM
Is there going to be another 35 pages of 'faking love' and 'does my butt look fat in these jeans? If so, I think I might have to look away....

What's odd to me is a man that is so absorbed in his 'mission,' he is not aware she 'faked' it.

Oh well, carry on..........retina scrub and mental cleansing time.......
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 839
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:00:48 AM
Thought we needed a little gas poured on this bonfire of the vanities!

Today there was a blurb on MSN, from a CNN writer, about "copulatory vocalization".

"Last year Gayle Brewer of the University of Central Lancashire & Colin Hendrie of the University of Leeds did a study of this involving 71 sexually active hetero women, ages 18 to 48."

The article had this nugget in there:

"According to a Study on "Copulatory Vocalization" 66% of women surveyed said they moaned during earlier stages of sex to speed up their partner's climax, while 87% did so to boost his self-esteem. "Women also reported making noise to relieve boredom...(and) fatigue" researchers stated"

I didn't think to get a link, but a simple search using the key words 'copulatory vocalization', should do the trick!

So paderic, that search you started, better be revised from 80% to 90% elimination, because it seems only 10% of women can be honest. The article referred to the "When Harry met Sally" screen scene, that was discussed earlier.

Yes lets hear it for the all important relationship, that well maybe honest on only one side!! Hip-hip hoooorayyyy!!

 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 840
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:11:45 AM

while 87% did so to boost his self-esteem.


Would you prefer for us to risk diminishing your self esteem?

IMHO, you guys are making a mountain out a molehill.

It's a little white lie to spare your feelings, nothing more, much like the little white lies you guys spout when we ask "does my butt look fat in these?".
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 841
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:26:20 AM
Gawd...aren't you glad to read, that the women, don't even read what you write? It makes me feel soooo special! Ooops, there goes my self-esteem! Hahahahaa!

"Okay, Oy, what do you tell your lover when she asks you if she looks fat in something"

Hmmmm...how about what I said at the end of post#850 on the previous page. I'll leave the Scarlet O'Hara drama to you women, I'm sure one of you would qualify for the academy award, if there was one for faking orgasms!

As for my "self-esteem", did anyone miss the word 'self'? You can't make me feel inferior or unworthy, only I can let that happen.

Both of these issues, however, relate to an established relationship. I doubt you ask your first date, if your azz looks fat. Or since sex won't be happening anytime soon, according to most of you, that it will affect my self-esteem.
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 842
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:45:13 AM

“66% of women surveyed said they moaned during earlier stages of sex to speed up their partner's climax, while 87% did so to boost his self-esteem. "


Holy crap this is hilarious! No wonder you guys can’t tell when we’re faking it.

Yep, we just lie there and moan. That’s how to fake it. Probably we could get away with reading a book and having a sandwich at the same time. Omg………


I'm sure one of you would qualify for the academy award, if there was one for faking orgasms!


They decided against offering that award because none of the judges could tell the difference. This is killin me….
 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 843
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 10:52:24 AM
As for my "self-esteem", did anyone miss the word 'self'? You can't make me feel inferior or unworthy, only I can let that happen.


If it doesn't bother you, then good for you, but many men do take it as a reflection on their skills as a lover. There have been times when I've been honest about it and they just looked hurt. I don't want to do that to them, so sue me!

It just occurred to me that perhaps some of these men are upset because they thought that they were good lovers and now think that the women were just faking it the entire time. If that's the case, relax! Providing that you an adequate lover, 95% of the time, her moaning is real!
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 844
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:17:54 AM
It just occurred to me that perhaps some of these men are upset because they thought that they were good lovers and now think that the women were just faking it the entire time. If that's the case, relax! Providing that you an adequate lover, 95% of the time, her moaning is real!


I'm not upset, I'm just pointing out how lame the reasoning is behind the excuses. If a guy told a woman a "little white lie" just to appease her during sex, 99.9% of the women on this site would go ballistic on him when they find out.
 Behind-Blue-Eyes_53
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 845
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 11:55:15 AM
She said, you don't look like my type
But I guess you'll do
Third rate romance
Low rent rendezvous
He said, I'll even tell you
That I love you
If you want me to
Third rate romance
Low rent rendezvous

 ontario_woman
Joined: 4/3/2005
Msg: 846
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 12:45:05 PM

I'm just pointing out how lame the reasoning is behind the excuses. If a guy told a woman a "little white lie" just to appease her during sex, 99.9% of the women on this site would go ballistic on him when they find out.


I doubt that many women would fault a man for a small lie meant to spare her feelings, especially when it's for something that isn't her fault. With us, sometimes it's just not going to happen. It doesn't mean it didn't happen the last time and it won't happen the next time.
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 847
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 1:47:38 PM
Stop thinking of it as lying and faking it and think of it more as encouragment! For cryin out loud at least theyre doin it and not bein a dead fish while doin it. Its a relationship give n take. You do things to please your partner. Maybe go see a movie you would rather gouge your eyes than go see or maybe a restraunt or even one of their friends you loathe but you do it to please them. Its being kind, considerate and caring when you do it out of love.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 848
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 2:11:04 PM
"I doubt that many women would fault a man for a small lie"

"Stop thinking of it as lying and faking it and think of it more as encouragment!"

Are you 2 sh1ttin me!! Please tell me you didn't just say that? Or are you going to tell me you have NEVER read these forums, and see how women view men who lie?

I guess I can safely conclude, we have left the realm of reality and gone over to the twilight zone! Hahahahaha!!!

Just so I'm clear on this, exactly how far are the women willing to go, in this new world of suspended reality or is this suspended beliefs, to prove this is OK?

So now, we can toss, the content of probably a hundred thousand threads in the garbage, because it is now OK for men to lie to women(when it suits the woman) and women to lie to men(when it suits the woman).

Gee...it's a whole new brave world...somewhere!
 frijolera_ninja
Joined: 4/11/2011
Msg: 849
view profile
History
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 2:54:42 PM
"Stop thinking of it as lying and faking it and think of it more as encouragment!"


Are you 2 sh1ttin me!! Please tell me you didn't just say that? Or are you going to tell me you have NEVER read these forums, and see how women view men who lie?


Yup I did say it sorry if youve never been in caring relationship But theres women out there that actually can care for a man, love, respect and support him in whatever it is hes doing. Not all women treat men as objects or stepping stones and if you can relax for a second you might find someone on these forums that can support you and lol "encourage" you too! Scroll up the last few pages n read all your belly achin. (read it objectively do you come across as being compromising? would you be in a relationship with yourself? )
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 850
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/12/2012 3:11:42 PM
Oh I've been in caring relationships, I know that there are women who care deeply for a man, just as there are many men, who care deeply for a woman.

Sorry, some of what you said doesn't ring true though,

"you might find someone on these forums that can support you and lol "encourage" you too!"

Yes, occassionally I run aross the odd person who sees things as I do. It's usually on the 'duh' threads, where we all agree the issue stupid.

The women I date, seem not to have a problem with me, alas it hasn't worked out as well as I hoped at times, or at others, either she or I didn't feel the urge to go forward. Hope springs eternal, so I keep trying...

Ahhh, but you want to be myopic, so alas we will not agree.

"Scroll up the last few pages n read all your belly achin."

No need, I know exactly what I have said. In fact to your point, I can be objective, compromising and compassionate. Yes I would be in a relationship with myself, in fact there is a thread on here that asks that very question, I posted on it.

Now how about you, if I may ask a question, since you obviously want to question my objectivity and fairness. Did you read the last 20 pages, no not the last 2, that you seem to have a problem with(due mainly to me)?

The ladies had a great time making light of men, pooh poohing their concerns and comments. With the occassional scorch or tirade about all men. Even the recent ladies participated in the burning, or stoning.

Gee, where were you then? I didn't see you here asking for compromise, or objectivity? 80 women have a bash fest for 20 pages, but that doesn't concern you at all. But one man, who has the temerity to confront things for a few pages gets your goat and causes concern for HIS objectivity.. hmmm funny that doesn't somehow seem equal or fair.

But hey, I get it...life should work, only one way.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Not "giving sex away" without the relationship