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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Not "giving sex away" without the relationship      Home login  
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 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 902
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Not giving sex away without the relationshipPage 38 of 38    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38)

It is a contradiction, since you can't really be sexually attracted to someone you wouldn't sleep with.


Of course you can. I find my neighbor's husband sexually attractive---I can picture us sleeping together in my mind. Would I sleep with him if he wanted to sleep with me? Absolutely not, because I have respect for other people's boundaries, as well as my own.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 903
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/20/2012 11:51:15 AM
Of course you can. I find my neighbor's husband sexually attractive---I can picture us sleeping together in my mind. Would I sleep with him if he wanted to sleep with me? Absolutely not, because I have respect for other people's boundaries, as well as my own.

You're prevaricating. I'd like a million dollars, but I'm not willing to rob a bank to get it. You have an impediment that would require you to biolate some other ethical constraint than just having sex. Ultimately, iof you want to throw that in there, the bottom line is that you will do that which you feel most comfortable doing. However, you should at leasty bwe able to identify what it is that makes one choice more desirable than another and eliminate self-imposed limitations that serve no purpose other than to limit your enjoyment of life. People used to feel guilty about maturbating, but many have figured out that there's no reason to feel guilty about that. In your case, your neighbor is married and you're in relationship. That ought to be more than sufficient to keep you from acting on your desire. However, if those weren't constraints, then the situation would be different. Assuming that you were both free and clear to go at it, then your choice oof whether or not to sleep with him has nothing to do with whether or not he wants to sleep with you besides his willingness to participate (and vice-versa). I'm not sure why people keep mentioning the other person's desire to have sex as being the criteria here.
 pasmal
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 904
Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/20/2012 5:14:03 PM
"GPS" --ask the other posters who like to toss that out as a reason for many female behaviors that displease them.
It's a cowardly way of saying the the "C" word.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 905
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Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/20/2012 10:42:35 PM
^^^^ And also used as a shaming tactic for any woman who won't throw herself on her back when some horny guy wants to get laid...
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 906
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Not giving sex away without the relationship
Posted: 3/21/2012 9:10:53 AM

Ultimately, if you want to throw that in there, the bottom line is that you will do that which you feel most comfortable doing. However, you should at least be able to identify what it is that makes one choice more desirable than another and eliminate self-imposed limitations that serve no purpose other than to limit your enjoyment of life.


Everyone will do that in which they feel most comfortable doing---that goes without saying. Since one’s comfort level directly affects their enjoyment of life, I’m not sure why you felt mentioning that would strengthen your argument. I’ve identified the reasons why holding off on sex until I’m in a committed relationship is safer, as well as more emotionally fulfilling for me than sleeping with a man I just met.


People used to feel guilty about masturbating, but many have figured out that there's no reason to feel guilty about that. In your case, your neighbor is married and you're in relationship. That ought to be more than sufficient to keep you from acting on your desire. However, if those weren't constraints, then the situation would be different. Assuming that you were both free and clear to go at it, then your choice of whether or not to sleep with him has nothing to do with whether or not he wants to sleep with you besides his willingness to participate (and vice-versa).


In the case of my neighbor---assuming he and I were both single and mutually attracted to one another, I might act on it and sleep with him at some point---but it still wouldn’t be before I took the time to get to know him and trust him.


I'm not sure why people keep mentioning the other person's desire to have sex as being the criteria here.


I can’t speak for other women, but for me personally, unless a man gives me some kind of signal that he’s sexually attracted to me---either by body language or verbally, I don’t even notice him past the physical attraction point.
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