| | Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?Page 3 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) |
I was kinda bored once my kids were in bed.
Well, you sound like a great person...
However, for most men, whether you're a great person, great or even fabulous single mom, or a teenager with a kid or two and no prospects... the problem is usually NOT the single mom.... It's the fact that she has a kid or kids that makes the difference to the guy. ok..??? Understand that part? It's YOUR kid(s). It's not OUR kid(s).
YOUR kid(s) contain no more genetic link to me than does my cat or my dogs. YOUR kid(s) are no more special to me than any random kid on the street. In other words, no matter how wondeful your kids are, they are still not our kids...
Most of us would prefer OUR OWN kids to raising another mans' kids. There is also often a limit to how many kids a couple can afford. | |
|
Siks6
| | Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 52 | |
| |
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:55:48 PM | | I agree when just starting to date and such the kids are much to the other partner. But if something was to come of it than, even though they are not biological children to a potential partner, they should mean more than "kids on the street" as you put it. I have had no problem really dating with kids. I have only been in one serious relationship since my seperation in where my kids actually met him. He was great with the kids with limits of not taking a parental role. Unfortanately his career took him to far to make the relationship work, and my career and success is not ready to relocate. Yes there is a limit to how many kids a couple can afford, but if I am open minded to have another kid if I met someone without kids, than that shouldn't be a problem. I raise and spoil mine with my income alone, so if I was to meet someone with no kids and was to settle down I couldn't see me not potentially having another kid. And yes they are my kids.. and I give them everything from the love they need to the clothes toys vacations etc. If I was to get serious with someone they wouldnt need to accept them as ours but eventually any true man (or woman walking into the similar situation) would fall into place with the life without hesitation, it would just happen naturally. And if that doesn't happen than the relationship isn't meant to be. That is the tricky part about dating.. whether it is that one has kids, or one isn't willing to re-locate, or one has pets, etc... there are always some differences and in some cases they are too big to see through for a successful romance and other times the differences are just what is needed to create a fairy tale (with the bumps of real life). | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/9/2012 8:59:09 PM | I so agree.... happiness changes once you are a mom.. and even simply as we get older... life is great, only if we make it that way.. embrace it, even as a single adult.. when we are happy with ourselves, our lives and the things we have in it, everything else falls in place..  | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 6:09:12 AM | | thanx for u support/negative opinion's i'm not gona bother with dating sites as havn no luck and for those of u who like to know intricate detils ive always worked and supported my kids up un til last year when was made redundant so i have been given a chance to spend more time with my kids while looking for another job and now im on benefits and not ashamed as for 9 yr i paid tax so now at the time of needn help im taking it! | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 10:47:57 AM |
for 9 yr i paid tax so now at the time of needn help im taking it!
First of all, much of the taxes you pay into get paid back to you via Tax Returns are for. Second of all, there are plenty of us that have been paying into the govt for just as long if not longer, so don't sit there and act like you're entitled to something. | |
|
| |
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:44:54 PM | | ^^^ Agreed with her. Girl, these men up here on this particular forum are hilarious. Why on earth would a man not interested in someone with children click on the "single parents" forum? I expected to find something totally different when I clicked that link. I should say I have met PLENTY of men that are eager to form long lasting relationships with women who do or do not have children. And good men, too (friends of mine). I guess if I were a man, I would think more like I dont want to be dying when I am old wondering if I let the one woman I thought so much of go because she had children. When you look at it in the big picture, its not a big deal. ANd if a man says he doesnt want to be with you because you have children, then good. At least you know he must not be what you want. So, move on. Next. To yummymummy, change the way you see yourself. You have to have confidence :) And you have to also see yourself as a woman before a mom. The rest will all fall into place. My dad took off for 5 years when my parents divorced leaving my mom with 3 girls to take care of. She met my stepdad, who is 7 years younger and was quite a cutie and a catch, and they are happily married still...and my mom had another daughter with him. But there were other men interested in her as well. She didnt just "get lucky." Hang in there. Thats the point. Just alter your perspective a bit. :) | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 1:48:03 PM | | And mrcs..or whatever your name is. You look confused just judging by your profile pic. You are probably unhappy and trying to make these women you are being so rude to more self conscious. I am surprised the attempt was somewhat successful it appears. If I were to see you out, Id never even notice you. Just sayin'. | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 2:16:25 PM | January80:
Ignore those guys. 
Most of them are just bullies who get off on putting other people down.
A certain subset are just upset that having children with a woman is no longer a guarantee that she will stay with a man regardless of how he treats her.
I also suspect that at least a couple of them are upset that they couldn't find a woman willing to bear their children and bullying single mothers is their way of getting even! 
Being a single parent has its blessings and challenges. We are raising the next generation and there is no job that is more important than that.  | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 3:34:23 PM |
Ignore those guys.
Most of them are just bullies who get off on putting other people down.
Yup...
The rest of us however have spent time with single moms and know what we're talking about....
So, Let me see here.... It's not Ok for men to bully and put down other people, then you rant on about how...
Most of them are just bullies
I also suspect that at least a couple of them are upset that they couldn't find a woman willing to bear their children
YOU just went ahead and started putting other people down. Apparently it's ok for you to do it but not for anyone else? Is that it? | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 3:38:11 PM |
You look confused just judging by your profile pic.
So is an attempted put down your style as well...?
What on earth does that comment to him have to do with the topic at hand?
Why did you think it important enough to post?
I really don't understand why people think it's appropriate to insult and put down other people....
Good grief..... | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 5:00:32 PM |
And mrcs..or whatever your name is. You look confused just judging by your profile pic.
I like how you take a facial expression in 1 of my several profile pics and try to use it to psychoanalyze me. I'm sure Freud would be proud.
You are probably unhappy and trying to make these women you are being so rude to more self conscious.
So how is that career in armchair therapy going for you?
I'm not exactly why you're jumping down -my- throat just because I'm not sugar-coating everything with sunshine and rainbows while sitting in the "girl-power" camp.
1. The more kids you have, the harder it's going to be to date and/or find an LTR.
2. This thread shouldn't have even been started. When there are already 5+ other threads that are about the same topic. Having 4 kids isn't some kind of special scenario. Or perhaps there should be threads dedicated to 1-kid, 2-kids, and 3-kids parents as well.
Just sayin'. | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/11/2012 6:16:01 PM |
Why on earth would a man not interested in someone with children click on the "single parents" forum?
Well, probably for the same reason that I occasionally do. To answer the question. Unless single parents are only dating other single parents or not interested in childless-folks' viewpoints, then why would this be a problem?
(As an aside, and NOT a dig...but, lol...I got confused reading your post halfway through, since you were replying as a woman, but from the thumbnail picture I had assumed you were a man at first, lol. NOT a dig, just that whoever the fella is in that pic, his stature eclipses you in the photo, is all, so I thought it was his profile).
I don't see why you would want to hide the fact that you have four children, OP, or why anyone would. Four children is a lot, and since you're coming as a package deal then I'd think it would be only fair to inform prospective dates of what that package includes, no? As others have said, financial concerns might come into play, especially if the new partner also desires to have children with you.
I can't see why holding back the fact that you have four children would in any way be beneficial, to be honest.
We all are what we are. Put it out there, be honest, and eventually you will find someone who is a great fit for you. But lying or withholding information certainly isn't going to help, whether some prospective dates find that off-putting or a deal-breaker or whatever. At least you are giving them the straight scoop right off the bat and allowing them to decide if they would like to pursue things further or not.
Best of luck. :) | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 2:09:34 AM |
1. The more kids you have, the harder it's going to be to date and/or find an LTR.
You are entitled to your opinion however your statements are not exactly founded. It's your preference. Whilst I accept we all have them you do NOT need to make others feel bad for their circumstances with pre judgements.
This thread shouldn't have even been started. When there are already 5+ other threads that are about the same topic. Having 4 kids isn't some kind of special scenario. Or perhaps there should be threads dedicated to 1-kid, 2-kids, and 3-kids parents as well.
Your opinion. The lady recognised that having 4 children (the 4 was the operative word) asked for opinions. Constructive criticism is a great thing.
Just saying. | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 6:36:17 AM | Ontario
A certain subset are just upset that having children with a woman is no longer a guarantee that she will stay with a man regardless of how he treats her.
You do love going back to this tired old premise....please do a little research into the studies that indicate the poor attitude or lousy behavior goes both ways...and in fact domestic violence goes just about equally between genders….I have known a few wives who were pretty lousy in the manner they treated their husbands…or ex husbands…you really do need to exit the platform the poor woman syndrome…we are always the victims!
The question that is then posed is why some are unable to understand that having 4 children hinders the potential dating pool...and even more critical is being unemployed...and having 4 children...even smaller dating pool as any suitable prudent responsible individual would wonder...ask....who then is supporting the woman and her children? Or is the future going to be walking into a ready made family....having to support the woman and her children who are not working......not to mention the probable reality of children he may already have?
But then some have this sense of entitlement that they are owed a lifestyle....they are owed happiness and just because they have children from a previous relationship...perhaps one where the previous guy is not supporting her while she does not work...she is entitled to still finding someone to pay her bills...and the bills of her children...LOL...sorry,,,take her out and pay for dating her...and giving her happiness...
Being a single parent has its blessings and challenges. We are raising the next generation and there is no job that is more important than that.
Being a single parent....is not without challenges…... and is a rewarding experience...and one where one is able to raise the next generation... illustrate or demonstrate how to use and work the system by not working...or working part time and having others pay for what you are unable to produce yourself...or by demonstrating how one raises themselves above the issues and problems and demonstrates self reliance and independence as they manage without feeling of entitlement that are owed something they do earn themselves. | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 9:01:00 AM |
1. The more kids you have, the harder it's going to be to date and/or find an LTR. You are entitled to your opinion however your statements are not exactly founded. It's your preference. Whilst I accept we all have them you do NOT need to make others feel bad for their circumstances with pre judgements.
Please explain to me how having 4 kids is just as "easy" if not easier than having 1. Simple time and money alone says that I doubt you can find anything plausible. Hell, the general tone from this forum alone is that having 4 kids makes things tougher.
This thread shouldn't have even been started. When there are already 5+ other threads that are about the same topic. Having 4 kids isn't some kind of special scenario. Or perhaps there should be threads dedicated to 1-kid, 2-kids, and 3-kids parents as well. Your opinion. The lady recognised that having 4 children (the 4 was the operative word) asked for opinions. Constructive criticism is a great thing.
Please explain to me how 4 children is such a "special" case that it warrants it's own thread over the ones that speak of the general challenges of being a single parent. The general tone of this thread really isn't much different than any of the other threads other than "you will have a smaller dating pool because you have more kids." | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 9:08:15 AM |
Please explain to me how having 4 kids is just as "easy" if not easier than having 1. Simple time and money alone says that I doubt you can find anything plausible. Hell, the general tone from this forum alone is that having 4 kids makes things tougher.
You are asking the wrong person I made my contribution of one.
Please explain to me how 4 children is such a "special" case that it warrants it's own thread over the ones that speak of the general challenges of being a single parent. The general tone of this thread really isn't much different than any of the other threads other than "you will have a smaller dating pool because you have more kids."
How do you know what the OP was looking to achieve from the thread or why she really created it.Perhaps she wanted a perspective on how men would feel about a women of her age having four children? She can't change the fact she has four children either. It was defined to her and her circumstances as she saw fit. That the OP had stated she was looking to the future of what her goals were to settle down..Perhaps she wanted to define all these aspects. Sadly we will never know for deep down I think it just left her with a distaste for people. Which would be understood from comments that were less than constructive.
Well the tone is how it's set but in the same token I do get fed up of men and women bashing each other because they think a certain way. When they do that how can you expect a thread to be of a difference? You can't. | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 9:20:15 AM |
Being a single parent....is not without challenges…... and is a rewarding experience...and one where one is able to raise the next generation... illustrate or demonstrate how to use and work the system by not working...or working part time and having others pay for what you are unable to produce yourself...or by demonstrating how one raises themselves above the issues and problems and demonstrates self reliance and independence as they manage without feeling of entitlement that are owed something they do earn themselves.
Are you preaching to me? I am aware as a full time working parent on the benefits of social and moral obligation I portray to my child. However, I also know the cost implications of this. I'll list them for you.
1. Child care costs a lot of money
2. There are times when I fail my child because of the responsibility to maintain an income. Like if my child is sick. I either do not get paid and get into trouble with my employer or I fail my child because I hand over to the child minder to maintain a lifestyle.
3.Working part time is not an option here it would not cover the school term times. Therefore the cost would still be there to cover as no employer is going to give you every term time off.
Whilst I am aware of what I am giving my child. I am also aware of where I fail my child. As a none working person this is would not be an issue. There are pro's and con's to everything I just make informed choices to what I believe is right for my family primarily my child. | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 8:47:44 PM | | kids period can scare a guy off i have 3 kids and guess what I work full time no state help not even medical I rent and i pay child care its a struggle, but I love myself and love my kids. so if a man cant see your kids were there before him then he moves on :) and your kids stay also prove to yourself you got it all under control forget the rest a good one will come | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/12/2012 9:29:20 PM |
kids period can scare a guy off i have 3 kids and guess what I work full time no state help not even medical I rent and i pay child care its a struggle, but I love myself and love my kids. so if a man cant see your kids were there before him then he moves on :) and your kids stay also prove to yourself you got it all under control forget the rest a good one will come
Now Ogental 1....yopur a woman I could respect...no sense of entitlement or life owing you something.....and way...way ...way to young....or Lizzie will be out saying I was trying to hit on you.
I am sure one day some guy will see the qualities and the integrity you seemingly have...a refreshing change from the out of work...or once again student single mother type....
One could never suggest all woman are without integrity of self determination.
My compliments ogental...but where did the handle come from? | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/13/2012 7:10:49 AM | will put lot single guys with no kids off as 4 is high number. but you dont want these type guys anyway.always put ypur kids 1st/not your personal happiness. i dont have problem if woman as kids, there are others guys feel same/single dads/men with children .  | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/13/2012 10:19:51 PM | | the handle came from myself, mostly not having my own mother as a child. Not having a pity party over mylife, rather its some tears I shed with the struggle as being a mom or, the fact I dont have an active social life, nor dating one. I am different and many men parent or not get scared how much I am home bound with my work and children. I just dont understadn parents these days. :) | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/18/2012 7:53:21 PM | | Freud was an idiot who based everyones intentions on sexual needs and desires. So, what does Freud have to do with anything at all? Im just saying, MRCS, that if youwant to offer the woman some constructive critisism then by all means, do so. Otherwise, dont generalize people. Men hate when women do that. And money should not be an issue. My ex husband more than supports his children finiancially and if I wanted to eventually remarry and have another baby, I would be sure to do so with a man who can also afford to share the obligation of financial responsibility of HIS child with me. No man should have to support children than arent his. And if he falls inlove with a woman who has a fatherless child/ren, then thats his choice. I have seen people do this successfully, too. Your opinion is just an opinion. Nothing more. Not everyone sees single mothers in such a desperate light. And who ever I decide to be with will be lucky, even though I do have children. But really, the bigger issue here is that you give Freud any credit at all. Ha. | |
|
| Does a single parent with 4 kids put off potential parthers?
Posted: 2/19/2012 10:34:59 AM |
Freud was an idiot who based everyones intentions on sexual needs and desires. So, what does Freud have to do with anything at all?
Considering that he is the father of psychology, I would say that he had much more credibility in the history books than you ever will. Perhaps his theories weren't perfect, but he got the ball rolling. I wouldn't be surprised if you thought all of the pioneers of any given field of study were idiots. I'm really baffled as to why you should a random sidebar comment was worth such attention.
Otherwise, dont generalize people.
I generalize all I want. We are speaking generally in the general sense of things. There is a broad audience with a broad spectrum of understanding, which includes broads like you.
If you want to psychoanalyze each and every single mother of 4 out there and see what their dating success is like, then be my guest. I, however, will not be so unrealistic. | |
|
Home
login 
