| | How important are common interests?Page 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4) | My friend Tom(who died recently).. described his perfect relationship that he had with his wife.. * (who passed away also).. he felt they were soul mates.. basically.. they did everything together.. enjoyed all the same things.. were in perfect sync.. and then she died. together for like 20 yrs or so.
He then met his 2nd wife with whom he had a tempestuous relationhip with.. till their separation in the last year. He always called her "his crazy indian woman".. Poor guy wanted what he had with first wife..
We had our last beer together about 3 months ago.. and he passed away quickly soon after.
i want what he had.. such a huge loss right? Everytime i think of Tom.. i think of that lost In sync love .. the proverbial soulmates.. gosh.. sigh | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/3/2012 11:58:01 PM | I look at it like this:
I don't usually care if their interests are the same as me or not..to me, it's just sexy when you HAVE an interest. I've met alot of men who don't..
I also see it as a good chance for me to learn something new...
One bf of mine was into property (which I was not)...Now even after we've broken up for like 5 years, I still find myself looking at houses and the property market..
Another was into Rugby..I learned quite alot from him about Rugby and I have a newfound respect for the game..
So I tend to see common interests as a way of learning new things rather than as something negative... | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/4/2012 12:12:45 AM | | They can be the most attractive person I've ever seen but if she's into NASCAR and I like an actual sport, what's the point? To me, a relationship seems really empty if you only eat/watch movies together and then do all the fun stuff with your friends. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/4/2012 4:45:09 AM |
I think my biggest issue beyond chemistry is common interests.. MOST men who contact me assume .. Sexual attraction is a common interest.. I think NOT.
Well, I know for a fact, if you just lay down and play starfish, you would not be the girl for me. Just sayin. Compatability when the linen has been dropped is actually kinda important.
he also has a "few extra pounds".. Most men are fat.. yet say they are athletic.. i totally said.. jeez.. this guy is HONEST!.. :).. and i can see myself hiking.. with him.
"Most"men?????? Really?????? And ummm,,,somehow I don't think "hiking and fat guy" really go hand and hand, if ya know what I mean. Well, not the "hiking" I do.
I don't think "interests" have to be "common" for a relationship to work. I look towards more of the way they live their lives, their actions, their values,and even morals to be closer to mine to be more of importance. I used to hang around one female that hated fishing. Hated it. But she had no problem lying in the front of my boat with a book, looking good in her bikini while I tossed feathers at trout. Of course we where a little younger back than.
Come to think of though, she ended up with a guy that had very little "common interests". They've been married about 20 years with 3 children. Last time I was back home they were still all lovey dovey with each other,though I never asked if they "gained" any interests that they now share. I'm sure that probably happened along the way. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/4/2012 9:47:00 AM | In my opinion... for most over 45 folks in here....
seeking too many common interests can hold us back
and keep us single.
Cus the older you get...
the harder it is to find someone with all the common interests you desire.
Not saying you should settle.
Just be realistic.
-------------------------------------
I try to keep this in mind but it would still be nice if my bf liked country music and dancing :(...sigh | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/4/2012 12:02:10 PM | I believe like with most things in life, a healthy balance of common and separate interests is generally the way to go, as a healthy relationship needs time together and time apart.
In some cases though when a certain interest is highly time and money consuming, this has to be a common one. Thinking e.g. of my active motor biking years. At that time a relationship with someone who did not share that interest would simply not have mad any sense, as the biking took up most weekends and vacations. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/5/2012 6:33:02 PM | | So what will you do if you share NO common interests?? I get these long emails about how compromise will be a major part of relationship. Why would I do that rather than wait for a guy who shares my interests? | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:43:25 AM | See, I am all for having SEPARATE interests......BUT
IF we are separate all the time.. why not just be casual eh?
I want a "two peas in a pod" relationship.. or I'd rather be alone..
AM I co- dependant?.. i have no idea.. i have had one man call me that.. AND he has been married and divorced since we dated a few yrs ago.... Me i just keep on being single ol' me! | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:56:52 PM | OP, sounds like you are chasing a similar chimera as your friend Tom.
as in looking for ideal
instead of the real.
Besides I believe soulmates are made not found.
Most folks who claim they found theirs....
did so when young.
They bonded...learned stuff together....and grew together.
Hard to do when older.
You are set in your ways....
with your own interests....
and who you meet may be similar.
Over 40.... to find a two peas in a pod thing starting out...
I think would be as rare as being hit by lightning.
However, you can find someone you like...
with chemistry...
who likes some of the same stuff as you...
then you can work up to being two peas in a pod. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 6:28:14 AM | | I'm a big David Lynch fan, & I love cats & have other interests as well. I've met men who shared interests, but no chemistry & vice versa. For a LTR, you need similar intellectual pursuits as well as chemistry.... | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 6:54:35 AM |
However, you can find someone you like...
with chemistry...
who likes some of the same stuff as you...
then you can work up to being two peas in a pod.
That is the hard part. Finding a guy who share three of my interests and I feel an attraction to. I have men say the fact we both like dogs should be enough of a reason for us to date. THAT is the only shared interests we have. Really what will we talk about. I am kind of tired of sitting and listening to men drone on about suggests I have no interests in, including themselves. I am not looking for perfect. But damn if settling is so damn easy why dont men do it? | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 8:12:14 AM | | You also need intellectual compatability, geez, I cannot date a man who has an iq 25 points lower than mine, & we would have to be emotionally complementary...I'm laid back, neither passive or controlling, I feel like many couples are composed of one control freak & one doormat, the middle of the road folks have to go w/ eachother... | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 9:54:58 AM | ahh.. I dont believe in the proverbial soul mate either.. My ex husband was "the one" in my eyes.. and i have since met another "the one".. and here I am single..
i think we are more likely to be alone because of the "dealbreaker" lists we create.
When we are young.. we mostly pick on chemistry alone.. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 1:10:08 PM |
ComplexEnigma:
But damn if settling is so damn easy why dont men do it?
Men are always willing to settle. It's just that what they are willing to settle for does not suit your purposes. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 2:23:23 PM |
My favorite Interest is singing.. music.. Its very hard to find someone who can participate.
OP: be aware that men have the same complaints.
Simply replace the word "singing" with hockey, football, or deer hunting.
I can take you to a kareoke bar and point out LOTS of single men who are interested in music and singing...but it doesn't mean that you'll be interested in them.
Yes, shared interests are great...but isn't it more important that the person be interested in YOU.
The chemistry and passion that is shared between two artists on stage doesn't always transfer into real life situations.
Personal qualities and values easily outweigh one specific interest.
By focusing on one particular interest you may be missing other opportunities.
I think that common threads of interests can be weaved into viable relationships.
My main interest is motorcycling---a male-dominated activity.
Oddly enough, I have NEVER dated a fellow rider. Is that weird, or what?
And I don't like football...yet I still managed to have a great time at a Superbowl party last Sunday night.
Being flexible and showing an interest in others hobbies can be rewarding.
BTW---I recently went out on a date with a two-peas-in-a-pod type of guy who shared ALL of my interests, qualities and values. I had a fantastic time....but guess what?....there was NO off-line chemistry.
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 2:59:26 PM |
i think we are more likely to be alone because of the "dealbreaker" lists we create.
I think my dealbreaker list is actually quite reasonable: 
No married/separated.
No atheists/agnostics.
No illegal drug use.
No alcoholics or heavy drinkers.
No heavy smokers.
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 3:58:22 PM | You piqued my curiosity ComplexEnigma,
If I can ask...what main three interests must a guy share?
I'm not baiting an argument.
Just I don't expect any woman to be interested in
my list of three: art, history, and spirituality.
If I was interested traveling to the Bahamas, making millions, and shopping.....
....maybe I'd have wider appeal.
:-P
So I never even bother with trying to find someone similar.
Figure if her interests are not too lame...
I'll just talk to her about her stuff.
and keep to mine in any spare time.
Not sure if that is the best way to be...as to dating.
So I throw it out there for correction.
same as I do others. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 4:20:22 PM | I think its rather easy for an intelligent man to have some of my interests.. as i have MANY! But.. I think what really prompted posting this is:
1. Guy one writes me.. sees i have a beer in front of me in the picture.. and says "Geez.. I like drinking too.. ".. not the type of thing i'm lo0king to share.
2. guy two.. says.. "hey.. i like camping too!.. and i always come back with lots of fish!.. ".. hmm.. fish.. I do NOT fish.. and i ESPECIALLY do not cut up fish.. nor do i eat fish(ok well.. tuna) I wont camp unless there is canoeing.. kayaking.. or tubing involved.
So, lol. i went on a search of profiles.. and I've already contacted and failed with any karaoke singers.. (3) 2 I never met... and 1 was dumb as a box of rocks.
So, I see Mr "a few extra lbs".. he wants to do "fit" things.. and has hiking and backpacking in his interests.. So.. I wrote him.. Told him.. i could SO imagine myself hiking the waterfalls in the U.P. for a week.. Do you hike often?
I must have met a dealbreaker or two.. Read.. Deleted.. HA | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 5:25:46 PM | | I like for a man to have similar interests so far as life goals are concerned, such as traveling, healthy living, organic gardening, and pets. However, I also LOVE for us to have different interests. I'm a Computer Science major, and some guys try to use their computer expertise as a selling point, but it actually turns me off; I want to be able to teach my guy about the things I know well and have him teach me about the things he knows well. If we have all of the same interests, I'd get bored, and I'm so very attracted to a man's ability to talk knowledgeably about a subject I don't know (or a man's ability to fix a car/appliance as I watch in awe). | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 6:12:15 PM | well.. theres another idea.. I do love a man who can fix things..
Find me a man who will repair my car.. and he will find a girl who will detail his.. :))(lol.. cleaning lady here) | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 7:31:52 PM | | Stray I have a list of things on profile that I enjoy doing. I am a big lover of books, history and documentaries. Now I dare you find a guy who likes ONE of them let a long all three with in the state of Texas. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/7/2012 7:49:21 PM | | I think you have to be compatible with fundamentals, but there still needs to be enough differences to enjoy your own things without them. I know when I found a girl who enjoyed video games it felt like an intrusion into something that was mine so I ended it. | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/8/2012 5:02:40 AM | I used to think that the more you had in common, the better you'd get along. Met a guy who loved the same things I did. Socializing, camping, fishing, bowling etc. One thing I really liked about him was the fact that he wasn't one to just talk about things, he was willing to do stuff. We had a great time~~going to area landmarks (hadn't done that since I was a kid), going on spur of the moment camping trips(which were relationship testers for sure) anything I wanted to do, we did it. It was a short relationship but a lot of fun. The relationship went on a little bit longer than it should have as we both glossed over deal breakers because we were having so much fun.
You have an interest in karaoke and want to find someone with the same interest. That would be cool, crooning all the love songs with each other. You never know, someone may show up and you can do a duet together and fall in love. Or they could show up after mud-bogging and you both sing out of tune and fall in love. Crazier things have happened.
P.S. Not sure where you live, but where I live there might be 4 good looking singers. Good looking karaoke singers must be a rare breed, yes?
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/8/2012 6:58:52 AM | I am a big lover of books, history and documentaries. Now I dare you find a guy who likes ONE of them let a long all three with in the state of Texas.
I live in Texas and I like all three of those things. I'm taken, but I can't possibly be the only guy in Texas who likes those things. In fact, most of the people I know do like those things. Maybe it's your circle of friends that's the problem.
I want a "two peas in a pod" relationship.. or I'd rather be alone..
That isn't difficult to find. Almost every relationship I've ever had has been like that and I just take that as a given. However, if you want that kind of relationship, you have to be willing to broaden your horizons enough to take interest in and learn about your partner's interests. Unless you put in some effort to make your relationship that way, you're likely to passively wait a long time before you find another person who is just like you.
Men are always willing to settle. It's just that what they are willing to settle for does not suit your purposes.
That's very true. As the saying goes, ``A woman wants everything from one man and a man wants one thing from every woman.'' | |
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| How important are common interests?
Posted: 2/8/2012 7:23:36 AM |
Stray I have a list of things on profile that I enjoy doing. I am a big lover of books, history and documentaries. Now I dare you find a guy who likes ONE of them let a long all three with in the state of Texas.
That seems unfair to say. You probably aren't looking in the right spots, but I'm positive that intelligent men are surrounding you even now. The thing is that enlightened individuals (male or female) tend to forego a lot of conventional meeting procedures.
For example: I've read thousands of books, many on history, and I usually play documentaries as ambient noise while I build electronics. I am also very single, but you simply won't find me in a typical singles hangout. | |
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