| | Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??Page 5 of 8 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8) | | "alter nate" : The guys that do send me normal messages I'm rarely ever attracted to. I don't mean that as in I'm looking for a model type guy....I know I'm not in that "league" as they say...but if there's not an ounce of attraction there's no point. And any guy that is somewhat attractive in my eyes I do write back...but there's very few of those. Once again, please dont' take this as if I'm being too picky...I'm not at all...I literally just don't get decent looking men writing me that's not for sex. | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 4:37:22 PM | Hi redhead,
just want you to know you are not alone in your experience
a lot of man who do not how to relate to woman other than sexualy
or r just not sofisticated enought
just pass them by and do not let it get to you
so not give u because the one is out there just like you and me having all sort of experiences some not so good ones and you sure hope he does not give up
keep th fate. they are not the same. thank God! | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:00:14 PM | | "bethesdafoodie": It's been 10 months....so hopefully they come around sooner than later! haha. And I do take the initiative...I think I've written every somewhat attractive and interesting guy within a 50 mile radius during this time...lol. Online dating is really my only way to meet men so I will just keep trying! | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:11:02 PM | | I just realized it shows that I've only been on here since december..which is cause I deleted my profile and made a new one. Been on since April 2011..so not a newbie :) | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:13:41 PM | Just remember it's all a really badly stacked numbers game, even messaging 10,000 people would result in pretty abysmal responses.
IMO you might want to look at getting a profile review, it didn't do me that much good but maybe it was bad timing on my part.
Also why can't you meet guys in RL? Why is your only way to meet men online?
If it's due to a lack of free time that's going to impact your ability to date...
I don't want to sound harsh, but taking a look at your profile; you are cute but your profile sends up some pretty big red flags for a lot of guys.
HS education, working retail, two kids, RECENTLY divorced, don't drink, haven't done the tests, and as a 31 year old woman TWO interests....
Sometimes it's not just the message but the way your portray yourself; There is nothing wrong with any of your traits per say, but it will narrow the amount of people interested in a person with your traits.
Sometimes less is more(don't lie) and sometimes it takes a long time before you meet the one. Realize that my mother just got married, she's a successful business woman that has been burned multiple times and had to deal with being a single mom of two hellions(parental rights were split between my dad and mom).
We all get impatient, and we all have to deal with a lot of inappropriate contact; but short of creating your own social networking site I can't see getting rid of all the creepers as an option.  | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:20:06 PM |
Once again, please dont' take this as if I'm being too picky...I'm not at all...I literally just don't get decent looking men writing me that's not for sex.
Then what does a "decent looking man" look like?
Whenever I see something like this, I wonder, "Do these women find only 1 man out of a 1000 "attractive" to them?"
Out in the real world every day, I see at LEAST a dozen women that I find physically attractive. On here, it's hundreds.
I have no problem seeing and finding physically attractive women. It's the mental attractiveness that is the tricky part.
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:31:31 PM | I never use chat for this reason and also, for the kind of keyboard enslavement it involves. I vastly prefer to talk with someone on the phone. Even telephone conversations provide enough anonimity for the pervs, who will work to direct the conversation towards sex. Even men who have approached me via business networks, dads and "pillars of society" have tried to browbeat me into phone sex. Beyond the sleaze factor, it demonstrates so much laziness on the part of the perv. Rather than get off the bed and actually meet someone, they attempt to feed their needs by phone and email. And prostitutes cost actual money.
I just slam the phone down and in one instance, filed a complaint with the business about Mr. Phonesex, so they could talk with him and hopefully prevent him at least from using that forum for his hand-down-his-pants perversion. And there is no way in a public forum to screen for the pervs. A woman I know who will not ever give out her phone due to stalking potential, uses skype and a webcam and you guessed it. She has to screen for the men who grab their cameras to show her what they are "doing" while they talk - she just hangs up and blocks them. Nothing will cure these maggots, ever. It does help to save yourself furture therapy by shutting them down the nanosecond they start sexualizing the conversation.
I once hired a driver to get me to a job in the mornings as there were literally no buses running that early. And sure enough he tried to make it into a sexual relationship! It isn't just the internet, it is some kind of change in our society that is telling these predators to use every single situation, from standing in line and the store, to buy a used washing machine to meeting someone new, to force their unwelcome desires on female strangers. Some kind of virus. Which just makes normal respectful men all the more attractive and successful! My last great love perhaps would have thought lasiviously about certain situations, yet he never acted up on it. A true grown up. | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:33:58 PM | | "bethesdafoodie": I do have the ability to date..I can make free time..but otherwise I have my kids when I'm not working. If I run out to the store with my kids it's not exactly where I would be meeting a guy. Men don't approach women with kids at the grocery store. Seeing as I don't drink, I dont' go to bars....hence the no other way to meet men at the moment. And why is me not drinking under the red flag convo? I consider it a possitive on how mature I am. I have worked my ass off to get in shape after my kids and having drinks isn't worth it. Alcohol is not a necessity in life. And anyone that thinks me not drinking is a negative is not my type anyways. And me working retail is BECAUSE I just got a divorce and can't work any other job at the moment cause I always have my kids and have no help. If that is a red flag then those men are jack asses and don't deserve me. And about my education...MANY women go to college, pay through the ass..then get married and have kids and drop it all to be a mom. So my lack of education doesn't mean shit. People put so much on whether someone went to college...wtf is wrong with people? I still wouldn't be able to work those job because they don't work with my availibility because of my kids. And my lack of interests is because 100% of my interest have been my kids for the past 6 1/2 yrs of my life. You clearly don't know what being a mom is like. Anywho, I didn't make this thread to get told how I'm not that great. No fancy career, divorced, don't drink...and guess what? I"m probably a way better "person" than the girl next to me with no kids, never married and a college degree...so all the judging out there guys are just screwing themselves. | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:40:14 PM | | "traveliciousguy" : I understand your point...I see lots of attractive men when I'm out and about as well..but none of them are on here! It really just depends on the area you live to be quite honest. I live in northern Illinois...a few hours away from chicago and a few hours away from madison. If I lived closer to those areas the amount of attractive guys are quite larger. But in the small area I live in I'm not joking when I say there is no one. My ex is even on here and I've taken a look at the women in a 35 mile span...and there might be 5 girls that are attractive. I'm sure you're going to ask what's wrong with a few hours away..but on a fri night it would take 3 hours to get into chicago...then 3 hours back home..with having kids it's just not possible to date someone that far away. | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:51:17 PM | And why is me not drinking under the red flag convo? I consider it a possitive on how mature I am. I have worked my ass off to get in shape after my kids and having drinks isn't worth it. Alcohol is not a necessity in life. And anyone that thinks me not drinking is a negative is not my type anyways.
I agree, I put it under the red flags category because it WILL limit the field in terms of eligible men or men interested in you.
Every criteria you add is a potential red flag for someone else, I'm not knocking the no drinking, but I will say it does add another filter. Add enough filters and it is easy enough to see why no eligible men might remain.
I"m probably a way better "person" than the girl next to me with no kids, never married and a college degree
Show us why you're a better person out there.
I think you took my post as me saying that you're not that great, I want to know why you ARE that great.
If you're recently divorced and are having difficulties in the job market, have two kids; maybe you should focus on your children before trying to find love.
I don't know what being a mom is, I do know what being busy as hell is like and being judged for who you are, and I do know that the more you put yourself out there and the more you polish your profile the better the odds are.
Saying you're a better person than the girl with no kids, that's never been married, and that has a college degree/career is one thing, showing us that you're a better person is another.
For the record, I don't hold a college degree and I am not knocking people with no degree, I am saying that it will close doors that otherwise would be open, which is a shame but it is understandable that some people might have that criteria. I never finished but I have college experience and the equivalence of a college education with Job offers that people say you can't get with no degree.
Being a mom doesn't mean you put all your interests on hold, being a mom doesn't mean the world stops spinning, I don't use that argument to justify a lack of interests; because I have put in over 100 hours a week more often than not for my businesses and I still make time for hobbies, meeting new people,etc.
If you take a critique so hard, it shows a certain lack of adaptability and openness, I apologize if I somehow offended you, but sometimes a reality check is necessary to help someone put their best food forward.
I'm a realist and I do think the compatibility tests are garbage to a certain extent, but I took them and filled them out honestly and they're a pretty solid reflection of who you are IF you are honest to the test and to yourself.
Obviously I touched off some nerves, but I think they needed to be touched off to get a sense of who you really are; because like you said, your profile DOES scream: No fancy career, divorced, don't drink...and guess what? It doesn't give anyone any reason to suspect you're a way better "person" than the girl next to me with no kids, never married and a college degree...
The judgmental guys out there are NOT screwing themselves, you're just as judgmental as anyone, and YOU are limiting YOURSELF whether you're willing to admit it or not. | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:56:05 PM |
Someone touch a nerve? Are you sure you'd want prospective suitors to read that?
Are you talking to me or her... I'm pretty sure it's her but I just want to make sure.
I do feel like if EVERY chat starts with sex talk..... clearly there is some underlying reason. I've started zero chats with sex talk and while I know there are a lot of females that love to paint guys as 100% sexual deviants; those guys ARE in the minority, they might be a vocal minority but they're in the minority and while I'd love to see them eliminated from this earth, they're sadly not going anywhere and you might as well marginalize their effect on everyone else. | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 6:06:41 PM | | Not you bethesdafoodie, Red launched into a rant that really didn't show a good side to it. If someone was interested and did a forum search then.......... | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 6:10:49 PM | | It wasn't a rant...it was defending myself..am I just suppose to let someone tear me apart? It all depends on the tone in which you read it..I was very calm when writing it..that is not a rant. | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 6:31:27 PM | I'm sorry Red, it read like a rant to me. I think I'm just a normal person and if I read it that way then, how would another normal person read? Also when you post one big block of text, it reads like someone talking without taking a breath. Or a rant. YMMV  | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 6:39:13 PM | "behind-blue-eyes 53" it's quite alright..I'm just not a ranter..lol But if someones going to point out negatives you bet your bottom I'm going to defend myself. And the big block of text, well I'm multi-tasking and was trying to type fast..haha I will be sure to seperate them into paragraphs next time :)  | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 7:00:40 PM | Hey girl, no problem. Sometimes it just hits me like that. Reading something and it reads like someone speaking it in one breath. It's hard enough reading emotions in a purely text based conversation. Hope you don't mind an ol' fart giving you a cyber kiss on the cheek.  | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 7:21:29 PM | Since the beginning of time, men have been sexual visual creatures, and I hate to inform you ladies of this day and age, it hasn't changed and it isn't going to change...GET OVER IT!!! They are men they have 2 HEADS controlling their thinking come on give them a break !!!!
Oh dear - what a stupid, stupid generalisation! 
Not all men open a conversation with a woman - on here or elsewhere - with sex talk.
The morons that do, do it on-line, because they wouldn't have the balls to do it anywhere else anyway.
Civilised men (and women) of even just reasonable intelligence, don't behave that way. | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 7:34:03 PM | Took it to private messages; should have done it sooner because frankly people probably don't feel like reading walls of text that aren't really related.
I will say on a more lighthearted note that Any females are more than welcome to start every chat with me with sex talk, and no reason is needed!  | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 8:43:28 PM | "bethesdafoodie"
I will say on a more lighthearted note that Any females are more than welcome to start every chat with me with sex talk, and no reason is needed!
Just make sure you let them know about the interior decorating requirements! | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:27:23 PM | Ok, so I'm a grown woman and know how men are...I'm not stupid....but I think about throwing in the towel literally everyday I'm on here. I'm no prude and have a high sex drive I would say....but I'm looking to meet someone who sees me past physical appearances and their want to have sex with me. Every guy that starts up a chat and I actually accept...sex talk instantly. Most of the guys that write me...is for sex. One guy actually had his profile say "looking for my last first kiss" and all kids of other things linking him to wanting an actually dating relationship...I write him a brief message and get back "DTF?" And btw..I actually had to look that up cause I didn't know what it meant..lol. Sometimes I feel like being on POF is like being on porn site..lol (clearly I'm being a tad sarcastic..) How the heck am I suppose to keep trying? I want to put something on my profile..but I control myself cause I'm not what so ever against sex or a prude and don't want it being read as if I was...but COME ON!
Woman are always complaining about this but if this is true, then why do so many guys with profiles like mine who speak of good values and are clearly not looking for sex but looking for relationships always get ignored and overlooked?
This doesnt make sense!! | |
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| Every chat starts with sex talk...WHY??
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:43:18 PM | | "roger33" : I think you should post a thread to have people critique your profile to better help you. I see many things that come to mind when I read it. I'm sure you are a wonderful man who truly does want a meaningful relationship. But just like me being divorced and having kids working against me..you are 44 and want someone only up to 36 so you have someone young enough to start a family. You have many many restrictions which you have the right to have..but that is also going to limit who writes you. Basically you are looking for women who are at least 8 yrs younger. And that isn't something everyone is into. Also, never married no kids, a christian girl... and then you completely lose me in the LONGEST profile I have seen. You have many opinions on things..and you are allowed to have them..but they are better left for something to talk about maybe a few messages down the road once you have found someone to conversate with on here. It is completely overwhelming looking at your profile..and I mean that in the nicest way. You seem like a sincere, intelligent and lovely man who knows what he wants in life...you just don't have to lay it all on the line like that..you could be scaring some great women away:) | |
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