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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > "Lack of emotion"; sign of a problem?      Home login  
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 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 26
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
You're going through premature mid-life crisis. Solution: buy a flashy sports car, dress like a teenager, listen to rap and hip-hop, hang around younger women who think being called a b1tch and ho is a compliment.
LOL.


Or what other people call a midlife crisis. Have you thought of buying a red convertible and wearing more gold chains.

LMAO I think two of the posters have got the solution, and the whys. Maybe it is just a midlife crisis.
So, what all ma homies up to in da ouze? Gonna chek ouda bïtchas, fool?
Guess I'll buy an Aston Martin Vainquish and wear a lot of silver and gold. WORD UP!
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 27
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:03:04 AM
I don't think there's anything wrong with you...here's my 2 cents :-)

I think this it what you are really feeling.....

I think you have reached a place in your life where you are mainly content with the way things are. You know that if you remain single, you'll be perfectly fine. Sure, you want to meet the person who rocks your world but after having had a few relationships, which you got burned, you aren't willing to settle. It would be nice to have someone to come home to at the end of the day, but this time you want the fireworks, the passion - you don't just want A relationship, you want a great one. Otherwise, what's the damn point ? Why change everything that's running smoothly to accommodate another if there's a risk of it being a repeat of the past or anything less then fantastic ?

Now - as much as I understand all of the above, here's the thing. No relationship starts off great in every way. Sure the sex might be great, the conversation might to great, the schedules might fit together perfectly but it's never is perfect in every way initially. So, that means that both people have to make some changes to their life, have some upheaval in their routine and compromise. That, my friend, takes time and work and right now - I don't think you want it badly enough to do the work especially as, in the back of your mind, you know that even if you do put in all the work, it still might not be the relationship you hope to have. It's easier to dismiss someone with the potential of greatness rather then take a chance.

Sometimes - it's simply the right person at the wrong time. And I'm not convinced for you, that this is the right time.

Does that hit home ?
 dreamfire
Joined: 11/22/2011
Msg: 28
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:31:04 AM
Man-o-pause? Temporary misogyny?

There have been times where I've seen an attractive woman walking a dog and been more inclined to look at the dog out of indifference to her.

Yes, I've felt this way before. It lasted 5 years. Not sure what causes it. Sorry I am not of more help.....
 moutainbreeze
Joined: 10/19/2011
Msg: 29
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 9:40:37 AM
Sounds to me like you are attracting the same type of women over and over again because of how you look. Unfortunately, if women categorize you and therefore cannot see themselves with you, your actual "type" may "self-eliminate" rather than seeking you out. Those that seek you out therefore turn you off emotionally.

Everyone is disinterested in certain types of people. I've met handsome, wealthy men (every woman's dream right) who then open their mouth and filth and perversity come out... others were just plain insipid in every conversation, still others show they are domineering, critical or demeaning in some way: total and instant turn off. I do not care how much money you earn or how you look, if you are a degenerate, self-absorbed or controlling then that results in instant disinterest on my part.

Might be time to start just being friendly to different types of women than you normally would and see what happens. Because obviously, the type you attract, disinterests you.

Honestly, I had a friend in college: body builder who worked as a male stripper at a club and women's parties. Okay, he was sweet but definitely not the brightest bulb in the box (and no I never dated him, no way). He sexed his way through so many women that I lost count. So many outwardly gorgeous women approached him: perfect hair, perfect nails; perfectly shallow as a cookie sheet. Finally, he met a woman he cousin's school. Older, slightly overweight, single mom with three kids. Not his normal perfect shape ho. She was pretty but average looking. He fell in love with her. She rejected him at first because she too assumed they weren't compatible because of HIS looks and age!

It took him nearly a year to finally convince her. They've been happily married for over 20 years now. Thing is, what you are saying sounds soooo much like what he said to me one day. And honestly, I can only give you the advice that worked for him: start by just smiling at women who look completely different than the type who normally seeks you out. Just start saying hello to them. just decide to be a friend so you can learn more about who they are. One will stand out and that sense of numbness will disappear. And you have every right as a grown man to say, "not dating anyone right now and not interested in dating anyone right now." Any adult has every right to choose to not date. In fact, that is not a sign of needing mental help. It is a sign that you are emotionally healthy.

And just so you know, thinning hair is not a result of low testosterone. Men who have a full chest of hair are actually 50% more likely to go bald. It is a genetic thing. And often men who go bald tend to have higher than average testosterone levels and more receptors to receive testosterone into their cells. But typically baldness is not an indicator of testosterone levels. Now if you have man boobies, a fat gut, fatigue, depression and lethargy, then that IS an indication of low testosterone. Jes sayin.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 30
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:40:30 AM

you have man boobies, a fat gut, fatigue, depression and lethargy, then that IS an indication of low testosterone. Jes sayin.


LOL Well, I havent been trainning in 4 years and lost most of my muscle mass and gained weight, BUT, thank god, not there yet ;-) I still look like an okay, relatively in shape guy, because I used tot rain like crazy to wrestle. But no, I don`t think its testosterone. Mountainbreeze post makes sense, but I`m sceptic still. I`ll give you an example; my sis tried matching me to a woman, her best friend. A lil overweight, a head taller than me (I`m not a super tall guy) but she was CRAZY about me. I, on the other hand...nothing. Like nada. I could have at least gotten a lay out of it (she was dirty as all Hell and had the hugest knockers I seen in my life, and a tatoo covered back I`m sure would have looked great...okay I`ll spare the details lol). I didn`t feel it. Plus, she was always touching me, and I hate that. I hate being touched when its unsollicited, barely know the person, or if its constant and invades my space. I dunno, I didnt feel it. It bothered me. I'm used to a touch being electrfying. First time my hand brushes against a girl`s I`m interested in, my heart stops. First smile, first kiss, that`s like, the best. I didn`t feel any of that. POint of fact, I havent felt that in a loooong time.

@Import from UK; Your smart But no, you got it kind of the other way around. I'll let you know latter in a text.

Another example I can give, is when you go shoping for supper; somedays you`ll have steak because you LOVE stock, or OH! tonight I`m having submarines with garlic sauce, yum yum!
I`ll have whatever the butcher killed and put on my plate. And I'll have it every night. Whatever.
That`s the kind of imagery that translates right now with my opinion for women. Just like, whatever. Usually about an hour into a conversation, either I'll forget everything she told me about herself, or I just won`t bother myself to remember lol. Kind of insulting and akward.
 Blah_User_Name
Joined: 8/27/2011
Msg: 31
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:45:11 AM
Damn - I won't give up the day job just yet then. I'm guessing kicking 'Dear Abby' out of her chair was a bit premature ?
 0ldhag
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 32
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:05:52 AM
You haven't found the right one..as much as that is a stupid answer, I truely belive it's the right answer...
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 33
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:33:19 AM
In my experience, an apparent lack of emotion, is usually really a case of sublimated, deep seated anger. Not the kind that results in violence, rather the kind that makes one stare at one's own car rusting and dying in the driveway, and purposely refusing to do anything to repair it, because you hate it so much.

The word "sullen" was invented to describe this sort of emotional stasis. It's a result of being angry, but also being convinced that acting on the anger wont do any good. What people often do when they are in "sullen" mode, is to go through the motions of doing what they are "supposed to do," but then purposely sabotaging any success they might have, as a part of affirming that their anger is correctly focused.


It is a psychology related thing, which COULD be helped with therapy, but I think most folks can work it out without the high cost of professional help, by doing little exercises like saying out loud "I am angry at X, because..." and fill in the blank as best you can.
Often, you can break yourself out of the sullen mode, by doing something that requires energetic input, other than the thing you are angry about.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 34
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:07:22 PM
Low serotonin levels?

This is sort of like an "I say" game.
 patiie
Joined: 11/25/2011
Msg: 35
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:15:29 PM
Ok then why don't you look into becoming a monk then?
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 36
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 12:19:31 PM
Hmmn, I had a female friend (ruling out testosterone in her case) much like you are describing your current affect. I remember asking her if she was really sure @ a guy she was dating that she was becoming increasingly disinterested in, despite his stellar efforts to woo her. She was taking rx meds for depression and/or anxiety (sorry, I forgot if it was one or both) Not sure if you are, but I've heard enough times those drugs can cause anhedonia like that, not to mention the effect of the original depression. Well, good for you for paying attention anyways-thats a step in the right direction. Hope you make progress OP
 True_Gem
Joined: 12/10/2011
Msg: 37
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 1:09:13 PM
Hi OP,

The best place to start would be with your doctor. It could be a medical condition such as depression, or low libido. Perhaps maybe you have experienced something in your past that has made you put up a barrier due to some type of fear. Take some time to think if maybe something significant happened in your life within the past 2 years that you may have not noticed but that could have affected the way you feel now. It could be due to grief from loss of someone you loved, from a broken heart, something in your childhood etc. If it is due to a type of fear, just remember that you can over come it. It it's depression or some other type of cause then you may need medicine to help you initially.

If it's depression, get medical help..maybe consider some medication and find something to do that can bring you happiness. Remember what it was that made you happy and in return it will bring that desire back into your life and into your bedroom.

Keep in mind that if your taking pills right now, they could also make you lack emotions and desire. Check the effects on the bottles or with your doc.

It could also be temporary and due to tiredness or stress. Make sure to enjoy yourself.

Or maybe you just haven't met a woman that turns your crank on all levels. You need to be physically and mentally stimulated.

Good luck

 Isis_feline
Joined: 10/4/2010
Msg: 38
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 1:12:32 PM

First time my hand brushes against a girl`s I`m interested in, my heart stops. First smile, first kiss, that`s like, the best. I didn`t feel any of that. POint of fact, I havent felt that in a loooong time.


Stop looking and getting frustrated and wait for a girl who makes you feel like this then :)
 ForumsGee
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 39
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 1:18:34 PM
Yes, this past year I have felt exactly the same way. I want a loving relationship but the thought of starting all over again makes me feel sick to the stomach. I have no interest in men -(no i have no interest whatsoever in women).

I went through a really tough break up 3 years ago..it took me way too long to get over it. The relationship was built on deceipt on his part, he was also a Jekyll n Hyde character, a push/pull relationship. I think I went through a tiny breakdown and realised that I had been obsessed with a loser.

I have had men want to date me but I am making excuses to not go out and yet I DO want a warm loving partner. My age is at the overthehill stage so there isn't a lot of years in me but I am romantically dead inside. I am a loving/vibrant/gregarious/outgoing/people person but fear a breakup again.

I believe it has something to do with the past breakup. Just sick and tired of being shatt on!

So, I KNOW how you feel!!

*** Import's post makes a lot of sense!
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 40
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 1:28:03 PM
Even walking down a street with some friends, "hey dude, check that chick over there, go talk to her". I think she's super hot, wink her way, see her blush...and just walk away.
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If your friends didn't point out this super hot woman you wouldn't even notice her? And they're telling you to go talk to her? Only then you respond with a show of interest, get a positive response, then insult her by walking away? I can see why you and your friends are walking down the street together. They don't want to talk to women either. Ask your friends why, I'm sure they can give you a better response than you'll get on here.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 41
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 1:38:53 PM
maybe you are burnt out from the hunt...maybe it takes more than a hottie to turn you on...maybe you need an emotional & spiritual connection too...

not all of us can be super-sexed up horndogs 24/7 365 days a year
 icefishingrl
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 42
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 3:31:23 PM
"have been on several dates so far, but I don't have that "pheremone connection" with anyone I have dated. It takes a lot more for me to remain interested or to become interested at all."

Want to know what I think?

Most people, maybe more so in the younger age range, go to great lengths to look alike, talk about the same things, use the same language, dress the same way, etc. etc. I watched The Bachelor and couldn't help thinking, these 28 women are all the same generic 'type' with nothing but their mood of the moment to set them apart.

Maybe seek out some different 'types' of girls, some that have different goals in life, ones that you might not normally consider, get out of your comfort zone.
 RAMPERBILL
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 43
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 4:47:59 PM
I watched The Bachelor and couldn't help thinking, these 28 women are all the same generic 'type' with nothing but their mood of the moment to set them apart.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My observation after reading some profiles is that people are starting to have shorter relationships. It's expected for a twenty y/o to have their longest relationship stated at 3 or 4 years, but when you see 30 and 40 year olds having 3 or 5 year relationships as their longest it seems sad. I saw one a few days ago of a 45 year old whose longest was 1 year. Can this possibly be true? Some people are really missing out on life.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 44
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:01:18 PM
Maybe you’re going through a period of re-thinking things. Re-evaluating. Having another look at things like…

…sex, dating, relationships with women.
…yourself, your body, your self-image
…society, the way people live, where you fit in
…what you believe in, your connection to All This, to the Universe (whateveryou callit).

Along the way toward finding new perspectives, we lose our grip on the old.
Some of the old glitz and glam fades away and we wonder what we were so excited about.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 45
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 5:21:06 PM
Sometimes in life dating just isn't the mission we were taught it should be. Not having any interest in it doesn't mean anything except that right now that's just not very interesting to you. It's not a requirement that we always be on the hunt for the "other half".

Instead of being on the dating hamster wheel and trying to date even though you're not inspired - put it on a shelf and just don't worry about it until someone inspires you to WANT to date. I think we are doing things backward. We are dating to find one person we like, instead we should wait until we meet someone we like to then date.

I think people are in a rut where they think they have to endlessly search for someone no matter what, and I don't feel it's healthy. There are times where work, school, friends, family, and just independence become more important.
 KittenCatt
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 46
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 10:37:24 PM
I think you've reached a point where the "you" you've suppressed for so long is surfacing; you don't know that part of you because you've denied it for so long. I think you're suppressing pain from long ago; pain from being a sensitive, sweet child that you were made fun of or reprimanded for. You've hidden that pain under an ongoing falsely- developed ego comprised of****ness, sarcasm, machismo, bravado. The pain doesn't want to hide anymore so you're left with the "you" you don't know. The old you is numbing out because it was never real in the first place. Everything in your profile and your prior main photo with the logo on it is why I think that is what is going on.

If you're very brave, strong, and fortunate, the real "you" will win out over time and you can cut out the "act" that you're all-that, and untouchable by life.
 MutedEnthusiasm
Joined: 7/8/2011
Msg: 47
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:10:09 PM
^^^



If you're very brave, strong, and fortunate, the real "you" will win…
 MsBeave
Joined: 11/8/2010
Msg: 48
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/6/2012 11:15:51 PM
I've been there. My apathy wasn't chemical or situational depression, it was a normal reaction to boredom. Life got kick when I accepted I am a kinky libertarian who needs to live outside the box. Now I do and say exactly what I want.

You know those really old people who are totally outrageous because they have nothing to lose? That is how I live.
 Jac_the_Gripper
Joined: 1/17/2012
Msg: 49
Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 12:30:30 AM
Just a thought...


LOL Hey, what can I say, I was proud of becoming a "wrastler"
But I'm not the one that was looking at them, women were. Ands the amount of girls hitting on me 4 years ago is inversely proportionnate to the shape that I lost. Because I barely get hit on now. It's not looking at the mirror; is a simple fact. Women are as shallow as men lol. That's fine, really.
But I don't check myself in the mirror; my mirror yells back at me to stop shoving something so gross at it

Maybe if you act shallow, you attract shallow.

Maybe its just run its course and you're bored of it.

Maybe you're growing up and changing.

That never really stops, I hope.

I don't think being disinterested in the majority is a problem. We just get more selective as we learn about our likes and dislikes. I do think finding fault in everyone and everything can be somewhat destructive, though. I'd evaluate that one if I were you.
 Lil Brooker
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 50
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Lack of emotion; sign of a problem?
Posted: 2/7/2012 12:31:17 AM

Most people dont enjoy getting told they suck, but the only time I'm so virulent is with people with ego problems

Is it possible that *you* are the one with ego problems? Sounds like no one is ever good enough for you.
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