| | No Money and Looking for LovePage 5 of 7 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7) | Honestly OP, I don't think it matters as much to some people, you just gotta find them.
I have a good job, house paid off, car paid off, live pretty comfortably (I'm frugal like my parents, lived like a pauper for years paying the house off - and don't 'need' much so I'm quite comfortable)... I can afford some nice dinners out, etc... doesn't help me much, or maybe its just I don't have 'tall, dark, and handsome' in there too. 
My last POF date, we met at Denny's the first time. We did a nice dinner a few days later, but she doesn't really care that much about money. Wish that one had worked out, she's very "down to earth"... oh well, I guess it is what it is.
What you're looking for is out there, OP... just might not be what "mainstream" society thinks is 'necessary'. But hey, I'm an IT guy, I could afford it but - I don't have an iPhone, iPad, iBallScratcher, my TV died a year ago and I never watched it much anyways (I watch stuff on the computer), drive a15y/o car (eh, maybe one of these days I'll need to replace it, but it runs just fine), and my computers are like 8yrs old (they run just fine, I don't need anything newer)... "cool stuff" isn't a priority to me, and if said "stuff" is what it took to "impress" a woman, she's not the woman I'd want anyways. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 2:46:40 PM | As long as you're able to pay your bills and don't have creditors after you , are able to put gas in your vehicle and keep it running , and have a place to live with some food in the frig - I personally wouldn't care what your salary is.
You're not an idiot. In fact , the thought that you actually like your work, puts you way ahead of a whole lot of people , who are working for the almighty buck, and are miserable !
And if you do end up making alot of money - there's certainly no need to reveal your income right away - so you can be sure first that someone wants you for you ! | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:08:23 PM |
so you can be sure first that someone wants you for you !
That's all I want. I think I may have psychologically picked up an aversion to money because it is so fake the pleasure that it brings. Too many people bandage over real problems in a relationship with the things money can buy.
That and having more disposable income than brains left a bad taste. For instance, my last gf wanted an operation - gastric bypass. I didn't think she needed it but she wanted it so I paid for it. Then paid for the post op plastic surgery to fix other stuff. A rather expensive proposition. Had the money so it was no biggie.
Then she gets all hot and then leaves me. I was like, what the heck just happened?
So, I learned how to live poor. But that's all in the past. I'm looking towards the future now. I'm probably one of the only fools to have written out a formal project plan for my life. :> | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:14:21 PM | Yes self sufficiency is the key. No woman respects or wants a man who bludges off her.
But women like successful men and they are more desirable, lets face it. If you are on a dating site and competiting with many thousands of other men, you are lower in the pecking order. Men are judged by t heir monetary worth and women for their appearance more.
'
All those cliches about being poor and happy, dont cut it in real life. Lack of money is the cause of most misery especially in relationships. If you rich you dont have to be unhappy, as you have so many options.
A man being poor is like a woman being plain. If you are lucky someone will see the inner you and want that. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 3:51:24 PM | OP, although being poor (just a tier above destitute) can be stressful you seem to have a big heart.
You are actually blessed and have no real "problem". Use this opportunity (cash flow issues) to your advantage while you can.
An old acquaintance told me that when he was out-and-about meeting women he would tell them he drove garbage trucks for a living and they scattered like roaches (he was really a pilot). Nothing like exposing the gold diggers.
Also, a friend of mine gave up all he had in the US to move across the world to start up an orphanage. He is still struggling, misses family but has made consistent strides to reaching his goals of helping others.
OP...continue putting yourself out there and she (the anti-gold digger) will "appear" in time. I repeat, this is a great opportunity for you to find "THE" gal for you...when your pocketbook is a 'lil on the light side.
While your at it, start charging a reasonable fee for your IT services !
Bless you ! | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 4:05:07 PM | The absolute bottom line measuring stick if you truly believe you are the same with money as without is will you, do you, would you accept a woman with an equally crapola paid part time job? Would you?
Most no, they want women to pay for them while they "build their empires." NO one buys that anymore, pun intended. Settle for what you are, for the equal you can attract and don't ask anyone else to make it happen for you. | |
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jmark4
| | Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 107 | |
| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 4:08:31 PM | part of growing up is being independent. working part time? I'm sorry but you need to work more than that.
Many people would call people like that lazy or lacking any type of initiative and/or ambition.
Not for me | |
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jmark4
| | Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 108 | |
| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 4:10:34 PM |
For me, yes it is a problem. I know I may come across as sounding greedy, but the last two relationships I was in the men either had spotty work history or had menial jobs. I feel like I had to put almost all the financial effort into both relationships. I feel like I shouldn't have to support a grown man. It sounds like you are making an effort, though. Women should respect that. Also, if you have poor habits that are taking most of the money you do make, you should probably reevaluate that.
I like your post. To be honest some women constantly pick loser guys and stay with them. our goal in relationships is to learn from mistakes and wonder why we pick such people.
Many men look for women that will take care of them and vice versa.
You have to be independent to a point to be in a relationship. I would never be with someone that can't hold a job or really has no ambition to better themselves. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 4:30:08 PM | The absolute bottom line measuring stick if you truly believe you are the same with money as without is will you, do you, would you accept a woman with an equally crapola paid part time job? Would you?
The last one I dated off here makes probably 1/3rd what I do, pays her mortgage & bills, with some CC debt she struggles to pay down (before the next emergency that comes along, like car problems, that piles a bit more back on), but gets by ok... and yes, I had no problems at all accepting her, and would if I was making the same (which I was, 15yrs ago, maybe things would've been different if I'd met her then, before her 2nd ugly divorce - she said *she'd* want a pre-nup if we ever married, because the last one screwed her over). She's just a good person... scared, I think, of making another "mistake". | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 4:51:58 PM |
The absolute bottom line measuring stick if you truly believe you are the same with money as without is will you, do you, would you accept a woman with an equally crapola paid part time job? Would you?
Great question.
I would. I don't have any problem with that.
No partner I have ever been with has ever had to work unless she wanted too.
And
part of growing up is being independent. working part time? I'm sorry but you need to work more than that.
When I'm out and about helping people I "work" about 50-60 hours a week combined. I only get paid for PT though. (Gonna fix that. At least make them pay for parts - for now).
Seriously though, I don't consider doing volunteer work for group homes "work". I hear ya though. I'll be fixing that soon - I don't have the luxury to continue as I have been. Bring on the new challenges and change. I'm not afraid. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:16:58 PM | No partner I have ever been with has ever had to work unless she wanted too.
Well, you and I (not that we go each other's "way" ) would differ on that to some degree... I would actually be ok with a partner that didn't work, but she'd better do *something*, even if its volunteer work, or keep a really nice garden at home, or yes - if I was your age 'stay-at-home-mom' for our kids would be ok... I wouldn't accept a couch-potato cookie-eating "do nothing but watch TV all day". I expect her to have some motivation, passion, interests she could pursue (even if it didn't bring in any money). | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 5:17:10 PM | I couldn’t read all of the responses but OP, you can definitely still date. Especially since you are not inconveniencing her financially in any way I don’t see why it would be any of her business. Of course the majority of women don’t feel this way. The majority of men don’t feel the way I feel either. These are some of the reasons why dating is challenging.
I just got hooked all over again on the song Million Dollar Bill by Whitney Houston.
She sings:
If he makes you feel like a million dollar bill, say oh oh, say oh oh. So to me, it’s not about how much $ he makes but how he makes me feel. I’m actually thinking about adding that to my profile. He has got to be able to make me feel like a million dollar bill without actually spending it.
Attraction is a combination of looks, character and personality, not just one of those three, or how much someone makes.
In my opinion if a woman won’t give you a chance to show her how you feel about her she is not worth pursuing. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/24/2012 7:05:01 PM | Well I have read a lot of the responses and in my experiences it goes like this. About 85% of the women over 40 expect the man to pay for dates. PERIOD. They will pay about once every 10 dates and the dates they pay for will be the cheap dates such as a fast food joint or such. You never "break even". There is a post on here asking the question of why the man should pay for the dates. I always wondered who came up with this unwritten rule?
Bottom line if - If she is too expensive for you and has an idea of your situation, meaning she expects the "finer things" from you? Let her go. She is not your match and will pull you down just for her gratification. I had one that required me to compete with what her friends boyfriends were doing. I am fortunate to be a leader and not a follower so I cut her loose. She was hurt and said she thought we had something and was surprised when I listed the material things and told her that was all we had. She was like "What is wrong with that"?
Interracial is a whole other ball game. I am not even going there.
If she truly cares/loves/wants to establish a relationship with you, nothing matters. Even if you are broke, foot massages can work wonders. So can a dinner you prepare as a surprise. Those are the things worth having. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/26/2012 7:21:54 AM | | I can see why there are so many divorces. The almighty dollar seems to be most important in most peoples lives. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/26/2012 9:57:20 AM | I can see why there are so many divorces. The almighty dollar seems to be most important in most peoples lives.
You can imagine my reaction when I ran into the 'ex' a bunch of years back, and being 'sociable' (not harboring any grudge about the fact she cheated on me and walked out the door for a guy who made more money - long in the past at this point) we got talking about 'things, life, etc'... and I mentioned I'd switched jobs twice and bumped my salary up quite a bit in the process, paid my house off, etc...
... and she pops up with "we should just get married... now you can afford me."
You've never seen someone extricate themselves and exit the locale so quick. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/26/2012 10:18:28 PM |
....and she pops up with "we should just get married... now you can afford me"
I understand why stateside women are that way ,because mostly they come from divorce parents and their belief is a " man means money " their father supported them until they are the age of 18 while they live with their mothers, they only know their father's for their necessities ,education, intertainment.. No wonder most USA men goes to overseas for marriages..
just my 2 cent and I maybe wrong... | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/27/2012 2:20:21 AM | Quotes from the trenches:
"I want a guy to have a car so I don't wind up being his taxi."
"I go to Cuba every year and I don't want to leave my boyfriend behind or buy his ticket."
These same people complain that men don't take them seriously and they feel used. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/27/2012 10:13:45 AM | I am 43 and just got out of a relationship with a guy that made 1/2 of what I made, money never mattered to me but he was constantly coming at me with text messages telling me he was broke, could not feed and take care of his dog/rent and barely kept a running car and got his phone turned off a couple of times. I gave him a fair chance but as a single mom, I could not see a future with this person - I have my kids to think about. Now this guy is all over facebook telling people all I cared about was his wallet and how I didn't want to stand by him through thick and thin...it's been really terrible. He has issues that go beyond money..
Anyway..if you want to date that is fine just make sure you have all your own affairs in order first, if she truly likes you she will look beyond money - BUT don't make your money issues hers too, best of luck! | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/27/2012 11:07:37 AM | | just go for a ugly woman...she might not like the fact that you are broke but thats all shes worth anyways | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/27/2012 11:15:08 AM |
... and she pops up with "we should just get married... now you can afford me."
You've never seen someone extricate themselves and exit the locale so quick.
Oh my GOD....please tell me she got up and sat you down laughing and then said "I was just kidding, it was a joke, sit down" while spilling coffee from her mouth...
I dated a girl like that when I was around 22. I was paying rent by myself, paying for everything in the house by myself, had to pay child support for my daughter, and she was not working, going back to school (that I paid for.... ) and was every week giving me crap because "I'm a girl that NEEDS for her man to pay at LEAST 200 dollars worth of cosmetics a week".
Yup, she was GORGEOUS....but not THAT gorgeous 
When I left, she was practically begging me. She was a master manipulator, stopped me from leaving a few times, but after she actually slapped my daughter and admitted to me that she shook her, if I didn't leave I would have KILLED her.
So really, my sympathies, and I will NEVER allow someone to act like that around me again. LOL. Take it laughing..... | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/28/2012 5:26:04 AM |
I agree with Maffers, you're doing great things and maximizing your talents in a selfless manner, foregoing personal benefit. That is a wonderful trait and the right woman would/should melt over that.
Right. And looks don't matter at all. Except in the real world. The very vast majority of women want guys with who make at least as much money; and most, usually more, than they themselves do. The number of women who will remain happy paying your way on a regular basis, or live in poverty conditions, is slim to none. Unless of course, you're an heir to a fortune or in school with a bright future in a lucrative career; then in interest in you is an investment in their future.
Still, you're fishing in a larger pond than I am. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/28/2012 5:52:45 AM | Msg 119:
Now this guy is all over facebook telling people all I cared about was his wallet and how I didn't want to stand by him through thick and thin...it's been really terrible. He has issues that go beyond money..
That right there is another reason why some people (POFers) might be reluctant to even post a picture of themselves in their profile. They wouldn't want their face (picture) associated with "false words" that someone pairs with a picture. | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/28/2012 6:00:01 AM |
I don't particularily care for money .....Any help or advice is greatly appreciated. And feel free to call me an idiot. Most of the time lately, I would agree with that sentiment. Find someone who also doesn't 'particularily care for money.' | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/28/2012 6:13:01 AM |
Right. And looks don't matter at all. Except in the real world. The very vast majority of women want guys with who make at least as much money; and most, usually more, than they themselves do. The number of women who will remain happy paying your way on a regular basis, or live in poverty conditions, is slim to none. Unless of course, you're an heir to a fortune or in school with a bright future in a lucrative career; then in interest in you is an investment in their future.
And what would that statement say about all the women who insist they're "looking for love" and that's whats important? And I wonder where that leaves women with really good jobs (and pay), I guess you're saying they have extremely limited dating pools - she makes $250K/yr, he makes $100K/yr (still a good amount, most people could support themselves quite well with that)... she doesn't have to "pay his way" (unless she wants to take $10K/week vacations 2 weeks every year, and expects *him* to pay for it all)... nope, sorry, he doesn't make "enough"?
I don't see where the OP made any mention of a woman "paying his way" for anything. That is, unless she's expecting a vacation to Bermuda on a cruise ship for 2 weeks, and "has to pay his way"... well, then, that's her choice, if *she's* the one who wants that. Unless you're assuming he's gonna be saying "lets take a 2 week cruise-ship vacation I can't afford an you'll have to pay for". If you're gonna play "split things equally", you should be choosing things to do that *both* people can afford, and if you want to choose to "have" to do things that the other person can't afford - who's fault is that? Your "expensive tastes" aren't his fault, are they? | |
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| No Money and Looking for Love
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:20:03 AM | there are some women out there it wouldnt matter to,but majorirty(see profiles must be ambitious,car ,job ect) you find,its all about price tag(jessie j).yes they are that shallow cant live without it but its just paper/cant take it with you at end of the day.more important things like health family | |
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