|
|
|
|
|
| | Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong? Page 5 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | You know, I really feel for the OP because paying the rent is exactly the sort of thing I would have done ten years ago. And I would be sorely tempted to do it again, if I was dating someone that seemed genuine and needed help. But this girl turned cold as soon as her rent was paid, and if she was able to put a deposit on a dog and can therefore assume all of the financial responsibilities of having a pet, she definitely could have paid her own rent.
I'm really shocked that so many of you aren't thrilled that he got his money back. She needs to learn that she can't treat people like crap. And for all those that think her situation was genuine and it was merely a coincidence that she dumped him a couple of days after he paid her rent, maybe someone can tell me why she didn't offer to return the money when she dumped him, since she knew that he forked over a lot of money for her benefit. Any person with a shred of integrity would have offered to return the money as soon as possible and make repayment arrangements with the person ASAP. I, for one, am delighted that he got his money back. She used him, plain and simple. If he had done nothing, that woman would have continued to try to dupe other men into paying her bills and then kicking them to the curb. Maybe this way she'll learn a lesson. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 2/29/2012 10:55:39 PM | What was you expecting to get for 200 anyway? People don't just give money to strangers and not want something in return. Maybe you jump the gun and ran out with out asking her about it. You hadn't even establish a good enough relationship with her to be able to talk about the situation, not less give money. I blieve in helping people. I know people sometimes get in a bind and their doing all they can do; they need a little hand up! but didn't you feel a little strange lending money to someone you just meet. There is 2 sides to every story. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 2/29/2012 10:56:26 PM |
I'm really shocked that so many of you aren't thrilled that he got his money back. She needs to learn that she can't treat people like crap. And for all those that think her situation was genuine and it was merely a coincidence that she dumped him a couple of days after he paid her rent, maybe someone can tell me why she didn't offer to return the money when she dumped him, since she knew that he forked over a lot of money for her benefit. Any person with a shred of integrity would have offered to return the money as soon as possible and make repayment arrangements with the person ASAP. I, for one, am delighted that he got his money back. She used him, plain and simple. If he had done nothing, that woman would have continued to try to dupe other men into paying her bills and then kicking them to the curb. Maybe this way she'll learn a lesson.
I am sorry but you miss the point here. Several actually. No one is thrilled that he was not a victim. no one wants to see him ripped off. but that is not the OP's question nor issue. He was wrong to loan her money at this point in the relationship. Frankly he never even said he loaned her the money, he said that he OFFERED the money. that means that she did not actually ASK him for the money and may mean that it was a gift and not a loan. but let's assume that it was a loan and NOT a gift.
She needs to learn that she can't treat people like crap.
Let us be clear. She did NOT treat him like crap. he treated himself like crap. as in he had no respect for himself in thi situation.
To quote Female Connection...
Im not sticking up for the lady in the OP...however, she is not the one asking if she played a role in this-he is.
His actions, of paying her rent with a string attached (be nice to me or else) is wrong.
He offered to pay her bill. the reason that he offered to pay her rent for her was to make what he felt would be a positive move romantically. He felt that she would treat him in a particular way romantically because he ponyed up some cash for her. When she did not do this he became frustrated then irrate with her.
I called up the housing place and paid it for her. So she says thanks and invites me over last Saturday for some dinner. I get there and she just spent the ENTIRE evening on her laptop on Skype talking to her sister. about rubbish. Literally i was just sitting there twidling my thumbs. I ordered us some food and during dinner, the same thing, just on Skype.
I decided enough was enough and went to go home, especially as it was over an hour's drive each way
This is not a person that was scammed and now needs to teach someone else a lesson. This is a person that uses his finances to aquire position with women. The Op has a history of doing this and posting about it in the forums.
I was with my ex girlfriend for 4 years and we had a really good life together. We had a house and a dog, we would travel, i was a good boyfriend. I would do our washing, meals etc, i thought everything was good.
I was her first boyfriend and she got to the point earlier in the year where she felt maybe she was a little young, maybe she was missing out on other things etc - she moved out, i helped her find a new place to live and got her a tv and stuff.
Since then we have spoken quite a bit and deep down i was honestly hoping she would realise that " the grass isn't greener" and come back. She has found it a bit hard since she moved out and i have been helping her with money and stuff - she never asked me but i could see she needed a little help and i offered. I wasn't trying to buy her back, i just wanted to know she was ok and she had money for food etc.
I probably gave her about 50 pounds a week, maybe a bit more. I don't earn a lot but i would rather she had the money than me spend it on me. I was nothing but nice to her as i figured this way, even if we didn't get back together in the future, i knew that i didn't do anything wrong and i was a good guy.
Anyway, she has a new boyfriend now, i know a lot of people that know him and apparently the guy is an idiot - a real player, very possessive and a total douche. Everyone was telling me she will realise what a mistake she's made but i figured it was up to her to make her choices.
She called me up crying yesterday as she failed her driving test so i went ahead and booked her another one - 70 pounds - i know you may think i'm silly but like i said, even though she had left me, i wanted to make sure she was ok.
Anyway i got a call from her just now and she said she doesn't think we should speak or be friends anymore. I was confused but she said it's not fair on her new boyfriend. So she can't be friends with me after 4 and a bit years??
I don't know what to do or think. I'm so pissed / upset. After all i have done.
He is so pissed after all that he has done that she does not think that they should speak anymore. This is not a woman that is playing him. He deals with women this way. He fronts the cash and hopes for a romantic pay-off in return. When this does not happen he becomes upset. He NEVER says that these women ask him for the money. he OFFERS the money as he believes that it will keep them around...
Since then we have spoken quite a bit and deep down i was honestly hoping she would realise that " the grass isn't greener" and come back. She has found it a bit hard since she moved out and i have been helping her with money and stuff - she never asked me but i could see she needed a little help and i offered. I wasn't trying to buy her back, i just wanted to know she was ok and she had money for food etc.
I probably gave her about 50 pounds a week, maybe a bit more. I don't earn a lot but i would rather she had the money than me spend it on me. I was nothing but nice to her as i figured this way, even if we didn't get back together in the future, i knew that i didn't do anything wrong and i was a good guy.
The OP is the one in dire need of learning a lesson here. You do not loan/give people money in hopes that they will like you better. if he HONESTLY was doing these things to be a good guy then how ever she treats him after that is meaningless. He was not doing it to be nice. Point blank.... he paid her bill and expected that she would fawn over him in appreciation. That is UNETHICAL. When she did not fawn over him he had a hissy fit and took the money back. he did not stand up and take the money back by telling her. He secretly took the money back. Tell me, how does him loaning her 200 pounds translate into her having to be romantically interested in him? | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:33:12 AM | Money money money money, makes the world go around the world go around!
What was that old saying 'neither a borrower or a lender, be'! Much of the problems we read about, debate and discuss on here, are about the cash. First let's look at what the OP says and did.
Well he was attracted(cute), she suggested the date, he picked her up, she had not been to a plac like that. Now it gets interesting, they are talking and she 'says' he is the nicest, and the ex hadn't been payin his share. He helped, she invited him over and ignored him, bought a dog, she then blew him off, and he took back the rent he had paid.
He was naive, she was a taker and in the end, everyone got what they deserved.(condensed version)
We can assess all kinds of motives to both, but for the most part, we don't know if thats accurate.
I have a list of skeletons in my closet on this issue, with those of both genders. I can say with certainty, when you mix money and friendship or dating, in the form of loans or things like that, 99% of the time, it turns out bad.
My most recent dabble in this mine laden issue was about 6 months ago. A friend who I have known for several years, a good person, had their unemployment run out and was having trouble making ends meet. Even knowing and saying what I have here, I decided to accede to the request and loaned several hundred dollars. To me, it was as I say, beer and cigarette money, so I wasn't concerned.
We had spoken on and off, a couple of times a month prior to the loan. I have no idea what happened, I can only say, I called them a month and a half later, not for the money, but to say hello. Surprise, the phone went to VM, and did for the next couple of calls for a couple of months. I simply stopped calling and of course they have not called me.
At this point, I'm not so upset about the money, more about the lost friendship. You can always make more money, you can't always make friends.
I guess, I should heed my own advice and never do it again. Though every few years, I seem to fall back into that same trap, and try to help, when I should not I guess.
End of story. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2012 9:33:47 AM |
This is not a person that was scammed and now needs to teach someone else a lesson. This is a person that uses his finances to aquire position with women. The Op has a history of doing this and posting about it in the forums.
The OP is the one in dire need of learning a lesson here. You do not loan/give people money in hopes that they will like you better.
he paid her bill and expected that she would fawn over him in appreciation. That is UNETHICAL.
 Absolutely! Great points, canam miles. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2012 10:30:15 AM | OP the only way you ever pay a girl in a situation like that is if you are getting something in return...
personally I think since you realized your mistake you are 100% in the correct for getting the housing place to refund you your money...
you did good in the end by having some bit of a back bone... | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2012 11:30:14 AM | We can not let the actions of others dictate our morale compass
We give because it is within us to do so, we love because we have love to share, you felt a twinge of pain for someone elses plight in life, whether or not she knows how to be responsible with money is not the issue. The issue is that you gave , because you wanted to make her life easier,And you thought you had something going with this person.
In reality whether or not the money issue would have come up or not
Two weeks is still very early to assume anything.
Retracting a good deed is something that will overtly drain energy from you,
Give because you have the desire to do so. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2012 3:17:31 PM |
The OP is the one in dire need of learning a lesson here. You do not loan/give people money in hopes that they will like you better. if he HONESTLY was doing these things to be a good guy then how ever she treats him after that is meaningless. He was not doing it to be nice. Point blank.... he paid her bill and expected that she would fawn over him in appreciation. That is UNETHICAL. When she did not fawn over him he had a hissy fit and took the money back. he did not stand up and take the money back by telling her. He secretly took the money back. Tell me, how does him loaning her 200 pounds translate into her having to be romantically interested in him?
I agree that the OP has a history of spending far too much money on women, although I believe that it stems from poor self-esteem rather that the belief that he is purchasing a romantic partner. Many men throw money at women because they don't really believe that they have enough to offer them as a person, and they compensate with cash. And certain women will take advantage of these insecurities, and it is very unfortunate. But I disagree that any gift should be given selflessly and without expectation if behavior supports the idea that the recipient is using someone for financial gain. In this instance, the lady did not even have the wherewithal to be polite to the OP after the rent was paid. And her behavior, as portrayed by the OP was downright rude.
That being said, she might have lost interest as soon as he paid her rent because she no longer respected him. She may have perceived him as weak due to his payment, and she could have lost interest immediately. If that were the case, the fact that the OP rescinded his offer may trigger her to pursue him again. But the OP hasn't posted in some time now, so I guess we'll never know. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2012 3:24:38 PM | (benwithjamin) So today i called up the housing place an told them there was a mistake and they are refunding the £200 back to my card. My friend tells me i am in the wrong doing this, but i'm not am i?
Yes, you are. You were foolish to go running to her aid, but you were definitely in the wrong for reneging your assistance. Particularly in such a nasty, underhanded way.
(whiskyrivers) Yes...she used you and yes...You have every right to get your money back!
A legal right is not the same thing as morally right... good Gawd, what is it with people these days?
Arlo... | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2012 3:34:24 PM | The OP offered to help this girl hoping it would help him get laid. (christyis4real) Did I miss that part in the OP?
I've heard a thousand ducks go "Quack!"; I don't need to listen to 1,001 to know that it'll make the same sound...
(faerlan) She gave him attention, he gave her money. She withdrew her attention, he withdrew his money. Instant karma.
I've never been a believer in, "If others behave like shits, that gives me carte blanche to be a shit myself." I guess I'm weird that way...
Arlo...  | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/1/2012 4:47:22 PM |
That being said, she might have lost interest as soon as he paid her rent because she no longer respected him.
Sorry. The OP NEVER claimed that she was interested in him. The OP claimed they went out on a single date to a nice (read EXPENSIVE) restaurant. he then offered her a couple of hundred bucks. I would suspect that the girl was not actually interested in him. Also men throwing money at women because they do not feel that they are able to attract them in any other way IS insecurity and low self esteem.
I've heard a thousand ducks go "Quack!"; I don't need to listen to 1,001 to know that it'll make the same sound...
I've never been a believer in, "If others behave like shits, that gives me carte blanche to be a shit myself." I guess I'm weird that way...
Oh my Gawd. We AGREE!!! I must have accidentally wandered into Bizzarro world!!
But he is correct. Our moral compass should not be dictated by the behaviour of others. What is right is right despite what other people do. His behaviour was WRONG from top to bottom. It does not become okay just because she did not treat him how he felt he should be treated. | |
|
| |
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 6:29:01 AM | No, you are not in the wrong for doing that, she used you. On the other hand, you should have not offered, that is a "RED FLAG" Anytime somenone starts talking about bills and what they have to do, but really don't come out and ask, they are asking. Never, never give into that , I don't care how good looking a women is.
Hope you got all your money back; if she calls about it tell her I'm not into giving my money away. She will use someone else, believe me. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 11:43:46 AM | I am thinking did he USE her. He gets SEX and wants a refund???? This woman has LOW morals thats for sure. But Gee This Doctor (CHEAPSKATE) cant have his cake and eat it to. The more I read comments on this thread I truly wonder about the people on pof, I think it was a equal transaction. They both got what they wanted. But the DOCTOR obviously (being a CHEAP SKATE) or because hes a Doctor thinks the WORLD owes him a LIVING and that includes free ass. This guy has really got problems in life. I PITTY the UNFORTUNATE woman that marries this CHEAP ***hole.  | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 11:47:52 AM |
Just for the record, I never heard from the girl again, but she's updated her profile on here. Poor, poor guys, i feel sorry for whoever meets her next ...
I wouldn't expect it back, but I would certinally be hounding her for it...just for the fun of it | |
|
| |
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:24:11 PM | " Anytime somenone starts talking about bills and what they have to do, but really don't come out and ask, they are asking. Never, never give into that , I don't care how good looking a women is."
Thank you for that information. I have fallen for that one a few times. Didn't realize at the time they were throwing out the bait. If the situation should come up again in the future, I will make sure to ask how they managed before I showed up. I will only offer an ear and advice. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:29:32 PM | | You are the operator it seems. Pay for sex on the card with a girl who needs some financing and then get the refund. Lucky there is no big gorilla around to sort you out. One day there may be. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:32:19 PM |
I'm gonna go against the tide and say yeah, you were wrong. I've read about a million of these posts on here. Don't tell us, she was hot, stunning, gorgeous etc. Right? Guys always go for these types who have a thousand men after them and ignore the sweet average looking girls who'd treat them like kings then b*tch about how they got taken and all women are gold diggers. The sweet girls turn angry and withholding after years of this and men get bitter at being "taken" even though they offer in the first place. Everyone then ends up on these dating sites completely undateable because they're too angry and untrusting.
So since you paid consider it an inexpensive life lesson and next time go for the regular girl.
AMEN sister. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:43:36 PM | avalon moon
Perhaps he is the operator after all. Pays for someone on the card and then wants a refund when he has had the sex. That is why he doesnt visit prossies, the pimp would get him and get him good. He sees an opportunity when a girl need money and offers it for sex. So I have revised my ideas about him getting the refund.... | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 5:51:10 PM | Well, OFFERING someone that much cash soon after you date them is foolishness. Even more foolish is getting back the money because she was on her computer all night. A sense of entitlement never got anyone anything. She came out with the sob story because it seems to work in NOT leaving any room for saying "But she said/did...". Had they been on several dates, then great, get your cash back.
That was a clever way for this girl to get rid of the OP, though. No one just invites someone else to their place just to be on Skype all night. She knew that he would get tired and leave. Had she truly been interested, she would have given him attention. | |
|
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 8:45:14 PM |
I'm back :)
Just for the record, I never heard from the girl again, but she's updated her profile on here. Poor, poor guys, i feel sorry for whoever meets her next ...
Jeebus, OP, did you actually read your own thread? What do you think of what has been said here? What do you mean you feel sorry for the next guy she meets? Have you not noticed that more than half the posters believe that you are the issue here? | |
|
| |
| Asking for rent money after 2 weeks? Am i in the wrong?
Posted: 3/2/2012 10:20:50 PM | Okay, OP. I call shenanigans. You got us. You got ALL of us. And for a good long time too. I know that I never suspected a thing. Put folks the OP is a prankster. The OP likes to leave ludicris posts and then leave the room and watch the hilartity. For instance, his last post was... 1/9/12 a month and a half ago...
Iv'e been seeing a girl from here for about 11 weeks. I came out of a 4 year relationship earlier this year and not really looking for anything serious. I enjoy spending time with this girl and she is very sweet but she came over yesterday and showed me that she has gotten my name tattoed on the back of her neck - while i am very flattered, it has shocked me a lot. Now i don't know what to do... If the day comes where i want us to go our seperate ways, i will feel awful. But i can't stop thinking this now...
thanks for reading...
Yeahhhh... right. Plus this post...
I was with my ex girlfriend for 4 years and we had a really good life together. We had a house and a dog, we would travel, i was a good boyfriend. I would do our washing, meals etc, i thought everything was good.
I was her first boyfriend and she got to the point earlier in the year where she felt maybe she was a little young, maybe she was missing out on other things etc - she moved out, i helped her find a new place to live and got her a tv and stuff.
Since then we have spoken quite a bit and deep down i was honestly hoping she would realise that " the grass isn't greener" and come back. She has found it a bit hard since she moved out and i have been helping her with money and stuff - she never asked me but i could see she needed a little help and i offered. I wasn't trying to buy her back, i just wanted to know she was ok and she had money for food etc.
I probably gave her about 50 pounds a week, maybe a bit more. I don't earn a lot but i would rather she had the money than me spend it on me. I was nothing but nice to her as i figured this way, even if we didn't get back together in the future, i knew that i didn't do anything wrong and i was a good guy.
Anyway, she has a new boyfriend now, i know a lot of people that know him and apparently the guy is an idiot - a real player, very possessive and a total douche. Everyone was telling me she will realise what a mistake she's made but i figured it was up to her to make her choices.
She called me up crying yesterday as she failed her driving test so i went ahead and booked her another one - 70 pounds - i know you may think i'm silly but like i said, even though she had left me, i wanted to make sure she was ok.
Anyway i got a call from her just now and she said she doesn't think we should speak or be friends anymore. I was confused but she said it's not fair on her new boyfriend. So she can't be friends with me after 4 and a bit years??
I don't know what to do or think. I'm so pissed / upset. After all i have done.
Nice guys do come last don't they? thanks for reading
and this thread as well. No way. No one has this much drama fall into their laps. Now he is a 27 year old pediatrician. With a tongue ring and an eye brow piercing? How did a 27 year old become a pediatrician?
B.S, any major with a "pre med" checklist. (common choices are Biology, Liberal Studies and Chemistry) 4 years
M.D., (or D.O) 4 years
Residency: Pediatrics. 3 years
If you want to do a specialty within Pediatrics (i.e. Pediatric Emergency Medicine) you'll have to do a fellowship after your Residency, so it will then take more than 11 years. 11 f'ing years. So he started university when he was 16 and started practicing two months ago? Naw.
Guys we have been had and the Op is a total liar. You can continue the conversation of course, but this never happened. | |
|
| |
|
|
|
Page
5
of
6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
|
|
Home
login 
