| |
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 3:04:17 PM | Thank you for the post. It is bizarre now approaching issues and challenges we never even used to think about. I feel much less confident about my looks although am told for my age, it is pretty good! And in spite of lots of daily exercise, there are simply some body changes that happen. I have actually blown off dates with people I really wanted to meet, as sometimes the judgement of how we look is very hard to sit and endure. Women are expected to look good all the time, and at every age and it is just not easy anymore.
I do envy my partnered friends who found someone very early in life, and now they mature together. Being on the market at this age it tough! Yet before the advent of media, we would be having a much better and easier time. In the best light, you can share a walk or something pleasant as friends. In the worst light, you are critisized for how you look to your face (this happened to me). I figure there is still someone out there for all of us, and I frankly am tired of living alone!
Since many of we boomers are maturing it is too strange yet again the double standard of how we should look and how we do look gets old. Now, even when trying to make male friends for purely friendship activity, they will actually ask how much I weigh? I hang up but year after year of this kind of cruelty starts to make one wonder?
I had a great first date set up for a wonderful ride to another town to help someone check out their boat. I couldn't get my nerve up, thinking it it wasn't a good match, I'd have to sit beside the judgement for 4 hours!
I only met one man whose appearance so shocked me I pretended I didn't see him in the cafe. And was happy I didn't bother as when I got home, he had sent incredibly abusive emails. Also, the last several times I fell in love, it certainly took more than an hour, sometimes months of meeting. So men who give it up after one brief encounter are not for me. Relationships take time, as friendships do.
I hang up on men who ask me about my body, etc. Would I be so rude as to ask them about their education level? I have only been approached by 2 men in my life whose education matched mine. So instead of firing up the webcam and dancing naked in front of the screen, I am hoping to meet mature and courteous men who at least have basic manners and the understanding that time does make a difference in our bodies, and eventually in all arenas. | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 3:29:03 PM | I'm glad for every year I've lived and experienced and no fear of old age.
The only thing I fear is laziness, not keeping in real good shape, because it is so much easier to slide down that slippery slope if you don't.
If you want to attach a lot of meaning to being 50, fine, but you don't have to. | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 4:54:32 PM | | When I talk to my mother on the phone (she lives long distance - in Holland) and she talks about what it's like being 94 (her mind is quite spry) it sure does make my 60 be young.. and OP's 49 almost a babe! | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 5:25:06 PM | I am recently single after 16 years of marriage (my divorce won't be final until the end of March) and will be turning 49 very soon.
After the reality of Divorce set in, at first I was terrified of being single at such a late age. I had visions of sitting in my house , depressed, staring at my approaching old age alone and afraid.... But that didn't last long.
My ex and I never did much - a movie here and there and restaurants, but other than that we just didn't get outside much. But I love to do outside stuff, I was extremely active before I was married. So now I am free to do activities that I enjoy, and not have be burdened by doing things alone when my partner isn't interested. To that end, I have gotten involved with some local groups that do outdoor activities ( I love that stuff) and have been more active over the past few months than I was in the past 15 years of my marriage. Don't get me wrong, I have always taken care of myself but already I have lost 15 pounds, am eating and living healthy am healthier and happier than I have been in a decade and I am enjoying the company of like-minded folks. The age doesn't bother me so much because I am able to still get out and do things I really enjoy. I suppose it's because I feel I have some control over my happiness? When I am too old to do things I want to do, well that will be harder..
But I look at my 50s as a great opportunity to "reboot" and remake my life. I'm very much looking forward to the opportunities that are out there. I think much less about my age, then about what I want to do with the remainder of good years I have left.
I think plenty of guys think women in their 50s are attractive - I do. But I'm also not trying to date 25 year olds! I tend to like the active ones who are adventurous so no more couch potatoes for me. | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 6:00:09 PM | Hmm Gitter... You are slightly a year older than I (12101963) and I have not and do not believe I will experience that.
Lets reverse your questions...
Do women find men in their 50s attractive? The ones Id want to be with do... You girls think we are the only ones who fantasize about youngsters? I see many girls these days our age that are searching 30s. Im quite certain I have adjusted my range in time but the fact of the matter Ive been on here forever! hahaha but really.. I can only shake my head at those girls knowing what they are missing out on here! Im not saying that arrogantly either!! Its possible they may get good sex but they aren't gonna get better sex! and most likely not even as good.. Happiness and satisfaction in life tends to translate into confidence or virlity.. They are gonna get a guy more than likely unsettled and probably strapped with child support and a host of other BSs!! oh well
I don't know what it is but I am only attracted to girls close to my age and that changes as my age changes.. We are sexy and confident and more expressive and we know who Wally and the Beaver were :)
Id not fret the past either.. It is just that. I hope you feel you did the best you could at that time. You probably have more resources now. You probably have more time now. Live in THIS moment because it has never been THIS good :)
Thats my biggest complaint... Girls my age are either chasing the boys or traumatized!!
You know.. Don't confuse what may be your issues either... Separate! The only thing in my life that EVER almost made me crack was when my son went away in the Navy last year... I had raised him for 11 years alone. I drank like a fish for a small period of time last year! haha then I woke up one day and said LOOK AT ME! SCHIZZLE Get out and do something you and by yourself. See yourself! Bet you're beautiful  | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 6:36:17 PM | Gitter63,
I'm turning the corner on 57 next week, I've been coasting along a little bit longer than you have, so far no 'midlife evaluation'. I did find out I could actually Google all of my childhood homes in another city, that was an eye opener!
It was almost like a time travel experience to see homes that were new when we moved away looking old and sad with cracked sidewalks and hedges 9 feet high.
That's as close as I have come to my own midlife "crisis" as they call it. I guess I have been busy restructuring my life after my last relationship, and setting goals for my new little business.
At this stage, we need to take care of our health first and foremost, if we don't nobody will do it for us. It's time to shed the extra pounds and start eating really healthy meals.
Always have a 'project', whether it's something pie in the sky or just 'you'...being the best person you can be. A 33 year old gf shared today that as a single mom, she is taking the time to 'work on myself', and I thought, hmmm, when was the last time I did that?
Hope this helps, "missy" javascript:smilie(' ')
 | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 8:02:04 PM | Here is a perfect example...
"However I prefer younger men than myself as they are more fit and less judgemental. Not so stuck in their ways."
DO you see the tone in that? Better yet let me narrow it more..
"they are more fit and less judgemental. Not so stuck in their ways."
Is that not judgemental and stereotypically accusing?
Look at my pics.. look at her non-pic yet read about the extra pounds etc.. being bitter about it is not liberating.. The fact that she doesnt really care that she has let herself go is a turn-off. I can't imagine a guy at any age wanting that. Don't ever be this person..
A good man at any age takes care of himself.. A good man at any age will listen and accomodate to an extent if he values you. He will value what you put forward. | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 8:39:34 PM | I will be 56 next month. I have no idea where the years have gone and how I got here. But my intention is to enjoy every single day and every single year as much as possible. Both my mom and my best friend passed away from cancer at the age of 49. My mom from colon cancer and my best friend from breast cancer. When I tell you that I wanted to skup 49 and jump right to 50 I am not kidding. My work family threw me huge 50th birthday party so that I could celebrate making it. I also had a serious illness that almost killed me, so I have a real appreciation for what life offers.
Just this past week I had an amazing, at least for me, experience. I had a very handsome gentleman, probably around 50 hit on me in a restaurant in the most lovely way. I was flabbergasted, shocked, surprised. Although I turned down his offer to join him, it was a huge ego boost for me. You have to remember that you are your own worst critic and that someone else may see you completely differently than you see yourself.
Make the most of every day and enjoy yourself. Do something for yourself that you have always wanted to do. Be daring and do something different. But above all else..have fun! 50 doesn't mean your life is over, it just means you are one day older than you were at 49!!!   | |
|
| |
| |
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/17/2012 10:46:03 PM | Great responses and thank you. Some of you get where I'm coming from and some of you make me realize that I'm probably taking myself too seriously!!
Yep I keep fit and active because I have a family history of heart disease and cancer, but there also seem to have a history of longevity. Life is unpredictable and flukey. I've had family members who are still going strong in their 80's and others who died when they were 31. It's a crapshoot for sure.
I have been getting a sense of "I better do this NOW before I'm too old to" so next month I'm singing and playing guitar at a venue that promotes local talent. I've climbed the tallest, hardest mountain in the Kootenay region last summer and that was my FIRST mountain climbing experience. I'll have very few regrets in my life. I think my biggest regret will always be that I never got married.
However, I've also read enough horror stories about marriage to think maybe that wouldn't have been a bad thing to miss!! lol.   | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/18/2012 5:42:00 AM | Has anyone else gone through this? Thoughts about your past, regrets, fears that the future is hurtling towards you faster than a speeding bullet, the overwhelming realization that.. this.. THIS... is as good as it'll ever get?
Why not take another approach to turning 50 and say to yourself "I'm going to make the rest of my life the best it's ever been!!"
Not to mention, dating at this age. Is it still possible? I know I"m not feeble minded or bent over a cane or anything but the elasticity of my youth is gone, along with gravity related body parts. lol. Do men still find women in their 50's attractive or are they searching for their version of eternal youth?
Yes, men still find women in their 50's very attractive...especially if they have a positive attitude and self-confidence. I'll be 54 in a few months, look better now than I did in my 30's and have no problem attracting men.
I don't know if you have any hobbies or do anything physical to keep yourself in shape but I stay on a strict diet of fruits and vegetables and stay active. I do it for me and not for someone else. Getting older is inevitable for all of us and the sooner you accept that the happier you'll be. Work on making the second half of your life exactly what you want it to be and don't depend on finding a mate in order to measure your worth at your age. You should have gained enough experience and wisdom at your age to realize life truly is what you make it.
Seakytten | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/18/2012 10:06:06 AM | I am not sure if this is a question of re-evaluating anything. I see things realistically and apply them to the current issues at hand. This is ONLINE DATING, and it's very competitive. Women have a natural advantage in the numbers being that there are approximately twice as many men than women at any given moment.
Although the vast majority of men in their 40's and 50's would want to date a girl that is 10 to 15 years younger this is more fantasy than reality. Women on the other hand will still get plenty of attention (as long as they are relatively attractive and in relatively good shape) no matter how old they are from men much younger simply because there are not enough women available to communicate and try to date.
It is what it is... | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/18/2012 1:27:32 PM |
And then there better be cake. Chocolate cake.
Betty! There IS chocolate cake, and lots of it!
Some people should stop worrying about what other people want. Here is a perfect example...
Look at my pics.. look at her non-pic yet read about the extra pounds etc.. being bitter about it is not liberating.. The fact that she doesnt really care that she has let herself go is a turn-off. I can't imagine a guy at any age wanting that. Don't ever be this person..
Is that not judgmental, bitter, and stereotypically accusing?
And this:
You girls think we are the only ones who fantasize about youngsters? I see many girls these days our age that are searching 30s. Im quite certain I have adjusted my range in time but the fact of the matter Ive been on here forever! hahaha but really.. I can only shake my head at those girls knowing what they are missing out on here! Im not saying that arrogantly either!! Its possible they may get good sex but they aren't gonna get better sex!
Is that not self-serving and egotistical?
I've never minded turning any age...I've always had something
to look forward to. I guess when you run out of things to be happy
about, or things to look forward to, you could get sad and mopey
when you get older, but thus far, it's not happened to me.
Me too am turning 60 this year and not much has changed as far as my body goes.. However my face does look a little older then it did in my early 50's.
Obviously, 59 year old women rock.
Women on the other hand will still get plenty of attention (as long as they are relatively attractive and in relatively good shape) no matter how old they are from men much younger simply because there are not enough women available to communicate and try to date.
There are more women than men and as we age, the gap widens because men die younger than women do. | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/18/2012 2:19:30 PM |
There are more women than men and as we age, the gap widens because men die younger than women do.
That's true. More male babies born than female. And in real life, the M to F ratios even out around 48 in the greater Los Angeles area (LA is a deekfest, places like NYC it evens out around 27) However on POF it's still at least 2:1 in the 30's,40's, 50's+. I am not sure if it evens out at any age. | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 2/20/2012 3:06:33 PM | | Why 50? Why not 51 or 52? When I was in my 40's I didn't want to be a senior at 65. Now I'm here and nothing has changed, except the government puts free money in my bank account every month, and a sales tax rebate and a property tax rebate every 4 months. I can ride the bus downtown for free one day and two afternoons a week. I only pay $100 deductable a year for prescription drugs. Eye exams are free. I'm still doing what I was doing back then with the same friends and time for more things with new friends. Dating doesn't interest me and what a load off my mind that is! However if I wanted to I have opportunites. Why do you young women hit on us old guys? The best part is the freedom to do what you want with your time. Time is precious. Don't waste it worrying and feeling sorry for yourself. | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 3/1/2012 12:24:08 PM | There are still plenty of men and women out there who are middle-aged, "old aged," etc.
At this stage in your life, it's natural to look back at your life, and re-evaluate things. If we're smart,we never stop looking for improvement, wisdom, etc.
Take care of yourself, make yourself happy, and don't be afraid to look for love. | |
|
ro1970
| | Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 44 | |
| |
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 3/1/2012 3:57:38 PM | | Birthdays with zeros in them are big deals, at least for me. I remember feeling some anxiety about turning 50 but my 50's turned out to be perhaps the best decade of my life. Turning 60 was difficult but life went on zbout the same for me although a few close friends died during that decade. I turned 70 last month and am still going to the gym, eating what I want, doing what I want to do and requireno meds. I am grateful for my health. | |
|
| |
| |
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 3/1/2012 5:11:57 PM | It was probably more scary in our 20's.....we lacked maturity and wisdom, anxiety was plentiful. Catch yourself when you use age as an excuse. Dating is not different than anything else because the guys/gals you date will be going thru the same changes.
50 is the new 20....get used to it! | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 3/1/2012 7:42:11 PM | I'm with you girl. My girlfriends and I went to Mexico to celebrate my big day for a long weekend. It was one of the best trips we had ever taken together. You can't stop the aging process but I don't feel I look my age and I don't act like an old women. 50 is the new 30! Embrace is and leave everybody else wondering what you are drinking!
Keep'em guessing. | |
|
| Approaching 50 and it's scaring the Crud outa me
Posted: 3/1/2012 11:01:11 PM | I refused to turn 50 so just ignored it.
When I turned 51 I held an I am not 50 party.
Everything is relative and chronology is only one way to measure age.
I believe it is all attitude.
Also a trick a woman I know uses. When anyone asks her age she increases it by 10 years.
So if you are about to turn 50 tell people you are 60.
And enjoy them telling you... wow you look fabulous.
| |
|
Home
login 
