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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > great conversations...a thing of the past?      Home login  
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 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 50
great conversations...a thing of the past?Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

All they want to do is talk sex in my experience, within the first few sentences.


This has absolutely NOT been my experience.

Don't get me wrong: I have heard from my share of gentlemen whose profile photos reflect their great passion for such things as motorcycles and hunting. And my share of gentlemen who are "trying to quit smoking" and/or list their clearly morbidly obese body types as "average." Even though all of the above are clearly noted in my own profile as being among my "disinterested" criteria.

And looking back, I do recall that when my profile first appeared several years ago with no age restrictions, a few e-mails arrived which um, well, EXPANDED my "acronym awareness": since this time I now know the meaning of MILF. (Previous to this point in time, I'd always assumed it was a typo for milk:) However, thanks to the "restrictions" on this site, which allow any profilee to add upper and lower age limits, my own profile now declines to receive messages from any men young enough to be my children. Since this feature appeared on my profile, I have received zero ungentlemanly e-mails and been subjected to absolutely no "sex talk. . . within the first few sentences" of any connection whether it be e-mail or subsequent phone conversation .

And no: I am neither related to POF's ownership nor feeling compelled to rise to the defense of the men on POF. I am simply stating: this has not been my experience as a member of the 45+ group on this site. On the contrary -- lack of mutual romantic spark notwithstanding --99.% of the communiques I receive and any subsequent conversations via telephone have reflected at the very worst benign but polite conversations and more often than not, courteous, interested and interesting ones:)
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 51
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/5/2012 7:48:20 PM
Stargazin wrote:
Gwendolyn ---you crack me up. Makes me remember those moments when I couldn't "see"....and, oops, couldn't find the dern story. LOL, ah well.


I cannot tell you how many times people have told me or wanted to tell me their woes or life's story. I go to McD's with my laptop to grade papers because if I sit at home, I want to do something "fun" or feel the need to wash dishes or do laundry--anything but grade. In the last year, I have had to vacate two McD's because PEOPLE WILL NOT SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE! They want to talk, and I know it is because they are lonely and I seem sympathetic. I say, "I'm working," and they keep right on. Old men are the worse, but that is because they "like" me. Oh, and married men--I must have "woman desperate for adulterous affair" stamped on my face.


I can actually listen to silence and understand it. (I know guys, you think I'm full of xxit)


I live alone and though I am a loud person, my house is very quiet. I do not have a TV and when I play music, I am a conscious listener--I don't play it for background noise. I have no problem being alone with my thoughts, and I relish my solitude and the silence.

When I know a man, I also relish silence that is understood and companionable. However, if he is silent because his head is empty or because he doesn't know how to say it, that is a different matter. Words are my passion, my avocation, and my vocation. I am the quintessential conversationalist and communicator (it why the patrons of McD's and Walmart want to talk with me), and though I do talk to myself, when I am with someone, I want that person to talk back.

A look can speak; body language can speak; silence can speak, but when I want to discuss a topic, none will carry the conversation.


how many times can you say the same thing in a different way?


As a wordsmith, I can say the same things in dozens of different ways.
 seki1949
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 52
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/5/2012 10:35:47 PM

I go to McD's with my laptop to grade papers because if I sit at home, I want to do something "fun" or feel the need to wash dishes or do laundry--anything but grade.


I know the temptation well!

Spending way too much time on POF Forums, Seki
 seki1949
Joined: 12/19/2011
Msg: 53
Great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/5/2012 10:39:32 PM

I have to laugh at the people who love to rush to judgement either in their essay or on the forums and label someone a "loser", then spell it with two o's....


Only one 'o'? Really?

Looser, Seki
 Pisces_Rising
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 54
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/6/2012 12:08:44 AM
There are a lot of very intelligent people out there who can't spell worth a damn. I fancy myself one of them so I don't hold it against anyone else. But I would ask myself , if one doesn't bother to run a simple spellchecker, what kind of impression do they want to give me?

There again, if one doesn't want to make conversation, does he really have an interests in you? And if there is an outside chance he's interested in you, ask yourself, would you want to have a relationship with someone who has no interests he is unable to express, who has no curiosity about you or your interests, who sees nothing in this big wide world he wants to share with you? Being in a boring relationship is far more trouble and work than being in no relationship at all.


I believe strain conversation, email riddled with misspellings and grammarian mistakes says " I'm not that interested in you to put any effort into to this but I can't figure out how to get out of this without sounding mean." It's better for you to take the hint and run.
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 55
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/6/2012 5:04:22 AM

how many times can you say the same thing in a different way?


I forgot to add about this: if a person is saying the SAME thing over and over, even in a different way, then that person is a lousy conversationalist. GOOD conversation is about various and sundry topics and finding new things to discuss. This is one reason why I dislike speaking with conspiracy theorists: the first time you hear the crap, it is amusing. The second and third times, boring. One trick ponies are boring. Religious people say the same things over and over.

The people who make the best conversationalists are those who say, "Hey, I just read/heard about this--what do you think?" Their ideas consistently change and evolve and they learn new "stuff."


There are a lot of very intelligent people out there who can't spell worth a damn.


You are right: intelligence and the ability to spell are not mutually inclusive. The smart and diligent person finds ways to compensate; smart and lazy people don't bother.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 56
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/6/2012 9:48:13 AM
I too cherish good conversation, and I've had many here on POF, including some with women who have already posted on this thread.

Sure, I've had a few non-starters with women who can't seem to type more than a handful of words or choose not to share their thoughts, but we've got a wide cross section of humanity on this site. Best to hone in on kindred spirits rather than bemoan those you don't match with. I find it's generally pretty clear within a message or two if the person at the other end is someone I can have a good dialogue with. If not, I just politely excuse myself and move on, just as I would in real life.

As for this:


Really good dialogue is better than sex


Really good sex is also really good dialogue in its own language, but that's a discussion for another thread.
 Ready_Real
Joined: 12/30/2010
Msg: 57
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/6/2012 1:26:32 PM

Really good sex is also really good dialogue in its own language, but that's a discussion for another thread.


Spot on bullseye grand slam slam dunk yes
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/6/2012 1:42:53 PM
I think really great oral conversations are a rare treat of the future. They will be saved for the times when you are with the one you are with.

That being said, people complain about texting and emailing all the time and it is ruining our sense of conversation.

Consider this, when you were young, if you weren't within earshot of the person, or attached to the phone cord, you were not communicating with those people. Now it's still up to us as a generation to carry manners forward to our children and tell them that face to face time is priceless and put the damn cell phone away at the dinner table, but the fact of the matter is, I can communicate with my kid today more than my mother could with me.

All that being said.... nothing compares (okay thats not true either) to a walk on the beach hand in hand and chatting about nothing, or laying in bed and chatting through the night. I always say, sex is about 1% of the time spent in the relationship, sleep is 30%, work is 30%. what are you going to do with that other 39%???? If you can't talk and be friends, you go nothin!!!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 59
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great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/6/2012 2:02:55 PM

Really good sex is also really good dialogue in its own language, but that's a discussion for another thread.



And I can be quite the conversationalist given the right partner...hehe
Ok, go ahead and start the thread. Should be interesting *smiles*

...mae
great conversations...a thing of the past?
Posted: 3/6/2012 2:49:46 PM

Good conversation is a "celebration" in itself and I've found that I bump into them in the most surprising places. For me, it's about being open to people, all kinds of people-- and don't we all have delicious stories to tell? I'm not concerned about your grammar, your spelling, your work....I want to hear about who you are, what you've seen, what inspires you, what your greatest beliefs are, what makes your heart sing, what tries your patience and best of all.........how you find your fun! If you can "see" people, you can see the stories just waiting to be told. Folks just need to look....there truly is so much to learn from each other.





Ah, a true lover of humanity, the human comedy, and the human tragedy. I couldn't agree with you more, Stargazin.............
People knock me out.
We have liberal scatterings of the strong, silent type, the man of few words, the shy wallflower, the pixie who wouldn't say boo! to a goose......
But I don't know that these specimens ferment or otherwise so much further the cognizence of humanity. Anyway, from the storystruck spellbound kid I was long ago, comes the determination to NOT go quietly into that good night!
And great conversation - is always that fine balance between telling and listening....

I recall conversations that were the ripples of an incoming tide (ever really sit and watch a tide come in?) Like the pull of the moon upon the spinning earth.
But does it require well-tuned audio?
Walking down a city street comes a sound from a block away. To some, it's just an irritating noise. What I hear is the sound of running water, a laughing brook, the joyful bubbling of gleeful abandon....running like a runaway captive set free. What is it?
- A schoolyard, of course. Recess time.

Conversation for its own sake?
Some, many - maybe most of us are born into and for a social noise.
But is the trick not in the balance? The telling needs to find its equal listening. Not all speech is designed for rapt attention.
If this be a dying art, and art it is.....perhaps too many quirks of modern existence preclude it. Conversation requires time. Easy time. Perhaps for many, that is what's become a thing of the past.
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