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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?      Home login  
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 jeep1127girl
Joined: 12/31/2009
Msg: 26
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
If they know how to be the dad, its all good.
 PaminSD
Joined: 2/25/2012
Msg: 27
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/10/2012 7:31:20 AM
I see absolutely nothing wrong with it and would not consider it a red flag at all. I dated a guy who has 6 kids and all but 1 was adopted and yes, he is raising them by himself. Totally not a problem in my book.
 Mr.TonyD
Joined: 2/7/2012
Msg: 28
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/10/2012 11:39:04 AM
While I certainly would not classify me daughter as excess baggage, however others will and that's fine with me. Everyone has a right to their own opinions, and that help us to decide our associations.
As far as the "threatened" statement, that was pure speculation. My ex took me to court three times, the last being for relocation. It as a long hard battle with the courts finally deciding in my favor.
I do understand your point. Personally I do not consider these things when deciding to be come involved, but not everyone thinks like me.
 dakotababiigurl
Joined: 3/2/2012
Msg: 29
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/10/2012 12:25:54 PM
..i think it's awesome that your children live with you.. plain and simple. i've dated a few single fathers in my time lol and the reasons why those relationships didn't work had absolutely nothing to do with the children.. i have children myself and if anything i understand the difficulty of being a single parent and finding the time to date and spend time with another adult lol.. at the same time my older brother is going thru a divorce and has full custody of his three daughters. there's nothing wrong with a grown person taking responsibily for children that they've been involved with raising their entire lives. for me i would take a backwards step from the man who has children and confesses that he has nothing to do with them.. now that's a cause for concern.
 MartinC1970
Joined: 3/3/2012
Msg: 30
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/10/2012 12:53:53 PM
That is a somewhat amusing scenario as that is usually the case, the fathers being "ABSENT" ! I do what I do for my children and I love them all with my whole heart, but like I say, I do deserve a bit of a life too, if only to maintain my sanity !! lol
 VixenOfForums
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 31
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/10/2012 4:51:21 PM
Well, since you asked, you are not working and are a full-time student. I see it as using the kids as your meal ticket. I also see drama in your future. It is expensive to raise one child, let alone 3 and you have no job?! C'mon pal. You asked.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 32
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/10/2012 5:43:34 PM
martinC1970- I'm not saying you do this, but I hope your children never hear you say that only one of them is yours biologically. They don't need the reminder.
Now that that's out of the way, I think it's great that you are a stand up guy and raising your children, but..........
I would be concerned and tread lightly.
I've only been divorced a year and a half and haven't had to deal with a man's children yet.
I wouldn't have a problem as long as.......
Your children behave and are respectful
The ex isn't psycho
You make time for who you are seeing and aren't the "my kids are my life" type. ( I can like your children, but personally speaking, alone time would be crucial)
If one of your kids were to be disrespectful I would expect something to be said.
I'm not their mother and I would know that, but being asked to put up with bs wouldn't work for me.
You asked, so I'm giving you an honest answer.
btw- if you are saying that women back off JUST because of the paternity issue, I don't get that, it shouldn't matter. If you are raising them, you are their father in every way that counts, jmo.
 tdiddymalone88
Joined: 2/11/2012
Msg: 33
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/11/2012 3:00:15 AM
I feel you man, I have four children myself, one of whom is not biologically mine, but hes mine none-the less. It seems alot of women admire this, but from afar.
 VixenOfForums
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 34
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/11/2012 9:38:15 AM
It's been my experience that women view it the same as men do, "excess baggage." I would even go as far as to say that they may even feel threatened by the fact that a man would love his children enough to fight for them. I've raised my daughter on my own for the past nine years. Women will come and go, it just reality, but your children will always be your children. The End

Your women come and go because you have no respect for women as human beings. You are competing with your children - sad really.
 AwwwShucks
Joined: 8/16/2010
Msg: 35
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/11/2012 2:41:03 PM
Martin

I notice you asked for a woman's opinion and that some men have posted.

I'm guessing like me you live in the UK (your mugshot and language mainly).

Anyway I have custody of my two who are adopted, so like you they are not biologically mine, they are also of dual heritage but (thanks to the permatan) they can pass as mine. Personally I don't think I could love them anymore and they've had hard enough lives already :)

Regardless if they were caucasian or even Oriental (American's prefer to say Asian) I believe the measure of a parent is whether they can deal with these issues at the school gate. If they can't then IM (not so H) O, they don't deserve to be parents...so hats off to you on that one.

The only think I would say is that I would happily grow old (actually am old already! ) knowing that my children acheived their potential

Nuff said
 desirehigher
Joined: 11/6/2011
Msg: 36
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/12/2012 9:12:42 PM
my father took on 3 kiddos that were not his. personally, i look at the relationship the man has with children...period. if the kids don't respect of dote on dad, there's something there that i (probably) don't want to deal with. if a man gravitates to all children and his own joke, kid around and respond to him possitively, i think about how my kid will respond to him. really, women are thinking about their kid before they are thinking about the new man in their life. and they are looking at his reaction with his ex and children in general.
 newlysingle31
Joined: 12/14/2011
Msg: 37
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/13/2012 4:27:35 PM
I would like to add a different perspective to this thread.

For the ladies: How would you feel if YOUR kids lived with their father?

I ask because when I split, my son (3) stayed with me because the ex couldn't keep a job, couldn't afford rent, started hitting the bottle, and was dating a new guy before she dumped me. We're currently going through the mediation/custody process, which she has been sabotaging. I've got a stable and steady job, renting a house (and affording it), taking him to and from daycare, and providing for his needs. She has him every second weekend, but isn't happy about it.

So the question is, if their father is doing a better job than you are of caring for the child, how would you feel if thier father had custody?
 Mr.TonyD
Joined: 2/7/2012
Msg: 38
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/16/2012 9:03:23 PM
Dearest Vixen,
I take offense to your comment. I wanted raised my daughter because I love her and was determined to provide her with the best care and structure. To assume anything else is absurd. Her mother and I did not work out because we were too young and grew in different directions. I have never said a bad word to her about her mother and never will.
To claim that I have no respect for women causes me to question your emotional well being. Apparently you have projected some of your own inner demons upon me. My daughter is a successful H.S. senior. How could I raise a little girl to adulthood properly, if I did not respect her gender?
PLEASE, do not respond back to this post. I would much rather it end here than go any further.
 mrteddybear454
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 39
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/20/2012 2:43:00 PM
I'm a single dad of 3 awsome kids. (2 girls and 1 boy) they are all 3 mine. Now while almost all women will admire a man who will take on full responsability of raising their own , or someone elses, children, most of you chose not to date a man with children. My youngest (B) was just over a year old when the ex left. He is 5 now. My oldest is 7. I know how hard it is to raise a family by ones self, i'm doing it, But it just seems that when a man tells a woman that his children live with him full time its makes the women run for the hills.
 busa444
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 40
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/20/2012 5:05:09 PM
amen brother. although i only have joint custody, it makes dating very difficult. but i wouldn't give my kids up for anything.
 lmbinottawa
Joined: 3/13/2012
Msg: 41
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/20/2012 7:46:40 PM
I'm a widow, so I have mine full-time. What I find from men is they just don't get that you can't be going out every other night and leaving your kids alone.
 mrteddybear454
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 42
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/21/2012 11:17:04 AM
I'm only 30 and I have had my kids going on 5 years. I go out maybe once a week and that's only if I have a trusted family member watch them for me. Other than that once a week I'm home every night. I love being around my kids. And even when i go out I don't drink or party, ya I may go to a bar now and then but I don't drink. I have more important things to spend money on than drinks and possibly a dwi.
 warminsterlass
Joined: 8/22/2010
Msg: 43
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/21/2012 12:04:05 PM
To be honest it would be a huge put off

Kids are hard work and ex's are even harder work , My ex had a little girl And as soon as we got married she went from dumpin the kid on us every weekend to running off with her to a diff county .

Is the ex paying for the children ? If not how are you supporting your self

Also things could turn bitter fast , you get a new gf and she suddenly takes the kids back or the 2 who are not yours ..

And uses them to get her own back
 mrteddybear454
Joined: 1/7/2012
Msg: 44
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/22/2012 7:27:27 AM
Yes children are hard work, in my case the ex is no where in ther picture she has no contact with my 3. My ex pays nothing and I make due with what I make. My kids are happy and I have free time now and then so why not try to find a date or just go out with a girl or just hang with some friends?
 boarderdad50
Joined: 4/23/2011
Msg: 45
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:46:06 AM
I think up front it is best to keep things simple and say you have custody of your 3 children. Its nobodies business upfront if they are your biological children or not, if they live with you and you are raising them than you are their father.

I have full custody of my son and shared custody of my 2 girls. That is all that people need to know, my oldest daughter I met when she was 3 and I am the only father she has ever known so it would do more harm than good to go around calling her anything but daughter.
 johnnyavg
Joined: 9/28/2011
Msg: 46
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/27/2012 5:55:54 PM
Another male perspective on female reactions..
I believe "Time in Life" plays a big part.. From my experience it has been difficult. I am 50 with a 11 and 12 year old sons. I have primary custody of them and thier mom lives in the next state. I dont recieve nor ask for any child support. Only that she sees them the 4 times per year when I take them to her. I travel and have my sister as a Nanny, and all seems to be taken care of,,, except having a "Lady" in our lives. I have not dated in 2 years and signed up for the "People Pond" .. I also was upfront and decided to place thier photos on my profile.. after all "What you see is what you get" kinda thing. At my preferred age (woman between 40-48) most women have children that are out of the home or near that stage. There has not been alot of intrest via messages and suspect that would be part of the reason. Could be my choice of verbage/discription on my profile, who knows?
Hang in there and do your Duty,,
JohnnyAverage
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 47
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:12:25 PM
I absolutey agree with boarderdad. For me, as for the op, the problem isn''t so much the kids, that they live with him, or even who fathered them, but the fact that he seems to choose women who seem unable unwilling or unfit to parent their children. Admittedly, we are used to the "norm" being that children reside with their mother. Still, that could be part of the issue, rather than that he has children at all.
 Debyduh
Joined: 2/23/2012
Msg: 48
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/28/2012 8:54:39 PM
I think it is great if a father is raising his kids and even greater if he was raising others that were not his. Kids deserve love. I always say that if my ex had more kids they would be welcomed and loved in my house because they would be my children's siblings. If they were curious to come over I would be all for it. I have 5 children and 3 are adopted. I think everyone should put kids and their feelings first.
 up2late82
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 49
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How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/30/2012 11:49:42 AM
My experience has been that there's a huge double standard between a single mother and a single father. The same women who say they want someone who's good with (their) kids, take a few steps back when they find out your kids live with you.
 ulty
Joined: 12/17/2011
Msg: 50
How do women feel if the kids live with the 'father'?
Posted: 3/30/2012 4:28:59 PM
As a single dad I get the impression most women are put off by the idea...

Personally I'd have thought it would have been seen as a pluss, but it seems most women are pretty selfish - they love the idea of you being 'dad' to their offspring, but don't go bringing your own into the equation, because they don't want any competition for their own little darlings!
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