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| | Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.Page 4 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | The soon you meet the better, many people agree to that.. ONLINE dating requires a lot of time, effort and energy.. Generally people who come to online dating are those who have more time on their hands, are willing to take higher risks and seek greater rewards, those who took the time to make them selves available to date..
Keep in mind, once you have a good convo going you build up something called a vibe/momentum to keep it going it is imperative to schedule a date within the first 72 hours of talking.. In the expert online dating circles this is referred to as "window of close".. Which is why these males are pressuring you into it, seems normal to me. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/9/2012 1:11:20 PM | The OP may have become part of the 5%
I think whether or not you consider the person 'demanding' depends on the person, and the tone of the conversation...
--and your level of attraction to the person.
Some of the best meetings that I have had were planned with no notice. It doesn't allow you the dreaded 'over thinking'
or over planning. The whole - just come as you are factor can be nice... It leaves you the opportunity to dress up the next time you meet.
I like the fact that some men still have a masculine energy. That is different to being demanding.
Not everyone on this site is a creep... | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 2:36:42 AM | I'm one of the cynical ones..lol Two weeks for a coffee date? I've given up on this site..bars are easier, or church, or work than POF. If a woman wants to wait 2 weeks, it's because she is sorting through hundreds of emails from competing guys. Let's call it what it is..
So......, I have had quite alot of e-mails this past month from strangers such as you...that I don't know from Adam unless I talk with each of them a few times before I decide if they sound interesting enough to meet.
Did you see the words "I decide if they sound interesting enough to meet."?
That means one man or a couple of men have captured my attention. How? He/they have made an effort to do so...knowing that there is competition out there. He/they wanted to rise above the rest of the mob. The mob of ordinary forgettable men/boys who can't handle the competition. Are not man enough to face the challenge.
Do you know what the men of the mob do? They are the ones who want to meet you NOW. If you don't, they are the whingers, name-callers, abusers and cynical azzes who try to make a woman feel like scum if she doesn't meet up with them right away. They call women who have quite a lot of responses serial-daters, multi-daters, and a whole other bunch of names with ugly conotations.
Now...common sense tells me that a decent woman who is attractive, confident and smart and is financially set really is NOT attracted to mob men....at all.
Like attracts like. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 8:25:32 AM | | I have found the same thing happening to me! I also get men who want to video chat! I was shocked the 1st and last time I accepeted a video chat! Lets just say he was wearing nothing but a smile! Iam not into that and find some of these men just SICK! I find that several men are rather forward! Come on now people this is a dating site! I dont want to see ur junk!! I do have to say in defense of the nice Gentlemen Ive chatted with You are Wonderfull! | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:01:02 AM | If you don't want to encounter predator bullies, get offline! Either that or block them immediately. You deserve to be treated with respect.
I have officially stopped online dating, because time and time and time again I ran into the same "types"...aggressive, insulting, lying about their age..and yes, the pressure to get on the phone and meet as soon as possible.
I understand not wanting to drag e-mails on for months, but I have had so many guys just up and vanish because they want to immediately jump to the phone conversation and if I dont feel I am ready (sometimes I like to e-mail for a few days, big deal...you can't wait?)...and already this smells of a controlling man who is already telling me what to do with no regard to my comfort level.
How a guy treats you up front is a taste of how you will be treated in the future. He is demonstrating to you now it is all about him. This is probably why so many of the men online cannot form lasting, healthy relationships. The selfishness and lack of respect for a woman's comfort and sense of safety doesn't even compute.
There have been occasions where I DO feel comfortable very quickly, I feel relaxed, enjoy his candor, and we do make that phone call and it can be fun. But then you still have to be ready to meet the REAL guy...the real man without the funny texts, witty phone conversations, etc..oftentimes they can be considerably different.
I'm not going to tell anyone to cease online dating, but just keep your options open in real life where you can learn about someone over time. The internet can be deceiving. Use your instincts. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:23:59 AM | .that I don't know from Adam unless I talk with each of them a few times before I decide if they sound interesting enough to meet.
Okay, that takes a couple of days, not a couple of weeks.
The mob of ordinary forgettable men/boys who can't handle the competition. Are not man enough to face the challenge.
That's strange. I always thought that women who were dawdling were the ones who weren't up to the challenge.
Do you know what the men of the mob do? They are the ones who want to meet you NOW.
That's also what they guys with options do. I certainly didn't miss anyone who dragged her feet. I just stopped talking to her and talked to someone else instead.
common sense tells me that a decent woman who is attractive, confident and smart and is financially set really is NOT attracted to mob men....at all.
A woman who is all of those things, especially self-confident, isn't afraid to show interest in a guy and meet him quickly. Talk is cheap. People with self confidence act. People who are smart make good decisions quickly. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:31:51 AM |
common sense tells me that a decent woman who is attractive, confident and smart and is financially set really is NOT attracted to mob men....at all.
Ironically in this example, it would be the opposite; they are like-style and like-minded. Anyone at all who is more attractive, confident, smart and financially set than a pro MOB MAN? We're not talking some cheap pickpocket here, we're talking the big leagues. Most "modern" women would be attracted to those types of Made Men, and never find out what they do, for being lied to by them on their occupation.
And THAT'S the truth of it. She'll probably find out after 10-20 years of mariage, once she sees his face in the paper, or he walks home with a bullet hole in his shoulder... | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:44:58 AM | The whole point of the initial messages should be exchanging phone numbers, a phone conversation and scheduling a meet up if there is interest. Otherwise, it's a waste of time. You'll never know another person from an online persona until you actually talk/meet. I drop the conversation after a few emails if there is no desire to meet. I don't need a pen pal. This may be perceived as pushy, but it saves time for everyone in the long run. Actually, the vast majority of women I met are just fine with this and even welcome it.
Not within hours though -- that's extreme even for me, maybe a couple of days, or over a week. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 10:41:37 AM | Tall man, I tried to send you a private message, but your filters disallowed that...
so....
@Tallmanenters
...Well, I for one would want to meet you, but alas! you are so far away...
It's my belief that Men who are willing to actually ask someone out
should be routinely encouraged to do so often!
Carry on, sir! | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:12:09 AM | Nah, RIP...you or anyone like you would NEVER be for me.
1. You want to meet a woman NOW.
2. Daughter will be priority for the rest of your life.
3. Distinct feeling of "everything is and will always be about me" vibe in your profile and your post.
4. You prefer to have the woman initiate/contact you. This shows me that you can be a scaredy-cat.
Lou Dobbs may have it right.
If you notice it's about female-led relationships. "Relationships" being the key word.
It has NOTHING to do with the intial dating/mating dance/courtship. He does the "I am here to get your attention, however and whichever way possible" like other men of the mob are doing. They all have their different styles.
SHE is the one that will CHOOSE her mate/man if she deems that he is worthy.
Re: Female-led relationships
I have seen more happy masculine men who do very well in their career, job or business...who leave it up to their partners to run the show in the other part of their lives. Equality has always been around. This is how my mom and dad lived as many others of that era. My mom is 75 this year.
These men are there... right behind her happily to help, assist, protect and fix.
I look for that sort of man when I do my sifting through the e-mails. He shows up by being kind, considerate, and thoughtful. He has patience and will wait for my signal that I am ready to meet him. It shows that he has confidence in his ability to grab my attention and that he's in no hurry if he thinks I might be the one.
That is attractive.
Of note: I don't sit around talking to guys for days on end. If someone catches my attention, I do like to meet within 7-10 days. Sometimes it's like that because we both work and/or the mileage between us is an issue.
If a man cannot even wait an extra 3 days, he's written off my books because he shows me that I do not matter, Only he matters. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/10/2012 12:02:18 PM | Probably most women on here have gotten some of these messages .
I usually respond with something like this : "I like to write a bit first (no, not for months) , and determine if we have some things in common. It can save both of us from wasting time with someone that doesn't fit. However, if this doesn't work for you, I respect that. I'm sure there are those that prefer your method - good luck !"
Very often, they decide to take the time to actually say something then !
The ones that are still unyielding and persistent are gone - simple!
And it HAS saved me unnecessary meets - as often , with the right questions , some rather undesirable items are revealed .
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:57:45 AM |
I never understood why people complain about getting attention online. It's a free dating site, you have to sift through the garbage to find something you like. Also people are on here primarily to have a good time, not to find soulmates. Or else they'd pay the 50 bucks and create a detailed search profile on one of those match maker sites.
Personally i think that if someone is acting like a jerk you don't respond... at all... they want to meet you the next day, don't respond. They ask for your number too fast, don't respond. When they sand that nasty message, don't read at it...
But it is a dating site, not a messaging site, the point is to meet people. So if someone wants to go for a coffee after a few messages, they kind of got it right. Nothing's worse than sending 50 message to a girl just to find out she's an absolute square once you meet her in person!!!
Well said, champ.
Also, there are plenty of women, or shall I say "girls", that act just like the dudes many are complaining about in this thread. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/11/2012 5:59:03 AM | I get this sometimes from women to tbh. They want my facebook, my phone number etc within the first few messages, keep texting trying to push for a meet right away etc. Even as a guy I've still got to be careful.
Its a tough thing to judge, sometimes their just really keen, Other times its because their looking for a one night stand and so thats why they want to meet asap etc.
Dont wanna be giving your number to some wierd psycotic stalker lady. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/11/2012 12:58:35 PM | I think EVERYBODY should exercise some caution in giving out personal information that could be used to locate them.
This is where the good ol' dollartwoninetyeight no-contract cell phone comes in handy. I'm not talking about sexual predators specifically, there are also scammers and people who look for burglary opportunities.
As far as people DEMANDING anything...well, they can go demand with some other fool.
Look, I think we are all adults here. We have jobs, businesses, families or other obligations... demanding to meet "within hours" is just plain absurd. Setting aside a polite amount of time for a first meeting may not be something that can happen immediately. Oh, I don't guess it hurts to ask or suggest just in case someone happens to be at loose ends for the moment-but anybody who expects to have a first meet at either persons' home is right out of their ever'lovin' mind!
I have to agree with a few other women here and report that I have had very few instances of men being demanding, pushy, rude in expecting an instant meeting-here or anywhere else. I suppose that a lot of the reason for that could be demographics and geography. I have occasionally encountered men who were trying to push an agenda and THOUGHT they were being more subtle, which did not necessarily earn them extra points,lol. (If you are gonna try to play head games with someone,/manipulate someone, fer Pete's sake at least be good at it!
Oddly enough, or maybe not so oddly, for being a free site it seems that there are a lot of men members who seem to think that female members are OBLIGATED to accept dates with any reasonable candidate, that signing up on a dating site invalidates a womans' right to date men she actually WANTS to date...
All I can say is that this AIN'T a store, members are not merchandise available on a first come, first served basis. If there are people who honestly expected that this was a "guaranteed dating experiences" outfit, I suggest they ask for their money back...lol.
Cindy O | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/11/2012 1:47:51 PM | 4. You prefer to have the woman initiate/contact you. This shows me that you can be a scaredy-cat.
He has patience and will wait for my signal
what rom-com script did this come from? you really expect a guy to be assertive up to and no further than the point when you want him to be passive? so you can call all the courtship shots except the ones that involve emotional or social risk to you? good luck with that; the dating world ain't exactly crawling with attractive mindreaders who are bipolar in just the perfect way. | |
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| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/12/2012 4:05:16 PM |
I like how women complain about being bombarded by douchebags and yet a nice guy like me hasn't had any responses and I have left like 15 thoughtful messages. *shrugs*
You are looking at this as an "either/or" situation and it is not an "either/or" situation.
When a woman speaks of being bombarded by douchebags-she's usually speaking of men who send sexually explict/propositioning emails, inappropriate pictures, etc. There are also emails from guys that she just doesn't think would be a match-these guys don't fall into d-bag category but if there is no sense of potential for a match why should she respond favorably?
I don't personally have much trouble along those lines but I've been in communication with a lot of women who get some pretty sleazy offers and suggestions. I've looked and looked, and for the life of me I cannot locate the headline that designates PoF as a "free online whorehouse"? Maybe only guys get the home page that says this? (Btw this is intended as mild sarcasm,lol)
The fact that a guy sends an email that ISN'T grapically sleazy and presumptous doesn't give him some kind of bonus points that over-ride a womans' sense that the man isn't her type/wouldn't be a good match.
I don't know if this what the quoted poster meant-maybe he is saying that he sent messages to 15 different women-I hope he's not saying he keeps emailing one particular woman who has not responded to him.
But the deal here is not just a matter of any guy who doesn't send sexually explicit emails being entitled to responses just because some other men ARE d-bags. It's a matter of thoughtful(or humorous) email and a feeling on the part of the woman that there is potential for a good match, and that is about SO MUCH MORE than just NOT being a d-bag. Attraction, interests in common, same age range, geographic proximity( for many people), seeming to be from the same general educational/socioeconomic background, factors like being in agreement on pets, kids, smoking, similarity of residential situation and preferences, there are a TON of things that factor in-it's about way more than just sending thoughtful/respectful emails. It's just not that black&white,
Cindy O | |
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