|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:43:37 AM | This thread brings up some interesting questions.
I get that there are losers in here, like anywhere humans congregate but is it actually so bad that hordes of pushy, controlling freaks would be the only kind of responses you'd get? I don't want to blame the victim or anything but is it possible the OP is maybe exaggerating just a tad about how soon these monsters started to become rude?
For example, I haven't been back in here that long but I have noticed a huge difference in the online dating experience now as compared to 2004, for example. The number of promising chats that fizzle inexplicably into a total silent treatment is rather disturbing. The profiles that seem to describe you perfectly, as if they'd made it up after reading what you were looking for but don't even bother to respond to a greeting are odd too. A guy can get the impression that POF is filled with paid actors who hang out to string pathetic losers along. Maybe this might be a contributing factor to guys wanting to get the "bullshit" out of the way and go out on a date?
I'm here to meet women to date. Not to type at anonymous strangers who present themselves however they see fit on the internet endlessly. I'm a real man, hopefully I'm chatting with a real woman, the sooner we meet up, the sooner we can get on with living our lives, maybe even together? Ooooo, what a concept.
Having said all this, anyone trying to push you into anything you don't feel comfortable with is totally ridiculous. I think a bunch of folks really need to sit down and honestly figure out what it is that they want before making up a profile and spreading more drama in the world.
In fact, one particular gent bombarded me with about 6 messages in the space of a half hour. I hadn't even finished putting up my full profile. He told me I was beautiful before I'd even put up photos, and then commented each time I added a new picture, all without a single response from me. He also sent me numerous chat requests - I ended up disabling the chat feature because he did my nut in. Then I figured out how to block him!
This kind of comment sounds frightening and tragic to be sure but I have to wonder, could it have all been completely avoided with a simple "no thanks" earlier on in the scenario? So many stories like this seem totally avoidable by simply not trying to avoid situations to begin with. Put on your big girl panties and say "thanks for writing but I don't date fat, old guys who say things like "neked" in their opening remarks". Of course tact and diplomacy would work much better but even harshness is infinitely more compassionate than ignoring someone and hoping they will "just go away".
For those genuine psycho nutjobs harassing folks in here, the block feature is your first line of defence. Make sure you report these people, if they get their profiles deleted often enough, they'll eventually find another site to troll for willing victims...won't they? If not, well cleverness and imagination have all sorts of wonderful value to them. | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:00:41 AM | i would erase this, however good it felt to write it. the pushy guys will ignore it since, by definition, they are more interested in what they want than what you want, and no one identifies himself as a predator bully. it will only send a message to the quality men that you easily lose your composure.
Rule #1. Never talk about spam.
Rule #2. Only talk to this man.
I'm silly, I wouldn't know what to do in a woman's shoes.
The forums are in many ways the real reason to stay here, it's kind of a pushy thing trying to send out lots of personal and meaningful correspondence and figuring out nothing about what people are actually wanting.
Besides a forum recommendation, definitely wait it out, and from what I can say regarding what I am getting from your post, be more assertive, go after it! | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:07:41 AM | Ad Homonym,
You make some good points, like about "No Thanks"
However, I do want to point out that the block feature on chatting does not seem to work for every person on here. That is to say it works for me with some people and not with others. There is a man on here who has been bugging me for about a month now every time he sees that I am logged in, even though I have told him numerous times I am not interested and don't wish to continue our conversations. I finally used the word "harrassment" with him yesterday, told him I was going to report him. Then I reported him. If I could have print-screened the conversation yesterday it would have been strong evidence regarding what I am saying. He feels that I do not have a right to stop talking with him until I have answered all of his questions about why I am not interested, to his satisfaction. I can imagine how he (a professional in his 50s) treated his ex-wife and it makes my skin crawl quite frankly! However, even in reporting someone, I gather that POF only acts if there has been numerous complaints about someone. | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 6/26/2012 4:06:12 PM | When you first send a message to someone, advise them of your dating philosophy, that you like to speak to someone for an hour or so before you meet them. Also that if you spend an hour on the phone and don't feel comfortable, you will advise him and not meet with him in person. That will chase off people who are needy and demanding, as a rule.
If you are always getting these types of communications from men, you must be doing something to attract them.
Is your photo blatantly sexy? Are your comments too inviting sexually?
Set your limits up front and others will have to fit into them.
Judith | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 7/6/2012 8:21:59 PM | | So question is it better if they give their phone number so if they get out of line, you can block them...I have had younger guys wanting to text but I have had problems in the past where they like to send pics or become nasty. Others want your email, and I know they can email from POF, what about chatting should you continue chatting on POF or go to like Yahoo. messenger...what is the best way to continue a conversation that may lead to a date..its been 30 yrs and its not the 80's anymore... | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 7/7/2012 5:21:19 AM | | OTTERPLAY, I understand there are alot of crazy men seeking power,control and sex on these web sites. However, there are a few good men, like myself, who want to talk a litttle on line and meet face to face over drinks or lunch in a casual setting. TALK IS CHEAP BEHIND A PC.However when talking in person, one can see the facial expressions, body language and reactions to a certain conversation. its just like a blind date so whats the diference. ?the only way to find out a person is telling the truth about themselves in a profile, is to meet face to face. asking for information and numbers right away isnt my style. thats completely crazy. i have the problem of not owning a vehicle right now. women want to be picked up and brought home.they feel its okay for a man to do all the driving but not the woman . i love driving just cant afford a vehicle at the moment.peace,god bless to all. | |
|
| |
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 10/29/2012 11:15:06 PM | | Ive been on this site for a couple years now...I stop by now and then because honestly ive not found a man of quality that i'm attracted too..but to get back to what you posted, I deal with this alot..those that are interested come right out the gate asking my bra size, all tall i am...even to the point of asking if i "shave"...WTH?? They want my cell number and are very pushy about meeting..thus why ive not dated much from this site..Although i havent had much luck, I did meet a very nice man and dated for 4 months and it ended nicely and we're still friends...but the majority are what you are describing....I have no answer for you other than I feel you...i just ignore them when they start with that crap.... | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 10/29/2012 11:24:46 PM | online bullies, delete and block. Simple. At least up front they are showing who they are. The ones you have to watch for are the charming sociopaths who lure you in and then get you hooked.
You will find all types on here and have to be prepared for it. I dont know that every man is the way you say, perhaps you are not being as discriminating as you should be. Cyberspace is not really the place to find any genuine more and more so, these days. So up to you whether you bother to continue. This site has many more members than most and seems to have the worse reputation. Have you tried others?? | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/2/2012 11:12:21 PM | | hey i get it all the time too. a lot of the time they tend to play a sort of reverse psychology thing and get mad when you dont give in. it all comes down to whether YOU are comfortable giveing out your personal information.dont do it because some guy gives you a guilt trip or talks you into it.i wont even bother with people who start that with me anymore.if they cant be patient and show a little respect towards you, delete, block and talk to someone else! theres plenty of fish in the sea! the right one wont force an issue like this on you! and that goes for both sexes. peace out! | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/3/2012 3:17:55 AM | otterplay, you have very quickly singled out one of the main reasons why I stopped online dating. This creepy, instant sense of entitlement, like we're all free hookers, and the men throw a nasty fit if they dont get their free poontang ASAP. Yeah, yeah, not ALL the guys are like this. I never want to generalize, but there was enough verbal abuse and pressure to make me realize that there was *more* of this online than not. Online dating just seems to attract this sort of thing, like we're all here for fast, easy sex. It sort of marginalizes the people who actually enjoy getting to know someone and WANT to get to know them..men and women alike. We're not all speeding along at 100 mph into the next bed.
I've found much better luck with things like meetup.com. I had a lovely Halloween evening with someone I met thru a hiking group that was pressure free, and enjoyable for us both..and we're planning to meet again this weekend. This way, the "old fashioned" way, you meet face to face, you deal with a real person, not an online persona.
To put it simply, I'm worth more than the bitter, rage filled and entitled crap I found online, this site being one of the worse. Get back into "real life" and meet people face to face.
My opinions about this should not be construed to mean that I hate men, etc etc...far from it. I love men, and just simply want to meet the ones who aren't going to assault me verbally within 5 minutes, or race home to compulsively check their profile to see who else is online..ugh. | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/3/2012 3:18:30 AM |
This kind of comment sounds frightening and tragic to be sure but I have to wonder, could it have all been completely avoided with a simple "no thanks" earlier on in the scenario? With a reasonable person it probably could have... But how much "earlier in the scenario" could it be if there were 6 messages in a space of 30 minutes?? Surely waiting until a person finished setting up their profile before harrassing them for a response is reasonable? | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/4/2012 8:33:57 AM | | What makes me mad is I send One Message to ask how she is and would you like to chat and instead of mailing me to say no thank you just not responding---THEY BLOCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! right away. Makes you feel like "what the hell did I do ?? Like I invaded there privacy or offended them in some way. What CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/4/2012 12:57:11 PM |
Wondering how others deal with these online bullies?
One thing to remember about "online bullies"......... They're....... ONLINE. That is, they're not in your house, and most likely not even in your neighborhood. All you need do is break down what a bully really is: An immature, insecure little baby boy, who throws a tantrum when he doesn't get his way. He's too young, too ignorant, and/or too immature to have learned manners yet, let alone any real social skills. When you realize these things, and understand what a bully really is, it becomes clear that they would be completely wrong for you in the first place, and you have dodged a bullet by avoiding them.
Finally, you have to deal with them from time to time, in order to weed them out. It's the way of things. | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/4/2012 11:40:41 PM | Its crazy isnt' it! I have a good technique, I call it my business woman's mode.
I usually start explaining why women have much more serious issues to worry about than guys, how we have to more careful, that they don't randomly walk up to a woman at a store and say those things.. etc etc.
Trust me they don't bother you much again when they get a huge message of all the WHY I WON"T messages.
It kind of reverse scarying them off. LOL | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/8/2012 11:52:11 AM | I '' - honestly don't experience that at all - in fact quite the opposite.
I don't put a photo up - if people want to view my pics - they must contact me, develop and establish some repore - as I'm seeking someone very very special - I'm not interested in dateing the miriods of - wannna beees.
Coffee dating is like a huge jar of lollies.- A sample here - a sample there - Eww not really - so onwards onto the NEXT.
Way too much running around, those ones running around, sleeping here and there - getting a bad name for them selves, and being a player - whilst risking themselves being abused. Dont Kiss too many frogs, you may croak.
Know what you want - and ask for only that !! narrow your search.
We reap what we sow, in this dating scene - sow what you intend to reap.
Don't sow pretty little pansy seeds, if you seek to grow an oak tree. | |
|
| |
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/13/2012 9:37:40 AM | | Isn't POF wonderful! It allows you to weed out control freaks, sex pests, obsessives and the entitled without the hassle of actually meeting them in real life. It also works to the advantage of the sane and well presented in that we shine in comparison to the less well behaved. | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/13/2012 10:10:56 PM | It really doesn't matter what they want. Remember that you are in control and you can always say no and block them.
Many lose their minds with anger if someone rejects them or tells them to slow down and their isnt' much you can do about it. Block them and move on. It does suck but that's what I do. | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 4:16:48 AM | | Tell me about it OP! I've had a number of those in the last couple of weeks, one guy getting very abusive telling me to grow up and eventually telling me I had no business being on this website and to get the eff off here. I told them, so do you go up to a woman in a bar and say "Hi gorgeous, how are you, my name is blah blah, how is your weekend, what it happening, can I have your phone number and lets go for coffee" and think he's going to get anywhere? | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 11:19:22 AM | I have been thru this before too. I have rules...
1) I will not give out my phone number. I get theirs and *67 when I call them so they don't have my number if they turn out to be a creep.
2) I only meet them at one place I go often where I know a lot of people, and even 'pre warn' friends I will be meeting someone from the website in case they are nuts. (I did have to have one rather large friend escort someone out once.)
3)I won't let them know my last name even, untill the third date or so. NEVER give out your personal email! Your name will be on the account.
4) I won't even get in a car w/ them for a month or so...I will keep meeting them for dates, dinner etc till I am comfortable with them.
Some of you may think this extreme, but if they really like you, if they are on the up and up, and if they are a decent human, they will understand and be glad you are so careful. I have been told that by the good ones many of times.
Last but not least...there is block/report button for a reason. Hope this helps you. | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 12:39:34 PM |
1) I will not give out my phone number. I get theirs and *67 when I call them so they don't have my number if they turn out to be a creep.
2) I only meet them at one place I go often where I know a lot of people, and even 'pre warn' friends I will be meeting someone from the website in case they are nuts. (I did have to have one rather large friend escort someone out once.)
3)I won't let them know my last name even, untill the third date or so. NEVER give out your personal email! Your name will be on the account.
4) I won't even get in a car w/ them for a month or so...I will keep meeting them for dates, dinner etc till I am comfortable with them.
Some of you may think this extreme,
Yes, I do. I would pass. It's difficult to believe a solid, deep, fulfilling, lasting realtionship can develop from such a suspicious and tension-filled beginning.
if they are on the up and up, and if they are a decent human, they will understand
I am on the up and up, and I am a decent human, therefore, I do not wish to be treated like a serial killer.
and be glad you are so careful. I have been told that by the good ones many of times.
Well, then, what happened to all these "good ones"? | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:35:31 PM | I tend to find men are more demanding and pushy on here when I have stated that I was looking for a relationship. For that very reason I have cut my profile down and now will only date on a very very casual basis.
Putting "Relationship" on your profile just brings out all the desperate ones who are such control-freaks that they could never maintain or even start a relationship in the first place unless they have somebody to possess - people like that can stay well clear of me because I wont pander to their pathetic needs. | |
|
| Demanding strangers, who want to meet within hours, want phone numbers, etc.
Posted: 11/14/2012 3:50:43 PM | Travelious guy....or what ever your name is...
I dated three of them for several months, but in the long run didn't have the patience for their 40-50 yr old men behaviour...plus I am in the process of moving to another state
I am careful....there are a lot of nuts out there. The last one I dated from here, had 38 guns and had a temper... it took several months to show. You don't need 38 guns to shoot a deer and some geese a year.
I am fun, but I am honest, and I will tell you the reasons I am careful....if you are truely interested in me you will understand. If not...good bye. Enough said. | |
|
|
|
|
Page
5
of
6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
|
|
Home
login 
