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 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 26
Phone Number ExchangePage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
There was one person from the forums recently who was such a gentleman that he called me back (one of the few that has my number) because he was concerned about the cost for me to call him (something I hadn't even considered.) Which was such a kind gesture. I don't remember if I gave him my number from the beginning because he's just a trustworthy person so maybe. He's the kind of person who respects boundaries and gives women the chance to feel comfortable.

No hostility, no angry posts with snoring icons (if you're so bored with the convo then why respond?) just a total and complete gentleman. In fact, he's funny as anything, sweet and respectful (I can't use the word "nice," he hates that.) Before took off his pics he seemed to have quite a fan club and I can see why he's been successful with women. And I've never seen him go back and forth trying to trash women on here for wanting to be safe.

So thank God, there are some great guys on here because reading some of the posts on here you wouldn't think so. And they only look better in comparison.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 27
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 9:04:16 AM
Lately, with online dating, when it came to the phone call and meeting.....when I would ask for her # to arrange a meeting, she'd always say, "Give me your phone # and I'll call you." And then she would block it, and it would come in as "private".


This is what I call safety, and precaution. Not only that, but I have given my number to a number of men just for it not to go any where. I am mostly referring to flaky men I never even met.

I think it's a wise decision that some people refuse to give out a number, because some of us do so for good reasons. However, safety was not my issue. It was the flakes that through me off. With online dating, I only gave my number to men I planned on meeting and too many times those meets never happened.

As always, it is not only women. I've had men in the past suggest taking my number, and calling me as opposed to me taking theirs. I had no qualms over that. One guy even told me he wanted to make sure I wasn't psycho. I eventually got his number, the door swings both ways and it was fine by me.

Also, what you describe could also be a sign of disinterest but, of course, not always the case.
 Goldentyga117
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 28
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 9:39:15 AM
If you're so worried about safety then take some self defense courses. Not a hard concept.
 RadiantSpirit
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 29
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 11:29:38 AM

What happens if you cant make the meet or he cant? No way to contact them.
You dont have to talk for hours every day. Just dont answer the phone or let it go to message. Simple. Or ask them not to call. Simple. A prepaid phone is the way to go for sure. Then if they stalk or harrass with messages it doesnt interfere with your main communications and you know who would be ringing.


I have a smart phone and so do most people these days so I can pick up a POF message anywhere. Nevertheless a few prospective dates have given the number the day of meeting "just in case" I wouldn't use it unless I was going to be late etc etc. For me I would just rather not. Not that I think everyone is a nut because I have been very lucky with who I have been to meet, its just in case. Just ONE nut can make you want to throw your phone away for ever and I speak from experience.

I can see it from both sides but this is just the way I like it!
 RadiantSpirit
Joined: 6/18/2011
Msg: 30
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 11:33:29 AM

sprint will allow me to change it as many times as i want and for free. it's very easy to get rid of someone if you don't want them around so it's really unnecessary to act like you're going to get stalked.


Ive had my number for ten years and so wouldn't just change it on a whim. It would take alot to get me to change the number. I had a guy call me non stop for 3 months and I put his ringtone as silent, cussed him out a few times and turned the phone off temporarily while using another number.
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 12:56:22 PM
Lacalli in msg 26:

There was one person from the forums recently who was such a gentleman that he called me back (one of the few that has my number) because he was concerned about the cost for me to call him (something I hadn't even considered.)


I had to think about this one for a minute. Then I remembered. Back in pre-historic times, when all phones were land-lines, the person originating the call had to pay “long distance charges”, which could be quite steep, as I recall. I suppose only old fogeys like me can remember those ancient days….
 lacalli
Joined: 1/12/2012
Msg: 32
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 1:46:34 PM
No ohenry, my cell plan doesn't allow me to call other countries. Only within the US. I could add that to my plan but I don't use it enough to make it worthwhile.

 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 33
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 6:58:11 PM

If it's a safety issue, then buy a prepaid cell phone to use only for contact with online dating.

If I give a woman my phone number, I expect to receive hers. I expect to be able to make calls, as well as receive them.



I think people should be willing to exchange numbers before a date / meeting. That way one person can notify the other person in case he or she is late due to work, traffic, getting lost, prior committments ending later than expected etc. Or ( less likely but still possible ) one person may need to cancel or postpone the date at the last minute. Without your number, the other person may not be able to contact you.


I agree with both quotes.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 34
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:21:45 PM
Let's look at a fine example of how this would usually go for this first time of getting to know a female.

Guy: Hi, I noticed you were standing here and I couldn't let you walk out of my life with out saying hi

Lady: Hi thanks for noticing

Guy: I don't usually do this right away but I would like to keep in touch with you, let's exchange numbers.

Lady: Sorry I don't just give my number like that.

Translation: I'm not interested.
 OyVay...
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 35
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 7:29:41 PM
@34 Yes and that is probably the only advantage of online meeting! You can strike up a convo, that lasts an amount of time for a woman to feel comfortable enough to give you her number or actually accept yours and use it.
 341islife
Joined: 6/11/2011
Msg: 36
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 8:46:47 PM
if it gets to the point of phone number exchange, i would expect honesty. why play games? the same thing with e-mail and somebody's REAL age. People are so full of garbage and they don't come straight with anything.
It makes me wonder do these people have any character or any backbone?
 Silver_Sparks
Joined: 1/2/2012
Msg: 37
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 10:42:45 PM
I am neither psycho, married, or playing online games. (Opinions my vary. )

I'd describe my online dating experiece(s) as successful, so I feel that my strategy works for me:
email + IM + video chat = successful first date

No man has ever objected---or insisted that we chat on the phone before meeting.
I assume because there is no need since we've already shared a video chat session.
Most people can afford to buy a $10 webcam, and anyone who describes themselves as modern, trendy, friendly, outgoing, fun, adventurous, tech savy, or serious about online dating should already have one.
If you can schedule a time to relax and accept a phone call without any interruptions, surely you can plan a video/chat session.
If you are afraid to try it, I'll assume that your personality and/or looks does not match your profile description and assume that we aren't a match.
I'm not a pervert who immediately asks "got cam?" but as our correspondence progresses I expect a discussion about communication, and will explain my preferences.
In my experience, switching to MSN, unlimited texting, or several telephone conversations prior to meeting do not produce successful first dates.

If a guy did insist that we speak on the phone before meeting, I would call him.
But I'd still refuse to exchange #'s until we've agreed to meet.
So if our phone call does not produce a date, I won't be giving out my number.
Sorry, but I'm not interested in prolonged email/chat/text/phone correspondence especially when MOST first dates do not produce a second.
And it is a terrible disappointment when you finally meet someone after spending hours corresponding---only to discover that there is no chemistry.

Too many people are anxious to get off this site, so they don't use the PoF features.

I am VERY surprised to hear that many members don't use the PoF video/chat feature.
It's not perfect, but it does allow you to view someone's appearance and mannerisms and hear their voice before meeting them. Plus you might get a peek at their surroundings---enough to determine if their signal is coming from a crack house.
And if a guy decides to drop his drawers during a cam session you can simply end the session, block his profile and be thankful that you never agreed to meet him....or gave him your personal telephone #.
If you cannot access the PoF video/chat (as some members state) use MSN or Skype.

I'm not paranoid or insecure.
My opinion is that people who don't respect my preferences won't respect me.
If a guy insists upon receiving my # before arranging a meeting and disqualifies me for not complying with his demands, I would conclude that we were not compatible, and not view it as an opportunity lost.
 BlueEyedGuy1974
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 38
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/15/2012 11:22:43 PM
While I don't ask for a number. I do make a mental note of when a woman does share her number with me without me having to ask.

Also having her number helps in those situations when things don't go as planned and being able to phone and explain is in my my alot better. Then me showing up late and her leaving thinking I was a flake.
 Infinity_G
Joined: 1/29/2012
Msg: 39
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/16/2012 4:26:28 AM

While I don't ask for a number. I do make a mental note of when a woman does share her number with me without me having to ask.


I have no idea what you mean here, seems you've made it more complicated by even the way you phrased this sentence (no offense)

Could you explain in more detail what you mean here, please.
 Goldentyga117
Joined: 6/25/2011
Msg: 40
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 3/16/2012 4:43:56 AM
It means that a woman who offers her number without him asking get's bonus points for not making it a ridiculous gauntlet and for taking initiative in making that first move.
 FloridaRes123
Joined: 5/11/2013
Msg: 41
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/14/2013 2:55:42 AM

Hmmm..I have a number of cell phones and numbers.


Who are you Saul, from Breaking Bad? LOL Anyhow, I typically have a policy of not meeting anyone until I've talked with them on the phone and also in case something comes up at the last moment...like they cannot find the point of interest, something comes up where they can't make it, etc...they can call just prior to arriving.

For instance, "Hey, I'm at the blue mailbox by the statue of the duck, do you see me?" or something like that.

There's just something fishy about someone who won't agree to talk before meeting or at least to call to make the arrangements.
 usmaleagain
Joined: 8/1/2013
Msg: 42
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/15/2013 11:00:08 AM
Here are the rules for getting the phone number online:

Women are not going to call you in the every beginning in most instances... some will but very few.... so if they ask for your number, give it to them, but ask for their number and call them. If you wait for them to call you, you might be waiting for a very long time (forever?!)

It's is becoming the norm now for women to give out their number online, cell phones are so main stream now, and more and more people have more than one, and some even have one for dating or they have Google voice. However, some still don't want to give out their number before they have met you, and it's understandable... it's harder to get rid of stalkers when they have your number. If she would rather not give out her number, simply set up a first meet through messages.

Then when you do meet her, ask for her number before you two part company... if she likes you and has a good impression of you and is low maintenance and sane (lot's of disclaimers there!), she will give it to you.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 43
view profile
History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/16/2013 8:29:40 PM
If I am somewhat interested, I ask for the guys # and then I call with my # blocked the first time.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 44
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/16/2013 9:00:15 PM
Msg 37: I know she has deleted her profile. But I wanted to address her post. The reason why I want to exchange numbers before a date / meeting is explained in msg 33. Like others have mentioned, use a cheap prepaid cell phone if you don't want to give your real number.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 45
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History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/21/2013 1:48:00 AM
I don’t give out my number to strangers. Period. For me it’s not necessarily about safety at all but more about boundaries in general. The whole purpose of joining a dating site is to meet people safely and anonymously, to see if at some point people connect, at which point personal info can be volunteered, not expected, demanded or made conditional.

Why should I give out my number to a stranger to accommodate him in being late or canceling on me last minute? You learn so much more about someone meeting in person, such as how important meeting me is to him. Are they punctual? Are they interested in my personal info such as my phone number before even knowing who I am or are they actually looking forward to meeting me?

Pre paid phones and blocked numbers show mistrust and concern. Talk about awkward. I’d rather not talk at all if he’s going to treat me with such mistrust. On the other hand, as long as we meet why would I even need his number? It’s just stupid digits. I’m not that insecure or desperate that I need to have control over him by having a way of getting hold of him.

Meeting in person in public shows respect, transparency and is way more efficient because there is no guessing or imagining. Whatever you can find out over the phone you can find out more effectively and accurately in person.
 Mark_It_Up
Joined: 3/15/2011
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/21/2013 3:36:16 AM
I've never had to ask for a number. They've always given them to me without me asking. Sometimes in response to me giving mine, sometimes they give theirs first.

Go me :)
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 47
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History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/21/2013 5:23:42 AM
I'm not paranoid about 'stranger danger' and had no problem giving my number to those I was interested in chatting with before actually meeting. If I didn't find them appealing over the phone, I wasn't going to persue meeting them face to face.

One guy had the personality of dryer lint when we spoke for the first time. It was just painful as hell trying to coax a warm, engaging conversation out of him. I gave up - it wasn't happening. Based on his awful, monotone personality, I declined a meeting with him.
 35brock
Joined: 3/20/2013
Msg: 48
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/21/2013 7:18:37 AM
Why should I give out my number to a stranger to accommodate him in being late or canceling on me last minute?


One time I agreed to go out with a woman without exchanging phone numbers. I ended up being late by 20 minutes because of a major traffic jam. When I got to the place, I waited for 20 minutes. I didn't see her so I ordered some food and drinks.

After I got home, I checked my email. She sent a message stating that she was there on time. Waited for me about 15 minutes. She didn't see me and left, thinking that I had stood her up. I emailed her back and tried explaining the situation. But I never heard from her again.

That is why I want to exchange numbers before a date / meeting. If we did, this wouldn't have happened. Also some women have called me to let me know that they will be late. I appreciated it.


Pre paid phones and blocked numbers show mistrust and concern.


I don't think that shows anymore mistrust and concern than not giving any type of contact info before a date / meeting. For the most part though, this hasn't been a problem for me though. Many women have voluntarily given me their number on their own or gave me their number after I gave them my number first.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/21/2013 7:25:14 AM
Apparently women are in stupid mode since they haven't figured out that guys are onto their NOT giving your number as more of an exit strategy than a safety concern. Anonymity isn't much of a strategy if you want to be taken seriously. Talk about red flags & flaky people & especially if simply exchanging numbers to talk is an issue.
 HappySingleSpirit
Joined: 9/10/2011
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Phone Number Exchange
Posted: 8/21/2013 11:42:28 AM

I ended up being late by 20 minutes because of a major traffic jam.

Exactly my point. I always consider traffic and go early. People have things to do and leave. If I make an appointment and plan on staying for 30 minutes and he is 20 minutes late, I only have 10 minutes left whether he can get hold of me or not. Whether he got hit by a car or is late or lost doesn’t change the fact that I have run out of time. So no, that is not a reason to give a stranger your number. A better reason to give your number is because you have established a connection and you feel comfortable.



I don't think that shows anymore mistrust and concern than not giving any type of contact info before a date / meeting.
I think it does. The whole purpose of number exchange is to eventually meet. If I meet there is no reason for a number. To expect a number on top meeting someone is controlling. Major red flags.

If someone doesn’t give me their number I don’t want it. If someone is interested in meeting me without a number I’m not going to turn that down or think it’s a red flag. Whether you prefer one over the other doesn’t make anything right or wrong. However, the difference between the two is that the ones who won’t meet without numbers are actually WANTING something from someone else that’s private where the ones who are willing to meet without digits DO NOT WANT anything private revealed.
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