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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/21/2012 3:01:19 PM | | More than attraction, I would say I have to feel a connection. If there is also an attraction that is great. It's easier to connect to people than be attracted to them. Attraction can grow from a connection is how I see it. To clarify when I say attraction I think sexual attraction, when I say connection I think a mind and ease of being connection. So no, sparks don't have to fly but their should be an undercurrent of something, that's the connection. | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/21/2012 3:28:17 PM | I think you can find a perosn atractive and interesting and not know if you have actual chemistry unless you kiss, or else not know how MUCH chemistry you have until you kiss.
I know that because I have hit ita few times. Big time.
I have never had NO chemistry turn into chemistry; but I have had what I assumed was just a little bit at first; that once I grew to know the person better and when we kissed; it blew my (and their) socks off.
One time to the point it scared me HOW strongly they reacted to the kiss.
So yes, you can i think have chemistry grow if there is SOME kind of chemistry there initially.
But if you are not attracted (a person can be attracTIVE without you being attracted) or if there is brother/sister vibe?
Then no, I don't think that would be the case.
But I think people should look long and hard before rejecting immediately out of hand; because I have been massively surprised in a couple instances... and I would have missed out on a lot had I walked away based on what I thought was my "level of attraction" to them as a person and a man initially. The first date (one was in real life; one was online) and who they became once I knew them and they knew me and we found out how we clicked romantically. It is still hard for me to believe that it wasn't there from the first minute itw as so strong when it hit; but it wasn't. It was kind of idling, but waiting to be ignited. If that makes any sense. | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/21/2012 6:42:12 PM | i agree with most everything "womaninprogess" said. except for the part about the bond. i think you're most likely to bond with someone you see in real life, run in the same circles, shop at the same place, have mutual friends or he/she is a "regular" at your job than someone you view online in carefully posed pictures, a few lines of email or maybe a few phone conversations..but then, i am new to this.
i think it's a good question. and i think both (immediate and delayed) attractions happen.
it seems clear that for the men (here) that immediate physical attraction is key.
i've made some bad choices..always going with someone i wasn't exactly physically attracted to because i didn't want to judge too quickly - and guess what? it didn't work out.
so maybe i will try the immediate attraction thing :) now to figure out just how that is done..lol | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 12:24:42 AM | When you meet someone the first time, and you think of going out with him or her, do you need to feel an instant attraction?
Need to feel an instant attraction? If I don't know the person very well (which is what your talking about) then YES......there has to be some kind attraction from the beginning or I won't be interested in going out with him.
Can attraction develop over time, even though you did not feel it at first?
YES. For instance....haven't you ever had a platonic friend that you worked with.....or just knew them.... and started hanging out, then you started developing feeling for them? There were no "sparks" when you first met them and you never even thought of them as someone you would date......but hanging out with them and getting to know their personality changed that.
Personally, I think many people are far to quick to reject people
who might be a very good match.
I think your right...especially when it comes to internet dating where you don't really get a chance to know their personality. | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 4:34:33 AM | I usually "fall" for someone's personality and essence rather than looks. However looks to me are important but not in the sense that everyone else on here thinks. For instance, Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise could walk into my living room or bedroom naked and if I'm not 'in like' with their personalities? No go.
Sparks do not need to fly like fireworks for me, but if some guy can make me laugh....just by his comments and demeanor ( not stupid jokes)....than that's an attraction for me. He also needs to be well groomed. Yes, physical attraction is important. I can look at a guy and he may be really nice and funny, but if I find one thing about his body or looks that turns me off than it's a no go.
I've endured dates with guys over time because I've been advised to "give it a chance". Hasn't worked for me and if I don't have an initial "like" feeling from the first date there will not be a second. | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:51:46 AM | | I concur with you Albert, but unfortunately..its the way it is..esp. with women...they either feel it or not within 30 seconds of meeting. And like the other poster said, do u really want to be that 'sap' for free dinner & drinks if its not ever going to lead to the bedroom? | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:55:28 AM |
When you meet someone the first time, and you think of going out with him or her, do you need to feel an instant attraction?
Can attraction develop over time, even though you did not feel it at first?
The only relationship I've had which was fairy-tale attraction, lasted barely 3 months. She was cute, but a complete whack job with non-existence moral values. I tried, I really did, but I felt too often like stuffing her in a circus cannon and firing her over the ocean...
So I've come to the conclusion that it's not really necessary for sparks to fly. Hell, it hasnt happenned to me in a VERY long time. | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 5:57:11 AM |
If a man was stranded on a deserted island with any woman, within reason---attraction, sparks, no problem, within a week, tops.
I disagree; there's always the monkeys. Or those tight holes in trees....  | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 6:07:24 AM | This is an old subject using different words. Shallow vs non shallow, personality over looks & now immediate attraction vs not.
Realistically, it doesn't necessarily have to be a fireworks upfront, but you should at least feel inspired to lock lips.
Unrealistic to think some sort of initial physical attraction isn't part of becoming a very good match, whether offline dating or on. | |
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eryr4
| | Joined: 5/26/2012
Msg: 43 | |
| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 6:08:09 AM | | Its a personal opinion..,but I do think face to face meetings ,such as off POF or similar,tend to have a much more negative response ,than for instance meeting similar/same people i.e ,at a pub,wedding,or any impromptu social function,where the general ambience is much more relaxed. | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:41:00 PM | | While I do not believe in love at first sight, I believe that if there's no attraction, it's not going to get any better later on. That may be different, if it's someone you work with, or know through a circle of friends and as you get to know that person your feelings for that person may improve. But for my money. Nope. No initial attraction. No date. | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:41:22 PM | For me also a yes there needs to be instant attraction.
For everyone this attraction gets build up differently i think, for me its a combination of behavior, looks and sensing similarities and then the sparks do fly!
As with Walts thats why this doesnt work for me, real meets are easier cause you get to see things clearer. | |
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| Attraction immediate or delayed. Must sparks fly?
Posted: 6/22/2012 1:50:24 PM | And like the other poster said, do u really want to be that 'sap' for free dinner & drinks if its not ever going to lead to the bedroom?
How very romantic. Will remember this next time a guy invites me to dinner. Is that what you guys really think? I will stick to dutch for sure. | |
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