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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?      Home login  
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 FixedVariable
Joined: 10/17/2010
Msg: 151
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?Page 7 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
If you want more, you would absolutely be wasting your time settling for a FWB. And it would not work out.

For some people it IS easier. They don't want MORE. They are satisfied with getting sex fairly regularly. If the friend is someone they've already got a great rapport with, even better.

I can see the libido taking over and that little voice inside is screaming at you to get yourself some sex, pronto, but if you truly want more, tell that little voice inside to STFU.
 lacalli
Joined: 3/17/2012
Msg: 152
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/27/2012 7:49:58 PM
Where do you want it taken? I'm going to San Diego this weekend. I can take it there if you want.
 Unaccounted_For
Joined: 2/19/2012
Msg: 153
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/27/2012 8:41:33 PM
HAHAHA! This!^^^^^
 Sussieee
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 154
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/27/2012 9:58:37 PM
DON'T DO IT! It NEVER ends well
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 155
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 4:28:45 AM
I'm not the kind of guy that women think of when they think of FWB. Besides, I'm a sucker for romance. So, no, I never thought of FWB as an option.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 156
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 10:02:10 AM

DON'T DO IT! It NEVER ends well

I know quite a few that didn't end badly at all. An FWB served its purpose for the time it happened, and when one or both in the arrangement wanted something different, it was dissolved and they went back to the friendship. So "never" would be inaccurate.
 slpboo
Joined: 8/21/2011
Msg: 157
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 11:37:56 AM
just b/c it hasn't ended well for you or a friend of a friend that you know, doesn't mean it doesn't end well for other people.

can you people see outside your own little reality?

I've had 2 such arrangements. First one I cut him off b/c he was a d*ckhead and disrespected me (he really wasn't a "friend" at all - more of a FB). Second one I became attached and he definitely was not so to protect myself emotionally, I stopped talking to him.

So while they haven't worked for me (for different reasons), it CAN work for many people if they know exactly what the arrangement is and are mature enough to deal with the consequences/outcome.

I learned the hard way that it IS NOT for me, but I'm not going to bash other consenting adults' choices when it comes to the matter.
 statemachine500
Joined: 8/25/2011
Msg: 158
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 5:50:04 PM
It can end amicably if both can accept that you can't make somebody want you more than they do....
 Mr_Celibate
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 159
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 6:24:23 PM
^^^ What would that "lie" be? Something like you're a true friend or I love you?
 Caution_OpenSlowly
Joined: 2/3/2012
Msg: 160
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 6:57:55 PM
I think you've already answered your own question...you would really like more than just FWB so do yourself a favor, get B.O.B. until you find a "keeper". I'm actually in a FWB and there is always the good with the bad. Feelings always get involved no matter how honest you both are in the beginning. From someone who's been there, don't go there if you're not a very emotionally strong person. You will get hurt or he will get hurt, its human nature.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 161
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:28:36 PM
My oh my - all the warnings, and doomsday scenarios.

Like all "regular" relationships last forever, are emotionally mutual, and never cause hurt feelings !? Some are merely illusions.

In message #82, I describe a FWB situation that I was in , that was not hurtful, was mutual, honest, and respectful - and one that yes - ended just fine. No hard feelings - in fact a friendship that continues to this day - with both he, and the woman he met.

As several have pointed out , YOUR reality is not necessarily that of others - it's yours.

And certainly , if you don't believe a FWB , or just about anything in life, is not gonna work - well, it probably won't .
 Gwendolyn2010
Joined: 1/22/2006
Msg: 162
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:31:53 PM
^^^^Good gosh, Ego, don't be logical and mature--it confuses some people.
 Mr_Celibate
Joined: 2/16/2012
Msg: 163
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:42:19 PM

From someone who's been there, don't go there if you're not a very emotionally strong person. You will get hurt or he will get hurt, its human nature.

Emotional strength is good. It can get you through a lot. For those women who are weak in this respect maybe there is an alternative FWB --- father with benefits. I see possibilities but perhaps that's another thread. Edit Disclaimer: Not referring to biological fathers.
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 164
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 7:46:18 PM
I think we already established that if a woman wants sex it is pretty easy for her to find it. So no, I wouldnt bother with 'settling' for a FWB- if I feel like having sex and I am not in a relationship, well its a pretty easy fix. WHy complicate a perfectly good friendship?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 165
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/28/2012 8:06:42 PM
if I feel like having sex and I am not in a relationship, well its a pretty easy fix. WHy complicate a perfectly good friendship?

Personally, I think that is a much better approach. The problems with a fwb relationship are what happens when you want to move on. I wouldn't have dated a woman who wanted to remain friends with a previous sexual partner, so if she had a fwb that she was no longer sleeping with, she'd have to ditch him as a friend to date me. It's best to keep sex where it won't interfere with one's life later on. If it's just sex, do it, have fun and don't do it with anyone who has some significance as something else, like a friend. Also, it's much easier to maintain one's perspective when there are no other ties to the person to cause emotional confusion.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 166
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/29/2012 6:56:11 AM
It will never cease to amaze me that someone would prefer women to pick up strangers for sex just to appease his own insecurities about past lovers.......
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 167
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/29/2012 7:10:51 AM

It will never cease to amaze me that someone would prefer women to pick up strangers for sex just to appease his own insecurities about past lovers.......


It never ceases to amaze me that so many people never cease to be amazed by how low human beings can go, nor how often they do it...lol. You'd think human history would have taught us how about 75% of the people in the world is utter crap
 femaleconnection
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 168
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/29/2012 7:21:17 AM

It will never cease to amaze me that someone would prefer women to pick up strangers for sex just to appease his own insecurities about past lovers.......


While this comment does make sense, I also cannot see myself having a dinner down the road with a friend I was once having sex with, and my new man at the same table. So...I would lose my friend when it was over. Yeah, we may see one another at large gatherings etc...but the days of small intimate gatherings including my old fwb friend would be so over.

I know we all say people should be accepting of everyones past and enlightened enough not to feel jealous, but in the real world where I live, people do not take well to having thier spouses previous sex partner hanging around. It is accepted as part of the past...but not accepted as something we want to see regularly or deal with regularly by seeing old sex partners on a regular basis. In most peoples life, that is not normal acceptable behaviour...and thats what we need to deal with. Not the 'we SHOULD be able to stuff', because that is not how the real world actually operates.

We SHOULD be able to walk down the street and not be mugged, yet it still happens, so we try to be careful.

We SHOULD be able to leave our homes unlocked, yet we get robbed so we need to lock the doors.

We SHOULD be able to have our previous sex partner over for dinner with our new boyfriend, but the fact is-it is not a good idea because the new partner is gonna feel weird about it. Most people who would say they wont, are BS'ing.

So...then I will lose my friend, who I participated in a fwb situation with. I dont like that and would rather not do that to a good friendship.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 169
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/29/2012 11:42:59 AM
It will never cease to amaze me that someone would prefer women to pick up strangers for sex just to appease his own insecurities about past lovers.......

But I'm not insecure about past partners. If my fiancee wanted to tell me what she did with previous partners in graphic detail or even that they were all hung like horses, I would be bothered in the least. I just don't want them in our lives. I have yet to see an ex who is out of the picture create any drama. From the other FWB threads, it was pretty apparent that the people who were in favor of fwb's also felt it unnecessary to disclose that to their dates, so apparently lots of people are ok with it because they don't ever know who the person they're dating has slept with. An fwb is just a way to have casual sex while pretending it isn't casual sex so one can pretend to only have sex in ``relationships.'' Even when it works, which I don't doubt it can, the potential fallout doesn't end when the benefits end. So yeah. I'd rather have casual sex with strangers. That way I'm not deluding myself about what it is, I won't have anyone hanging around to cause me any problems in the future and I won't screw up any friendships.
 walkingtall37
Joined: 3/26/2012
Msg: 170
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/30/2012 1:07:49 AM
No

I have never reached that point and hope I never do. The thought of it doesn't interest me in the least.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 171
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 3/30/2012 8:14:15 AM

So...then I will lose my friend, who I participated in a fwb situation with. I dont like that and would rather not do that to a good friendship.

That's your personal choice......doesn't have to be that way.

I am very good friends with an ex FWB and his wife......I am a regular at their dinner table and he still picks me up every 2 weeks and takes me to our pool tournament we shoot in together. Our past sexual relationship has never affected our friendship, his marriage or my relationships.

Maybe the fact I have a sister married to an exboyfriend that I have learned to have a different perspective on these things.........since I refuse to shun my one and only sister for the rest of my life, we have learned how to "get over it" and move on.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 172
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:04:37 AM
Well from my experiences and what others I know who have had a FWB, I still have not had one, the person you know has to be physically attracted to you. If you are a fun guy for example and the woman enjoys your company BUT she does not find you attractive, she won't be turning to you for sex.
Also many times a fwb ends and that friendship you both had ends too from what many have said.
Every guy wishes he could be a fwb, only a select few are considered fwb material.
 shattered72
Joined: 5/9/2012
Msg: 173
Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/13/2012 8:53:04 AM
I have and met one of the best bed pals ever! Now that I want a relationship, something a little more than a romp in the hay, he doesn't. So it's time to move forward. It's not a bad thing...men claim they have needs, well so do women!
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 174
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/13/2012 9:29:46 AM
My personal takes on this, is if I have a terrible ITCH DOWN THERE, I would use a vibrator or my fingers than get phuck by a man who has no FEELINGS or bonding with me, it will hurt me if he will say to his love woman that >>>SHE (me) MEANS NOTHING TO ME and talk to his buddies about our sexual activities and laugh.

I would rather be a pros titute for we both knew that no string attach it is money down and get the merchandize get done ,,,,get over with.. I know what I am talking about, I have some friends/customers whom I did some CLOTHES SEWING for them ,they socialized, dinners,movies,outings their roles is FWBs at least they do it to pay their bills and support their fixed on fashionable clothes, shoes, expensive jewelries, college, helping their families.
If someone would asked me why I did not become a pros titute, I am not a beauty, and would rather be love and respect by a regular John who thinks the world of me as his mate thru thick and thin in life.............
 chamwit
Joined: 4/1/2012
Msg: 175
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Are you ever tempted to look for FWBs - instead ?
Posted: 5/13/2012 11:02:08 AM
What makes me laugh is that alot of people who say they can never have a FWB situation do end up in one unkowling so! lol!
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