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 AUTHOR
 Fleuron
Joined: 8/18/2010
Msg: 50
Strange response to email re: relationshipPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
You two never met, you just browsed each other’s profiles, and are virtual strangers. If that happened to me, I wouldn’t be insulted because we don’t even know each other. I think you’re taking it too personally…he only ‘knows’ you from a bunch of pixels. Who cares what a stranger says?

I can understand why the rejection would sting a little, since you contacted him first. But try not to give this incident more meaning than it is worth. Trying to ‘insult’ him back is demeaning for you and a waste of time, as he will probably just laugh and delete. Like you should have done.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 51
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:12:35 AM
I'm not sure why you are conflicted JAD? he just basically insulted you, by saying you're too old for a relationship with him, not sure why he thinks hes the cats pajama ? but to tell a woman that ...well he has no tact, and quite honestly I'm surprised you would even talk to him after that or feel somewhat insulted, its a insult and then he sugar coats it.

Its like me saying to a woman, I dont want to go out with you because you're some type of swamp donkey but you have a great personality and if we can have sex when I want it in case the hotter chicks turns me down so I dont have to sit home on a Saturday night and slam my ham, how do you think that woman would feel?

Block and delete this fool and move on , dont waste another sec thinking about this penis with ears.
 ThoughtfulJoker
Joined: 3/15/2012
Msg: 52
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:13:51 AM
So, he was honest with you about not wanting a relationship, and he complimented you on how sexy you were by asking if you'd consider a FWB....and you are insulted....why?
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 53
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:26:28 AM

You're not interested in what he wants, clearly


And he cleary wasn't interested in what she wants. So why should anyone be insulted. It's the old " It's not right, it's not wrong, it's just different".

One person's proper and respectful is anothers prudish and uptight.

OP was clearly not happy with being rejected. She's probably just not use to it. Men get rejected so often I think it's ingrained in our DNA now.

Like we might ask a lady to dance and she says, f*ck off, and we might say something like "OK, well have a nice night and let me know if you change your mind later".

A ego victory might even be when woman emails us back to let us know they weren't interested.

But yeah, my sympathy goes out to you OP. He should have just said Thanks but No Thanks.
 OneGodfather
Joined: 3/4/2012
Msg: 54
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:29:15 AM

So, he was honest with you about not wanting a relationship, and he complimented you on how sexy you were by asking if you'd consider a FWB....and you are insulted....why/
So he complimented her by telling her how sexy she is but not good enough for a relationship but good enough to phuck? and she should accept this as a Gift from the Heavens and she should consider this and risk getting emotionally attached to the guy as he out picking up other women? and she should be okay with this for what reason?

Yeah okay , that makes as much sense as standing on the street on a hot sunny day with butter on your head
 tampasmiles
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 55
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:56:15 AM
I'm not sure why you are insulted...you contacted him...
just because he wants FWBs...isn't against you...it is his choice....

it's been said many times on here....
if someone contacts you..and you respond...then they get all upset at the rejection....like you did
to the point of making your rejection public...

that is why so many use the block option when contacted by someone they aren't
interested in...they don't want to deal with the insecurities of the person that originally contacted them.

If you are going to continue to contact men...get a thicker skin...and realize there are two responses acceptance or rejection...and if you can't accept that...just wait for them to contact you first....
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 56
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 9:59:12 AM
I don't see what he made a huge deal over 6 years for. He's 49, it's not like he was 20 and you were a 55 year old approaching him. I personally have been approached by guys that were OLDER than my Dad on here. I politely told them I was looking for someone closer to my age. I would never date a guy that was 25+ years older because there is just a great deal of difference in where you are in life, besides the fact that he likely could have daughters my age or older, lol!!

Don't take it too personally, he was just insensitive.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:14:40 AM
If you want to be insulted, go ahead and be insulted. It won't accomplish anything, though.
 JAD2011
Joined: 1/9/2011
Msg: 58
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 10:23:10 AM
Wow ... I figured there would be some bashing and some support and I wasn't disappointed.

First ... let me say that I used the word "insulted" because I couldn't think of anything else appropriate at the time to indicate that I was surprised or whatever.

I went through different thoughts after his response. Even some giggles at the "cahonas" he had to suggest that to a complete stranger. But wanted to post here and see what others thought about it.

I appreciate all the responses ... even the negative ones ... as they let me see the different ways people perceive what is posted or said. It was enlightening, if nothing else.

JAD
 lotustemple
Joined: 10/23/2011
Msg: 59
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 11:01:53 AM

if your aim is to be impressive, I bet OP would gladly give you his email or screen name so you could contact him....
so you can be impressive. I doubt he has much in the way of preference to any particular gender.
-holycowwow

LMAO
 gingerchick30
Joined: 11/5/2011
Msg: 60
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/24/2012 1:32:15 PM
OP, I've been thinking about this situation, and I'm wondering if it doesn't have to do with the fact that he might not be able to face the facts that HE is nearly 50. The guy might still think of himself as a young stud and can't come to grip the fact that he IS around your age.

I've encountered this kind of thing with guys around my age also. A guy will message me that is only a couple years younger (I'm 30,the guy will generally be around 28) I'll see on his profile that he's looking for a girl 18-24, so a good 4-10 years younger than himself, and he'll message me and ask if I mind dating younger guys. It's as if they don't want to face the fact that they ARE indeed around the same age as me and ARE nearly 30, lol!!
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 61
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:13:30 AM
Wow ... I figured there would be some bashing and some support and I wasn't disappointed
Yea, it seems people really got hung up on the word insulted, as if it meant something really big and personal. An insult is an insult. It can be a small thing or a big thing, depending on what it is and how you take it, but it is still an insult. What I think is that people have become so used to seeing insulting behavior on websites like this, on televison and in movies, and even in real life, that they fail to be able to identify what is insulting behavior and think it is some deep, intense personal thing when it isn't necessarily that at all. IMO based on the majority of posts in this thread, people have a very misguided idea of what consitutes an insult. I think maybe insulting people has become so common place in our culture that people fail to recognize an insult for what it is.

In any case, OP, you didn't do anything AT ALL to be criticized or bashed for, and, imo, any bashing of you in this thread is completely uncalled for and out of line.


OP, I've been thinking about this situation, and I'm wondering if it doesn't have to do with the fact that he might not be able to face the facts that HE is nearly 50. The guy might still think of himself as a young stud and can't come to grip the fact that he IS around your age.

I've encountered this kind of thing with guys around my age also. A guy will message me that is only a couple years younger (I'm 30,the guy will generally be around 28) I'll see on his profile that he's looking for a girl 18-24, so a good 4-10 years younger than himself, and he'll message me and ask if I mind dating younger guys. It's as if they don't want to face the fact that they ARE indeed around the same age as me and ARE nearly 30, lol!!

I think this is a good point. Could very well be the case. However, it still does not in any way explain or excuse someone from responding to a simple e-mail which showed interest in someone for purposes of traditional dating to get as a response a offer of a purely sexual relationship. Basically he said, you are not worth the time or concern for a valued relationship, but I would be willing to f**k you if you are interested. Very boorish, rude and insulting response to what was a simple show of interest in possibly dating someone. Completely unacceptable as far as decent, civil behavior, imo.
 needyone
Joined: 8/13/2010
Msg: 62
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:27:25 AM
wow what a wild bunch
so you sent him an email and he was looking for someone younger then himself
so you are 55 he is 49 and he wants someone younger so mmmm another 5 years spread. so you would be 10 to 12 years older than his desires as he wishes a longer term
and he is polite enough to respond to your email and to say he would open to fwb but not ling term and a bunch of people jump all over it too funny
 Sabetha
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 63
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 9:30:48 AM
only people doing without sex want it, the sly fwb cheats are "happy"
 mak_68
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 64
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 5:35:29 PM

Wow, I am impressed as usual with how many forumites possess the ability to jump to conclusions and read between the lines. Responses such as this:



I can see you feeling insulted because some guy thinks you're OK for being a cum dumpster.


How is that jumping to conclusions??
I don't suppose I'll get a response but what the hey..

What YOUR definition or opinion of a FWB is, may not be what someone elses definition or opinion of a FWB is. If one is looking for a LTR, a FWB may very well be a "cum dumpster" situation.
BTW.. exactly what else does a FWB really do for a woman besides dump his cum? Can you explain that one to me? I'm really interested in hearing this response.
Wouldn't want to jump to conclusions.

Here's what you said:

The phrase "Friends with benefits" contains no blatantly insulting words that I can decipher, rather if you break it down "friends" and "benefits" are both positive words on their own and require the addition of a negative(s) to change the connotation. For example:

"With friends like that who needs enemies"
"The benefits were anything but"

So your going on merely the words' dictionary meaning, and nothing else as to what the actual human relation is involved.


The connotation has now been changed to a negative and should be interpreted as such. "Friends with Benefits" contains no such negative connotation(s) on it's own and yet many here are interpreting it in a very negative light - some even going so far as to attach demeaning insults and character assassinations to the Opie and the fellow who said it

Here's the meaning..
"I have a friend that I f*ck when I'm horny".
Oh and btw.. using YOUR standard.. "cum dumpster" has no negative connotation either...
cum=male semen
dumpster=where something is deposited, or left.
f*ck=intercourse
No negative connotation there.. simply neutral words.

HERE'S THE IMPORTANT PART...
When somebody is looking for a LTR, those words may very well take on a negative meaning, for that person's OWN reasons, being considered a FWB material may be insulting. That aspect (the human one) seems to have whooshed right over your head.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 65
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History
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:28:10 PM
But a simple "no thanks, I prefer younger women" would have sufficed. He specifically stated that I am a "good looking woman" and there "is nothing wrong" with me but because I am older than he is I am only good for a sexual encounter when he feels the need!?!?

I'm somewhat insulted.

Would you be? (Please ... no bashing. None of the what did you expect or whatever.)


No, I wouldn't be insulted because he was just being honest. Obviously he considered himself to be out of your league, hence he basically told you he would "do you" but wouldn't consider you to be relationship material.

If I were you, unless a younger man expressed interest in me first, I would probably only contact men my own age, or 5-10 years older.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 66
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:33:09 PM
Not insulted? I would be. He is saying as she is too old really for anything serious, he would do her when no one else is around. Men will do that and it is no compliment. Any port in a storm.

I wonder how "hot" he was?? Not very, is my guess. He was probably lying about his age to get the younger women and that backfired in this case. However if a woman contacts a man who obviously wants younger then she takes her chances with rejection, just a like a man does.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 67
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:39:55 PM
halycon skies

I just wouldnt do the initial contacting. I think it takes away from a woman especially in the older age group. Call me old fashioned. I dont imagine he is telling the truth in his profile and I bet he is actually older, ironically. I like younger men but am realistic about my pulling power as she should be.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 68
view profile
History
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 7:54:35 PM
I just wouldnt do the initial contacting. I think it takes away from a woman especially in the older age group. Call me old fashioned. I dont imagine he is telling the truth in his profile and I bet he is actually older, ironically. I like younger men but am realistic about my pulling power as she should be.


I see nothing wrong with initiating contact with a man---because if you don't, some other woman will. There are fewer desirable men in our age group than there are women, so we need to be more aggressive than we were when we were younger. In fact, I initiated contact with my current partner, and we've been together for over a year and a half.

While I'm realistic about my "pulling power", I happen not to be attracted to men more than a couple years younger than myself---therefore, I've never found myself in the same boat as the OP.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 69
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 8:11:46 PM

I just wouldnt do the initial contacting. I think it takes away from a woman especially in the older age group


One comment I have on the above statement. When you make the choice to only communicate with those who contact you first, I think you are settling for less. If there were 100 men, 50 of them were scumbags and 50 were fine handsome gentlemen and only the 50 scumbags contacted you first. Would you not be letting them choose you rather than you making the choice?

IMO women should want that choice.

And as far as it takes away from a woman. How so? To me it shows power.
 damsel19
Joined: 2/22/2012
Msg: 70
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 8:14:07 PM
Halycon

Interesting. However I think that men outnumber women vastly on the dating sites but the good and interesting ones, maybe not???. Good luck to you and you were being pro active and it worked for you.

I am not actually looking truth be told and much prefer the forums.

I am so glad you connected with someone worthwhile but then you are gorgeous and realistic to boot. All the best.
 icallbs
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 71
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/25/2012 9:25:27 PM
OP, I haven't read all the responses yet, so forgive me if someone else already noted this:

You've been here at least 14 months (at least with your current profile creation date), and this is the first time this has ever happened to you? wow.

His response, although dreadfully honest -- what a crass way to express one's interest in mutual masturbation -- was certainly rude. I assume your initial email was the common "I'd like to get to know you" type of email...

I'm with lotus:

Write him back and say...... statistically, guys so forward with total strangers about casual sex like you are the highest carriers of std's. Ewwwww, you're disgusting go away, shooo!
 PrunellaJones
Joined: 1/22/2011
Msg: 72
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/26/2012 2:48:13 AM

You've been here at least 14 months (at least with your current profile creation date), and this is the first time this has ever happened to you? wow.


I was on and off this and another site for about 2 years, with an active profile. I never once had anyone say anything remotely like that to me, never had anyone be rude or disrespectful or dirty or nasty, nothing like that. I've read posts by other women who say the same thing, that they've never had men on this dating site approach them in anything but a respectful way. There are women, and not a small number, who do not experience the type of thing others seem to think is normal. I don't know why, but it is the reality.
 gaiaisnotthesameasvenus
Joined: 3/7/2012
Msg: 73
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/26/2012 3:22:53 AM
The man is worthy of rebuke, on all levels. Why anybody would give creedence to this loser is beyond me. Find somebody who is worth your concern.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 74
Strange response to email re: relationship
Posted: 3/26/2012 8:49:27 AM

But a simple "no thanks, I prefer younger women" would have sufficed. He specifically stated that I am a "good looking woman" and there "is nothing wrong" with me but because I am older than he is I am only good for a sexual encounter when he feels the need!?!?



Dont be insulted; he's married.
That's what they all reply. Trust me.
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