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| | why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?Page 3 of 3 (1, 2, 3) |
No it was a ridiculous rant from another frustrated male. Even if POF gave cash bonuses to women sending messages they cant make a woman MESSAGE YOU.
WHY is that so hard for so many guys to understand??? DUH. 
But what has worked at some other dating sites I've been on is not allowing either party to message the other party until both parties have agreed to communicate with each other.
Somebody’s still got to reach out first somehow, no? If the guy isn’t allowed to message a woman he’s still gonna know it’s because she’s not interested…how does that make rejection better? | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/20/2012 12:49:14 PM | Somebody’s still got to reach out first somehow, no? If the guy isn’t allowed to message a woman he’s still gonna know it’s because she’s not interested…how does that make rejection better?
It makes it better because you wouldn't be wasting time trying to message someone who isn't interested for whatever reason and that reason can remain private. | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/20/2012 1:17:40 PM |
t makes it better because you wouldn't be wasting time trying to message someone who isn't interested for whatever reason and that reason can remain private. So now you just want to pull all te rejection on the women because your a man and just cant take it anymore huh?
Good grief you guys embarrass me with this nonsense.
Cowboy | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/20/2012 7:30:29 PM | In one sense of the word I will say I do understand how these guys feel. No one likes being ignored. But on the other hand, It's hard for me to wrap my mind around getting so upset over it that they want to force the women if they can to answer them.
I've been here for seven yrs. I've seen a lot. Take tonight for example. This woman has been trying to get my attention for a good while. On two different sites. Wanting to meet me. We were supposed to get together tonight on the phone, She flaked. Now, This isn't the first time something like this happened to me here. It's happened many times before. All fired up to talk to me or meet me. But instead, flake. I've come across all kinds of weird goofy women. So many that I have gotten use to it and expect it.
I've seen many either lie or leave out info on their profiles that would have been nice to know before I ever got started with them. Like the fact that ones X husband still lived with her. I have seen so much that when a woman ignores me, The first thing I think is I dodged a bullet some way. One I was interested in left out the fact she was bi on her profile. Didn't tell me. I found out because I found another profile of her on another site. She stated she was bi on that profile.
There are many here that talk a big talk. But can't back it up. We have no way of knowing who is who. So' with that said, Why get upset over who doesn't answer you? You don't know a thing about that person. It's stupid to get upset over some strange woman not answering your message. As many flakes and weirdos I've come across in this past seven yrs, I've learned a lesson. Move on. Count yourself blessed. You may have dodged something way worse than an ignored message. | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:40:22 PM | So now you just want to pull all te rejection on the women because your a man and just cant take it anymore huh?
Good grief you guys embarrass me with this nonsense.
What's nonsense is your knee-jerk response without thinking about how such a feature would be a HUGE improvement on this site.
It would eliminate/reduce complaints about why people don't respond and why people don't make first contact.
It would get people to actively search for dates instead just waiting for people to approach them.
It would prevent people from getting messages from people he/she has no interest in for whatever reason known only to themselves. No need to defend your reason. No more overflowing inboxes with too many messages to read/delete.
It would eliminate stalkers. Nobody can send you a message unless you give them permission.
It would make development/maintaining the site so much easier. No more having to write new code whenever a new filter is conceived. No more bullcrap hidden filtering. All of the complex code which prevents people from messaging other people can be thrown away.
Nothing is simpler than 'Green - contact me', 'Red - go away'. | |
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pfif
| | Joined: 6/11/2012
Msg: 56 | |
| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/20/2012 11:45:50 PM | ^^^ saw this, after I posted mine.
There's an old (now) online expression:
Tools, not rules.
This has always stood me well in my adventures on the Internet
(and well before that, when it was modem-to-modem, house-to-house
computer-mediated communication).
Tools, not rules means if you provide the tools, people will use them
to do good things, without specifying too many rules to try to force
behavior.
The email tool here is rather conversational; think how it would be if you
did not see the message history, top to bottom, scrolled continuously.
What if you had a bunch of discrete messages, one per screen? It would
suck.
Markus got a lot of things right, as it turns out. Assuming he exists at all.
;)
________
EDIT: redacted some text, to stay on focus. No worries. | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/21/2012 12:43:17 AM | I just think the issue is that common courtesy is lacking. For instance, if I took the time to at least work up a conversation with someone via e-mail on POF, and get no response, well, I know (naturally) that they are ignoring me or telling me to get lost.
Usually, the more respectful way is to let them know, either male or female whatever floats your boat, is to inform them that like
"Hi, thank you for e-mailing me, and you seem like a nice person, but I am not interested in you."
I mean, come on, that, to me, tells me that at least you are human enough to at least work up a pair to tell someone that you aren't interested.
And if they go completely ape, then that's what the block user function is for.
Just my two cents. | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/21/2012 3:05:52 AM | What's nonsense is your knee-jerk response without thinking about how such a feature would be a HUGE improvement on this site.
It would eliminate/reduce complaints about why people don't respond and why people don't make first contact. Oh give me a break. Its a stupid idea. Because the same guys sitting here whining about no messages now WILL STILL BE WHINING ABOUT NO MESSAGES. No one on gods green earth can force women to message most of the mens profiles on this site. Which is why the plan is STUPID. All it will do is make women leave and then the guys getting no messages will leave also.
Women do not find them interesting or attractive THAT IS WHY YOU ARE NOT GETTING MESSAGES!!! Women ARE sending first messages now. The guys ALREADY GETTING FIRST CONTACT MESSAGE's will just GET MORE.
This doesnt help 85 percent of the men on this site AT ALL. POF can not force anyone to message YOU. What part of this are you not getting. The vast majority of women on this site get a few messages a friggin day. Just because they dont get any doesnt make them any more desperate to settle for unattractive boring guys. WTF can you possibly be thinking. YOU are the problem YOU dont get messages here. And first contact has NOTHING to do with it. Remember they are also not REPLYING to you. Its your own profile and pics that is the problem NOT some idiotic rule forcing who makes first contact. IF you are not getting messages now and POF blocked all men from making first contact for the next YEAR then you know what? YOU WONT GET ANY MESSAGES FOR THE NEXT YEAR EITHER.
90 percent of the mean all message the top 20 percent of the women. Well guess what ? The same sorta thing happens with women messaging men here.
You cant make people message people they do not find attractive and interesting. The guys getting messages now will just get a LOT MORE.. And this is helping you out again how? Oh it helps me! But even I see how ridiculous it is. I get plenty of first contact messages now and 95 percent I am not interested in. I got a newsflash for ya. You guys can have most of my first contact messages on here I receive if that will make ya feel better. Because just like the women on here getting messages from men I dont find 95 percent of tof the women I get messages from now the least bit attractive. Funny how that works ehhhhh? Thats why I still have to keep messaging the women I FIND CUTE or I would get no where here. I know you cant seem to wrap your head around this concept because YOU HAVE NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS. POF can not force the attractive women I seek to message me either.
I can not believe they ridiculous flawed thinking in this thread. You guys make me ashamed to even be a man.
I just think the issue is that common courtesy is lacking. For instance, if I took the time to at least work up a conversation with someone via e-mail on POF, and get no response, well, I know (naturally) that they are ignoring me or telling me to get lost.
Usually, the more respectful way is to let them know, either male or female whatever floats your boat, is to inform them that like
"Hi, thank you for e-mailing me, and you seem like a nice person, but I am not interested in you."
How pathetic. All I want in my inbox are POSITIVE message replies not friggin rejection notices.. Heck I wish they outlawed rejection notices here! lmao.
You guys are so strange. The only thing on this site that matters is POSITIVE replies. You have got to be kidding me that you really want to get up every morning and have your inbox full of messages reconfirming what a loser you are on here? That REALLY is going to make you feel better? I mean REALLY??? If you are that desperate for mail here you need to give up online dating right now. What are you going to demand next? That women have to provide a list of all the reasons they would never date you?
"Gee I do not feel you are a match. You are butt ugly, boring, dull, unimaginative and I would probably vomit if I had to sit through a dinner with you across from me. ".
Thats REALLY what you want back" You guys slay with this crap. Demanding rejection notices
Here is the bottom line you just dont get. You are messaging women that do not find you attractive. No one can make attractive women ever message you. Most cute gals I dated on here were all praying that more attractive, intelligent, interesting guys would contact them. Can you not see the problem here? NO ONE can make those women contact YOU.
You guys act like this is eBay. You can just go select a hottie and whoop out a credit card or paypal her to your door. Sorry but life doesnt work that way.
Women message the men here that they find attractive and interesting. Nothing will change that.
No rules here are ever going to make the women rejecting you now be interested in YOU. NOTHING is going to make you more attractive and interesting OK? Put up the best pics and profile you possibly can and just quit whining. I swear a LOT of you guys need to just hand in your man cards today.
Cowboy | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/21/2012 7:31:31 AM | "It makes it better because you wouldn't be wasting time trying to message someone who isn't interested for whatever reason and that reason can remain private."
Cowboy, that is the the one argument he made you had no response to -- because there is no response to it. Those sites I was talking about were MANY times more efficient than POF. I have to waste thousands of hours on this site to get one meeting. On the sites that worked the way I described, if no one was interested in communicating with me, I spent maybe 5 minutes a day on them. And ended up with many more meetings, because I could put all my writing effort into the women that I *knew* were interested in communicating with me, whereas on POF I have to put a ridiculous amount of effort into every one of the many thousands of random emails I send out because I have no idea if those women are interested in speaking with me. POF is, purposely, a gigantic time waster. Even for the most attractive, who have to wade through tons of worthless emails to get to something of substance.
Fleuron: I don't care about being rejected (well, not a lot, anyway). What I care about is wasting time being rejected. I still made the first move more often than not on all those sites, but the first move consisted of "Would you like to communicate with this person? Yes or No?" Lighting fast. But again, the main advantage to women, which I can't believe you wouldn't love, is that it eliminated probably 90% of inappropriate emails, since women could reject communication from any guy she considered inappropriate to talk to by virtue of his profile. Sure, a few good-looking perverts and fakes slipped by some women, but for the most part, life was much better for them on those sites than POF. One of the women I met from one of them just wouldn't stop raving about her experience on it compared to other dating sites. | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/21/2012 12:28:06 PM |
But again, the main advantage to women, which I can't believe you wouldn't love, is that it eliminated probably 90% of inappropriate emails, since women could reject communication from any guy she considered inappropriate to talk to by virtue of his profile.
Yeesh. You make me sound like an iron maiden or something.
I don’t see how that’s different for women on PoF. Women get messages from men, we look at the profiles and determine whether or not he’s possibly appropriate. That’s not any kind of advantage for women as far as I can see. So you guys don’t have to strain your brains writing a nice message to fifty women a week. Gee.
The women are still rejecting guys…guys just don’t have to bother with copy/paste/fill in the blank messages. I guess if you can convince yourself it’s not so bad to be rejected that way, cool. The result is the same.
One of the women I met from one of them just wouldn't stop raving about her experience on it compared to other dating sites.
Hmm. I’m skeptical. I live in a small town, between two average size cities. I see the same guys over and over and over….new, wonderful guys aren’t gonna magically appear at other sites just because guys don’t have to bother to send messages. There may be some different guys to choose from, but frankly, if they’re paying for a dating site I’m not impressed by their fiscal acuity. EYEROLL. | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/21/2012 12:40:07 PM | Oh give me a break. Its a stupid idea. Because the same guys sitting here whining about no messages now WILL STILL BE WHINING ABOUT NO MESSAGES. No one on gods green earth can force women to message most of the mens profiles on this site. Which is why the plan is STUPID. All it will do is make women leave and then the guys getting no messages will leave also.
Great. Another knee-jerk response without thinking about how this feature would work.
No one would be forced to message anyone, just like the way it is now. Both sides can still decline to respond, just like the way it is now. The difference with the new implementation is that BOTH sides have to consent before ANY message can be sent.
If the other person does not give consent, you don't waste time fabricating a message hoping the other person will read it. If you are given consent, you are pretty much guaranteed the other person will read your initial message. True, there is no guarantee the other person will respond. But that's ok. At least you know the other person is not responding not because he/she didn't like your profile but because you're a lame message writer.
Women ARE sending first messages now
Some. Not all. I don't think I'm wrong in assuming the majority don't send first messages.
The mutual consent system helps those who prefer not to send first messages. If a woman gives consent to me, she is inviting me to send the first message.
The guys ALREADY GETTING FIRST CONTACT MESSAGE's will just GET MORE.
Nope. He will not be getting first contact messages from women he is not attracted to. The mutual consent system would work for the guys the same way it would work for the gals.
This doesnt help 85 percent of the men on this site AT ALL
Actually it does. It lets him see who he should be sending a first contact message to.
You are messaging women that do not find you attractive.
The mutual consent system eliminates this issue because you can see who you SHOULD NOT be sending messages to. | |
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| why not put more emphasis on women messaging men?
Posted: 7/21/2012 9:49:45 PM |
The mutual consent system eliminates this issue because you can see who you SHOULD NOT be sending messages to.
I went back and read through some of the post this time. I understand what you're getting at. You see this as a way of cutting down on the time wasted writing women who will not answer. For whatever reason. Even though I have had better luck than a lot of others here, I'm all for it. It doesn't bother me so much whether a woman is interested or not. If she isn't, Fine. Plenty more where she came from.
But at the same time it's very irritating when you take time out of your day to write someone and they just completely ignore you. I can see where this would cut down that. Like I said in one of my earlier post, I've been doing this a long time. I've come across all kinds. I've come across women that just were not interested. And that's OK. I know some may not like what I am about to say. But it's the truth. I personally have come across women here that had no intention of ever meeting much less answering a man when he took time to write. I talk to a lot of women on here. I've had some to actually tell me straight out that they were only here because it made them feel better about themselves.
I've had women to tell me point-blank that they were already in a relationship with someone else. All they wanted was more attention. Some of them will come here and flirt with a guy just trying to get him started. When he does, They are gone. While others seek attention by posting "provocative" pictures of themselves just to get guys to write. They have no intention of answering. While others are so picky that nothing is good enough. And they don't answer. I've even had some to tell me that they know they are "all that". So much so that men in general should fall at their feet and beg. You may not believe it, But it's the truth.
I, like a lot of men would welcome a better filter designed to help us filter out the ones that are a waste of time to write. A better filter would help send the ones who are really looking for a relationship to women who do want to hear from that type of man.
One last thing, Just an observation. As I said, After seven yrs of being here I've seen a lot. Men in droves leave here everyday frustrated. They tell their friends all about what kind of time they have had here. Those friends tell their friends. So on and so on. I'm already seeing profiles with headers like, "Where are all the men" Why do the men not write" What's wrong? How come men just look but don't say anything" "Seems like everyone is afraid to talk here"
Markus needs to come up with something to help these men. I don't think trying to make the women answer is the right thing. But coming up with something that will even the scales a bit wouldn't hurt. An idea like the mutual consent system isn't bad.
Me personally, I don't care if they answer or not. I'm not going to get my jocks in a wad over it. | |
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