Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Swinging      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ted61
Joined: 2/12/2009
Msg: 26
SwingingPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
People, get a hold of your minds! Sex is a PHYSICAL act. It is a physical act that you do in response to an urge. Just like taking a dump. You have an urge to crap, you crap. You have an itch, you scratch . same thing. Do you attach some emotion to crapping? To scratching an itch?


If a man or woman was "kidnapped," tied down and had their genitals stimulated, they would climax, No matter how much they resisted or hated their captor. Some women who are raped, orgasam, and thus don't report the rape as they wrongly think they will be questioned about this. Or they are just embarressed by the fact that they did orgasam.

Everybody masturbates. Do you seriously think you have an "emotional" relationship with your hand or toy?
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 27
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 2:03:10 PM

If a man or woman was "kidnapped," tied down and had their genitals stimulated, they would climax, No matter how much they resisted or hated their captor. Some women who are raped, orgasam, and thus don't report the rape as they wrongly think they will be questioned about this. Or they are just embarressed by the fact that they did orgasam.

Dont bring rape into this. Rape isnt an itch, its a violation, and if a woman doesnt report it its because she's scared some moronic cop or stupid judge is going to tell her she enjoyed it and invented the whole thing....AND ITS BEEN DONE BEFORE!
Swingning is a choice, not an inch. We arent freakin animals. I dont kneel down at work in front of my co-workers to blow my load because its an itch to scratch; its a CHOICE I make. Which is why I can go on without sex for 50 years if need be.
Find better arguments.
And do NOT mention rape again. I'll get very very mean............................
 largo2
Joined: 12/13/2011
Msg: 28
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 2:22:25 PM
Thank you Capn for saying what needed saying.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 29
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 2:28:37 PM
Capn, I think you may want to rephrase your comment just a bit! As worded, it sounds like you do CHOOSE to do this!!


I dont kneel down at work in front of my co-workers to blow my load because its an itch to scratch; its a CHOICE I make.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 30
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:11:25 PM

But, as far as I know, no one I know who is over 50 is currently swigning nor claims it to be a balm on their relationships, as much as I have heard on this thread.

I’m not over 50, but I know several swingers in my city that are. Not sure how active they are anymore, but they are out there.

And as for swinging clubs.. I know of 2. I’ve been to both, just not as a swinger. And guess what??? One is in Quebec. They just don’t call it a swingers club.


Why not call it like it is?
Swingers are,IMO,commitment phobic.

How did you come up with that brilliant piece of logic? Some might be, but that’s not limited to swingers alone. I know a lot of non-swingers that have a problem making a commitment to someone… I dated my share of them! The couples I mentioned above have been married to their spouses for a whole lot longer than many people I know, I’m talking 20-30+ years. To the same spouse. How is that construed as being a commitment phobe?

Swingers usually have a bad reputation and are treated very badly by those on the outside. I’m sure we’ve known people that are swingers, but didn’t know they WERE swingers.

It’s hard to define cheating so that we can unanimously agree on it. Some people view their spouse watching porn or masturbating as being cheating. Some feel if their spouse merely kisses someone on the cheek, that that is cheating. Some go the point of saying if their spouse even THINKS about being with someone else sexually, that is cheating. Frankly my definition works for me. If he’s not comfortable doing it in front of me, chances are he shouldn’t be doing it behind my back.

@Capn_America – I think the reason those relationships you mentioned where your friends tried swinging and it ended badly.. quite possibly they didn’t have a strong relationship to start with. Swinging is not for the faint-hearted. There has to be a strong relationship, good communication and an openness and trust between the two spouses. Swinging can’t save a failing marriage most of the time, just like having a baby won’t bring a couple closer together if the relationship is basically crumbling under their feet. It’s really no different than bringing in a third for a 3some, or having an open relationship or being polyamorous (those are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS that can overlap, but not always).

Oh.. and I giggled over your reaction to your parents having sex. I've never understood that reaction either. I figure if my parents are still getting it on at their age, there is at least some hope I will be too. My brother gets squicked out by it though.. which is fun to watch. Yes.. I am a sadist like that.
 Della D
Joined: 7/10/2008
Msg: 31
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:22:19 PM
First off, I, personally, am not into the lifestyle, but I really don't care what consenting adults do for their personal pleasure.

What I'd like to point out is the fact that it does not seem like people on a whole are becoming more liberal, but rather the opposite. While liberal means basically live and let live, it seems that, again on a whole, views have become more polarized than liberal in the last decade. That applies to religion, politics, racism as well as personal lifestyle choices.

Guess it's a sign of the times and human nature, that the more unsure, volatile and less predictable everything around us humans is getting, the harder most people look for a certain (of course perceived) "stability" (which they do not find in themselves) in recalling and focusing on the so called "traditional" values.

But OP, don't let societal norms and the intolerance of narrow minded, non-liberals keep you away from enjoying your life. You are not breaking any laws and not harming anyone!!!
 onehappyfellow
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:27:57 PM
Studies have shown that swinging couples have happier marriages than monogamous couples.

Swinging is not necessarily the same as free love where you take whatever you can get,, whenever you can get it, wherever you can get it.

Swingers can be committed within the parameters of their relationship and yes single men can be swingers.

My buddy told me his wife wanted a threesome and me to be #3 and thus began the most wonderful years of my life. We never went outside of the boundaries of the threesome. When I was involved it was always as a threesome, never a twosome. There was absolutely no jealousy or cause for jealousy, nothing was hidden or secret one from the others. No need to look outside of the threesome for variety - we had it No fear of STDs, we didn't play around outside of the threesome. It was basically about pleasing her and pleasing her was what pleased us two guys. MFM while not for everyone, was great for us.

It ended with his early accidental demise and I gave the oratory at his funeral. Did anyone else ever know or suspect what was going on? Definitely not. Discretion was the utmost imperative.

What I learned from her and them would make a great book, banned in Boston of course. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Monogamy is not a normal state for many species. The only thing more unnatural than monogamy would be celibacy.

I expect to be pilloried by those who for religious or cultural reason abhor even thinking about it. Would rather answer emails privately
 Elgalawaat
Joined: 11/24/2008
Msg: 33
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:37:05 PM

See, I dont get this. What is the different between this, and prostitution? Even swingning, definition is kind of moot, but if it happens between two couples, you can understand how and why. But were practically talking about a whorehouse here, wether it be female or male whoring. I don't understand, I REALLY dont, the difference between this and prostitution. Sure, I'm going to get answered its because the service isnt PAID for.....but we all know it IS. They take it in membershp fees, but you still pay for it.
So, lights for me, someone?
Oh, and I see it as women and couples actually cheating on their husbands by jumping on the starved for sex single bad boys, but maybe my definition of cheating is wrong.....???


Why do you call it cheating if her husband was present in the room and some participated. No we did not pay for it but the club dues were to pay for building rent, the heat, the electricity, the maids who cleaned the mess we made. I think the dues were to pay for jacuzzi too. Men and women were there because of the love of sex no strings attached. Look at it you pay for sex even when you are married. Do you think your wife will give sex in freezing place where the Utility company disconnected the heat because you did not pay the bill. You call it whore house may be but we love it. Any way the word Whore is just like a rubber ban every one stretch it in the way it fits their judgemental theory.
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 34
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:44:15 PM

I dont kneel down at work in front of my co-workers to blow my load because its an itch to scratch; its a CHOICE I make.

Well......YEAH! Of course I choose to do it. And once I`m finished and wipe myself off with Kleenexes, everyone applauds.
What....doesn`t everybody?




Oh.. and I giggled over your reaction to your parents having sex. I've never understood that reaction either. I figure if my parents are still getting it on at their age, there is at least some hope I will be too. My brother gets squicked out by it though.. which is fun to watch. Yes.. I am a sadist like that.
----------------------------------------------------

Well of COURSE they do. But is it REALLY something I`m interested in picturing?Yuck lol. I will hopefully be too, although to my defense (and no offense intended, hehe) My folks are pretty young, barely 53, so no question they still go at it.
I dont want to picture it though, and neither does my sis lol. My daughters will probably feel the same about me growing up and say they came from cabagges ;-)
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 35
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 3:48:32 PM

You call it whore house may be but we love it. Any way the word Whore is just like a rubber ban every one stretch it in the way it fits their judgemental theory.


Indeed. But still. Anyway, its wasted, I dont think I`ll ever get it, it still sounds like a brothrel kind of thing to me lol. No offense intended, and the last part of your sentence IS true, people throw about a lot of judgemental crap around. I have the opinion that swingning equates to cheating and whoring, however I do NOT have the opinion that those who do it are all pigs and piglets (piglers, piggies, arg, the female word for pig). It would equate to calling some of my friends that, and they arent. They`re just into something I personnally have no appeal for. Hey, as long as they pay their taxes and I don`t have to pay it for them, or mow their lawn, or whatever, they can do whatever they please lol.
Hell, maybe me and my future Mrs oops, almost wrote my last name LOL. Maybe we`ll try it someday to see what the fuss is all about, if she is curious.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 36
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:14:44 PM

How did you come up with that brilliant piece of logic?


Umm...because they can't seem to stick with ONE person and would have to
easily compartmentalize love and sex and to me,that's simply about being emotionally unhealthy.

But again,I have a right to my opinion....unless the 'POF Police' turn on thier lights and pull me over.

Oh....and I realize that swingers aren't the only one's with this issue.

Never said they were.
 BLoNde__ANgeL
Joined: 9/20/2011
Msg: 37
Swinging
Posted: 4/9/2012 4:38:42 PM
uugghh i have a friend who is older & not so ...appealing looking anymore who met a man on another site & they both swing...but they are older & both not exactly....appealing looking...I can imagine anyone that pays to go to a club then sees folks like them-ughhh refund time!!!

I also heard that a man can NOT get in UNLESS he has a woman w/ him...

Imagine going to a swing club & no one wants to swing w/ you...LMFAO...
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 38
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 8:16:36 AM

Imagine going to a swing club & no one wants to swing w/ you...LMFAO...

I'd be more worried about going to one and finding no one I wanted to swing with. However, there is oine reason to go to one of those clubs. You can have sex with your partner in a really public venue without fear of getting arrested.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 39
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:06:06 AM
I'd like to add to your reply. If you alloud men to go to house parties, every man in the city would be there. In the lifestyle, women are more acceptable then men are for being bi. I have been in the lifestyle for a few years now, alone and with a partner. Yes this is not for everyone, we understand that. It's not about feelings or jealousy, its about good clean adult fun. Leave your troubles at the door and open your mind we say.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 40
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:13:03 AM
RE: @Capn_America – I think the reason those relationships you mentioned where your friends tried swinging and it ended badly.. quite possibly they didn’t have a strong relationship to start with. Swinging is not for the faint-hearted. There has to be a strong relationship, good communication and an openness and trust between the two spouses. Swinging can’t save a failing marriage most of the time, just like having a baby won’t bring a couple closer together if the relationship is basically crumbling under their feet. It’s really no different than bringing in a third for a 3some, or having an open relationship or being polyamorous (those are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS that can overlap, but not always).

Very well said. Both parties have to talk about the rules and boundaries and swinging is not a quick fix to an already rocky relationship, it will only complicate things. It's for people who trust their partners and can go into it with no feelings, it's only about sex and meeting like minded people. Some people just can't see them selves with the same sexual partner their whole lives.
 loves_rush
Joined: 2/28/2012
Msg: 41
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:18:34 AM
Not everyone shares your same feelings. Sometimes it's the inner beauty that turns people on. Getting to know them and understanding who they are as a person sometimes far exceeds outer beauty. Just sayin.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 42
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 11:53:15 AM
In the lifestyle, women are more acceptable then men are for being bi. I have been in the lifestyle for a few years now, alone and with a partner. Yes this is not for everyone, we understand that. It's not about feelings or jealousy, its about good clean adult fun. Leave your troubles at the door and open your mind we say.


You say that...and then this in your profile.Now I am very confused.

NO MARRIED WOMEN! I WILL NOT BE A PART OF YOUR INFIDELITY! GET A DIVORCE.
I AM A MAN OF HONOUR AND RESPECT SO PLEASE RESPECT THAT.


I really don't see a major difference between cheating and swinging.....but I guess you do.It's all sex outside your primary relationship and love to me is about being loyal and faithful to one man,even if you are allowed to have sex with others.


And no 1 baby...That's where I get my "brilliant logic".

Love to me isn't multiplied by being divided.

 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 43
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 12:56:34 PM
ot everyone shares your same feelings. Sometimes it's the inner beauty that turns people on. Getting to know them and understanding who they are as a person sometimes far exceeds outer beauty. Just sayin.

In the post just above that, you said:

It's for people who trust their partners and can go into it with no feelings, it's only about sex and meeting like minded people.

If it's just about sex, why wouldn't I want to do it with the most (outwardly) attractive people?. It's the inner attraction that causes problems.

Some people just can't see them selves with the same sexual partner their whole lives.

I gave that a lot of thought before getting engaged, but although I could see myself with other sexual sexual partners, I couldn't see my fiancee with other sexual partners, so I just decided to take the better of the two options and embrace monogamy, since those options were mutually exclusive. I have no opposition to people who are open enough to do that, but i'm just not one of them. I don't have enough incentive to consider opening my mind that far in my own sex life and it's not something I'll ever have to worry about my fiancee bringing up.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/10/2012 1:25:01 PM

Umm...because they can't seem to stick with ONE person and would have to
easily compartmentalize love and sex and to me,that's simply about being emotionally unhealthy.

Swingers are usually couples though. Couple=commitment. Also, there are a lot more people out there that have healthy sexual relationships with people other than the person they are married to. Polyamorous folk have happy, healthy, emotionally stable, committed relationships with more than one person. But they aren't necessarily swingers. The guys that cheated on me weren't swingers, but were definitely commitment phobes.


But again,I have a right to my opinion....unless the 'POF Police' turn on thier lights and pull me over.

Of course you are... I'm just trying to understand how you got to that point. That's what I do. I try to understand people so that I am better informed. What you said doesn't make any sense to me, so was only trying to figure it out. What you said implied that ALL swingers are commitment phobic and that doesn't mesh with my first hand experience is all.

Kind of like other topics where someone who doesn't fit into a nice neat tidy box for society's sake gets labelled with things that don't mesh with what I know. If it makes you feel better to do that, then by all means continue to do that.
 HeartOn64
Joined: 2/9/2012
Msg: 45
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 7:09:32 AM
Baby...you and I both know I am a repressed,closed minded,judgemental, bi*ch with issues...By comparision to you and others here!But thanks for always being there to call me out! I feel so loved! lol

Please try to remember,that I make alot of assumptions,generalizations and opinions that may not make sense to anyone but me,and I also project my issues onto others because my opinions are scewed by my own life experiences that haven't been very positive.Not much different than most others do here.

So take what I think and write with a grain of salt,as I simply am adding my two cents knowing full well,my opinion really doesn't mean sh*t in the grand scheme of things.None of our opinions really do help much unless someone comes here looking for a General Consensus.I'm sure they typically continue on with thier lives as though they never even asked a question.Another assumption...but what else do we have to go on?

I just don't want any enemies for giving my biased opinions...ok?

I also know that while you may not swing,you are in an open relationship with a Bi man and seem to feel the need to defend that in these types of threads, when in reality,it doesn't matter one iota to me what other people do with thier lives.

I guess I could say.....IMO...Swinging isn't for me and leave it at that.

Or just not post a response unless it's in TOTAL SUPPORT of someone's choices.
 Primemover34
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 46
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 8:38:38 AM
My last Gf and I were swingers. It wasn't a commitment issue. We simply agreed that people aren't naturally wired to be sexually monogamous, relented to that fact, and expanded our sex lives to include other like minded couples.

We were able to separate "sex for pleasure" ,that we had with others, from emotion sex that we had with each other because we were in a relationship and loved each other. They are two completely different types feelings and experiences.

We didn't have commitment issues with each other at all. If you are curious, we broke up because I ws out of town too often to maintain our relationship and she got lonely. I let her go but we're still friends. Wonderful person, she is.
 m_church
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 47
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 8:50:16 AM

If you are curious, we broke up because I ws out of town too often to maintain our relationship and she got lonely.

Maybe the swinging wasn't helping you bond strongly enough....
 Primemover34
Joined: 11/21/2009
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 10:53:30 AM
Maybe the swinging wasn't helping you bond strongly enough....


Swinging is more of an extracirricular activity that purges the need to have meaningless sex with other people. Purely hormonal. It's not intended to be much of a bonding experience with your SO besides the fact that it's something you are choosing to do together with other people. No more bonding than doing a variety of other things together. It doesn't it harm the relationship as long as there are no jealousy issues.

Jealousy is a feeling that stems from insecurity and lack of trust. It's a symptom, NOT the illness. It's a misunderstanding of the difference between emotional sex shared with your partner VS. meningless sex with others.

If your partner cannot distinguish the difference then I would assume he or she considers sex with you an unemotional, non-bonding excercise merely done to "get off", or assume that sex with a stranger has some emotional significance. It's a projection of his or her ill conceived notion about sex.

There are people who get jealous and consider it cheating if the other is caught masturbating to porn. This is a more extreme example. "Cheating in your mind" if you admit that you fantasize about sex with others is also an extreme form jealousy in a probably already shakey relationship.

We had no jealousy because there was solid trust. This puts a who new spin on the relationship that most people can't acheive. Watching her have sex with another man and getting pleasure was HOT! She felt the same way watching me also.
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 12:57:30 PM

You say that...and then this in your profile.Now I am very confused.


NO MARRIED WOMEN! I WILL NOT BE A PART OF YOUR INFIDELITY! GET A DIVORCE.
I AM A MAN OF HONOUR AND RESPECT SO PLEASE RESPECT THAT.


This one is a no brainer for me at least anyway. If you are married and your S.O. has no idea you are out having sex with others, that is cheating. If you "both" are in the lifestyle, then you "both" are aware of what the other is doing so I don't consider that to be cheating?
 deerdog1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 50
Swinging
Posted: 4/11/2012 1:30:22 PM
My experience and many things stated in this thread dont mesh .... and my experience is extensive ...for years I did security at a swingers club .. I became acquainted with the swinger community through my association and attendance to bike rallys ..many people that I met at bike rallys were swingers ..and as soon as they found out that I was not judgmental and did not tell or gossip ..they let me in on their involvement in the lifestyle ..which led to my work in the club .. My wife and I are not swingers ...but we have many friends that are ... and we still go to swinger parties ... for the simple reason of atmosphere .. there is no pressure to do anything and most of the people there know we dont swing and so they dont ask any more....these are some of the nicest laid back people we have ever met ... few times I have ever went to a vanilla bar /club where there was not some kind of confrontation .. I have never seen any trouble at a swinger party/club ...the clubs we attend are off premises clubs ..IE sex does not happen in the ball room ...nudity ,yes flirting ,yes ... but sex is taken off premises

on the subject of liberal/conservative ..and the context it is being used here ...again I dont agree ..I consider myself sexually conservative in as much as what I do myself ..however I am not judgmental toward anyone elses lifestyle ..and their sexual lifestyle ..has no bearing on my association with them as friends

as for the attractiveness of the patrons .. there are some very pretty/handsome swingers //and some not so much so ..and swingers put a lot of value in being attracted to who they have sex with.. however most of them are not very snobbish on who they party with and who they are friends with ..not so with people in other groups


these observations withstanding .. me thinks people forming judgments should seek a swingers event and attend .. Im not advocating that any one should swing .unless they want to ..but every one of these events have one common rule ...no means no ... I have been to hundreds such events ..I have been asked many times if i was interested in having sex ...I have been invited to rooms hundreds of times ..and every time I declined it was taken with grace .. never was there any pressure ..and these people remain friends ..never once has anyone became upset when I said NO ..thank you

every swinger / thinking about becoming a swinger ..has a horror story about some over bearing person who they have met ..who thought sex was a sure thing ..these people are almost always newbies who dont know the rules .. you wont find this kind of people at a swinger party ..because these events are ..by invitation only ..and these people are weeded out fast .. swingers are very discriminatory about who they invite to an event ... bringing an unruly guest can get you uninvited to the future events .. let it happen more than once it is certain
Show ALL Forums  > Sex and Dating  > Swinging