| | When a woman sends the first message.Page 2 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) |
Believe it or not, I've had a few.
Sadly, for the most part they just call me names like "pig" or something, but for a few seconds it's quite flattering.
Well, at least you enjoy the messages before you open them!  | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 8:08:21 AM | I have always enjoyed women that are assertive enough to message me for whatever reason they feel that they want to do that.
Since men get so many fewer contacts than women overall, in my opinion, it just makes sense that instead of a man contacting 100 in order to get one or two to hopefully respond, that a woman can contact four or five and get about the same amount to return their emails!
Maybe if more would take the contact as a compliment and return it the same way, even if not interested, we would not have so many feeling as insulted and/or upset about the process.
cd | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 8:45:30 AM | | I prefer it when they write first. All but one of the women I met and dated contacted me first, including the one I married. If I write first, I'm probably just one of many, and it's hard to stand out. If they are confident enough to initiate, that's a good indicator that they may know what they want and have sufficient self-esteem to feel they can get it. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 1:40:57 PM | | UUGGGGH, I hid my profile due to the emails, some were nice, some not and it got too bothersome weeding through all that stuff, However, since I hid the profile I have contacted a couple of guys and it has never turned out good. It may just be me because I'm not aggressive at all and making the first move has made me feel off kilter from the first letter which probably comes through when I communicate. This is the first time I have been on a dating site and I only did it because I work long hours and moved to a city where I don't know anyone. Now that I have tried it, I've decided not to contact anyone anymore and will probably delete my account. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 2:30:07 PM | I love it when a woman is interested enough in me to break the ice!
The best relationships I've ever had were started by the woman.
When I first discovered PoF..... I waited for the men to contact me. But after I became comfortable, I started to initiate first contact, especially after reading some of the responses from the men on the forums regarding this very issue.
Unfortunately, sending out that first e-mail hasn't worked out well for me. It just never goes anywhere....More recently, actually within the last week, I contacted two men in my area that I thought to be both attractive and interesting. A few e-mails were initally exchanged between myself and both men, but after a few days they just sorta petered off and I was left wondering, "what the hell?"
So for me, I think I will continue to leave it up to the man to make first contact, That way I'm assured that the interest is there on his part to begin with.
...mae | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 2:33:55 PM | | I think it's great! It probably will work about as often as it would for men, depending on their appearance depending on if the person you message is attracted to you | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 2:42:44 PM |
How does a man feel if a woman views his profile and then initiates the first message?
Personally, I like it and am surprised when it doesn't happen (since this IS 2012).
Do they think that is acceptable, or do they think the woman is being too forward? Or is that an old-fashioned view?
Yes, no, and yes. It is an old-fashioned view. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 2:55:34 PM | | I have sent out the first message a few times, get the "read, deleted" thing....or just no response. It was so defeating I stopped doing it. Now if I'm interested in someone I put them on my favorites list, they are notified of this and I figure if a guy is interested, he'll contact me. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 4:26:53 PM | Interesting zippy..... And I usually will delete those that add me to their favorites list and not send me an email asking if it is alright to do so. What a great way for a woman to contact a man without having to be to aggressive.......just add them and then email them saying that they did and hope that you do not mind and to feel free to add them.
If a woman can not at least contact me to say she has added me, and will not be assertive enough to email me about her interest, then I do not need to know them and will give them a week and then delete them. I figure that I am worth meeting half way, and if you add me and/or contact me, I will respond and we will communicate, even if to just say thank you.
cd | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 5:09:58 PM | | I've heard this & am unsure what the fuss is all about. I've heard chivalry of wanting the guy to make the first move, not wanting to seem forward & even of not wanting to seem desperate, but c'mon, it's just a frigging email. If a woman looks at my profile & doesn't email, I assume she's not interested & I do not contact her. I'm no mind reader & actually have this posed right atop my essay "Don't let the lack of taking the initiative keep us apart!". Hopefully they're intelligent enough to get the point & reach out. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 5:47:25 PM | Interesting zippy..... And I usually will delete those that add me to their favorites list and not send me an email asking if it is alright to do so. What a great way for a woman to contact a man without having to be to aggressive.......
Good idea zippy...will stuff that little tidbit into my tackle box :)
...mae | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 6:38:15 PM | "Now if I'm interested in someone I put them on my favorites list, they are notified of this and I figure if a guy is interested, he'll contact me. "
Ooops!! I never knew this.
I come here so seldom that I thought I'd just put someone on a Fav list so that later I could find them and look their profile over again. Then I could think longer about them. Lol
Well no Favorite ever contacted me, or if they did it was when I wasn't here so the system deleted it, so no harm I guess. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 7:54:50 PM | I don't bother sending messages to anyone who isn't on the forums any more. The last time I did that I got a nasty comment and blocked - and all I did was compliment him on a well done profile.
Now, if someone looks interesting I'll add them to my favorites list. And I say in my own profile they are wecome to ask why. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/14/2012 9:59:15 PM | If a guy thinks it's too aggressive that I contacted him first he isn't going to like me much at all lol
I try not to worry about what they will think. I am looking for a guy that likes me as I am. I need to just be me and see who responds positively. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 12:38:57 AM | Thanks for all your opinions, forum posters! I didn't say that I don't send out first messages, I just wondered what other people thought about it.
I sometimes do put them on my 'favourites' list, but when I mention this, they don't seem to know.
You are only told about who has you on their list if you click on 'Favourites', then 'Find out who has selected you as a favourite'.
If you have the confidence to 'make the first move', then it can only increase your chances of chatting to (and hopefully meeting) someone you are attracted to. As someone said, it is 2012 after all!
OP | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 8:47:28 AM | | I want to add that I always respond to a message from a woman, whether I am interested in her or not. It may have taken a lot of guts for her to write me and she deserves a response. I try to be encouraging, also, and not hurt her feelings if I don't want to date her. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 9:06:04 AM | Its about time women grew up and realised the fact that the male world, is a joke.
Playing the frightened little woman who is a slave to the superior male is still common practice. Let the emotionally immature decide, as males are somewhat emotionally retarded, where most keep their brains in their trousers.
THe facts are this, on a level playing field from health to education women excel, males are best at aggression violence, threats, and that sort of demarcation line. They can fix a shelf after a time, can make love for over 5 minutes sometimes, but selfishness is the mark of their personal identity.
So even considering the fact that a woman might be crossing the imaginary line of making a move towards their almost complete inferior, must be a joke, or the result of social engineering, which it is of course.
All women apart from the rape and other victims of male violence are more tactile creatures than their male counterparts, or have I also missed a trick or two. The male likes to be touched, and ask any professional prostitute, who deals with all social and economic male stratas, males like being tactile, although the areas considered important are a fraction of the area of skin the mites are covered in.
So considering what the less emotionally developed prefer is like going to a party and not eating any food in case the plate arrangements will be spoiled. So maybe it is time for females to regain the ground they appear to ahve had for thousands of years prior to their psychological incarceration, a few thousand years ago. Wanting sex, for the sake of pure pleasure is of course the sole male domain innit?
I just cannot believe how women accept being second class citizens both in work, in relationships, and in the bedroom, when it is they that mainly them that bring up successive generations, half of which are idiotic superior emotionally retarded males. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 9:36:49 AM | I’ve never asked permission to add anyone to my favorites, and no one’s ever asked my permission to add me. If they did I’d wonder wtf? just do it or don’t….
Its about time women grew up and realised the fact that the male world, is a joke.
Duh. Some women just don’t like sending the first message on PoF. That is an individual choice, not a declaration of gender. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 10:19:57 AM | | I quite like it. I can write to a lot of women, and I get very few responses; I'm kind of a specialized taste. If a woman writes to me, that winnowing process has already been done; I know she's read my profile and is at least somewhat interested. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 1:00:00 PM | Most of the time when a woman sends the first message it is to give you their unsolicited opinion on something in your profile that they do not like, or to psychoanalyze you. It is a waste of time to respond unless your are really bored at that moment.
Some wish to show empathy for something. A woman actually initiating a "get to know" kind of message is so rare you are left wondering what the catch is! Lol | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 1:39:10 PM | 'Taoistic' - Well I never do that! If I send a message to a man, I read his profile and usually give him a compliment on something I like about it.
I usually say if it an interesting profile to read and say I like his photos too. Then I ask him to read mine and to reply if he wants to chat. There is no catch. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 1:59:48 PM | My guess is that there are more women hesitant to send a first message than there are men who would think negatively of a woman who did. And those women who have shared negative experiences from initiating contact sound just like the men who have complained of the same problems.
If I get a first contact from a woman I'll look at her profile and base my decision whether to respond on the combination of how appealing her profile is to me and how much effort she seemed to put into her message. That and how busy I am at the time, how open I'm feeling to starting up dialogue with someone new, and all the other factors I'm sure others of both genders incorporate into their thought process.
I'm not impressed by one sentence notes. If she seems otherwise appealing I may well try to draw her out more. Otherwise I'd be one of those who just reads and deletes, just as many women do when the guy writing them doesn't pique their interest.
But as I hope has been made clear here, we men don't mind a bit when a woman gets things started. | |
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| When a woman sends the first message.
Posted: 4/15/2012 3:15:38 PM | | I've had mixed results sending out e-mails, mostly no replies back, but on occasion a date has come out of it, but hey all I'm looking for is that one special guy, why limit my options. I've never had any nasty comments about e-mailing first. | |
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