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 SONNI100
Joined: 12/24/2010
Msg: 51
Is it possible to be too nice?Page 3 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
No..it is not possible to be "too" nice, unless it includes the following personality traits:

Clingy
Smothering
Saying "I'm in love with you" on second date
Never taking the lead
Gifts given excessively
Constant talk about 'our' future
Purchasing pricey concert tickets for November

Is it obvious that I just today stopped dating this man after only 4 weeks?
 curvesweetblonde99
Joined: 5/7/2011
Msg: 52
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 2:23:04 PM
If your are nice yet not assertive nor confident, then that's just pathetic and unattractive. The most attractive men (IMO) are nice AND assertive/confident. So keep your niceness and learn to increase your assertiveness, OP, and you will be a dream guy for many women.
 Debisusanne
Joined: 5/3/2011
Msg: 53
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 2:42:21 PM

Women don't respect men who keep their hands to themselves.


I believe in MOST instances ... this is TRUE.

If a man isn't willing to make the first move.. he comes across as a wienie to me..

and to all the men who think a woman should make the first move.. is it because you are afraid to?..

I have indeed made the first move ... and have been shot down.. and I am ok with that.. lol
 FlaxenBlonde
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 54
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Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 2:43:43 PM
I doubt it's possible to be too nice, too generous, too kind, too honest, etc.

A person can be too much of a doormat though... and that makes them boring and no challenge.
 edgedreality
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 55
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 3:33:32 PM

I have indeed made the first move ... and have been shot down.. and I am ok with that


Which is akin to not receiving a message back on POF. At least there's no need to beat the flames out because you've only been shot down and landed safely.


A person can be too much of a doormat though... and that makes them boring and no challenge.


Agreed. But what kind of challenge(s) are you looking for? To see how long it takes for him to say no when you insist he watch a chick-flick with you?

And I am reminded of a joke: What do hardwood floors and men have in common? You lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them.
 Sciencetreker
Joined: 2/13/2012
Msg: 56
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Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 4:12:06 PM
abelian:
No, but it is possible to be too much of a doormat with an agenda and confuse that with being nice.


Bingo!

Re 'making the first move'. Yes, a guy should take the initiative but he also needs the social skills to pick up on the signals given off by a woman. One can 'test the waters' by lightly touching a girls hand or guiding her gently into a car,etc. There are times, however, when it's a tough read and you need to be more direct. I was out doing a field study with a woman whom I was getting close with. We were work colleagues so I didn't want to put her in too awkward a position. I put a specimen in her hand and asked half jokingly if she wanted me to let go of her hand...she said 'no' and we were an item after that. If she had said 'yes', it left some wiggle room to make light of it.
 emptyvases
Joined: 4/4/2012
Msg: 57
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 5:38:52 PM
Being too nice usually loses the girl.
Like someone else said, many women have low self esteem and like to be treated badly.
And they love to play the game. So, if you're too nice there's no challenge and they will treat you like crap.
And it's that weird thing where we don't wanna go to the club that invites us in, we wanna go to the club we can't get in.
It's the dumb part of human nature.
When I was younger, women had me doing oil changes for them! That was a looooooooooooooooooooong time ago.
Now, I'm still old school and a gentleman, but I won't allow any woman to take advantage of my kindness.

Oh, as far as your situation OP, once things have been established a certain way at the start, it's very hard to change gears. I mean, she already has you labeled as a wuss. No offense, but that's the way I see it. It's happened to all of us at one time or another, and it happens with the ones we like TOO much. We try too hard, and try hard is a big turnoff.
Somehow, even if you're nuts about her, you have to hold back.
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 58
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 7:14:01 PM
yes, pleasing pthers ( nice) can b a form of maniopulation, these types often have low eq, r nsecure so vey crave afiramtion, aceptance or aproval frm others- vey need to do sme inner work, i aviod thses types.
 AddiosSanibel
Joined: 3/1/2012
Msg: 59
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 8:54:42 PM
I like nice guys and I am currently dating one. I would reject someone who wasn't nice in a minute and I wouldn't look back about doing so. She may not be attracted to you for other reasons than you being a really nice guy. And, she may be a very superficial person - to the point whether you were nice or not nice she may still not like you. So, don't blame it on being nice per se. Consider the source and what type of person she is. I don't even know her but she sounds confused and messed up to me. Personally, I think that you can be a nice guy and slowly test the physical boundaries of a relationship. Nice guys still kiss girls and they do more than that too! You don't need to make a shift in personality.
 excessivemayhem
Joined: 3/25/2012
Msg: 60
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/27/2012 9:27:07 PM
boondock...i'm referencing message 9 that you wrote.
women don't just LOVE sex.
they love sex WELL done! as in, done in a caring, loving manner (even if you aren't in love with her, you can still rock her world by doing it right, which is done by not being selfish in sex.)
if anyone has a better way of doing sex, i've yet to learn it.

here's another hint...women HATE bad sex!
 ssr51
Joined: 4/22/2012
Msg: 61
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:06:32 AM
The nice guy thread...It goes like this! If you are a nice guy and not even being a door mat, you will be seen as weak and not being exciting enough. You will be that "great guy" who is single. M view yes, you can be too nice. My advice is learn to live for yourself and not others, don't be afraid to disagree with someone or rock the boat. Let them know how you really feel! Being honest starts with you! Also, if she breaks up with you via Facebook, she's not much of a person to begin with!
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 62
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Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/28/2012 5:17:09 AM
OP, I think you solved your own problem by admitting that you are very "passive" in a relationship. It isn't about being a jerk or being a bad boy, it's about not being so darn passive that you become boring and routine. She probably wanted some excitement, wanted to know that you really felt something for her, felt some passion for her, instead of just sitting back and smiling and waiting for her to give you signals and openings and telling you what she wanted all the time.

You can be assertive, even kind of bad boy-ish if you do it with respect. You can even do it nicely. Just don't sit around and think you're making someone happy by sitting at their feet like a puppy dog, gazing adoringly up at them, waiting for them to throw a bone so you can fetch it for them. That's BOR-ING.
 Angelsbigheart
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 63
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Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/28/2012 9:12:43 AM

To answer the question, yes. Too many people mistake NICE guy with what you should be...a GOOD guy. Nice gets you friend zoned and gives a woman a different sense of trust...you know, you're dependable the way her Honda Civic is. So instead, just be you man. That means having moments of imperfection. Women can sense fake 'nice'...you know, a ratcheted up version of who you are.


1womanman has it right I think!! There is a difference between being a GOOD man and a NICE doormat!! Women are attracted to strength and confidence. Most self-proclaimed "NICE GUYS" do not have the confidence/self-esteem to STAND UP FOR THEMSELVES, so they bow down and be 'nice' to accommodate everyone else's feelings!! I can't speak for every woman, but personally I don't WANT a man that is just going to kiss my ass all the time and never have any opinions or beliefs of his own!! Your partner should challenge you and compliment your personality, not MIMIC it!! :(
 username777aq
Joined: 4/25/2012
Msg: 64
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/28/2012 1:36:42 PM
im too nice.........................................
 JoseMadre
Joined: 1/9/2012
Msg: 65
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/28/2012 3:37:25 PM
No, it is not possible to be too nice. There are those who won't accept it, or will take advantage of it, but if that is your true self then don't change for anyone.
 WD1094
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 66
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It's not "nice" that repels them it's wimpy
Posted: 4/29/2012 6:31:57 AM
Women like "bad" boys because bad boys have confidence. It is the confidence they are attracted to. If they had the choice of only two men 1) a wimpy nice guy 2) a confident jerk, women would rather date the confident jerk, since they are so repelled by wimpy guys. It's not the "nice" that repels them it's the "wimpy".

So what women really want is a confident, nice guy. To gain confidence hangout with people you feel comfortable around and make friends with girls you know will look up to you i.e. not beautiful women. After you gain confidence around those women you may try to ask out a few women you are attracted to. Don't go out of your league or your confidence will be shattered.
 edgedreality
Joined: 4/5/2012
Msg: 67
It's not nice that repels them it's wimpy
Posted: 4/29/2012 7:58:09 AM

1) a wimpy nice guy 2) a confident jerk, women would rather date the confident jerk, since they are so repelled by wimpy guys. It's not the "nice" that repels them it's the "wimpy".


Studies have proven that women are attracted to the neanderthals (the bad boys perhaps) for procreation, but it's the nice (not wimpy) guys they want to have a family with and help raise the children.
 Marcelalife
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 68
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:11:34 AM
Boa tarde , lindo!!
Não entra nessa ! seja voce sempre ! e danesse o mundo !
quando gostamos de um homem , não importa defeitos , eles passam a ser um tempero pra o relacionamento rsrsr
Passe para outra que irá gosta de voce , não tenha pressa de estar com alguém , e aceitar tudo !
O mundo é grande e tem mulheres que adorariam estar com alguém como você !
Ela simplesmente não quer voce como homem , ela quer uma opção para as frustrações dela.
Voce não precisa mostrar quem voce é , ela sabe muito bem .
Não sofra muito tempo por essa menina , assim que se sentir melhor , procure outra !
Tudo que fizer não vai adiantar , ela não quer voce , desculpe por dizer isso para voce !
Voce é muito lindo , e admirável ...desejo que tenha sucesso ao encontrar alguém para amar !

Marcela
Brasil -Rio de Janeiro
 Marcelalife
Joined: 2/21/2012
Msg: 69
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:17:51 AM
Penso que não é por isso !
Ele infelizmente gostou de alguém , que não curti o jeito dele !
Amo homem sencível , educado ,e sexo é bom fazer com afinidade e desejo ...seja homem sencivel ou egoista ...
ele só errou , se iludiu com alguém que ja deixou sinais que não esta querendo ele .
Bjus
Marcela
Brasil -Rio de Janeiro
 darkeyes789
Joined: 3/21/2012
Msg: 70
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:28:01 AM
In my opinion, think what has happened is that the relationship hasn't progressed to that next step where she would consider you as someone serious. It seems it has become stagnant and perhaps you have now fallen into the dreaded FRIEND'S ZONE.

I have had personal experience with this where i felt i was taking on more the male role in the relationship. He was very passive, i had to initate first kiss...he was more like the female in this regard. Though we dated for a long while, i never really felt alot for him...great guy, great to talk to, and we are actually still friends now. I think though that once that window of opportunity passes and you don't take it to the next level..and as you say you were not sexually intimate with her....you are placed in the friends zone. Women need to bond on a emotion level first and then physical level...sounds she attached to you emotionally but without the physical part of it the emotional part will dwindle and she will become neutral to you.

Sorry to hear this happened, but you are still very young, so take the experience and what you learned and hopefully your next relationship will be more fulfilling. :)
 mjinict
Joined: 8/13/2008
Msg: 71
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Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/29/2012 9:46:04 AM
if you are ever ""hanging"" talking/spending time with a woman who seems great to you and you are not having sex with her, at a certain point, she'll dismiss you as a sexual partner...
------
Don't listen to this advice. It's good to wait for the sex until you are BOTH ready. It shows respect and that's not all you're interested in. It doesn't make a relationship, though I guess it can break it if you're not compatible. If she dismisses you for not being aggressive, she's not worth it anyway. The key is communicating about it. But don't be a doormat, it's not a good quality.
 prettyandcurvy
Joined: 2/20/2012
Msg: 72
It's not nice that repels them it's wimpy
Posted: 4/29/2012 10:37:40 AM
I'd get back into dating for a nice, wimpy guy. But i never meet these types.
 ArticLife
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 74
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Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 4/29/2012 2:57:05 PM
The very fact you consider changing yourself for her is indicative that you are not sure of yourself. Trust me, don't do it. Be yourself and be proud of it as long as you aren't hurting anyone else. You seem great, if she does not like you how you are, move on and find someone that does. It's the high road, it's not always easy and it requires patience but it's the best path to take.


You gota stop being so nice ( I dont mean change the person you are you sound lovely) I mean you need to give that bit of macho excitment in her life.. Every girl goes for bad boys. in that i mean they have gota have the umf in them like holding down top end of an arguement or being a bit mean . I know I sure cant stay with a guy who is ALWAYS nice to me I myself get a bit fed up and bord of the relationship.. I can promise you that if you start to be the MAN in that relationship and take the lead then you will have her begging..

P,S I do not mean hitting nor being evil in anyway shape or form . Im simply saying you gota take control and treat her with a lil bit of disrespect in a manly way ,, If you can understand that lol x


If I believe I am right, I won't conceded to please the girl I'm with. but I am not aggressive nor rude or mean. That simply is not who I am and I refuse to alter that in anyway because I love the way I behave.

It seems to me like girls want excitement in relationships when they can't find it elsewhere. I have a nice life. I want a girl to share that life with, not to challenge me. I have enough of that in my life already.
 jmark4
Joined: 7/3/2011
Msg: 75
Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/12/2012 4:26:45 PM
there is a fine line between being nice and being a pushover and a wimp. Many guys that say how nice they are and how used they are by women are mostly pushovers.

Being someones wimpy slave isn't being nice; it's setting oneself up to be taken advantage of.
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