| | Is it possible to be too nice?Page 4 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) |
She recently said that I am an awesome guy, but she just doesnt go for "nice guys" but yet she loves guys that open doors for her, take their hat off at the table, etc...
She's not making any sense there. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/12/2012 5:12:09 PM | | Jesus Christ, ever wonder why men dont understand women? Cause you dont make sense, jesus christ again. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/12/2012 7:51:37 PM | OP this woman is most likely seriously emotionally damaged and can't let it go, whatever it is. She probably steered everything away from any form of physical contact. She can use you for unrequited love and as long as she stays away from physical contact. She can conclude in her mind that she has done nothing wrong because no sex was involved. When that is not at all true. Your feelings do mean something. She took advantage of your feelings to gain her reward and nothing was reciprocated. When she knew nothing was going to come of it. (6 months is a long time) She should have let you go at the point she wasn't feeling it. Your gut was probably telling you that too but your mind just wouldn't believe that.
You're a nice looking man by societies standards and that might be a problem. Emotionally damaged women will seek you out to feed what is lacking inside their selves. You can count on being used as arm candy so these women can prove to themselves and others that they still got it. They are trying to replace something. You can't replace it because you don't have it. They have it and it is somewhere inside their self and it is up to them to find what they are missing.
You can get sex anytime you want. Just walk into a bar and act like you are having all the fun in the world without regard to what anyone else thinks and you can still be a nice guy while you put on your act. Damaged women will seek you out. You can have all the sex you want. But you have to be someone you aren't to get it therefore making you an azzhole in your on mind These women will gravitate to you because they have no desire to settle down and bad boys don't settle down now do they. Bad boys don't pose the heartbreak risk involved with a relationship so it's easy for emotionally unavailable women that are afraid to settle to get things moving with bad boys. Problem is they jump into the sack and begin to have feelings. Then the inevitable happens. The bad boy leaves and she is heartbroken wondering why she wasn't good enough.
The truth is that she wasn't good enough because she made that poor choice to begin with to keep from having to fall in love and get her heart broken in the first place. So now she has plans to never get her heart broken again. Wanna guess what she does to keep from getting her heart broken. Yep you guessed it. She finds another bad boy that doesn't want a commitment and the vicious cycle starts all over again.
You are to nice and would offer her what she really wants but is scared to death of. Whatever her problem is, whether it's one man or men in general. Its seems that she is afraid of commitment no matter how badly she wants one. A guy like you scares her to death and she just can't deal with that.
It could take her years to get her head wrapped around it. Whatever IT is. If this girl was a man would you be her friend? If the answer is yes then just be her friend but don't give her special treatment. Just be her friend. If she was a man and you wouldn't be her friend then move on along. In either case start looking again. The right girl for you is out there somewhere. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/12/2012 8:35:17 PM | Yes Op, it is possible to be too nice, and you have better chances of reconciliation by being too mean rather than too nice. It's very unlikely that you will ever get another chance with her because of your kind behavior.
Look ladies. Here is a prime example of the dog training you are unknowingly performing on men. No offense to the Op. But he's figuring out that being nice doesn't score points and he's watching not so nice guys all around him score all the points. So ladies, your lesson for today is, if you're going to complain about men being and turning into jerks, stop rewarding that behavior and stop punishing kind and respectful behavior. Simple as that.
Op, notice that the not so nice guys can usually reconcile with their ex's with a genuine apology, as long as they didn't do something way over the top to hurt her.
But once a woman loses interest in a nice guy, it's done, over, period.
Men, NEVER get emotionally heavier than the women you're dating. Anything you feel for her in excess of her emotional display to you MUST be kept to yourselves, if you want to continue dating your ladies. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/12/2012 8:44:29 PM | Op, I have to laugh at some of the women here begging you not to battle harden your heart, so that it can continue to get pulverized over and over. Begging you not to slowly mold into the kind of man that they themselves are most attracted to. Begging you to stay the kind of guy that they themselves would likely dump too after eventually losing interest.
That's what it really is. You're not becoming a "jerk" per say, but you are hardening your heart to the point where only a small few special women in your lifetime will ever penetrate it again, and will take them a long time to do so.
Every "battle hardened" man started out as a vulnerable young boy who got his heart obliterated a half dozen times growing up before he finally learned the ropes.
For all the failing men who want success with women, the problem is YOU. You have to change. Like it or not, you have to mold your inner self into a new and different mindset. Some will say doing this will make you a fake. There is a saying that goes "fake it till you make it." Like learning to play a guitar. Once you get to the point that you are making the right moves and decisions with women without thinking about it(ex: playing chords and notes without looking at your fingers), you have become that new man. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/12/2012 8:50:55 PM | Reread response 5 and also bear in mind that most of the women your age or younger have not yet figured out that they don't want the bad boys because they need to be kicked around a little more before they dig their heads out of their rears. It is what it is, they want nice guys but are attracted to guys that aren't going to treat them well.
Don't change who you are but do consider the nice guy versus good guy thing. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/12/2012 8:54:37 PM | MSG 80 and others:
Having proper manners - opening doors for others, being polite, assisting other people with their coats, and so on - does not equate to being a "nice guy", nor does it automatically make a jerk into a gentleman. The two are neither the same, nor are they mutually exclusive.
Many "nice guys" have no manners. Many jerks have impeccable manners.
There is also a difference between a "nice" guy and a "good" guy. "Good" guys don't have to brag about how nice they are - other people brag for them. If you have to tell everybody what a "nice guy" you are, chances are you're really not so nice. Try to be a "good guy" instead.
Pretty simple, really. Even if you think it's all semantics - words do convey a powerful message. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/13/2012 10:46:49 AM | This goes for men and women:
Being nice is attractive. People assume that's synonymous with being a pushover, which is not attractive. Or, rather, is only attractive to the wrong type of people. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/13/2012 11:20:33 AM |
Never did, never really gave me the opportunity
You had ample opportunity. You just didn't take it, and after a while, you were a "Just Friend." It's is better to take the risk and fail right away, than the long agony of just being in limbo for a long time. But then again there are guys that end up liking the chemical co ck tail of emotions that it creates and are addicted to their own drama.
Learn the lesson and move on. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/13/2012 11:57:02 AM |
Never did, never really gave me the opportunity to, so I just figured she wasn't that kind of girl, so I didnt wanna be pushy about it and ruin the whole thing.... but the more I think about it, I think it may have kept her around, and i think that's whats been eating at me, because I really wanted to, but again, didnt wanna risk screwing things up. Guess I took a gamble and it backfired
SO many times I hear this... sometimes forums, sometimes real life, sometimes people I've dated who never made a move because they didn't want to "be pushy" and then got angry that we didn't end up dating.
There is a huge differnce between not being pushy and being passive and apparently apathetic.
Women can't read minds. There have been times way after the fact I was told something that made my jaw literally drop and I had NO idea; from someone way after the fact who never said, did or even remotely implied anything, only to find out after they were massively attracted. So I helped them for next time. Worrying about doing the wrong thing, makes a person do nothing at all.
And nothing kills a person's chances as much as inaction. Maybe what you are calling nice she is calling "showing interest".
And part of interest is showing attraction if attraction is there. Acting interested is not hte same thing as stalking or badgering or being obsequious.
There are VERY classy ways of showing attraction to someone and there are the douchebag ways that are (to many) a total turnoff. So if you can figure out how you can classily yet confidently next time convey attraction rather than "not wanting to be pushy"... you will get out of that box and sweep some lucky her off her feet.
Best of luck. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 6/13/2012 1:55:50 PM | Show her you can take charge. flirt. tease. put her up against the wall and KISS her like you've always wanted to. Does she turn you on? show her! get into her head and make her want you. can you do that?"
*fans self* POF-Porn right there.
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Is it possible to be too nice?
No, but it is possible to be too much of a doormat with an agenda and confuse that with being nice.
This. | |
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| ... too nice?
Posted: 8/2/2012 10:01:48 PM |
There is no such thing as a man being too nice, and if a woman offers this up as a reason why she is breaking up with you she is just saying it to avoid; she thinks; hurting your feelings. Please dont change because being nice isnt working with this woman, there is one out there who will feel like the luckiest woman in the world when she meets you.
Ms. ecochick is right on the mark. Also the advice from kcbabe in April 2012 was excellent.
General Colin Powell had an wise rule that if you wanted something, then you give it away. If you want respect, respect others. If you want love, love others.
A gent | |
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| ... too nice?
Posted: 8/2/2012 11:04:30 PM | Just be yourself, and find someone that appreciates it.
Women that have been with a-holes seek nice guys, but don't feel they deserve them. A bit of a problem. However, changing your ways will make you ...well ..not you.
So be kind, be honest, and do what you think is right. There is a woman looking for YOU right now. Just be patient and she will find you... or you will find her. But don't try and second guess any of it. Just allow that there are people that won't be comapatable and people that will. Keep seeking till you find one that will. :) | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/2/2012 11:52:31 PM | | I think it's funny that someone can think about things like this and then suddenly change who they are. If you can do that you need to be in hollywood applying for acting jobs. It would be cool just pretending to be someone else to see how everyone reacts, maybe it actually works. I think it's too late with this girl, try your experiment on the next one. I think this girl has met some other dude and he doesn't want her to see you. It doesn't make sense a girl would let you entertain the idea of being with her for such a long period of time. But I've been there, she acted like I could be her boyfriend, she never told me to get lost, then it all boiled up and I had to think of anything she did wrong, accuse her of it and end it myself. Chalk it up to experience, next time only wait 3 month's, then only a month, then end as a master at sleeping with women at will and say look here biatch if we aren't going to have sex tonight, you need to start steppin, lol. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/3/2012 12:19:07 AM | | pipedreams: people CAN change who they are, it happens all the time. its not easy, and not everyone can do it, but if you really want to change who you are, it can be done. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/3/2012 12:31:21 AM | | I suppose anything is possible. I think once I get my body built up I'm going to start walking like Berreta and talking like Eddie Murphy, | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/3/2012 12:46:36 AM |
So I dated a girl I met on here for well over 6 months, things were great the entire time. Out of the blue, she breaks up with me (via a facebook message of all things) stating that I was the best friend she could have asked for, and possibly the best guy she's ever dated. It messed me up pretty good for a while, then we started talking again, and have hung out a few times recently. She recently said that I am an awesome guy, but she just doesnt go for "nice guys" but yet she loves guys that open doors for her, take their hat off at the table, etc... Which I did. I'm trying to decide if I should attempt to change my ways since being "the nice guy" hasnt gotten me anywhere as of yet. I can be assertive and confident, but I really liked this girl a lot, and was afraid of ruining things by being a bit of a jerk. I have always been a bit passive in relationships for that reason. It drives me nuts, here it is 2 a.m. and I can't sleep, thinking of ways to show her that I am in fact confident and can be in control. Any advice would be great, thanks!
Welcome to the world of women, amigo. You're going to experience things with some of them that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
They'll lead you to believe that the blatant contradictions in their thoughts and actions are part of their charm, and makes them "beautifully unique".
Bullshit. It makes them ***holes.
However, the solution isn't to put on an act. If you start acting like a "jerk", do you really think that's going to attract women of better quality? No, you'll reel in the ones who are just as f*cked up as the others.
Forget this broad, and move on. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/3/2012 7:41:58 AM |
Forget this broad, and move on.
"You can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." ~ Rick Nelson | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/4/2012 10:07:01 AM | Never change being you or being nice. Leave that girl alone. There are other women out there who appreciate a nice respectful man.
Good luck :-) | |
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POF_BS
| | Joined: 7/15/2012
Msg: 95 | |
| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/4/2012 10:35:09 AM | I have very recent experience with a "too nice" guy. Here are a couple of examples.
He practically says "I'm sorry" for breathing. ALL THE TIME. I mentioned that the excessive use of sorry was too much. So he apologized for saying it too often.
He kissed me and I mention that his beard was scratching me slightly. He offered to shave it off on the spot. Which I replied was not necessary. Next time I saw him, he was clean shaven. :(
He worries out loud that his breath might not be fresh enough. The guy smells like a friggin breath mint...FFS.
It's just the constant overboard attitude. It's too much of a good thing.
So I told him it wasn't working for me and we should just be friends. So now I have a guy friend. He agreed to it.
Soon I will be sharing stories about the new guy I am dating. And he will be giving me bad advice I am sure.
Guys, don't let this happen to you. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/4/2012 12:45:09 PM | Just be yourself, and find someone that appreciates it.
I say this in the kindest tone but, that is really bad advice. You wouldn't tell a physically abusive a-hole to be himself and find a woman who likes getting beaten around, right? :) People should change. Self-improvement. It's good. If it was merely a minor taste issue, no -- but when it comes to fundamentally askew things, yes -- change.
Never did, never really gave me the opportunity to, so I just figured she wasn't that kind of girl
You're 27, not 17 (and I'm assuming she's not either). You did have the opportunity, but you sat around trying not to screw things up, as you put it. I don't think you were really dating her, after 30-60 days or so. You were just a friend. That's not dating. You were strung along until she got tired of it. You were scared of it, because deep down inside -- you knew you weren't REALLY dating her. It was a kinda-sorta-maybe-who-knows thing as far as actual dating was concerned.
You're actually a poster-child of a "Mr Nice Guy" -- you don't even know when you're truly dating them and when you're not, so it's "shocking" that she "dumps" you on facebook. You're not a couple if you're always on your toes not to screw-things-up, not to come on too strong, etc. You were running around in circles, and deep down, you knew you didn't have her -- hence your worries about it all. But she gave you "enough" attention, affirmation, etc. to keep you happy, because you were so into her -- and all in all, it wasn't "enough" at all -- just for you to be able to convince yourself that you were really in.
Learn from it, man. You don't have to be a jerk -- you have to position/posture yourself as the guy who isn't going to sit on the sidelines and let her dictate the pace from top to bottom. The goal isn't to "impress" her. If you're genuinely a respectable, civil, cool guy -- that will be enough. When women want 'a nice guy' what they mean is not an a-hole. Yes, a-holes will have better success/points, because they interact more (they're not timid, scared, etc), and although have more enemies, will be more wanted than a classic "Mr Nice Guy" who's a doormat.
You don't have to be a doormat as found on sitcoms. It's an attitude, a way about you... sitting back and focused on NOT ruining your chances and focused on impressing her, possibly even outright catering to her, to win her over. You're a fish jumping in the boat -- you're not a catch. You don't have to be an a-hole at all, but you need to get it out of your head that you have to prove you're not one. And don't give a vibe that she can do roughly anything she wants (within legal limits) and you'll still more or less be there for her and always give her a chance. That attitude can be read, accurately or inaccurately. You need to posture/position yourself in a different way -- and that requires understanding (being 100% convinced), and going through the ropes. Doesn't happen overnight, nor should you expect it. But the way you are is due to what you believe what most women respond to and are attracted toward. It's not. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/4/2012 1:58:24 PM | | Guilty as charged, just how I was raised. I've been on the receiving end of almost exactly the same thing OP, but in my case sex was involved. I swear to you all she told me she had NEVER climaxed as hard or as quickly with any sex partner in the past. Go ahead and flame me for that and say she was just saying it, if so she was just saying it a lot because she didn't have a problem repeating it. Was blown away by me opening doors for her, pulling out her chair.......all the things I find normal actions with anyone and everyone I date yet she wasn't used to them. She liked them and seemingly everything else yet I was just "too nice". Not smother you nice, just being my normal self nice. I suppose my username somewhat reflects my disdain for the endless 21st century b**lsh*t that trying to maintain a healthy relationship seems to involve anymore. The ring finger tat drives the point home. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/4/2012 2:07:15 PM |
I swear to you all she told me she had NEVER climaxed as hard or as quickly with any sex partner in the past.
It is said that nice guys finish last ... because he makes sure his woman comes first. Another truth about nice guys. | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/4/2012 7:29:19 PM | | Hocyeyguynick- Don't change who you are. There is nothing wrong with being nice. Let her have the "bad boys". That leaves the good ones (like you) for the rest of us ;) | |
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| Is it possible to be too nice?
Posted: 8/4/2012 7:43:23 PM | Nice guys are great for nice girls. Nice girls can be defind as those who had a great childhood with very few emotional scars. I knew a girl who use to treat nice guys like crap and bad boys like they were god. When I asked why she liked guys who treated her like dirt she said growing up that's all she knew so as an adult that's what turns her on....as when she is with a great guy who opens doors and pulls out chairs she knows it's sweet but feels nothing...like an empty spot....but when a guy screams and hits her it made her get excited.
Therefore, it's not you it's the girl you chose to date. Work on finding nice well rounded girls and you'll find those girls will respect you. | |
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