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| | How would you retaliate when cheated on?Page 5 of 14 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14) | I almost did what you did so I'm not judging you, just don't like how vindictive your post is. but collateral damage? thats not necessary. A lot of couples have a tacit agreement as to cheating, they sort of know but don't want to. That and many other reasons mean stay out of it. It's up to you to hash it out with your cheating g/f or partner and possibly confront the guy. Most will say don't confront the guy as well.
I know full well that a confrontation can lead to violence and am not advocating that although I felt like trowing this guy off a cliff with his eyes taped open.
How did I handle it? I drove to his house and he hid. My ex told him I always go to peoples houses and whatever it takes and don't fear confrontation. She has seen me do it and thats one thing she never liked about me. He knew that at any moment I could be sitting across the table from him in a restaurant or show up at his work. That being said we are old guys. Your guy could have just said f u or start swinging so this does not always work.
After a few months my anger subsided and I only hope she has a good life with whomever she picks. I could not make rational decision while in that black hole and am glad I din't rune it for them. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:32:07 AM | Who's right is it to say what you did is wrong, you may have saved the other mans wife years of wasted time. On the other hand were there kids involved in all this?
I chose to turn away from my ex-wife after she went off with a work colleague. I continued to maintain my contact with my daughter, but I kept things between me and my ex very low key. Oh yes I has some good words to say to both, but away from my daughter's ears. And I did my hurting too. You see, Karma did come back in my case, and still is flowing through like an express train :). He turns out to be an alcoholic, ex-swinger, messages left on his phone from women, £90 in two days on booze, and a bill of over £200 on sex lines. Great catch has caused her to take time off work with stress. So yeah, it can happen, relations built on deciet can be difficult to maintain. Only fears are for the children involved.... otherwise you could take the opposite stance to my watch and be amazed attitude and use the F... them right up policy :).
You make the call, though I understand the concern for this innocent party that was involved (his wife). By the way, getting on with your life and being happy really pisses them off.
Good luck. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:16:24 PM | | i can see how all this anger and grief and hate could spiral anyone (whether man or woman) to go down a dark path. and in the end it's not worth it. but to me, personally, i just wanted to help "karma" move along at a quicker pace because quite frankly i'm sick of always taking the high road. in the past, this has been the case, and not necessarily with cheating, but douche-bags in general that screw me over. i can control my anger (and make it VERY calculating....). i don't "blow up" when something goes my way, it just happens when i let it boil over.... so to me, this was the best course of action with minimal fallout towards me. they both f!cked me over, so i decided to f!ck 'em right back and more.... i can see why people would disagree, and some of my friends DID disagree with what i did, but i went with majority rules. i am getting on with my life because i have no more feelings for my ex. it's a one-shot deal with me when it comes to cheating. and i just "KNEW" that the married douche was the type to go running back with his tail between his legs to his wife. it was very unfortunate that the wife was also hurt in this, but the husband did bring this on her.... interestingly enough, my married friends were all gung-ho for me letting the wife of douche know, but single friends, not so much. but yeah, thanks for the feeding folks. these forums are a good "therapy" session. lol. not that i need a shrink or anything.... right?? i mean... RIGHT??? | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 1:45:20 PM | A lot of ????? after the word right. Are you asking?
You have different opinions from different people and what maters is that you are OK now and getting on with your life. If so then you don't need a therapist. Also the harshness you get on these forums is to be taken with a grain of salt because no one really knows you.
It should be easy to avoid a cheater in a long term for you because I doubt you will get bitten twice. In the end all is as it is and will probably never happen again.
Peace! | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/10/2012 4:42:46 PM | i concur rob about about what you just said. and it is taken with a grain of salt, and sometimes you need some "harshness" because it makes you think. i won't get cheated on again by her because i simply won't take her back if she asked. and i doubt she will ask me back anyway because i "ruined" things with her and the married douche, but it's ok, because i just don't care about her anymore. her selfish attitude just made her true colors even brighter than before, they were always there, i just refused to see them before. and it was a huge mistake on my part. but it is a learning process. i am ok with life now, i'm going out, making friends, going to the gym.
the "????" after the "right" comment is just a style of writing i do sometimes. and i kinda did the shrink comment to lighten up the mood, because it's kind of how i talk in "real" life, if that makes any sense.
and there seems to be quite the amount of cheating here in utah i suppose.... i've encountered people that were screwed over by their S/O. and in some cases, FAR worse than what i went through. so it kinda puts things in perspective and makes it easier to cope because hey.... things could be worse, right? ;) | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/11/2012 8:02:50 AM | at purewhitelily
I am sorry you went through that. were there any red flags?? his last name sounds quite appropriate for him. did these other women know about you or were they tricked as well? just so you know, if you seek vengeance of some sort, there IS this website called www.cheaterville.com I would recommend it if you were TRULY effed over, i mean REALLY f!cked over, and if you have PROOF. because anybody can post there, and you wouldn't want to get into trouble for slander. I myself was thinking about posting on there, profiles for BOTH people (since married guy knew about me), and I was actually going to email every single one of their friends on their facebook profiles (of course with the PROOF that i have). But I decided not to. I think I did enough damage, but if they intentionally provoke me in some way again, I will go ahead and ruin them.... because they both are habitual cheaters.
it is a small world after all. My ex lives about 20 minutes away, and we go to the same places for fun (seven peaks waterpark for example). Chances are we might run into each other. I haven't forgiven her yet, and I don't know when exactly that will happen, or if it does happen. Only time will tell. My ex said she was sorry and still wanted me to be her friend somehow. Her apology wasn't sincere because afterwards she "dropped" me after I told her I emailed the guy's wife (so she WAS going to continue seeing him after our breakup I suppose, and I "ruined" it now. tee hee, OOOPS, my bad...). So basically she was still selfish because she still wanted to keep me around?? Even though she knew how I felt about her?? while she still saw this other guy?? Anyway, I must say that forgiveness, in my opinion, is only reserved for people who are truly remorseful. It's reserved for those that truly repent and make the changes to become better people. This is just my opinion though. She was sorry she got caught, she didn't give a sh!t about me, even though she claimed to have cared about me and wanting me all these years. Only time will tell, as would be the case for you, purewhitelily. Hope things work out for you.
And a note to other cheaters out there, if you happen to read this. Hope that other guy or gal that you decide to screw over and cheat, is not as calculating as I am. Hope that he or she is not more vengeful than I am. They might not be as lenient as I was. I was pretty lenient considering what I have posted previously. Think about all the possible worse outcomes that can come from your deceptive, selfish practices.... but this is a mute point because cheaters never think about others besides themselves. Buncha dumba$$ people. Sheesh! | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/12/2012 8:36:25 PM | | You only told the wife to piss off your cheating gf. That's very sad and horrible behavior. You could have cared less if you would have known it wouldnt have broken up thier affair. I always go to plan B if someone runs ragged over my heart, I do whatever I want that makes me happy and sitting home alone isnt going to cut it! Just how much do you think it would needle her if she knew you were out and about having fun and meeting new women? Quite a bit, even though she cheated, she doesnt want to know that you cared so little! Perfect revenge for those who think no further then themselves! | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/13/2012 7:24:00 AM |
You only told the wife to piss off your cheating gf. That's very sad and horrible behavior.
Yes, much better for her to continue cheating with the wife's husband... Better to let the remain ignorant?
Look, when you cheat, you have to accept that everything can end up being out in the open. End of story.
You could have cared less if you would have known it wouldnt have broken up thier affair.
That would imply that no one thinks to tell anyone their spouse is cheating unless they have their own motive for telling....
Even so, breaking up their affair is an entirely valid reason to tell in my opinion....
Just how much do you think it would needle her if she knew you were out and about having fun and meeting new women? Quite a bit, even though she cheated, she doesnt want to know that you cared so little!
Or she might think it justifies the affair... "He didn't even care so....." attitude....
Perfect revenge for those who think no further then themselves
No, actually, there are lots of "perfect revenges".... I'm sure there are both better and worse than this particular one... For example, one of my Ex's left me for a "great guy" as she put it... My revenge? I still haven't told her he has an active profile on Plenty of Fish. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/13/2012 2:45:33 PM | | i guess we can say that people can agree to disagree.... if everybody thought alike, the world would probably go to shit... maybe? i dunno. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/13/2012 10:51:04 PM | Once I had an ex that was very nasty to me for no reason and we parted ways. I heard from her 3 months later and it was very tempting to tell her to go fly a f*ckin kite. But for myself and looking back I'm so glad that I did this, I told her that although I did not agree or understand why she did and said what she did I forgave her and that I wished her the best with everything. So even if you can't tell this to her because you are obviously still quite bothered about everything get into this mindset that this is how you feel.
Set yourself free. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/14/2012 1:02:20 PM | For me, it may not be so much "retaliation" as informing.. I'm at the point now in my life, given the circumstances you described, I would notify the married person's spouse, so she could get tested for STD's.
It's ok to follow the mantra: "Don't get mad, get even.. " But seriously, after some time has passed, we do need to move on. We all know it's unhealthy to wallow in the past, but y'know, there is a time for everything - A time for revenge AND at time for forgivness.. The trick is to make the former very short, and the latter happen much sooner!! | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/14/2012 3:08:37 PM | at Arron1991
You are one bitter person. Just saying.
yes,.... I am. but time will heal all wounds i suppose. this happened day before valentine's this past february... so it wasn't TOO long ago... but yes, i agree i have bitterness issues. seeing as the relationship was a 6 year long event in the making, turns out to be a "rip-off" of time.... but i'll get over it. there are worse things that can happen. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/15/2012 12:23:17 AM |
I do nothing; the best revenge is to be happy and successful. All of the nasty things you can do to her will only make you ugly inside. The best revenge is to be happy and succeed.
I would say what I need to say to the personwho cheated and then strive for jmark4's initial plan.
I can understand why you were hurt, but ratting the guy out to his wife was rotten. It wasn't your place to do that, and besides your issue (if any) was with your "GF"...
As human beings, we tend to lash out, or act out when hurt, sad, pissed, betrayed and so on. I commend you for knowing now (and saying so) that you did inform "the douche bag's" wife out of spite. Unfortunately, the wife ended up as your collateral damage. I, too, agree that your GF's betrayal is between you & her. ... Now, if the DB's wife had asked you if you knew anything—different story altogether. Hang in, dude. This stuff takes time to get thru, but you're on the way. Ya can't control what others do... only what you, yourself does. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/16/2012 6:05:20 PM | Here's something I read online and thought that you might appreciate this. Million dollar advice.
"When you are happy with your own life, you will no longer care about hers so much. That doesn't mean you'll ever think that what happened was OK, but that you'll become fairly indifferent to what's happening in her life because it will no longer be relevant to yours." | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:32:54 PM | Last night I got drunk and don't really drink so I sent a pile of emails to the guy telling him what a sack of sh** he is and lots more. Felt I had to come clean on here after shooting off my mouth and must learn to practice what I preach.
I am also bitter at times it comes in waves and punches in the gut but it always gets better.
Hope you're doing well nitemonger! | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/17/2012 7:20:48 AM | | i know the feeling Rob3444. hang in there. there are times when i just feel like doing what you did, although i don't drink. i'm a light social drinker, i suppose. it is tough though. but i'll pull through. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/17/2012 10:09:51 AM | | Actually the retaliation was unnecessary as God takes care of these things. The best thing to do is to find someone that really cares for you, this is the best revenge is being happy. I was married for 16 years to someone that I thought loved me, naive as I was when she walked I wished her the best as she did not know that Ii knew she was having an affair. It was not easy as during all of the divorce proceedings, child support hearings, 2 months in jail for missing a court date and losing 2 houses, I found that I felt alot better as I had known for a while that my marriage was over. When someone cheats on you you tend to think you have done something wrong or you have not done something right, not necessarily true. Sometimes it's just not meant to be, trust me find some one that enjoys you for you, not who they think you ought to be.. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/17/2012 4:34:27 PM | I applaud you sir. The wife had the right to know her husband was unfaithful. What her husband and your ex was doing is wrong and they need to understand that.
Now the best thing you can do is chalk up the score board and beat feet on down this road of life.
Nice response. This is what I think:
1..Where's the retaliation? You frikken talked about it to those involved. No one, absolutely no one but another cheater would come out and say, keep it to yourself. Geez talk about revictimizing someone. No one with self respect just lays there and takes it. They get up, clear the air, express their anger, which happens to be an appropriate emotion and expressing it holds the key to cutting those emotional ties and ending the pain. God helps those who help themelves and speak out against wrong doings.
2. When I found out my fiance who had been tellling me everyday how much in love he was with me but was cheating, not only did I manage to break them up and hugely embarrass them both publically, I released my anger on him each time he tried to talk to me. The anger went right where it belonged. People say once a cheater always a cheater but I doubt either of them ever cheat again. Express yourself!!! | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/18/2012 2:26:46 PM | | Same thing happened 2 me, but me and the lady he was with have become friends, i fealt so hurt and betrayed and could not believe he could have hurt me so much, now i just feel pity for him cause he will always be looking for more , i hope u can move in from this, not all people are like that, good luck and happy fishing :-) x | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:06:58 PM | | I understand that you were hurt and that you wanted to get even. I don't think destroying the wife by sending the info to her was the right thing to do. It will come out and she probably needs to know, but not in the way you did it. Maybe she has several children and is pregnant or any number of things. You could have pushed an innocent person right over the edge. Let someone who cares about her be the one if someone needs to "tell" her. Believe me, I think cheating is despicable. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/20/2012 5:09:04 AM | | dude there is so much variety in this world and people are bound to go astay... if it was really love the respect factor would have been there... god gives us eyes to see and temptation is the forbidden fruit... after years with this lady did you get to comfortable....? you always need to keep the zest to keep a lady... great sex.. flowers sexy texts t her phone try toys in the bedroom... your new relatonship must be as if your on cloud 9 all the time this is what keeps the ladies around dont fall in the comfort zone good luck | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/20/2012 8:52:45 AM | | No need to retaliate. What goes around comes around. I just would've dumped the person and that's it. As far as telling the other guy's wife I wouldn't bother. Most of those women "know" what's going on and some women are just so trusting and want to put their head in the sand so to speak that the obvious isn't going to do the trick. Better to just move on. Let Karma work itself out. | |
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| How would you retaliate when cheated on?
Posted: 5/20/2012 10:02:21 AM |
after years with this lady did you get to comfortable....? you always need to keep the zest to keep a lady... great sex..
It's still no excuse to cheat... If you're not happy in a relationship, then end it, THEN move on...
She too, could have gotten too comfortable, failed to keep the "zest" so he just let it slide... | |
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